why can't i get over her?

[Elwood]

Why am I still stuck on someone that let me go? I just don't understand why I can't get over her. After the break up she said she wanted me in her life because she cared about me, valued me. In the first few months we had regular contact (long distance). As time went on we had less and less contact. She pulled further away. Now, we rarely speak. Any communication we have is generally initiated by her (if I call her she wont answer, same with texting). She calls every once in a while. I realize more and more she isn't the same person I fell in love with. I'm starting to see that what we had, all that we did was just a mistake, as she said. She once told me she regretted "crossing the line" with me, that she only did it because she was vulnerable. I think I finally see that now. The person I met and got to know is gone. I don't know who she is now. She went through a bad period a couple of years ago, lost contact with friends, bad anxiety/depression. That's when she met me. For a time I was her world and she was mine. She was always there, every day. Texting, calling, etc. Then she started to recover, friends came back into her life. It's not to say that I didn't cause problems in the relationship, I certainly did. But I can see now that she was never invested in it. I'm having a really hard time coming to the realization that it meant nothing. What for me was a real love/romance was for her a "rebound" of sorts. Why does that bother me? is it just me ego getting in the way? I wanted it all to mean something and it didnt'? I wanted her to remember our time together?

 

 

I'm causing myself more and more pain by holding on. God help me I can't figure out why I still love her. She has moved on and I'm stuck in the past. It's not her fault I'm stuck, it's not her fault I have feelings for her. She had every right to move on and live the life she wanted. Yet I'm angry. I'm mad that she ever came into my life. I'm mad that she moved on so easily. I'm mad at myself for being weak. I just wish I could forget her. I wish I could wipe my memory clean. What was the point of it all?

[smudge21]

You're putting all the negatives on yourself and still seeing her in a positive light. She wanted you, then didn't but still wanted you as a "friend". Basically, she did the standard thing of making you play by her rules, hanging around, feeding her ego. Even now when she ignores you but makes contact and you jump to her every word, it's all about her. You say the person you once loved is gone, well too right she has. So why do you keep responding to her contact? She's clearly not bothered one bit about you and only wants you around, orbitting her life, when she feels like it. You may not be responsible for this relationship ending, but you are very much responsible for this fantasy continuuing. End all contact and stop responding to her. The more you hang around in her life, the less you live in yours.

 

Your story really struck a nerve with me as it felt so familiar to recent events of my own, where someone I thought was special just faded and yet kept popping back up whenever I would go quiet. Eventually I slowly started to respond in kind and then go more distant. When it was clear I wasn't chasing anymore, wasn't always there and wasn't jumping to her every word, she left. Not heard anything in months now. It is always sad when someone we truly love turns out to not be that perfect wonderful person we thought/hoped they would be... but sadly that's life and you can't make someone be who they are not. Let this one go and focus on you and only you.

 

Block, delete, don't answer, whatever it takes, but remove yourself from her life. She's treating you like dirt, with little to no respect. Yes you were close once but then she got her life back and you weren't part of that. See her for what she is and then maybe you'll start to realise that your love is better devoted to someone who returns it.

[BelleSkye]

Can only talk from my personal experience - it's the deep attraction you have for them. I asked myself the same question about my ex - and had to be honest in the process (i.e. without bashing him about his negative attributes)....

 

The reason why I find it hard to let go is because no one else looks like him - I love everything about him and hated that he could not adore me in the same way. I love his looks, his style, his mannerisms, his EQ, his perception of things / life and the physical intimacy we shared.

 

Hi laugh, his eyes, his smell, the way he understood me at times and how I felt when I was in his arms....most of all - I loved how I had no time or eyes for another guy. My interest in him was the same after 7 years - from Day 1.

 

Sounds all good, right?

 

But as Jennifer Garner says:

"When his sun shines on you, you feel it.’ But when the sun is shining elsewhere, it’s cold. He can cast quite a shadow.”

 

That's exactly how I feel. As much as he did a lot of wrong to me - I still can't get over my attraction to him and his attention on me when it was there.

 

So....instead of why I can't get over him...I replace my 'whys' with 'When' and 'wish'....

[Hoosfoos]

I get it. I don't have a solution for you but I get it.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

You shouldn't feel bad because you love someone so purely!

 

This is by far the best gift you can offer anyone in the world through your lifespan! Loving someone so much is the biggest gift in the world we live in.

You should feel happy that you had the chance to love someone so much. Don't think it was for no reason at all! You both GREW! Think of it that you helped one another to be better.

 

Don't think that you are not together now you will both forget about one another and such thoughts. What of it! NOBODY forgets how you made them feel. So if you had bad moments what about it... you had good ones right! They know how you treated them and only a mad man will think that after all that you didn't care or it was all for naught! It was for your well being and life education. Think beyond what standard laws of emotions and life is. Think beyond that think what you did for that person. Let go of anger, let go of sadness. Ofcourse it is sad to leave someone who you loved with all your heart but be glad you had that person and you had the opportunity to show your deepest feelings. Most people don't understand but I tell ya - this is what we live for!

 

Why would you want to forget! This is what made you stronger, this is what has helped your character this is what expanded your heart and made you step on cloud 9. Best feeling in the world whoever tells you otherwise is dumb as dumb can get! Don't close yourself to the world and love man instead be happy for what you had for something better may be right next corner. You may not want that now and think you want her but you already gave so much to each other. Perhaps she is not the one even though you want her to be. If that person looks past your flaws and mistakes they will see only love for whoever had the chance to love with all their hearts shouldn't focus on the bad things instead focus on what was truly majestic in your relationship!

 

Honestly live your life. Some people never get the chance to experience the feelings you did. And us people are greedy we want more we want that drug feeling to continue but just be glad and respect your love that you gave to her. If you don't respect your emotions then I believe that is the coldest thing in the world...