Did I Miss Out on This or is He Just Playing Me for a Fool (Sister's Former Student)?

[LoveAiko]

Hello, all. I'm going to try and make this as short as possible.

 

My older sister is a high school teacher. Her first year teaching, I was home from college and she wanted me to come by and just visit her at her school, so I did. Being back in a high school was terrifying, haha, but her students were so talkative and happy to have her as a teacher. Anyway, one student in particular stood out. He was a year older than the other students, I believe. He adored my sister. Almost in a weird, I would totally ask her out when I graduate way. But we talked a bit that day. I was much more shy back then than I am now, so part from a few questions back and forth, that was about it.

 

Later on, he added me on Facebook (my sister has no social media). He wasn't the only guy to add me on her class so I honestly didn't think much of it.

 

Occasionally he would message me after he graduated asking me to give him my sister's number, ask her how she's doing and things like that. I never gave him her number just because she's a private person.

He would always ask me to tell her that he'd either watched a show she suggested or listened to a band she liked. I could tell (especially from the stories she told me) that she changed his life. She was by far his favorite teacher.

Anyway, fast forward about 2 years after he graduated, me 23, him 21, he asked me out. Me being awkward and the fact that he was my sister's student, I said maybe, but a lot of times, I would just outright ignore his messages. I didn't know him well and at the time, I didn't care to know him.

 

This past year, I found out he's in the military which is awesome. And he also has a girlfriend. Again, didn't bother me at all, but I messaged him the other day to see how he was and we basically talked all night while he was on a run somewhere. He sent me pictures, he even called me for a few seconds while he had a break. But during this whole time, he was flirting a little. I kept reminding him that he had a girlfriend and he agreed and would stop for a bit, but then start flirting again.

 

After talking to him that night, I kinda started to feel weird. Like I missed out. And since that night, he hasn't been nearly as talkative. I know he's busy. He also says he's fine, but I definitely feel like something is weird. Like when someone is being polite, but not invested in the conversation you're having.

 

He barely replies now. He sends me pictures and tells me to show my sister.

 

I don't if I did something wrong or not. I know he has a girlfriend, obviously. But, I just feel a little hurt now.

 

The night we talked, he mentioned that to be fair, he tried hard to go out with me, which he did. And I told him he was only interested in me because of my sister. And he said that he liked my sister, yes, but if he wanted to ask her out, he would have. Which again, I never gave him her number, so he never had the opportunity to do so.

 

So, now I don't know what to feel. Was he using me before to get to my sister? Did he actually like me? What did the other night mean when he was talking to me? And why is he basically ignoring me now?

 

I don't exactly know what to think.

 

Also, I know I'm reading WAY too much into this, but he and his girlfriend always post those stupid man crush Monday and woman crush Wednesday things. He normally likes them, but this past Monday, he didn't. And I know that means nothing, but yeah.

[ExpatInItaly]

You didn't miss out, no.

 

He was and is into your sister and trying to get to her through you. That much is clear.

 

He also apparently doesn't get that teachers can't date their students.

 

Finally, if he was being flirty with another girl while he's in a relationship, you should be grateful not to have such a disloyal guy in your life.

 

He's got a lot of growing up to do.

[elaine567]

He was really into your sister, probably still is, if he is asking you to send her the pictures he sends you.

I guess you messaged him when he was feeling a bit lonely, so you ended up in a huge conversation that night.

Now he has had time to think and probably not so lonely, he doesn't need to talk to you apart from using you as some sort of conduit to reach your sister. I guess if you sent him her number, he would never feel the need to speak to you again. Sorry!

 

He has a gf, and he is probably still besotted with your sister.

Forget him.

[stillafool]

Yes he has a huge crush on your sister. The conversation you had the night you messaged him was just something that happened that night. He is with his gf and plans to stay with her (unless your sister becomes available to him) and that's why he's being cold to you. He doesn't want to lead you on. BTW, did you ever tell your sister that this guy asked for her number? What did she say?

Edited July 5, 2016 by stillafool

[LoveAiko]

I don't know what to do now.

 

I can't even talk to my sister about it.

 

It sucks to think that someone i actually liked would use me like that.

 

I don't even know if it's worth confronting him. Or removing him from Facebook? I'm his only link to my sister and I can easily take that away from him.

 

And no, I never asked my sister. Like I said, she is a very private person and if she wanted him to have it, he would have it.

[stillafool]

I don't know what to do now.

 

I can't even talk to my sister about it.

 

It sucks to think that someone i actually liked would use me like that.

 

I don't even know if it's worth confronting him. Or removing him from Facebook? I'm his only link to my sister and I can easily take that away from him.

 

And no, I never asked my sister. Like I said, she is a very private person and if she wanted him to have it, he would have it.

 

Well that's pretty obvious but I asked if you even TOLD her that he asked for her number? Why can't you talk to your sister about this?

 

There is nothing for you to do at this point except keep moving forward. There is no reason to confront him as he has done nothing wrong to you. Yes remove him from FB.

[CarrieT]

You don't know what to do?

 

Block him 100% and move on.

[LoveAiko]

Oh, I'm sorry. I misread.

 

No, I never mentioned it to her. I always told her when he wanted me to share something with her.

 

Also, he has her email. Plus, he used to even go to visit her at her school after he graduated.

[LoveAiko]

This next part is so petty, and I know it. But this morning after reading you guy's replies, I got a little mad. A little upset and I made a stupid cryptic post that said, "Glad I'm over that." He liked it less than 3 after I posted whereas he didn't respond to my happy fourth of July message yesterday.

