I am a physical mess after my affair. Need to turn this around!

[jenkins95]

Could anyone recommend a specific pedometer, fitbit, etc that has worked well for them? It's all new to me and i'm not sure where to start looking. I'm very much a "gadget lover" kind of guy, so something with lots of different features that I can play around with could be great fun!

[Noideanow]

Thanks for posting Noideanow. I respect your opinion, but I do hope you're wrong. The path I am on now keeps my young family in a single unit, so that has to be worth putting 100% into doesn't it? Time will tell if we can fully get past this and move on, but I truly hope so with all my heart.

 

 

 

Thanks for this advice. Yes, I need to be more prepared and take healthy things with me to work, etc. A big problem is not being prepared and having nothing with me - then getting hungry at work. My office is right by a mall with McDonald's, KFC...every junk food joint you can imagine, all within a few hundred yards. Then, in the office itself, there are donuts, cakes, etc, everywhere. What an unhealthy office we are - as I type this, the guy right next to me is munching his way through a HUGE bag of pork scratchings! There has to be 5000 calories in that bag alone...and he is making short work of it!

 

If I have healthy things with me, fruit, healthy organic food, etc as you say, then I will be much better placed to avoid bad temptations! As for alcohol, well not sure I will give it up completely, but I definitely want to avoid it on weekdays from now on (none for past two nights), and monitor it more carefully at weekends.

 

Thank you and keep posting - please don't ignore my posts!

 

Such a sweet post you sure are a gentleman;) who am i to judge your situation or have an opinion when only you walk your shoes, but anyway I will say something since I can;) maybe you do follow your heart only you know if true love was\is involved in one of the relationships, i just think you beeing happy Will also benefit your children, in the short run and in the long run'.""you have got so much to give it Will be one lucky woman the One that gets all your heart, but first of all think about yourself do what feels right deep down? i also hope you Are on the right path but if not its never too late to change? as you can see probably im all for heart over mind;) I think that's the wisest thing, but actually if you think very carefully those two don't contradict, enough from me? all the best to you:)

[Noideanow]

Thanks for posting Noideanow. I respect your opinion, but I do hope you're wrong. The path I am on now keeps my young family in a single unit, so that has to be worth putting 100% into doesn't it? Time will tell if we can fully get past this and move on, but I truly hope so with all my heart.

 

 

 

Thanks for this advice. Yes, I need to be more prepared and take healthy things with me to work, etc. A big problem is not being prepared and having nothing with me - then getting hungry at work. My office is right by a mall with McDonald's, KFC...every junk food joint you can imagine, all within a few hundred yards. Then, in the office itself, there are donuts, cakes, etc, everywhere. What an unhealthy office we are - as I type this, the guy right next to me is munching his way through a HUGE bag of pork scratchings! There has to be 5000 calories in that bag alone...and he is making short work of it!

 

If I have healthy things with me, fruit, healthy organic food, etc as you say, then I will be much better placed to avoid bad temptations! As for alcohol, well not sure I will give it up completely, but I definitely want to avoid it on weekdays from now on (none for past two nights), and monitor it more carefully at weekends.

 

Thank you and keep posting - please don't ignore my posts!

 

Such a sweet post you sure are a gentleman;) who am i to judge your situation or have an opinion when only you walk your shoes, but anyway I will say something since I can;) maybe you do follow your heart only you know if true love was\is involved in one of the relationships, i just think you beeing happy Will also benefit your children, in the short run and in the long run'.""you have got so much to give it Will be one lucky woman the One that gets all your heart, but first of all think about yourself do what feels right deep down? i also hope you Are on the right path but if not its never too late to change? as you can see probably im all for heart over mind;) I think that's the wisest thing, but actually if you think very carefully those two don't contradict, enough from me? all the best to you:)

[jenkins95]

Jenkins, we have been on same threads numerous times and I think I have a bit of understanding of your previous affair.

 

I think you need to deal with the feelings of loss of the A and the fact that you are not going to have that passion and newness in your marriage unless you change and work with your wife to change.

I had a similar realization and it took a while to get over the loss of the A. You have to grieve and feel as if you lost a girlfriend to be able to move past it. You can't sweep those feelings under the rug!

 

In my case I actually went the other direction and started playing sports and working out, And lost weight.

 

What worked for me is intermittent fasting. You should look into it. Very effective and can stop you from bing eating.

