Her ex and I are both trying to get her back ***Updated***

[stillafool]

I don't know but if I were this woman I'd pass on both of you.

[BaileyB]

I would pass on both too... Choosing between someone who cheated and someone who planned a wedding and left me a week before the wedding is not much of a choice... IMHO.

[zarb]

I honestly didn't have cold feet until I about a week before I left. I tend to be a pretty honest guy, I would have told her. Or at least like to think I would have.

 

So I take it that you want her, but don't want to marry her?

 

Given the constant drama at your workplace, I'm surprised that your HR hasn't invited you guys to have coffee in its office.

 

Of course I want to marry her. I re-proposed to her not long ago. I want to be with her and want to marry her. I want to be with her the rest of my life.

 

Her ex and I have been in HR a few times, both had to do a "personal development" course.

 

Okay fair enough.

 

But just out of curiosity, what made you realize you made a mistake? Did you just wake up one day and say to yourself "Oh shyt, I made a mistake"?

 

How did you arrive at that place (conclusion)?

 

I mean something must have triggered that emotion.

 

Could it be when you realized another man wanted her?

 

I don't know just asking, cuz it always amazes when men realize how much a chick means to them once they don't have her anymore.

 

Always wondered, what changed for them? And if you got back together, how do you know you wouldn't get cold feet again?

 

If I were in her shoes, before taking you back, I would be asking you these questions, so you better have good and convincing answers for them.

 

And not just "I dunno, I missed you'! That's not enough.

 

I always missed her. The instant I said I needed space I missed her. I couldn't think clearly. The more we were apart the more I missed her but also grew apart from her, we both felt that. It was hard because we work together and see each other almost daily. So she was never really out of my life. I spend the majority of my time at work, so that huge section of my life didn't change. We were friendly so it's not like she wasn't in my life.

 

I wanted to be with her, I was unsure if it was right and I don't know why. She has not done anything wrong, we're all flawed but we had no major issues.

 

It became very real when we started separating belongings, bills and deciding who keeps the condo. I realized that she was really leaving my life. But by that point she was having doubts and I could feel her hesitation. At that point her "relationship" with her ex wasn't how it is now. He was in her life a bit more, as much as she would allow him. I don't think it's because he wants her back that now I do.

 

There are no guarantees in life. I can't promise that it won't happen again, I didn't think it would happen the first time. But there isn't a reason for it to happen again. I know that I need to be with her.

 

----------------------

 

I don't really know if any of this matters. She invited me over to her (our) condo, had wine out. I thought we were going to make some progress. She told me that she isn't in love with me anymore and wants space. She said I don't listen to her and don't understand her. That she'd changed.

 

I asked if she is seeing her ex again and she wouldn't give an answer. That guy is a d-bag. He is a total player and everyone knows it. He has probably slept with half the hospital. I did some asking around, in the 9 months we have been separated he has been in some form of "romantic" relationship with 5 women in the workplace. He's screwed a hell of a lot more than that. He cheated on her and from what she told me cheated in every other relationship. He is the type of guy that needs thrill and excitement, when something gets boring he's onto the next thing. With women and his life.

 

But he knows her and knows how to get her right where he wants her. For what? For me to pick up the pieces when he's done screwing her?

[ChickiePops]

She rejected you. Her choice of boyfriend is not your concern. Move on.

[tinkerbell16]

Okay fair enough.

 

But just out of curiosity, what made you realize you made a mistake? Did you just wake up one day and say to yourself "Oh shyt, I made a mistake"?

 

How did you arrive at that place (conclusion)?

 

I mean something must have triggered that emotion.

 

Could it be when you realized another man wanted her?

 

I don't know just asking, cuz it always amazes when men realize how much a chick means to them once they don't have her anymore.

 

Always wondered, what changed for them? And if you got back together, how do you know you wouldn't get cold feet again?

 

If I were in her shoes, before taking you back, I would be asking you these questions, so you better have good and convincing answers for them.

