Her ex and I are both trying to get her back ***Updated***

[Blanco]

I haven't let her buy me out. It's still my condo and I still have keys. I could walk in on them right now. They are just playing house, it will end soon when her ex is bored and moves on - just like last time.

 

At which point, you *think* you'll swoop in and get her back, as if her ending a relationship with him automatically puts you back with her.

 

If they split, what will likely happen is that she'll remember how you've used the condo as some sort of power play against her new relationship. That's on top of the devastation you caused her when you bailed on marrying her SEVEN DAYS before the wedding.

 

Think about someone aside from yourself. Right now, you seem fixated on her because she's unobtainable to you. That mindset can lead to some horrific, irreversible behavior.

[anika99]

At which point, you *think* you'll swoop in and get her back, as if her ending a relationship with him automatically puts you back with her.

 

If they split, what will likely happen is that she'll remember how you've used the condo as some sort of power play against her new relationship. That's on top of the devastation you caused her when you bailed on marrying her SEVEN DAYS before the wedding.

 

Think about someone aside from yourself. Right now, you seem fixated on her because she's unobtainable to you. That mindset can lead to some horrific, irreversible behavior.

 

I agree. I had a guy I was dating for a year suddenly dump me. He was very cold and dismissive of me at the time and I was deeply hurt. I tried to convince him to stay and he took advantage of my hurt state to bed me one more time and then tell me again that he was done. I was so hurt but I moved on, got a new bf and fell in love again. At that point he decided that I was the most spectacular woman ever and he simply had to have me back. The first time he contacted me to declare his undying love for me and I had to reject him I felt a little bit sad for him. He didn't give up though and after he made a couple of more attempts I started to wonder what the hell was wrong with him. Every time I turned him down he acted like I was making a big mistake and like I was doing him wrong somehow. It really started to piss me off.

 

I'm sorry to hear that she got back together with her creepy cheating ex, but that is her business, not yours. She is a grown up and you need to stop meddling in her life. You seem to think that she should choose you just because you consider what her ex did worse than what you did and if she was making her decision based solely on the criteria of who acted worse she probably would choose you but there is obviously more to it than that. I have read your whole thread and it appears that it's possible that she was never truly over her ex. He was always in the picture somehow and while she may have spoken badly of him that could have been because she was actually still hurt and pining for him. If that's the case then you are better off not being with her.

 

She is only a person, not a goddess. She doesn't hold the key to your happiness. Just let it go and move on. You will meet another great woman when you stop obsessing over her.

[Lifeissomething]

Look, If I run over some families child and kill said kid (god forbid), no matter HOW MUCH I WANT them to forgive me, they may never--I have no control over their feelings. I know people who have cheated on partners and have held that regret for that mistake for over 10 years and referenced the partner as "the one that got away" and guess what? No happy ending, the relationship ended, and the cheater was kicked to the curb (rightfully so). People have this stupid mentality that all mistakes can be overlooked or forgiven--sure maybe in the movies...

 

Life isn't a fairy tale, it isn't fair, and some actions carry so much weight they can't be changed (ie. the child running over scenario), and walking away one week before the marriage is, I'm sure to most girls, something you can't just forget--regardless (/who cares) about YOUR feelings. That's the thing, everything in this situation has been about you. You got cold feet, You then decided during the process you wanted her back, YOU feel that her current partner(/ex) isn't good enough for her, YOUR Condo, YOUR Girlfriend (how dare HE do that...) YOU want her back, YOU must get her back--what about her?

 

Not once have you even factored in her feelings, just your beliefs about her feelings. For all you know she could be having the best open relationship with this new guy, you're guessing for her because YOU want to and you're projecting YOUR thoughts onto her.

 

I'm sorry man, I know I was forceful but it seems you aren't getting her back and just don't want to accept it. You seem to know you messed up, but can't seem to realize that to truly accept your mistake is eating the consequences even if they aren't in your favour.

 

Hang in there.

[Blanco]

Nowhere in this thread do I see anything that this woman has any interest in the OP. If anything, it sounds like she's back with the guy she wanted all along.

[Sunnymae]

You've breached her trust in you, she'll never take you seriously again. I doubt she'll get back with either one of you again. Yeah, the attention is a ego boost, but that's about it.

[NIGHT1985]

Op, you're doing things that I've been doing and let me tell you once again, it's over, she's not coming back. Like me, you've delayed the healing process and probably scarred the **** out of your mental health. It's taken up to the point of having a cop call my cell phone to have me wake up and leave her alone.

 

It's hard to accept someone that you loved and cared for bad lost all interest in you and moved on, but that's the truth. Read what everyone else is posting. Even if things don't work with her ex, she isn't coming back to you, and if she did, it would be because she saw you changing yourself in a more attractive and approachable way, but after 10 months of obsessing, I highly doubt that'll happen.