Also start walking and moving. Get a Fitbit and start walking or biking with your wife or kids after dinner. Start slow and then extend by 15 or 30 minutes every week.

Your affair memories, self confidence, and your physical shape is not going to change overnight. But if you start and continue it will get there!

 

 

Thanks for this Confused, and for your support on other threads. Yes, i think we are very alike and for us recovery is a battle on multiple fronts, including letting go of the OW and the A. I am working it through in my mind and am moving gradually in the right direction - but with lots of peaks and troughs along the way. My wife and I are gradually finding new common interests to pursue together to help us bond. Before the A, we had become robotic - work, look after kids, eat, sleep, occasional rushed sex - rinse and repeat. Must not fall into that rut again. I hope your recovery is going well too?

 

Very interesting what you and Sabella say about intermittent fasting. I will definitely look into this. I will get searching and would also welcome any useful links that you may be able to post.

[Noideanow]

Reading what you write helps reminding me that i Got to get the nice shoes on and out looking at whats out there;) Then he Can have fun with his family:cool: and i stop beeing foolishly dreaming:) offcource everybody and Every situation is different and some do really love each other but what you write still is a reminder to go out get on livin' cheers:cool:

[Sabella]

Thanks for this Confused, and for your support on other threads. Yes, i think we are very alike and for us recovery is a battle on multiple fronts, including letting go of the OW and the A. I am working it through in my mind and am moving gradually in the right direction - but with lots of peaks and troughs along the way. My wife and I are gradually finding new common interests to pursue together to help us bond. Before the A, we had become robotic - work, look after kids, eat, sleep, occasional rushed sex - rinse and repeat. Must not fall into that rut again. I hope your recovery is going well too?

 

Very interesting what you and Sabella say about intermittent fasting. I will definitely look into this. I will get searching and would also welcome any useful links that you may be able to post.

 

Maybe in terms of exercise, you can find a fun activity with your wife to help you bond even more? Maybe kayak? Or you two could look into meetup groups for hiking excursions? I think that would be an awesome way to get in some exercise and connect in a new way with your wife.

 

As for the intermittant fasting, someone posted a link to our thread already. Its in the health and fitness section here anyways. There are so many styles, its a fun google search and research project for you to look into. Would help focus those fun addictive tendancies in a new direction, lol, thats how I found it I've focused on Eat Stop Eat (website and book) and the Wild diet.... all focused a bit on Paleo dieting to a degree. Cutting out processed food and fast food is a huge step in the process. I totally agree that being prepared with proper snacks and beverages is a huge help. If you are in the car a lot, pack an ice chest with healthy food.

 

For fitness watches...omg another rabbit hole to fall into. I have a Garmin vivofit, but Fitbit makes great products too. Garmin's app for your phone isn't as good as Fitbit from what I hear and I already have device envy and I'm looking at the fitbit surge. There are lots of reviews on several brands online, I think it will be easy to find a good tracker that way, more tailored to what you want to do.

 

Big hugs J, you are doing just fine! You got this buddy

[66Charger]

Once you start distance walking, bring a camera. You see interesting things when walking. Some things you see.may sadden you and.some may give you Hope. Save it and.date it. You may pass the same stores/people over and over again. Say hello. Share your pictures with the wife and she may want to join you.

 

And Hamish, you need.to take Jenkins up on the offer. Get.yourself a set of shoes and some earphones and post. Dont ignore us. Its time for you to look in the mirror and.stop your poor me, nothing looks good in the future, crap. You might be working soon? Start walking now! Dont be showing up to your new job feeling weak. Make.sure every time your family sees.you, you have lost weight and.feel stronger. Starting the moment you read this.

 

Pay it forward Jenkins. Get this guy on your journey. It would be interesting to see you two go head to head with your stats.

 

Almost 2 thousand have viewed so far. Everyone is watching you. Post your stats, 1'week from "dday"

[Moxie Lady]

Could anyone recommend a specific pedometer, fitbit, etc that has worked well for them? It's all new to me and i'm not sure where to start looking. I'm very much a "gadget lover" kind of guy, so something with lots of different features that I can play around with could be great fun!

 

Ihave a fitbit charge and love it. My brother had a Garmin and ended up switching to fitbit because the phone/computer interface was so much better on the fitbit.