 

And not just "I dunno, I missed you'! That's not enough.

 

He said he couldn't keep "it" up with the two women he has dated since. I suspect this was the catalyst to his realization.

[zarb]

She rejected you. Her choice of boyfriend is not your concern. Move on.

 

I love her. It is my concern. I don't want to see her get hurt.

 

He said he couldn't keep "it" up with the two women he has dated since. I suspect this was the catalyst to his realization.

 

It didn't help.

[bubbaganoosh]

OK. Guy number 1 cheated on her. Real nice of him. Now guy number 2 (You) get cold feet and back out of the marriage a week before it's supposed to happen.

 

Honestly I think she's getting revenge on two guys that have hurt her bad and now maybe both of you are getting a sample of what you did to her.

 

You and that other guy can beat the hell out of each other and the final result will be sore knuckles, ass and some other guy will come in and both of you will be bruised for nothing. Leave it alone and move on before one of you two guys gets in serious trouble and both of you lose your jobs.

[zarb]

You and that other guy can beat the hell out of each other and the final result will be sore knuckles, ass and some other guy will come in and both of you will be bruised for nothing. Leave it alone and move on before one of you two guys gets in serious trouble and both of you lose your jobs.

 

I'd like to beat the **** out of him instead of just throwing a few punches. It'd be nice if he lost his job, then he wouldn't be her shadow. I wouldn't do it, but it sure would be nice.

[Jabron1]

I love her. It is my concern. I don't want to see her get hurt.

 

I just think you're jealous.

 

Man, all this drama in a hospital

 

You have really made a right mess for yourself.

 

I'd like to beat the **** out of him instead of just throwing a few punches. It'd be nice if he lost his job, then he wouldn't be her shadow. I wouldn't do it, but it sure would be nice.

 

That kind of thinking isn't going to get you anywhere. This guy isn't directly threatening or disrespecting you, and fighting over women is just stupid.

 

You need to realise that she is shagging him, because she wants to. No point in blaming him for that.

 

If it's that bad, perhaps you should look into changing jobs?

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Maybe one of you needs to quit their job, move departments or move cities. Being in close-proximity with the person you were engaged to and someone else who was engaged to her is nasty-nast-nast. It breeds a rare form of toxicity I can't even fathom. I would walk away and just start over. And like someone said, if she has half a brain, she wouldn't pick either one of you.

[JS84]

There's nothing for you to do. You ****ed up and blew your engagement. That's it. Take this mistake in life and learn from it. Don't bail on your fiance a week before the marriage and then expect to get them back.

 

Leave your ex alone as it seems she doesn't want to be with you anymore and for good reason. She knows what kind of guy her other ex is and if she wants to give him another shot, that's entirely up to her.

 

Do both of yourselves a favor and let her go.

[Tribble]

But he knows her and knows how to get her right where he wants her. For what? For me to pick up the pieces when he's done screwing her?

 

Not really sure what makes you think you'll be there to pick up the pieces? She's made it very clear she doesn't want to be with you. I don't think she's playing games. She's told you in no uncertain terms that she is done with you. She's trying to keep it polite because she has to work with you. Whether or not she is messing with the ex is none of your business. Sure, it sucks you have to see it but this is your mistake. You have to live with the consequences. She is done and you need to leave her alone. If you really loved her, you'd respect her enough to walk away.

[tinkerbell16]

I love her. It is my concern. I don't want to see her get hurt.

 

 

 

It didn't help.

 

Yet you yourself hurt her.

 

No need to worry about her getting hurt... she was cheated on then damn near left at the alter so she probably has walls as thick as a medieval castle and her heart is probably safely stashed in the center most room.

 

Great job.

 

My ex had the same "issue". Messes up what we had but quickly realized he couldn't "feel" the same for any another woman.

 

Hence my initial comment of what is with people not realizing what they have until they lose it.

 

It's the Bed YOU made and you must accept the end result. You walked away and hurt the one you loved and you may never feel as strongly for another woman.

