First Love Ex Wants Me Back

[Gemini_jo]

After 2 years of not being together, she has come back.

 

I have not dated anyone since her and have made significant improvements to my lifestyle. However, I'm still not the best version of myself as I am working on that everyday.

 

We met up for dinner, she then came over. We kissed, we cried, we held each other, we made love, she stayed over.

 

This was Monday.

 

I saw her again last night, it was just as special.

 

I don't trust her 100% fully yet and she knows that and said she will wait for me. I want her and I love her. She said that she's all mine and she has apologized for everything she has done.

 

Someone tell me what is going on is okay?

[PegNosePete]

she has apologized for everything she has done.

What has she done?

[Zahara]

Is this the one that was cheating, left you for another guy and I believe you said she used you for sex?

[Gemini_jo]

She left me because I used to smoke weed every single day like 6 times a day back in college. And this became toxic to our relationship and so I lied about it. We were young, immature.

 

And I was extremely needy and begging and that pushed her into the arms of another guy.

 

What she did was disappeared from me, tried to get a restraining order unneccesarily, led me on, had sex with me while she was dating new said guy (I didn't know), publicly displayed all this affection on facebook to get back at me. A bunch of manipulative things.

 

We have talked about everything and she seems extremely sincere. She has even talked with my mother again. Everything she is saying, doing, is loving caring and not wanting to lose me again.

Edited July 6, 2016 by Gemini_jo

[Wheremyheartis]

What has she done to improve herself?

 

 

 

What she did was disappeared from me, tried to get a restraining order unneccesarily, led me on, had sex with me while she was dating new said guy (I didn't know), publicly displayed all this affection on facebook to get back at me. A bunch of manipulative things.

 

 

She used you, tried to get a false restraining order against you and tried to purposely hurt you emotionally. This doesn't sound like someone who has your best interests at heart.

 

How do you know her intentions are genuine? What is different now with her then back then? She could be feeling lonely? Sad? Even if she truly wants to be with you, if she hasn't made any positive changes in her life like it seems like you have been doing. This will only be much more of the same.

[Gemini_jo]

What has she done to improve herself?

 

How do you know her intentions are genuine? What is different now with her then back then? She could be feeling lonely? Sad? Even if she truly wants to be with you, if she hasn't made any positive changes in her life like it seems like you have been doing. This will only be much more of the same.

 

 

She graduated college, landed a job, is losing weight, and has become a more open minded individual. She no longer tries to be an outgoing extrovert as she has accepted herself for the introvert she is.

 

I believe she is genuine because she called my mother (who used to love her, but turned to not like her after what she did to me) and they talked for 45 minutes about my ex’s intentions. She told my mother if I asked her to marry her today, she would say yes.

 

I believe she is genuine and different because of the way she speaks to me. She does not judge like she used to. She knows that she truly loves me and she believes I am her soul mate. I tell her I don’t know if I want her and she told me to take all the time in the world to regain her trust again.

 

Let me add: she said her biggest regret in life is letting me go and that she will never let me go again.

Edited July 6, 2016 by Gemini_jo

[gaig]

So, you've been 2 years NC before reaching out?

[Gemini_jo]

No contact as in we have not talked to each other. Yes.

 

I had emailed her several times to no response.

 

It had been 6 months since the last email I had sent her (which was a drunken night I love you message) before I just congratulated her on graduating and she happily reciprocated a response - I only facebooked her when I realized she unblocked me and was no longer with her ex boyfriend.

Edited July 6, 2016 by Gemini_jo

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Not wanting to burst your bubble that sounds a little fishy to me.

People do make mistakes but I would say go on a couple of dates and see how she acts. Inspect every little details don't jump in blindly. I don't know what your love was I only see she was feeling bad that you smoked weed but that may have been her way of forcing you to stop.

 

You are already in deep if you love her still so thread carefully though! You risk burning yourself. Smoking weed so much is not nice and its amazing that you stopped and rectified that fact about you. She had the right to leave but not do the rest of the stuff.

Calling your mother is not a stepping stone because she knew your mother likes her in the first place. She may have used that as an advantage to have one more supportive opinion from a close person to you.

