SeanDylan Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 Hi. Going through a divorce after 19 years together. We have children. So life is not simple. My wife has accused me of cheating our entire marriage. This is not true. Yet I am carrying the burden of guilt, and shame. Over the weekend our eldest who has drug and mental health issues ran away, he is 17. Right now I am having a hard time. I am balancing some health issues, three jobs and an emotional tidal wave which is starting to drown me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 I know it may not seem like it, but you can plow through this. You'll be surprised at your capacity to take a beating or three and emerge through it in one piece. Right now you need to prioritize. Number one is taking care of you. Get whatever medical care you need. Eat right, drink water instead of booze (if that's a weakness of yours; it sure can be one of mine), and exercise. Rest your mind when you can. You may want to cut back on the jobs if you can. The higher income may just wind up hurting you when it comes to possible child support and alimony, and it doesn't sound like that kind of effort is sustainable, anyways. Number two is your son. I hope he's okay and safe. Look into treatment or other intervention, and you may need to seek out the experts to learn what options are available. Our kids can break our hearts, and mine goes out to you. Number three is taking care of the divorce business. Let your attorney handle the details, follow his or her advice, and don't be tempted to use them as a counselor. They'll be happy to let you rant, but it'll cost you plenty. Treat it strictly as a business matter, because at this point that's all it is. What you don't want to give a moment's thought to is what your wife thinks or says about you. Of course it's all going to be negative and largely false; that's the way it goes. BUT if she has a point, consider it and work to correct it. That's a part of taking care of you. Godspeed, brother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeanDylan Posted July 6, 2016 Author Share Posted July 6, 2016 Thank You. Today is a low day for me. Too many mistakes. Trying to get my head above water. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 Thank You. Today is a low day for me. Too many mistakes. Trying to get my head above water. They don't call it a rollercoaster for nuthin'. Keep posting and hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 You'll get through this. It will not be easy, but you will get through it. Eat, drink water, sleep when you can. Keep posting. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeanDylan Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 Eldest son is maintaining contact through FB chat. Refuses to tell us where he is. Wanted us to send his picture ID and social security card with his gf to him in CA. Since he is a minor we said no. Waiting for his reaction. Today is enotionally and professionally stressful. I need a break, working second job tonight so no chance of rest until tomorrow when I get our other kids for the weekend. Venting sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Hey Sean, just for context, and maybe get you better or at least more tailored advice, who filed for the divorce and why (your wife because she thought you were cheating? Other?) and what has taken place wrt the divorce so far? How long have you been married? And I have to ask: did you cheat? Has she? Sorry about your boy. I hope he's safe and everything works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Share everything with the authorities. Keep him calm and tell him you love him. I have been through this myself. In the middle of my divorce my oldest child attempted to kill herself. My daughter blamed herself for her step mom running off with another man. Its a horrible thing to go through but you need to stand strong for yourself and your children. You will be the reason they make it through it. I am sorry your going through this. C Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeanDylan Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 Gorilla: I understand she is filing and it is as no fault. Did I cheat? I have not had sex with another woman or physical contact with one since I started with my wife. I am guilty of what she has termed emotional affairs. There was no intent for more than friendship. However up until a brief moment in therapy we had late last year when she looked at me and acknowledged I was not looking for sex but friendship, and actually understood it. We were both abused as children. She has wanted to not be with me it feels no matter whether things were good or bad. It is complicated and she has admitted to looking for sex outside our marriage up until 8 years ago with others. If she ever did or not, I never asked and will assume not. Last year when she dumped me said we were divorcing and threw me out of the house I had a brief online with a lady. I ended up hurting her. Shortly after soon to be ex and I reconciled. This year i was dumped in March and the week before Memorial Day my kids told me she was talking to a guy I knew and he is an old ex bf and she talked about the sex previously to us with him. Memorial Day weekend I took off my ring. And by chance started talking to someone who up until a few days ago was my daily friend. She is now not talking to me which leads me to the conclusion I am a problem and should be single going forward. Now I am a drift, lonely as hell and afraid to talk to womdn, so glad you are a guy. So too much information? Link to post Share on other sites
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