Edited July 7, 2016 by tinkerbell16

[elaine567]

The poor women is in the middle of a huge contest between two guys who both just want to win.

Neither was that besotted with her in reality, but now it is all about male ego.

Hopefully she will have the sense to walk away and find someone else, a man who will actually love her and treat her right.

[stillafool]

He said he couldn't keep "it" up with the two women he has dated since. I suspect this was the catalyst to his realization.

 

Well that is all that is important, isn't it?

[tinkerbell16]

Well that is all that is important, isn't it?

 

lol seems to be. None of these guys seems to have her best interest at heart.

 

Sounds like they both did her a favor by self distructing their relationships. She will be keen on what she DOESN'T want moving forward.

[dpass]

Women want their man to fight for them, not over them. They want that passionate love. But dude, too far. No grown up, sane woman wants two men literally fighting over her. She is a human being, not an object. She belongs to neither of you.

 

The day you called off the wedding was the last day that her love life was any if your business.

 

While you were getting "space" her ex took that advantage and filled that space. You ****ed up.

 

She literally told you that she DOESNT love you anymore and you DONT listen to her. Well guess what, she's right. She straight out told you that she didn't love you but you still think you have a chance.

 

Whether she is banging him or not or testing the waters or not, none of your business. To be honest I don't think she would tell you either way.

 

A) it's none of your business

B) if she says yes you will be an ***. If she says no you will think you have a chance

C) She wants to keep a friendly work place and not give you a reason to fight more

D) Maybe she's unsure of how she wants to proceed with him.

 

If she wants to date him, that is her choice. If she just wants to **** him, that is her choice. If she just wants to be friends with him, that is her choice. Just like it is her choice if she wants to do any of that with you.

 

And don't be dumb, her ex is trying to get under your skin. Of course hes going to make it seem like he's sleeping with her - whether he is or not. Which again, none of your business.

[zarb]

I need to know if she is sleeping with him or not, or with him again or not. I cannot handle not knowing. It drives me crazy and is all I think about. Every move either of them make I have to decode. I can't handle her being with him and I can't handle knowing he's going to hurt her.

 

She always said she was uncomfortable with the amount of women he slept with and dated, yes she runs right back to him? What if there was always something going on between them, even when we were together.

 

I want her back in my life.

 

I just think you're jealous.

 

Man, all this drama in a hospital

 

You have really made a right mess for yourself.

 

That kind of thinking isn't going to get you anywhere. This guy isn't directly threatening or disrespecting you, and fighting over women is just stupid.

 

You need to realise that she is shagging him, because she wants to. No point in blaming him for that.

 

If it's that bad, perhaps you should look into changing jobs?

 

I can blame him for sleeping with her. He's using her and he knows that. He's a player and a cheater. He's just going to hurt her. He didn't wait any time before jumping on her. If he had any respect he wouldn't do that. He also wouldn't be flirting with her and kissing her at work. He damn well knows I can see it. This morning I saw him whispering to her, both smiling and kissed her cheek. Conveniently right where he knew I'd be and he shouldn't have been.

 

Im not switching careers because of him. That's ridiculous. What he gets my girlfriend and my job too? I cannot work in a hospital that doesn't do heart transplants. Moving to another hospital would involve finding a job when there are very few available and moving to another province. I'm also on a contract.

 

Not really sure what makes you think you'll be there to pick up the pieces? She's made it very clear she doesn't want to be with you. I don't think she's playing games. She's told you in no uncertain terms that she is done with you. She's trying to keep it polite because she has to work with you. Whether or not she is messing with the ex is none of your business. Sure, it sucks you have to see it but this is your mistake. You have to live with the consequences. She is done and you need to leave her alone. If you really loved her, you'd respect her enough to walk away.

 

If I really loved her I wouldn't let her get involved with this guy. He obviously played her to get back with her. She's not a dumb person, she wouldn't get back with him in normal circumstances. He's just going to hurt her. Then maybe she'll want to be with me again after he's ripped her heart out the second time.

