Author OhNoYouDidNot Posted July 11, 2016 Author Share Posted July 11, 2016 Sign in Let It Go James Bay Buy for CA$1.29 SubscribeStart Free Radio Subscribe to Google Play Music and listen to this song and millions of other songs. First month free. Lyrics From walking home and talking loads To seeing shows in evening clothes with you From nervous touch and getting drunk To staying up and waking up with you But now we're sleeping at the edge Holding something we don't need All this delusion in our heads Is gonna bring us to our knees So come on let it go Just let it be Why don't you be you And I'll be me Everything's that's broke Leave it to the breeze Why don't you be you And I'll be me[x2] From throwing clothes across the floor To teeth and claws and slamming doors at you If this is all we're living for Why are we doing it, doing it, doing it anymore I used to recognize myself It's funny how reflections change When we're becoming something else I think it's time to walk away So come on let it go Just let it be Why don't you be you And I'll be me Everything's that's broke Leave it to the breeze Why don't you be you And I'll be me[x2] Trying to fit your hand inside of mine When we know it just don't belong There's no force on earth Could make me feel right, no Whoa Trying to push this problem up the hill When it's just too heavy to hold Think now's the time to let it slide So come on let it go Just let it be Why don't you be you And I'll be me Everything's that's broke Leave it to the breeze Let the ashes fall Forget about me Come on let it go Just let it be Why don't you be you And I'll be me And I'll be me Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 You have to change your mindset....you have to take back your power...and if he wants to come along for the ride and accept that you are now the driver...WONDERFUL IF he cannot accept that...open the door and tell him to get out Best advice for a BS!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OhNoYouDidNot Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 (edited) WAIT WAIT! I hit post too soon Edited July 12, 2016 by OhNoYouDidNot not done! Link to post Share on other sites
Author OhNoYouDidNot Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 I guess for me, the actually happy thing is the hardest. Thanks to your IC for this exercise! I hope it helps me as much as it helps you.... and you know... FYI... now I'll be looking for info from the follow up meeting. lol. Thanks for posting! So. Yesterday I go in to IC and update her on the last ~2 weeks. According to her the point of the exercise was to catastrophize, very much like exposure therapy for people with OCD. We, as that betrayed, tend to try and predict what our partners are thinking, to anticipate how we can be the best spouse ever so that out waywards never stray again. We think that we are keeping the marriage together by not pissing our spouse off with demands. THEN she said that remorseful waywards often get stuck in a headspace that says they are not entitled to ask for anything. Guilt and shame over their actions makes them feel like they have to put up with whatever their marriage looks like, even if that means it goes back to being the same or worse than it was before the affair. They think that they are keeping the marriage together by doing penance. The obvious problem with this set up is that neither party is getting what they want or need. We fear making ourselves vulnerable to our spouse because we fear rejection. We also do not want to face disapproval, disappointing our spouse, or (heaven forbid) discovering that we really aren't compatible and should maybe consider divorce. As I had guessed, there was a "Part 2" and that was.... Talk to your partner about your what ifs. WH and I had already done this... I explained to my IC that by the time I talked to WH I had already come to the conclusion that IF "staying put" was really what he wanted, that I was in fact ready to walk away from the marriage. By standing in my fear and telling my husband what I wanted and needed, how I truly felt, he was able to think outside his own proverbial box and not only meet me halfway, but propel us BOTH on to something way bigger and better than either of us could have imagined. We installed an App called "unf*ck your habitat" to try and make our housekeeping more fun and by the end of the day on Sunday we had: defrosted the freezer, cleaned the laundry room, re-installed the dryer I fixed and returned the spare one to the garage, ripped down the nasty old falling down glass shower doors in the kids' bathroom and replaced it with an angled shower rod and curtain (thanks for the $20 fix IKEA!) AND my husband put some of the home building supplies that we've been hoarding in the garage to good use and built a shelf in the laundry room... The BEST part of it all is that we are TALKING. And I mean, like giddy teenagers talking about the trips we want to take, what classes he needs to upgrade to get admitted to the program he wants to apply for, and we even brought the kids on board - they are SUPER stoked at the idea of having a rental condo and not living with the 'rents anymore. Who knew. Who effing knew. A bonus side effect is that I've not had any time or inclination to think about the A. Hopefully this isn't just a honeymoon phase but you know, this is what it felt like when we first got married. Big goals, big dreams, big plans. We were great for the first 10 or so years, so hopefully we are on the right path. Failing all else, if the work on the house gets done before the honeymoon phase ends, I'll get my money out of it anyway lol. (Oh come on - I'm allowed to be a *little* bit cynical...) P.S. For those of you who missed it, this isn't about the house. It never was. It was about stagnating, it was about how complacent we had become, it was about letting boredom and dissatisfaction seep in. We were living as defeatists lol. We've sat on this piece of real estate for over a decade letting it increase in value. But selling (read: change) is scary. We're on the cusp of shipping all our kids out the door and making the transition from housing a family of 7 under one roof to a family of 3 under one roof. Change wasn't optional - it was going to happen with or without us. All we're doing is grabbing this bull by the horns. Cheers. Thanks for reading! I'll post updates when/if something noteworthy happens lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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