 

Have you started seeing a counselor yet? You need to let all your feelings out, talk about your memories, the love you shared, and finally find a healthy way to grieve and cope that is over. You're not alone, I know what you're going through and I'm suffering too. But we got to face reality on this.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Oh dear...your ex knows she can have you or her other ex at ANYTIME. If she wanted you, well, you wouldn't be posting this thread now would you?

 

You're in super denial. She told you, straight from her mouth, that she no longer loved you and to back off.

 

You want to turn her off completely? Keep doing what you're doing. You're on your way to becoming that pyscho, clingy, bitter ex. You're becoming a nuisance.

 

So, what will make your ex think twice about choosing the other guy and not you? Let her go and be happy for her happiness and go and live your life with success and with joy. You have no idea how sexy and attractive that is..

 

Make sense?

 

She WILL think twice but by that point..you probably won't care.

 

 

She looked upset when she saw me, and when I made eye contact with her she looks away quickly. I know her, and I think she knows she chose wrong.

[zarb]

We've been separated for a year now and she is still back with her ex. If screwing him wasn't enough she is living with him in our home and I heard through the grapevine that she is pregnant. F*cking pregnant. By a lying, cheating, scumbag who is just using her. There is no way that she got pregnant on purpose, she isn't that stupid and is a serious planner.

 

3 months ago her clown of a boyfriend told me to expect pregnancy and wedding announcements soon. Only when she wasn't around. I think he knocked her up on purpose to get what he wanted.

 

I confronted her about it and she won't say if she is pregnant or not or if it was planned. She just walks away. He has her brainwashed so she won't even talk to me. I need to tell her that I think he impregnated her on purpose. Tomorrow maybe, she's off work I'll go talk to her.

 

I still want her back even with his spawn inside of her. Miscarriages are common this early so one can hope. I'd do anything to have her back. I cannot be happy without her. I have been waiting for her to realize what kind of guy she is with, one day she will. I haven't let her buy me out of our condo yet, I'm not ready to let go. I know she will come back to me. Spawn or not.

 

I don't want anyone but her. Letting her go was the biggest mistake I have made. If she can forgive him for doing worse, than she can forgive me to. I'm not interested in anyone but her. I can't even get up for screwing anyone else. She is my life. I hate seeing her almost daily and not being able to hold her and kiss her.

 

What's the appropriate way to tell her what he d-bag bf is doing? He's a serial cheated I am also going to do some asking around to find proof that he is cheating, I'm sure he is.

[sooshi]

zarb, their relationship is not your business. What goes on in their relationship is not your business.

 

You need to back off. You're going to at very least get a restraining order against you if you don't.

[zarb]

zarb, their relationship is not your business. What goes on in their relationship is not your business.

 

You need to back off. You're going to at very least get a restraining order against you if you don't.

 

It is when they are living in my house and I know he is treating her poorly.

[Toodaloo]

It is when they are living in my house and I know he is treating her poorly.

 

So take legal action so it is no longer your house or get her out.

 

Referring to children as "spawn" does not bode well.

 

You don't want her back. You just don't want him to have her.

 

You need to cut this one dead and get it sorted and move on. You need to cut ties for yourself more than anything. She doesn't want you. Accept it and let go.

 

This hate and anger will harm you more than anyone else.

[ChickiePops]

Did you seriously just say that you hope your ex has a miscarriage? That is disgusting.

 

If it truly is your house then why on earth are you letting them live there?

[zarb]

I do want her back, because I want to be with her. It has nothing to do with him wanting her. He has always wanted her, and every other woman with a vagina. I talked to an co-worker and ex of his, the dude has slept with hundreds of women. He can't keep it zipped up and will cheat on her again.

 

I talked to her at work today. She wouldn't say whether she was pregnant or not, which means she is otherwise she'd just say no. I told her what he said to me about getting her pregnant. Her response was that he'd never do that, yet I know that he did. He knocked her up to win. Now she'll marry him just because she is having his spawn.

 

They are living in the condo that her and I bought together. She wants to buy me out and I'm not going to accept that. That is the ultimate sign that I've given up on her. When she realizes this guy is a dickwad she will want me to come home.

 

I need concrete proof that he knocked her up on purpose or is cheating. She won't believe it unless it smacks her across the head.

[insatiabledreams]

To be honest first of all you shouldn't have done the mistake of backing off, it was entirely your fault and this situation is the outcome. Still what's done is done.

 

Firstly, I believe you must think again whether you should really push her to be with you.Is it right?

 

I am telling this because after reading the whole thing that you have written, I am getting a impression that she is not willing to be with you.

 

And it's a sign you should back off.

