darhma Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 I have been dating solid for about a year now. I am an attractive 40 year old women. The sexy type...long blonde hair curves etc. Most people take me for early 30's. I attract men and talk to men all the time but nothing seems to rock my world. I am really beginning to wonder if as you grow older you just can not get that killer chemistry feeling anymore. Does anyone have any thoughts on chemistry after 40? Has anyone got that heart pounding I can not wait to see him/her again feeling of love after the age of 40? Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 I think it can be there. It probably just takes a little longer to manifest itself since we are a bit more jaded and cynical at 40. Certainly a lot more than we were at 18 or 20. Most of us have known hurt and despair and lived a full life--marraige, kids, divorce or death perhaps. I know that in my post divorce post 40 life, I am looking out for number one--me. It sounds selfish but I look for someone who can function within my parameters--I am not asking anyone to change, just looking for the one that is already there. When they do, it is great and yo get that feeling. It has happened to me once, but unfortunately due to circumstances surrounding her divorce and custody, she moved to Forida. But there have been others where it was not there. I gave it a go for a bit and when I realized it was not, well, as bad as it sounds, I moved on. There is no need to compromise (IMHO) at this stage in the game. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 I agree with SOCCORSILLY... but would like to add that part of the reason why the chemistry is harder to create after 40 is that we are wiser and slower to jump into situations without thinking. in other words, we are usually no longer young and dumb. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Old and dumb? Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by darhma I have been dating solid for about a year now. I am an attractive 40 year old women. The sexy type...long blonde hair curves etc. Most people take me for early 30's. I attract men and talk to men all the time but nothing seems to rock my world. I am really beginning to wonder if as you grow older you just can not get that killer chemistry feeling anymore. Does anyone have any thoughts on chemistry after 40? Has anyone got that heart pounding I can not wait to see him/her again feeling of love after the age of 40? What type of men are you trying to attract? I have a friend who is 48 and she wants a guy who is no older than 32 and is a stud. At 40 maybe your expectations are to high. Guys in their 40's may be a little overweight, balding, etc. so the physical attraction may not be that overpowering lust that you felt in your 20's. What would someone have to do to rock your world? Only you can answer this but your options may be less as we age. I think it is possible to have chemistry at any age. I don't think 40 is an age that we stop feeling the desire of someone. Maybe you just are not meeting the right men. What would do it for you in the chemistry department? Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 I'm back into the dating scene as well. It hasn't been a year yet. I don't think at our age we try to attract a certain type as much as we are attracted to a certain type yet not all the same type. I've dated some different types recently and while I can't see myself long-term with most of them, I know that a short-term thing would rock my world. Only because they seem to lead interesting and exciting lives, and the fact that they desire me, and I desire them and no I haven't had sex with all of them. I'll be 40 soon, and consider myself attractive and sexy, but I still have my insecurities too and I'm shy/quiet. I have imagined myself being in a serious relationship like NOW and also have imagined not getting involved in anything serious for the next ten years. If it happens, it happens. I'm going to live my life and do things to make myself happy and not depend on a relationship for this. I have my kids, my job, my friends, my sports among a few things to occupy my time. I still believe that when you're not looking is when you find what you've been looking for. Okay, here is a theory I'm subconsciously putting to the test LOL: I know I'm not ready for anything serious, so I keep looking and dating so that I don't find what I'm looking for. When I feel like I'm really ready, then I'll stop looking. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
AliceW Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Hmm...good question. I agree with soccorsilly that older people are more cautious and less starry-eyed, and that tends to make the experience of falling in love different. However, for me at least, the difference is an emotional one rather than a physical "chemistry"-related one. (I'm only 35, but since I'm divorced I feel like I can count myself in the older-and-wiser group!). When I got involved with my current BF, I was very careful and took things really slowly, and I felt like I was examining my motives at every step...which feels SO different than just falling for someone uncritically. However, I definitely still had the butterflies-in-the-stomach, sitting around grinning stupidly just because I was thinking about him, intense sexual chemistry thing...I was just really suspicious of all that stuff n a way that I wasn't when I was younger! I wanted to make sure I was feeling that way for "good" reasons, not because I was needy or afraid to be alone, or whatever. I don't know what it's like for people in their 40s, though...it could be different, but I suspect that it's not. I still think there is a mysterious, indefinable quality about erotic love and chemistry no matter what age you are, and if it's not there it's not there...as a friend put it to me once (quoting Louis Armstrong), "it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing"! Link to post Share on other sites
Author darhma Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 It seems like their are 2 different types of men. The men that just want a relationship so bad they start acting like there is something going on before they know anything and the men who just want to play and have no desire for anything serious at all. I agree if you have a brain and a heart then you are going to be much more cautious and take things slow at this point in time. That comes with not letting your feelings dictate your actions. Time tells all. Slow and steady is the best route. However I would so much like to just feel anything. As recommended I have been spending my time focusing on doing what I love instead of looking for love. I am beginning to wonder if my heart and body are just dead. Maybe sometimes when you have experienced things that are either very good or very bad they just change your heart forever. Link to post Share on other sites
AliceW Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by darhma I am beginning to wonder if my heart and body are just dead. Maybe sometimes when you have experienced things that are either very good or very bad they just change your heart forever. Your heart probably is changed forever...but that doesn't mean that it's dead. It's a cliche, but I really believe it's true that when you meet someone that's right for you, you will feel something for him, and in time you will grow to trust your feelings again. Link to post Share on other sites
johnnyl321 Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 but if it's not the right person, they'll make darn sure to eke it right back out of you. Could be quick, could take years. I believe a lot of relationships start off where the other person "rocks your world" and then after a spell, the newness wears off and you start the notice the flaws. The same flaws you once found cute have now become agitating. The attention once paid by you, is gone as is the attention once paid to you. And then you go to LoveShack.org and ask: "Is there chemistry after 40?" Link to post Share on other sites
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