coach86 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 My current girlfriend and I have been together for about two years. Our relationship started about three years ago as an affair. We both were married and have been friends for the past eight years. About three years ago our friendship turned into an emotional affair and then about a year later into a physical affair with both of us leaving our spouses a year ago. I filed for a divorce and left my wife in June 2015. It took about six months but I was finally granted a divorce. My girlfriend she left in August 2015. We moved in together and I have been doing very well up until about three months ago. First a little background about her husband. He is the mayor of the town that we are both from and currently living in. He is very politically connected to several politicians from our area. He is a wealthy man with lots of resources. He is also a very explosive man which is the main reason she left. He is verbally and emotionally and somewhat physically abusive. Because of this the daughter does not like to be with her father alone. I should also say the daughter is 14 years old. We are both teachers and don't make a lot of money but do well enough to have a fairly good standard of living. She also works part time for her husband running a restaurant he owns. Anyway after my girlfriend moved out she went and talked to a lawyer about filing for divorce. Her lawyer told her she should be able to get several million dollars in the divorce. My girlfriend decided not to file at this time because Christmas was coming up. She promised me she would file by the end of January. But instead they had a meeting at the end in which he begged her to come back and made several threats to have me hurt, jailed (threatened to plant drugs in my car), or killed. She came home after their meeting and told me that she was afraid he was going to hurt me and that she may have to go back. A few weeks later they had another meeting and she came home and told me that she was thinking about going back again this time using the excuse that their daughter needed her dad in her life. She also told me that she was going to start doing things with her daughter and him and that I would just have to deal with it. At first they would go eat once or twice a week. Then it turned into more. My girlfriend wanted a new car and instead of inviting me to go she got him to go on an all day shopping trip with her for her new car. Of course my feelings were hurt and so I was not excited about her car when she returned. She was very angry with me that I was not excited for her and was very mouthy about it and saying how childish I was. At the end of May she saw a text from my ex-wife and demanded to see my phone records when she looked at my phone records she saw that I had talked on occasion to my ex-wife. This upset her very much and she went into a rage. She hit me several times in the side of the head calling me a cheater. All phone calls and text messages were about my daughter, things that had came in the mail for me, or things that were tore up at the house that we still jointly own. Never did I discuss getting back together with my ex wife or anything intimate. She also found a couple of phone calls from one of her best friends to me. Her best friend had called to warn me saying that I needed to get out of the relationship or at least tell her I was leaving until the situation with her husband was resolved. She does not like me to text or call anyone. She does have access to my Verizon account so that she can check periodically to make sure that I'm not making any phone calls or texting anyone that she does not know about. If for instance she goes to eat with her husband and daughter she will have me text and keep track of where I am at. I have gotten mad and left more than one time. Every time she texts me to come back and tells me how much she loves me and needs me in her life. I do believe that she loves me she is a very loving person toward me most of the time. There are times when she becomes angry with me and when she does she is very angry. I think the reason she does stuff with her husband is because she enjoys running in those social circles and enjoys that lifestyle. Back to my dilemma. In the last month my girlfriend has been on two week long vacations with her husband and daughter with the excuse that her daughter would not go without her. Which I do know for a fact is true. The daughter will not go do anything alone with her father. They have been out to eat several times. There has even been an all day trip to the lake. They have recently started going to counseling. She said this was so she was could prove to him that there was no hope for their relationship so he would grant her a divorce and wouldn't fight her for years and years on it. All of this is driving me crazy and making me act very jealous. I must admit that i have looked at her phone on a few occasions and she has caught me which made matters worse. Usually I am stupid and make a comment about what i saw in her phone. For instance the first time I ever looked i found a text in response to him asking her if she still loved him that said "Of course I love and I will always love you." When I confronted her about it she said she meant as the father of her child and then got angry I had looked at her phone. She says that my jealousy is driving her crazy and pushing her away. To a certain extent I do believe that she is trying to work things out as best she can for her daughter and have an amicable divorce. On the other hand I feel very hurt by her total disregard for my feelings. I know there's too much information that I have left out to give everyone an accurate picture of what is going on. I would like some advice on what my next step should be. As I said I do believe she does love me. I think she is just trying to work things out as best she can, but another part of me tells me that she does not want to give up that lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Honestly it sounds like her husband threw her out, and she is working her way back in. I'm guessing if you had a conversation with her husband you would hear a much different story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coach86 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 I know for a fact she left. i saw the texts and heard the phone calls in the beginning. They have a lot of bad history but he is 16 years older and wants her back. Begs constantly. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Whether she's trying to get back with her husband or not, you need some reasonable boundaries in your life. Like, for example, her knocking off the violence and other abuse, and not going apesh*t when you talk to your ex while she's going on vacation with hers, and maybe her going on vacation with her H in the first place. I'm kind of surprised at the level of craziness you're willing to put with. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 I know you want to believe that, but her actions don't support what she is telling you. You do know that she is most likely sleeping with him on these family outings right? Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 what a mess,but since you are a cheater,she has right-..you did cheat remember? but so did she Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 A wise woman here told me a few years back "words lie even without intent, actions only speak truth" Link to post Share on other sites
