Not sure whether to get him back anymore

[noidea1123]

I met my ex 14 years ago. We were high school sweethearts for 3 years. Since I broke it off we have remained in constant contact the last 11 years. We didn't speak or meet often as his partner at the time were not happy with it obviously but he kept wanting us to stay in contact. Only as friends.

We are now both single and have been so many mixed messages from him I am scared to proceed basically. I have recently fallen for him all over again.

I moved to Oz for a year and he has recently during this time let me know he felt i ignored him and never tried to contact him (even though he could have contacted me) but he seems to be really hurt by it.

We have spoken of getting together about a year ago but since then he has told me he will not tell his family (who I still speak t on occasion) that we talk as he doesn't want to answer any questions until I found out(from his family) they know we talk and have told me he talks very highly of me and also shares my work accomplishments with them!

I am the one that has to now initiate contact all the time, but if i go away and don't say he doesn't like it. He has initiated us meeting up though (not a booty call) But I feel he is not giving me enough signals to let me know he even wants to try again anymore even if thats what i had previously thought. He behaviour is so conflicting but I don't know if I should base his non interest solely on the fact that I call him mostly. He has never ignored my call or messages and lets me know if he is not available but maybe I am overthinking it because the textbook says the guy should always contact you. I am just not convinced he is interested anymore

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Sounds to me that 11 years are way too much to keep contact with someone I think something is bound to happen either good or bad.

 

If you are scared to proceed and you are unsure its good to take risks but I would advise you to just let him know of that. Since you already had an open conversation about getting back together I guess the time for subtle hints is over. What about saying something of the sort "I think you are uncertain you want us to be together and I am feeling mixed vibes here. If you want to meet up we should talk about it as I don't want to get my hopes up for something you don't plan on following up."

 

This is just a recommendation its better you say something of the sort with your own words but if he already wants to meet up, you are both single, you started having feelings for him I say go. See what he has to say determine his decision and what he plans for you, if that is right by you and your desires. If not you were apart for 11 years you survived so you can do 11 more if needed to wait for something better right.

[elaine567]

Ok ,but this seems decidedly one sided to me.

He may be single but he may be still hung up on his ex or he has his eye on someone else.

YOU initiate all the time, he wants to keep you a secret from his family, he is sending conflicting mixed signals - it doesn't really sound like he is interested in you any longer.

 

BUT as you are hung up on him, then you need to play this out for your own sanity, this has gone on for long enough.

Arrange to meet him.

Good or bad you will have an answer.

[SevenCity]

He has never ignored my call or messages and lets me know if he is not available but maybe I am overthinking it because the textbook says the guy should always contact you. I am just not convinced he is interested anymore

 

Time to throw away that book and act like an adult. The only way to end this madness is to get a strait answer out of him. You broke it off - why? Is it possible he is scared of getting hurt?

 

Just do it. Worst case you get an answer you don't want to hear and move on.

[noidea1123]

Sounds to me that 11 years are way too much to keep contact with someone I think something is bound to happen either good or bad.

 

If you are scared to proceed and you are unsure its good to take risks but I would advise you to just let him know of that. Since you already had an open conversation about getting back together I guess the time for subtle hints is over. What about saying something of the sort "I think you are uncertain you want us to be together and I am feeling mixed vibes here. If you want to meet up we should talk about it as I don't want to get my hopes up for something you don't plan on following up."

 

This is just a recommendation its better you say something of the sort with your own words but if he already wants to meet up, you are both single, you started having feelings for him I say go. See what he has to say determine his decision and what he plans for you, if that is right by you and your desires. If not you were apart for 11 years you survived so you can do 11 more if needed to wait for something better right.

 

Thanks This is definitely something I need to be doing. After re reading what I wrote 11 yrs really it a really long time to have an ex still so much in my life.

[noidea1123]

Time to throw away that book and act like an adult. The only way to end this madness is to get a strait answer out of him. You broke it off - why? Is it possible he is scared of getting hurt?

 

Just do it. Worst case you get an answer you don't want to hear and move on.

 

 

So true thanks! Him being hurt again should make so much sense, I know I would be if it was the other way around. You spend so much time in your own head and especially in these situations it really isn't as straight forward as everyone has been hurt or is feeling unsure for some reason or other!

11 years going back and forth...I think it is time we stop that!

[gaig]

I have recently fallen for him all over again.

 

Isn't that enough? Meet the guy, read between his words/hints/vibes/body language and if you see a crack there, make your confession.

 

It would be amazing if he is sharing the same feelings, it would be a redemption if not and you'll finally have closure.

 

Go for it