? Boyfriends parents are INSANE

[unicorns2000]

Hi, I wanted to post this as a anon... Me and my boyfriend are both 16. I met him in the 7th grade, and we started going out July 9th 2013. So for 3 whole years I've been dealing with this really strange situation. When we first started going out things were great, well at least compared to how they became... I found out a little before he asked me out that he has two dads, which does not bother me at all. My birthday party was a few days after or before, (July 4th) so I invited him. His parents said he couldn't go because they go away every weekend. I thought nothing of that, it seemed pretty innocent and I didn't really know anything yet at the time so I brushed it off. After a month of dating, his dads kept calling my moms phone and at first they seemed very over protective. I thought it was normal because my mom is also over protective of me. Anyways this is where things start getting weird... His dads had already revealed to my mom that they tracked their son and read all of his messages , so we were well aware. When he messaged me on FB sometimes it would say read with no response, again I thought nothing of it. As me and my bf got closer they seemed to get crazier.. When I texted him sometimes I would get a rude response that sounded nothing like him. And also it was written in the same texting style as his dad. Many of those times my bf told me it was them who had messaged me and not him. We broke up for the first time due to his parents. They randomly claimed he was "too young to have a gf and too emotional" . Fair enough. So throughout the year me and my bf had to sneak to be together and towards the end of the year my mom and one of his dads (the real crazy one) had a huge fight, because she was sick of how he was treating me. So we broke up again. And again, because of his parents. One of the last months of the first year his parents sent a contract that they had made for me and my bf, and my mom to sign saying to agree to things like we were "not allowed to go walk next to each other in the hall" and "no interactions". My bf refused and so did my mom. Because it was ridiculous. As is this whole thing!

2nd Year: More fights mostly due to parents , I began to (try) and ask them why they were doing this, and why I couldn't just talk to him. They got worse though. They blocked my number on his phone, blocked me on his FB, and every other account that they had said they had the password to. It became a struggle to have simple conversations, and seeing my bf happened only about 2 times a month. I found out some things about his past, and that apparent I was not the only one they were doing this too. They also will not let him see many of his family members as well, some for no apparent reason. They flipped when they found out I had contact with his biological mother, (who messaged me first) as well as his grandmother. They even wont let him see his younger brother. They also make many excuses.

This year is basically the same, they've already unraveled all of their true colors and now I only talk to him about once a month and see him every 2 months (one time when we can sneak). I ended up having a verbal fight with the really crazy dad, and things are just getting worse and worse. Sorry for the long post needed to get this drama off my chest!

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, a couple questions before I give my thoughts:

 

Have you met either of his dads in person?

 

You say you and your mother have both argued with them. Did these arguments take place over the phone, by text, or..?

[TMichaels]

OP, next time you post could you please break it up into paragraphs?

 

Trying to read and follow a wall of text requires too much time and concentration for most who read discussion boards which will mean few/er people will respond.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[xxoo]

I'm sorry, they really do sound insane :/

 

Ok, I do agree that, in 7th grade, there was reason to be concerned. This is too young, imo, to be in a deep, emotional dating relationship. But their over-the-top response only drove you two closer together. Tale as old as time. Have they never read Romeo and Juliet??? Now that you are 16 and old enough to date properly, they have really created a pickle for themselves.

 

Rule #1: his family is HIS problem. Do not interact with his fathers. You can not control your mother, but you can control you. Just refuse, politely excuse yourself if confronted, and leave the situation. Rise above.

 

Rule #2: do not ask your boyfriend to break rules for you. I understand that he is obviously breaking his fathers' rules by speaking to you, but you should not be asking him to do so. Be a good influence. Do not give them ammunition.

 

Rule #3: keep your chin up. There are some crazy people out there, and some of them are parents to your peers. Don't let anyone's characterization of you drag you down. Rise above, and be your best self. Talk to your mom for support. Tell her if you need help (if you're feeling depressed, etc), but also tell her if you are handling it ok. I'm sure she's very worried about the effect this is all having on you.