OhNoYouDidNot Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 It sounds like your girlfriend is cheating on you with her sugar daddy spouse. Cut bait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coach86 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 My friends and even her friends are telling me that they think there is more to it than I think and that I should get out. She has even told me that she wants us to cut back and only see once or twice every week or two. I do know of several things that could get him into legal trouble with the IRS and she knows I know. I think that might be part of what is going on. she is trying to get rid of me slowly so I don't get mad and turn him in. I have not threatened this but I told her when she was taking the cash receipts out of the businesses that she could go to jail for it if he is ever investigated and I asked her to stop putting herself in legal jeopardy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 She goes out on frequent lunch dates with her husband, goes on a 2 week vacation with him plus they are in marriage counselling? Coach! Come now, open your eyes. Then she gets mad and hits you because she saw text messages on your phone from your ex-wife regarding your child. You say she loves you. Have you ever been loved by a woman before Coach? Have you ever met a woman who is in love? Women bend over backwards for the man that they are in love with. I don't understand how you can call this love, she won't even divorce him so that she can be fully yours. She is using you as an emotional crutch; going back and forth between her husband and you. Honestly, i would not be surprised if she and her husband are working on their marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 I'd listen to your friends. With all due respect, she sounds crazier than a sh*thouse rat! People throw around the term player a lot on LS. Most of the time, what they describe is far from one. Unlike players, those described often are weak, sniveling uncalculated cowards who have no idea what they're doing and end-up steering the ship into the rocks drowning everyone, including themselves. This woman, on the other hand, is playing you like a fiddle. She knows exactly what see is doing and manipulation is her craft. She tells her "ex" she will always love him and for you not to be jealous, then she smacks you around and calls you a cheater for simply talking to your ex-wife?!? She's dominating you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coach86 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 (edited) Her friend that had called a few weeks ago had called to warn me that she felt like she really love me but that she also really loved being around the money and the trips and all that stuff. As far as me being an emotional crutch I could definitely see that. I am very attentive toward her. I write her love letters, send her loving text, try to be very romantic with our dates, send her flowers to her work, etc. I should also say that in the beginning she would bend over backwards to please me. We were both that way. It all changed in February after their meeting. At the current moment she is very cold for the most part and has even asked me to move out and us only see each other once or twice every week or two. However, she did say that this was only until she can get her divorce finalized and we both had to commit to not talking to or seeing anyone else during this time. Edited July 5, 2016 by coach86 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coach86 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 OneLov I could definitely see the dominating part. She constantly refers to me as her property and being hers. She even had me put a tattoo of her name on my arm so that any woman that any woman that saw it would know who I belong to. Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 One love I could definitely see the dominating part. She constantly refers to me as her property and being hers. She even had me put a tattoo on my arm of her name so that any woman that so it aw it would know who I belong to. What she is doing is a hallmark of a serious personality disorder. Please leave now for your safety. I know it will be hard, but you must understand the risk you take by staying. I can promise you that it will only end worse for you if you stay. I'm sorry you're in this situation. I sincerely hope you find the courage to leave ASAP. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Dude, even if her 'trying' in the marriage again was a ploy to impact divorce finances (i.e. her living with you doesn't do well in trying to establish spousal support), if she does divorce him, she won't want you. It really sounds like you are just a plaything to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coach86 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 I don't get why she is so jealous and worried about me talking to other women if she doesn't care. It really bothers her for me to even look at another woman. She is constantly buying me clothes that are much nicer than my normal attire. She worries about me and texts when I am not around. This tells me she does care at least to some extent. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 I don't get why she is so jealous and worried about me talking to other women if she doesn't care. It really bothers her for me to even look at another woman. She is constantly buying me clothes that are much nicer than my normal attire. She worries about me and texts when I am not around. This tells me she does care at least to some extent. She's nuts. Quit trying to rationalize the behavior of a nut. Of course, you may not be a model of stability to give up your wife and life for her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 she also really loved being around the money and the trips and all that stuff. I write her love letters, send her loving text, try to be very romantic with our dates, send her flowers to her work, etc. Coach, I kind of feel like you're polling the masses in hopes of an outcome you aren't going to get. This girl has two perfect men in her life - one who fulfills her financial needs and one who fulfills her emotional needs. I don't know about who she services physically but I have to assume it's both of you. Move out. Move on. Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author coach86 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 Lobe, that is exactly what I think is happening. She is filling both the needs in her life with two different men. I guess I was wanting someone to tell me what I wanted to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Lobe, that is exactly what I think is happening. She is filling both the needs in her life with two different men. I guess I was wanting someone to tell me what I wanted to hear. That's me. The bearer of light. I'm just like a ray of sunshine, only different... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 OneLov I could definitely see the dominating part. She constantly refers to me as her property and being hers. She even had me put a tattoo of her name on my arm so that any woman that any woman that saw it would know who I belong to. Wow..and you let it? lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Wow..and you let it? lol Love it. Coach when she says jump, do you say "How high?" Seriously, she has no respect for you. There's wolfs and sheep, and you my friend are a sheep. Easy way to fix this, go NC for a week. She did tell you "let's cut back". So You do a week, and watch the train wreck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coach86 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 (edited) What do you mean train wreck? I am definitely going to go NC since I am moving out. I think I am going to take a three month vacation from women and work on me. Gym, career, and mental state. I am a different man since becoming involved with her. She is far prettier than my previous girlfriends and maybe I need to learn to be more confident around these types of women. Edited July 5, 2016 by coach86 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 She is far prettier than my previous girlfriends. lol....Gosh! Really? At least non of your ex-girlfriends forced you to tattoo their names on your arm (to show whose property you are). Ermmm Okay Master! Where's Abraham Lincoln when you need him.... Pfffff!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 What do you mean train wreck? I am definitely going to go NC since I am moving out. I think I am going to take a three month vacation from women and work on me. Gym, career, and mental state. I am a different man since becoming involved with her. She is far prettier than my previous girlfriends and maybe I need to learn to be more confident around these types of women. Smartest thing you said. Take some time out for you. Work on you. And oh yeah, there are no ugly women just lazy ones. Women are beautiful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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