[LoveAiko]

I also feel like unfriending him is a pretty thing to do, but I did it.

 

I've never been a fan of that because to me, it seems like I'm letting that person get to me.

 

Also, to answer your other question, I can't talk to my sister because this all seems so silly to me and bringing this up would make me feel weird.

 

Oh, one of your favorite students has been using me for 3 years to get to you.

 

Also, what he said about asking her out kind of peeved me off a bit. Saying, well yeah I could have asked your sister out if I wanted to amd she would have said yes. That's arrogant as hell.

[LoveAiko]

Am I wrong in this situation?

 

The only thing I never gave him was her number. Any of the other things, I always gladly told her. I had no reason not to. And I didn't like him at the time, so there was no jealousy there or anything.

 

It was just one of those things in passing that I genuinely didn't think to ask or tell my sister about. Now I feel bad.

 

And I feel stupid for even worrying about this because it was a situation between them, but to be fair, he dragged me into it. He added me. He asked me out. He made a point to message me often. And all the messages started with "Hey, beautiful." And, "You get even more beautiful every time I see you."

 

And the fact that all of that was just to get to my sister kind of makes me feel a bit sick.

 

And no, I don't plan on telling my sister just because I don't think it would matter to her. She cares about all of her students, and he's no exception.

[stillafool]

I'm his only link to my sister and I can easily take that away from him.

 

 

 

Also, he has her email. Plus, he used to even go to visit her at her school after he graduated.

 

I don't understand these two posts of yours. They sound contradictory to me.

[stillafool]

So basically you didn't want to tell your sister this guy was asking after her because you were jealous that he wanted her. You were afraid of your sister's reaction and that maybe she would have been interested and gave him a chance since he's so crazy about her. I think it strange that you feel weird telling your sister this story but have no problem talking to a bunch of strangers about it. I've never had a sister but I see what they mean by sister rivialry. Just because someone calls you beautiful dos not mean they want you. I tell women they are beautiful, I'm a woman and don't want them.

[LoveAiko]

So basically you didn't want to tell your sister this guy was asking after her because you were jealous that he wanted her. You were afraid of your sister's reaction and that maybe she would have been interested and gave him a chance since he's so crazy about her. I think it strange that you feel weird telling your sister this story but have no problem talking to a bunch of strangers about it. I've never had a sister but I see what they mean by sister rivialry. Just because someone calls you beautiful dos not mean they want you. I tell women they are beautiful, I'm a woman and don't want them.

 

No, that's not at all what I'm saying. At the time this 19 year old kid asking me to give him my sister's number was just not a first, second, or even third priority. It had nothing to do with liking him or being jealous. If I liked him, I would have taken him up on his offers when he asked me out or even flirted back when he flirted with me but I never did. 1) he was my sister's student and 2) I met him ONCE.

There's no jealousy anywhere in this. I do feel bad now having not told my sister, but that can easily be fixed now. I just dont like the fact that he used my kindness as a way to get to my sister. And before it didn't seem that way, but right now it does.

 

It just seems as though when I reached out to him again, I shut down his flirting because he has a girlfriend and after that, he didn't want to bother talking to me.

 

Plus, there's nothing to be jealous about. He was her student. Of course he likes her, but I just feel like I was a pawn in a game to get to her when I didn't have to be. That's what's making me mad.

[LoveAiko]

I don't understand these two posts of yours. They sound contradictory to me.

 

By this, I mean he's in the military now, he can't just go visit her now like he used to. Plus he has her email, if she chooses not to respond to him, there's nothing I can do about that.

 

So, he can't visit and if she doesn't respond to his emails, I'm the only link he has to her right now.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I think you're letting this bother you way too much.

 

I understand it stings that he seemingly used you to get to your sister. But he's got "playa" written all over him. Think about it - he was flirting with you while in a relationship. What does that tell you about this guy?

 

I don't think he'd much care if you deleted him off FB. I see no reason to keep him, honestly. Why would you? He's a clown.

 

You dodged a bullet.

[LoveAiko]

I know.

 

I don't know why it's bothering me so much, honestly.

 

I love my sister. And he was her first student. The first one to speak to her on her first day. And she's very fond of him and I know he thinks the world of her. I just feel like I messed up along the way.

 

But again, I just wish he wouldn't have involved me in that way. Don't try to make me feel special just so you can get what you want.

[ExpatInItaly]

I know.

 

I don't know why it's bothering me so much, honestly.

 

I love my sister. And he was her first student. The first one to speak to her on her first day. And she's very fond of him and I know he thinks the world of her. I just feel like I messed up along the way.

But again, I just wish he wouldn't have involved me in that way. Don't try to make me feel special just so you can get what you want.

 

Messed what up, exactly?

 

What sort of outcome were you expecting? I mean that as a sincere question, but I don't understand where you think you went wrong or how you feel this might have ended differently.

[Cayemmo]

It's understandable that you would be a little perplexed as to what was really happening between you and this young man. But I think you made the right decision by unfriending this guy on facebook. I think that was a very wise decision. Whether he's using you to get to your sister seems to be beside the point. The fact that he has a girlfriend and has suggestively expressed interest in you by "flirting" with you, may not be the type of guy you want to be associated with. Nor would you want to risk your feelings being escalated more and risk making a decision to move forward, to then find out that what you suspected was true (that he may have had an ulterior motive).

 

I wish you the best and I will pray that God give you wisdom and guide you in future relationships.

 

God bless!