 

Secondly, if you still want to get her back, you have to play a trick the emotional game, be nice to her and even with her ex negative tension will give you negative result, try to build positive tension by being good with both and pretend to back off.

 

Seriously this is tricky as I am asking you to do something that's a bit like cheating, but you have to because fight will only lead to trouble and resentment for you and he will win the more you behave wrong in anger with her ex especially.

 

Third point, when you talk to her, try to get emotional not always (remember not always) only when you feel in the middle of texting or one on one conversation remind her of all the good moments you guys spend, the memories you lived and how badly you miss those days.

 

Lastly after telling all this points, tell her" It's alright, those were best days and never going to come again, but I am happy to see you happy with your ex"

 

See I am telling this will make you get her, but definitely something will happen, but if you continue to fight with her ex you will only end up ruining your reputation, because the situation and the circumstances at this instance are in favor of her ex not yours.

 

Whatever little bad you will do, it will effect you due to manipulation. I hope you are getting my point and still if this doesn't work, I am sorry to say love can't be forced and there's no point in pushing hard and getting hurt maybe she was never yours, but if your love is true almighty will reward with better in time to come.

 

GODBLESS YOU

[JewelD]

I do want her back, because I want to be with her. It has nothing to do with him wanting her. He has always wanted her, and every other woman with a vagina. I talked to an co-worker and ex of his, the dude has slept with hundreds of women. He can't keep it zipped up and will cheat on her again.

 

I talked to her at work today. She wouldn't say whether she was pregnant or not, which means she is otherwise she'd just say no. I told her what he said to me about getting her pregnant. Her response was that he'd never do that, yet I know that he did. He knocked her up to win. Now she'll marry him just because she is having his spawn.

 

They are living in the condo that her and I bought together. She wants to buy me out and I'm not going to accept that. That is the ultimate sign that I've given up on her. When she realizes this guy is a dickwad she will want me to come home.

 

I need concrete proof that he knocked her up on purpose or is cheating. She won't believe it unless it smacks her across the head.

 

 

You need to be smacked across the head with something as well if you really think that's going to happen.

 

You need some serious help, harassing your ex asking her if she's pregnant. That's not your business. He hasn't brainwashed her, she probably doesn't want to talk to you because you're acting crazy as hell.

 

Not only is she not going to ask for you back, you're probably close to getting a restraining order filed against you.

[Been]

Am I the only one that sees it?

Let me get this straight. A woman in a medical place has now been engaged TWICE to two co workers in the same facility???? I find that strange.

[zarb]

To be honest first of all you shouldn't have done the mistake of backing off, it was entirely your fault and this situation is the outcome. Still what's done is done.

 

Firstly, I believe you must think again whether you should really push her to be with you.Is it right?

 

I know she will want to be with me when she realizes her mistake. I rarely have the chance to prove myself to her, her user is always hovering over her like a hawk and a rat.

 

You need to be smacked across the head with something as well if you really think that's going to happen.

 

You need some serious help, harassing your ex asking her if she's pregnant. That's not your business. He hasn't brainwashed her, she probably doesn't want to talk to you because you're acting crazy as hell.

 

Not only is she not going to ask for you back, you're probably close to getting a restraining order filed against you.

 

You obviously just do not understand the situation and what it is like to love someone and know they are meant to be with you.

 

Am I the only one that sees it?

Let me get this straight. A woman in a medical place has now been engaged TWICE to two co workers in the same facility???? I find that strange.

 

I work in a hospital with 15,000 employees. It's not exactly a small place. No one has time to go out, you'd be surprised how many people date within these walls.

[Been]

Keep telling yourself that. Fact is she's been engaged to TWO people in the same department.

If her old ex is a cheater he will do it again. Let's say he falters again. She finds out. She runs back to you. It's almost like she rotates the 2 if you and your fine with that?

That's crazy. You want her back then I would ignore her. The more you plead the less chance your going to have.

[ChickiePops]

 

Just because YOU think she should be with you doesn't mean that's how SHE feels. She gets to make that decision. And if she is pregnant, it's none of your business. Nothing she does is your business at this point. She's not your girlfriend.

 

Frankly, you are acting like as big a jerk as he is..stalking her, harassing her and her boyfriend, not allowing her to buy you out..you're no better than he is.

 

Leave. Her. Alone.

[zarb]

Keep telling yourself that. Fact is she's been engaged to TWO people in the same department.

If her old ex is a cheater he will do it again. Let's say he falters again. She finds out. She runs back to you. It's almost like she rotates the 2 if you and your fine with that?

That's crazy. You want her back then I would ignore her. The more you plead the less chance your going to have.

 

She started dating him at 20 years old, she was in school. They were engaged when she graduated. He was already working where we are, she applied there as well so they could stay close to each other. THEY work in the same department, different jobs but same department and work together as a team. He ended the engagement shortly after she started working there. Almost everyone in the building is on contracts, you cannot just quit. I worked there before I met her. I started dating her when she was 25.