 

Play your cards out, don't rush, go on dates, carefully watch her moves and decisions and decide for yourself.

[PegNosePete]

What she did was disappeared from me, tried to get a restraining order unneccesarily, led me on, had sex with me while she was dating new said guy (I didn't know), publicly displayed all this affection on facebook to get back at me. A bunch of manipulative things.

Jeeze... if someone did that to me I would never talk to them again.

 

Where is your self respect man??

[Gemini_jo]

Not wanting to burst your bubble that sounds a little fishy to me.

People do make mistakes but I would say go on a couple of dates and see how she acts. Inspect every little details don't jump in blindly. I don't know what your love was I only see she was feeling bad that you smoked weed but that may have been her way of forcing you to stop.

 

You are already in deep if you love her still so thread carefully though! You risk burning yourself. Smoking weed so much is not nice and its amazing that you stopped and rectified that fact about you. She had the right to leave but not do the rest of the stuff.

Calling your mother is not a stepping stone because she knew your mother likes her in the first place. She may have used that as an advantage to have one more supportive opinion from a close person to you.

 

Play your cards out, don't rush, go on dates, carefully watch her moves and decisions and decide for yourself.

 

 

It sounds fishy to me too. I do love her, always have. I've wanted her for so long and now that she is finally her giving herself to me I don't know.

 

She has grown up a ton, it's obvious in the way we communicate now. I am going to go on dates with her and see. Trust isn't going to be established in only a few days, but I think this has the chance to work out.

[SevenCity]

I'm currently going through a breakup so take my advice with a grain of salt. There are some things that I can't forgive.

 

You have to take yourself out of the situation and read all the stuff you wrote as if it were a stranger. What advice would you give him?

 

Another question. If this was a guy friend who did this to you would you forgive him? Women have a strange power over us when we fall in love and it causes us to not think logically.

 

Just remember, all the progress you have made this far will be thrown out if you give it another try and it doesn't work out.

 

We all have felt that this girl is the best ever but after years of healing you can see them for what they are.

 

I wish you the best dude.

[Gemini_jo]

Jeeze... if someone did that to me I would never talk to them again.

 

Where is your self respect man??

 

I believe in second chances and forgiveness. And I believe in love.

 

I agree, I deserve better. But I'm willing to give her a chance if she can prove to me she is worthy now.

[Gemini_jo]

There are some things that I can't forgive.

 

How do some people forgive cheating?

 

Just remember, all the progress you have made this far will be thrown out if you give it another try and it doesn't work out.

 

This is my biggest fear.

 

Another question. If this was a guy friend who did this to you would you forgive him? Women have a strange power over us when we fall in love and it causes us to not think logically.

 

If this was my best guy friend ever, I might be able to reconnect but I'm not sure it would ever be the same. But this is love we're talking about here, so I'm not sure we can make the same comparison.

[SevenCity]

How do some people forgive cheating?

 

 

 

This is my biggest fear.

 

 

 

If this was my best guy friend ever, I might be able to reconnect but I'm not sure it would ever be the same. But this is love we're talking about here, so I'm not sure we can make the same comparison.

 

I know what you mean when you say it's love. Love is your emotions running the show. All I want to point out is the logical side of your brain is not the one calling the shots.

 

I've had 2 other breakups in my life which devastated me and am going through #3 right now. I still have not completely gotten over those other two (nor will I ever) but I was able to move on with my life and open myself up to be hurt again (which I'm wondering if it was the smartest idea now that I'm in it).

 

I've had many relationships that didn't work out (some longer) and was not as hurt and got over them much quicker. But the ones where I was truly in love caused irreparable damage that still have an impact to this day.

 

That said, I am glad the first two are over and would never even consider going back because of the people they were. They were selfish and didn't love me the way I loved them. It hurts, but I realized a long time ago I am better off without them in my life.

 

I am not passing judgment on you nor am I offering a magic solution. I just ask you look at this objectively and don't base your sections solely on emotions. I've learned in my life those decisions tend to be the worst.