[tinkerbell16]

I need to know if she is sleeping with him or not, or with him again or not. I cannot handle not knowing. It drives me crazy and is all I think about. Every move either of them make I have to decode. I can't handle her being with him and I can't handle knowing he's going to hurt her.

 

She always said she was uncomfortable with the amount of women he slept with and dated, yes she runs right back to him? What if there was always something going on between them, even when we were together.

 

I want her back in my life.

 

 

 

I can blame him for sleeping with her. He's using her and he knows that. He's a player and a cheater. He's just going to hurt her. He didn't wait any time before jumping on her. If he had any respect he wouldn't do that. He also wouldn't be flirting with her and kissing her at work. He damn well knows I can see it. This morning I saw him whispering to her, both smiling and kissed her cheek. Conveniently right where he knew I'd be and he shouldn't have been.

 

Im not switching careers because of him. That's ridiculous. What he gets my girlfriend and my job too? I cannot work in a hospital that doesn't do heart transplants. Moving to another hospital would involve finding a job when there are very few available and moving to another province. I'm also on a contract.

 

 

 

If I really loved her I wouldn't let her get involved with this guy. He obviously played her to get back with her. She's not a dumb person, she wouldn't get back with him in normal circumstances. He's just going to hurt her. Then maybe she'll want to be with me again after he's ripped her heart out the second time.

 

How is the pain he put her through any different than the pain you put her through? Both cases she wasn't valued and eventually ended up alone.

[BaileyB]

You need to forget her and move on. What you are doing is not healthy. you need counselling, not a relationship right now.

[zarb]

How is the pain he put her through any different than the pain you put her through? Both cases she wasn't valued and eventually ended up alone.

 

I didn't go and sleep with 10 other women when things got serious and the honeymoon phase ended.

 

I drove by the condo tonight, his car was parked there. So I guess that's what she thinks of him.

[tinkerbell16]

I didn't go and sleep with 10 other women when things got serious and the honeymoon phase ended.

 

I drove by the condo tonight, his car was parked there. So I guess that's what she thinks of him.

 

You don't get it. She thought she was going to have an ACTUAL honeymoon with you and you left her. I would wager (and her actions chosing him show) what you did was actually more painful for her than her ex-now current man.

You promised to marry her... and abandoned her at the 9th hour.

She was probably devistated. No wonder she went back to an ex who cheated. Her self esteem is probably at an all time low.

Pat yourself on the back for that.

Let her be. Maybe this guy, like you, realized after he lost her what he had and he will treat her better.

One could hope.

[zarb]

You don't get it. She thought she was going to have an ACTUAL honeymoon with you and you left her. I would wager (and her actions chosing him show) what you did was actually more painful for her than her ex-now current man.

You promised to marry her... and abandoned her at the 9th hour.

She was probably devistated. No wonder she went back to an ex who cheated. Her self esteem is probably at an all time low.

Pat yourself on the back for that.

Let her be. Maybe this guy, like you, realized after he lost her what he had and he will treat her better.

One could hope.

 

He was engaged to her as well! He ****ed other women AND broke an engagement. She expected the exact same things with him. After they broke up and still went around sleeping with anything that moved and jumping from relationship to relationship. That doesn't seem like a man with regrets. Just a player, who always wins.

[Jabron1]

He was engaged to her as well! He ****ed other women AND broke an engagement. She expected the exact same things with him. After they broke up and still went around sleeping with anything that moved and jumping from relationship to relationship. That doesn't seem like a man with regrets. Just a player, who always wins.

 

You can keep being jealous, and hating the player that gets what he wants.

 

Or you can sort your own act out.

 

Your choice.

[zarb]

You can keep being jealous, and hating the player that gets what he wants.

 

Or you can sort your own act out.

 

Your choice.

 

I don't want to stop fighting for her.