 

She probably just has to get him out of her system. He is a cheater. He WILL cheat on her again.

 

Just because YOU think she should be with you doesn't mean that's how SHE feels. She gets to make that decision. And if she is pregnant, it's none of your business. Nothing she does is your business at this point. She's not your girlfriend.

 

Frankly, you are acting like as big a jerk as he is..stalking her, harassing her and her boyfriend, not allowing her to buy you out..you're no better than he is.

 

Leave. Her. Alone.

 

Because he has her brain washed. He knows her, he knows exactly how to get her EXACTLY where he wants her. He's manipulative and she is a push-over/doormat personality. She believes anything that spews from his mouth. He just wants to win, he doesn't care about her. Once he gets bored he is going to hurt her. If he sees me at work and is near her he does things to purposely make me jealous.

 

I am not stalking her. I also am not a cheater so no I am not as bad as he is. If I just leave her alone she is going to think I am no longer interested. I have caught her staring at me, especially when I'm talking to another woman.

[d409]

Why don't you show her this thread so she can see just how much you love her?

[apc4455]

I don't want to be rude or anything, but it seems that all 3 of you are kinda messed up in the head, unfortunately.

 

The other guy: He's a serial cheater. Had no respect for her girl at all and, like you, broke off the engagement with her. Now he got her pregnant to tie her to him so that he would stay even if (WHEN) he cheats again.

 

Even cheaters would want to be in a relationship and have a family but at the same time keep cheating. This is his way of chaining her to him. It's extremely scummy behaviour but pretty standard to almost all serial cheaters. Happens all the time.

 

You: You were with her but then got cold feet 1 WEEK before the wedding. Then you suddenly became interested again when you found out she is with someone else and that someone else, at least in your eyes, is worse than you (probably true).

 

Like the other guy, you also don't seem to give a damn about what the girl actually wants. It's about what YOU want. Honestly you aren't really that different from the other guy. You may not cheat, but clearly you have the same attitude and mindset like him.

 

Lets not even talk about the stalking... that should be self explanatory why that is completely mentally crazy behaviour. You realise if you continue this you could end up being arrested?

 

The girl: She may be smart, well-educated etc. but it's clear she does have some issues as well. She is clearly attracted to the types of guys who cause drama in her life and don't take her seriously. I've seen others like this; they are a lost cause.

 

She was in a relationship with a player who cheated on her with dozens of others and then she got together with someone else who was of similar mindset (maybe without the cheating part - but from this thread it's clear you are more or less the same type of guy than the other dude, perhaps a bit better but still...).

 

So now, after 2 very horrible experiences with 2 horrible guys, involving cheating, broken engagements with both guys, it appears that she still has not learned anything at all and still chooses the exact same type of a guy as a partner. Whats worse, she even goes back to one of you and has a kid with him!!!

 

Reading these stories is really sad, to be honest, as you know that they will never end well for any of the participants no matter what.

 

The other guy will of course always cheat and never respect and take the girl seriously. The girl, while she might be excited of him now, will have a miserable life raising his children all alone while he guy cheats around and generally won't give a crap. She will however never leave him. The guy will most likely also keep her to have the safety of a "family".

 

You most likely will continue to sulk for several years and be bitter about this whole thing. On the other hand, as it stands, right now you are the one who has the best chance of turning things around and better your life. The other 2 are too far gone now, they don't realize it now but they have essentially just messed up their whole lives. The dude will marry a girl who he does not respect and as such will quickly get bored of her and will cause resentment and bitterness in his life. The girl will be miserable her whole life being married to a cheater who doesn't even respect her as a person.

 

You, on the other hand, can still move on and work on becoming a better person. This is what you should be focusing on and not getting back the girl who is willing to go back with a serial cheater and get pregnant with him in just a few months.

Edited October 22, 2016 by apc4455

[apc4455]

Because he has her brain washed. He knows her, he knows exactly how to get her EXACTLY where he wants her. He's manipulative and she is a push-over/doormat personality. She believes anything that spews from his mouth. He just wants to win, he doesn't care about her. Once he gets bored he is going to hurt her. If he sees me at work and is near her he does things to purposely make me jealous.

 

This is probably true.

 

However, you're missing a crucial thing here.

 

Women like that don't necessarily choose guys like him because they can easily be manipulated. They do so because it's those kind of guys that they are attracted to. It's those kind of guys that spark their attraction. It's just how it is.

 

She probably does consciously understand that he is bad for her but she still can't resist the attraction.

 

Nothing to do here bro. It's like when someone is addicted to heroin. You can't outreason their addition with logic and arguments.