 

I started out with a fitbit charge HR (stands for heart rate) but ended up downgrading to the fitbit charge (same features without the heart rate measurement) because the watch was too bulky (but Im female) and because the HR measurements were inaccurate (this is something that has been corroborated by many others if you do a google search, I don't know if they have improved it as this was about a year ago).

 

Since then they have come out with the surge and the blaze: both have heart rate monitors. Also the alta, which looks to be similar to the surge in terms of features but is slimmer design.

[Moxie Lady]

Apart from anything else, i think I may be experiencing the early signs of type 2 diabetes - lots of passing urine, raging thirst, feeling light headed, shivery and faint. I think a trip to the docs is well overdue - will report back!

 

This is worrisome jenkins. These arent signs of early diabetes, they are signs of full-blown uncontrolled diabetes.

 

I like the challenges that you have been given but I urge you to please get your blood glucose under control before you push it very hard physically. Doing too much in that condition puts you at very high risk of dehydration and other not very nice things.

[gonnadropthemic]

Maybe in terms of exercise, you can find a fun activity with your wife to help you bond even more? Maybe kayak? Or you two could look into meetup groups for hiking excursions? I think that would be an awesome way to get in some exercise and connect in a new way with your wife.

 

I do not know much of your story as I haven't been on here long. But the first thing that popped into my mind (knowing you had an affair and are struggling) was that you should be doing this with your wife. (working out) If that is possible.

 

Years ago my husband and I fell into a horrible slump bc he had a back surgery. It was awful. He got depressed, gained a lot of weight bc of being somewhat couch ridden and stuff. Well we ended up getting this dog. And you have to walk dogs all the time. So we started taking evening walks together with this dog and it really bonded us back together and brought us out of the slump. We continued the walks without the dog at times and just us and it was nice.

 

You sound depressed and that is understandable with what you have been going through. I'm assuming you are reconciling with your wife? so i hope the following isn't out of line... but why not take daily walks or start a slow excercise routine WITH your wife? I only say this bc one time my husband started hard core working out once and it was a trigger to me that he was having an affair. So i say this to you to protect your wife... if you start getting all in shape and stuff, is this going to trigger her? (unless she didn't know about the affair) I say include her or at least give her an opportunity to be a part of this with you. It could be a great bonding experience and sometimes just a simple walk around the block, talking, holding hands can do soooooo much for getting that closeness back.

plus working out will help you feel better and not so depressed.

 

I'll have to read your posts to get your story. I'm not sure if you are sad bc you want your OW still or are sad that you hurt your wife. or both.

 

Either way, I suggest including your wife in this as much as possible. It will help you both.

 

I had a 3 mos affair on my husband years ago and the recovery was so hard. I understand the pain you are going through. I loved my mm and was going to leave my husband for him but chose not too. I wanted to do it right. Divorce my husband and do it the right way. The first year after Dday was rough.... but I through myself all back into my marriage knowing i broke my husbands heart and wanted to fix it. We did everything together. Going to the store, walks... etc. We did the Mort Fertel program (highly recommend)

 

It took me about 2 years to truly get past my MM. i still think about him often and go through all the what ifs. But now, I realize that while I was head over heels in love with my MM years ago, I don't love him now. I like him and care for him, but that's it. The love and those other feelings have vanished. It took about a year or so for that to kick in. And when it did it was a WOW moment and I was so grateful I didn't leave my husband. And I was so close to moving in with this MM.

 

so be gentle on yourself. It does take time. Instead of focusing on self guilt and stuff, put the efforts in to your wife and marriage. and it's ok to feel this way. totally ok. and know it takes time... hell my 3 mos affair took me 2 years to get past. So I know that even though you are feeling at your lowest of the lows, it WILL get better- with time. And not days or weeks. Could be months to years.

 

And I used to be the person who eats their feelings away until I watched that movie 7. Ya, never again! Something about Gluttony being a sin really makes me sick. Yikes!

 

Either way, Jenkins, I will be rooting for you!!!! you can do this!

[66Charger]

This is worrisome jenkins. These arent signs of early diabetes, they are signs of full-blown uncontrolled diabetes.

 

I like the challenges that you have been given but I urge you to please get your blood glucose under control before you push it very hard physically. Doing too much in that condition puts you at very high risk of dehydration and other not very nice things.

 

Listen to what people are.telling you. Have you gone to see your doctor yet?