Inexperienced, socially anxious, frustrated

[SocialMuppet]

I'm new to this forum. Apologies if what follows is inappropriate in any way.

 

I am an anxious, deep thinking person, caring yet afraid to make mistakes. Socially I am very shy, sensitive and anxious, and for years have done my best to work around this. To be honest, frustration is getting to me and I am searching for where to reach out. Maybe this is not the right place, but hopefully at least I might find a few signposts.

 

I am in my late 30s, have only had one girlfriend in my life, which whilst heading towards an academic career, went spectacularly wrong towards the end of my Ph.D. I wonder when I will be able to support anybody career wise, am afraid to seek partners for a number of fears, find the 'what do you do' type questions very hard, since I have done very little since getting my doctorate, and various problems have left me trapped in life. On the one hand, I don't want to tie a person to me in the kind of long term marriage sense, when I can't forsee my future far enough, and am afraid to commit blindly (this is another anxiety). Yet romantically I am lonely, and don't even know where to express this, how to, and who to. I am anxious about damaging friendships, so can't turn to friends; I am anxious about dating sites, whether I should be or not. I can't walk up to a young woman I find attractive and make any sort of sensible conversation, and I wonder if anybody ever notices that I would like some sort of partner and relationship, and indeed friends where you can reveal all shortcomings and so on without feeling ashamed in any way, nor with fear of losing friends. The only relationship I did have was initiated more by the other person, being luck from my end. It ended amicably, and I was happy to learn later when she was settled in a relationship (another worry is her being worse off for having a relationship with me than not, the thought of which on its own is discomforting).

 

Blub over. I want to meet people (female with regards to relationships, anybody open minded and tolerant with regards to chatting about deeper feelings and stuff you can't air in conventional conversation), want to get better at seeking women, talking to them, and so on. Given that I am in my late 30s, due to health issues which began at the end of my studies, I am not in a position to have a serious career, and have basically near zero experience romantically... where do I start?

 

Any advice?

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I'm new to this forum. Apologies if what follows is inappropriate in any way.

 

I am an anxious, deep thinking person, caring yet afraid to make mistakes. Socially I am very shy, sensitive and anxious, and for years have done my best to work around this. To be honest, frustration is getting to me and I am searching for where to reach out. Maybe this is not the right place, but hopefully at least I might find a few signposts.

 

I am in my late 30s, have only had one girlfriend in my life, which whilst heading towards an academic career, went spectacularly wrong towards the end of my Ph.D. I wonder when I will be able to support anybody career wise, am afraid to seek partners for a number of fears, find the 'what do you do' type questions very hard, since I have done very little since getting my doctorate, and various problems have left me trapped in life. On the one hand, I don't want to tie a person to me in the kind of long term marriage sense, when I can't forsee my future far enough, and am afraid to commit blindly (this is another anxiety). Yet romantically I am lonely, and don't even know where to express this, how to, and who to. I am anxious about damaging friendships, so can't turn to friends; I am anxious about dating sites, whether I should be or not. I can't walk up to a young woman I find attractive and make any sort of sensible conversation, and I wonder if anybody ever notices that I would like some sort of partner and relationship, and indeed friends where you can reveal all shortcomings and so on without feeling ashamed in any way, nor with fear of losing friends. The only relationship I did have was initiated more by the other person, being luck from my end. It ended amicably, and I was happy to learn later when she was settled in a relationship (another worry is her being worse off for having a relationship with me than not, the thought of which on its own is discomforting).

 

Blub over. I want to meet people (female with regards to relationships, anybody open minded and tolerant with regards to chatting about deeper feelings and stuff you can't air in conventional conversation), want to get better at seeking women, talking to them, and so on. Given that I am in my late 30s, due to health issues which began at the end of my studies, I am not in a position to have a serious career, and have basically near zero experience romantically... where do I start?

 

Any advice?

 

How long have you been single now? And how long did you last with that last girlfriend?

[preraph]

So if I understand you are disabled. If you are disabled, I suggest you get online and network with other disabled people and make friends. I know at least in my big town, they are somewhat organized socially and try to go do things as a group.

 

You might meet a nice woman that way who would understand because she is also disabled some way. I can see where you'd be very lonely. You can't meet anyone just staying at home, so I hope you're able to get out some. But given your particular situation, I think finding people in a similar situation might be best for you.

 

However, you said the word "anxious" about a hundred times, so I also wonder if maybe your illness is your anxiety, in which case you need to stay in therapy until there is progress and it gets better.

 

Good luck.