You don't want kids, but would you have a baby not to lose the love of your life?

[Clockwork]

Let's put it this way.............babies don't exactly smooth things over in a marriage. If you had problems before, children will magnify it. If you had a great foundation built, you will get through any stress children will cause.

 

 

Look, when someone is 20 and says "I never want kids" you laugh at them because chances are they change their mind. If a person is 35 and says it, they almost certainly mean it. You aren't alone, the birthrate in the United States alone is 1.7 children per family. In other words, we aren't even replacing ourselves. So there are going to be a lot of 40 and 50 and 60 year old couples - or single people - from this generation that are childless.

 

 

Myself, I have three children and might go for a 4th. I am glad we did and if anyone asks I would say that nothing brings you more joy or pride than that. However, if a person has a built in opinion that they don't want kids well into their 30s they know better than me, and you should have the same goals as the person you are with. Children are game changers for sure so you'd better be on the same page.

[Els]

I don't think you should have a child if you are against having children, no matter what. Having a child is a genuinely lifelong commitment, whereas not all 'true loves' even last that long. You might end up divorced AND with a child - the worst case scenario for you. Also, of course, it's unfair to the child to do so.

 

That being said, if you're on the fence and could go either way then it would be a more complicated thing, but it doesn't sound like you are.

 

Why don't you think you could find a man who doesn't want kids? AFAIK there are more men in that category than women.

[Mrin]

NOPE...kids don't help a marriage

 

This. Kids are amazingly disruptive on a marriage

[TunaCat]

I do not want kids. No matter what, I do not have the desire to be a parent. He would not be the love of my life if he were to want kids.

[Dolfin80]

im pretty sure no one on the planet would have a kid when they don't want one. Having a kid cause someone else wanted one is obsurd. Insanity at its finest.

[BettyDraper]

This. Kids are amazingly disruptive on a marriage

 

I don't understand why parents love to pretend that children are always a blessing for this reason.

 

It's been proven that childfree marriages are often happier:

 

The secret of a happy marriage? Don't have children... - Independent.ie

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/complete-without-kids/201103/fact-or-fiction-childfree-couples-are-happier-couples-kids

 

Children do bond a couple but not without a heavy cost to their relationship.

[basil67]

Hopeful30, your friend is wrong to take his partner's view on kids personally. Her not wanting to have kids is not about him.

 

As for my experience? When I met my now husband, he told me that one of the reasons he broke up with his ex was because she didn't want kids. I was 24 when he and I met and didn't want kids either. Armed with this information about him, I knew I had to make a choice - if I was to stay with him, I would have to reconsider my position on children.

 

My change of mind didn't happen immediately. At first, I simply opened my mind to the idea that I'd have to give it more thought. The changing of mind was a gradual process, aided by how well our relationship was going and what a good father he'd be. By the time we decided to try for kids four years later, I knew it was the right choice. And I have no regrets. Despite the challenges we've faced with parenting (our son is autistic), I know I made the right decision for myself.