Would most girls/women be put off by a 23 year old who has never been on a date ?

[steenknight]

23 years old, never been kissed or have gone on a date. I'm trying to change things around - hopefully sometime this year I can get a date. It's been difficult for me, I've always been really bad with girls. I honestly don't know what people do on dates or whatever, would a girl my age be put off by this ?

[smackie9]

A cougar would probably have fun with you.....go find yourself an older lady that is looking for young and hungry.

[Grewd]

Honesty is a good policy, just bring it up on a date. Only thing I'd advise you to in addition is to try to ease your anxiety about it. If you can just be cool and calm about it I think it'll be fine. If they're cool it won't be a problem, if they seem to have a problem with such they're probably not something you'd really want. Bringing this up is a good way to filter out judgemental women.

[normal person]

23 years old, never been kissed or have gone on a date. I'm trying to change things around - hopefully sometime this year I can get a date. It's been difficult for me, I've always been really bad with girls. I honestly don't know what people do on dates or whatever, would a girl my age be put off by this ?

 

Not put off directly, it's not like she'd be taking your virginity or anything, if anything she'd be more perplexed by the circumstances of why you hadn't done anything like that before, and the implications of it. She'd probably think, "That's a little strange, I wonder why he hasn't just sat down and eaten dinner with a girl before. What could be wrong with him?"

 

She also might be put off if you're awkward, uncomfortable, and making it all into a bigger deal than it should be. It's just two people hanging out and talking. If you make it seem like it's some sort of ceremonial rite of passage for you rather than just another casual date, then it's bound to make her uncomfortable and turned off.

 

I don't think there's any reason to disclose the information. It probably won't help your case in any way. If you come off as socially inept, it doesn't matter if you've dated before or not. But if you don't come off that way, there's no sense in telling her you've never done it before either because that still might make her wonder what the reason is and what could be wrong with you. Her ignorance will be your ally, I think.

[JuneJulySeptember]

23 years old, never been kissed or have gone on a date. I'm trying to change things around - hopefully sometime this year I can get a date. It's been difficult for me, I've always been really bad with girls. I honestly don't know what people do on dates or whatever, would a girl my age be put off by this ?

 

In short, yes.

 

MOST women would be put off by a 23 year old who had never had sex/relationship because the reasons why you haven't are likely still there (lack of looks, height, social prowess, swag, etc).

 

However, MOST women are not ALL women. And that is key.

[Els]

What? No! 23 is so young.

[ZA Dater]

Well I think some of the replies thus far have been interesting. For me if I were you I wouldn't get too hung up on the fact you haven't dated. Yes, this will be abundantly clear to any potential date, how they choose to perceive this is really up to them, you cant really change their perceptions of you other than to give a positive impression in terms of communication skills.

 

I'd like to believe ladies would give you a chance but the reality is many are supremely judgemental and inexperience unfortunately, in my experience anyway is a massive red light.

 

You are young enough to fix this though!

[PogoStick]

In your case, the best thing to do is go on as many dates as possible for one year and not care about the outcome. Your goal is NOT to get a girl friend. Your goal is to get experience dating and socializing.

[steenknight]

Not put off directly, it's not like she'd be taking your virginity or anything, if anything she'd be more perplexed by the circumstances of why you hadn't done anything like that before, and the implications of it. She'd probably think, "That's a little strange, I wonder why he hasn't just sat down and eaten dinner with a girl before. What could be wrong with him?"

 

She also might be put off if you're awkward, uncomfortable, and making it all into a bigger deal than it should be. It's just two people hanging out and talking. If you make it seem like it's some sort of ceremonial rite of passage for you rather than just another casual date, then it's bound to make her uncomfortable and turned off.

 

I don't think there's any reason to disclose the information. It probably won't help your case in any way. If you come off as socially inept, it doesn't matter if you've dated before or not. But if you don't come off that way, there's no sense in telling her you've never done it before either because that still might make her wonder what the reason is and what could be wrong with you. Her ignorance will be your ally, I think.

 

I've recently made changes in my life, I was socially inept in the past, however I've made significant strides and have become more socially intelligent. When people talk to me, they actually get shocked when I tell them 'I've never dated before'. It's just the fact that I am inexperienced - thus making it difficult for me to establish romantic intent.

[LookAtThisPOst]

23 years old, never been kissed or have gone on a date. I'm trying to change things around - hopefully sometime this year I can get a date. It's been difficult for me, I've always been really bad with girls. I honestly don't know what people do on dates or whatever, would a girl my age be put off by this ?

 

You know, I'm noticing an upswing in posts by male users in their early 20s having never been on a date, and it's quite puzzling. Is there any reason for this large influx?

 

I have seen an occasional woman post of this issue, but it seems to be even more prominent with the men.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Why would it be puzzling when it's a national trend? It is very hard for shy or awkward guys to get a date when girls want the opposite. Girls, even some in their low 20s do not want a more experienced guy. Few girls post on this issue because they know their answers of no way will upset the guys.

 

 

Another thing is when a girl has a bad experience with an inexperienced guy she will like clockwork blame the inexperience and say never again.

 

Wow, first time poster! :-) Welcome

[normal person]

I've recently made changes in my life, I was socially inept in the past, however I've made significant strides and have become more socially intelligent. When people talk to me, they actually get shocked when I tell them 'I've never dated before'. It's just the fact that I am inexperienced - thus making it difficult for me to establish romantic intent.

 

Well that's good, but even if you're totally capable, she may still wonder what's prevented you from doing it before, so I don't think there's any reason to announce it.

 

As for "establishing romantic intent," you're already taking her out, she knows what's up. You could try and escalate things in small increments, see how she responds, and recalibrate your approach depending on her reactions.

[smackie9]

Practice makes perfect. Ask girls out that don't intimidate you, and just go out on dates for experience to learn their body language, what topics are good to talk about, and to gain experience. You don't have to have the expectation that you ant them to be your GF in order to go out on a date with them. You can just go out to widen your social network, makes a few friends a long the way. In other words, put yourself out there and stop over analyzing everything. Relax and go with the flow.

[GravityMan]

It will probably surprise most women and give them a bit of pause, especially if you have a few characteristics that a lot of women tend to like in men. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that they'll be turned off. Some of them will be put off, others won't.

 

The bigger issue is that you're letting this bother you in the first place. I.E. a lack of self-confidence. That is more likely to put a lot of women off than your lack of dating experience. Most people can smell an insecure person from a mile away, even if they don't know why that person is insecure.

 

Try to stop caring that you've been dateless up 'til 23 years old. Relax and have fun being yourself. And spend lots of time in various social situations (around both women and men), ideally situations where you're relaxed, showing your sense of humor, etc. The point is to put yourself out there, get practice, get experience, build confidence and so on. The people who have plenty of romantic experience at age 23 have done that too while younger (and still do today...it's just a natural and enjoyable part of life for many of them).

[preraph]

Certainly not just because of the age alone. It would depend if the issues that caused this person not to date until 23 (which really isn't that old to start dating) were resolved or not. A woman is put off by fearfulness and being overly awkward, but a little awkwardness can be cute and flattering.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

There are guys that are almost 30 or over that age that are in your situation as well too

[LookAtThisPOst]

There are guys that are almost 30 or over that age that are in your situation as well too

 

What I think happened THERE was that they were 22 23, and usually that's kind of transition point...a "hump" if you will and SNOWBALLED from then on out.

 

It's like if they've reached college-aged, and hadn't had a girlfriend in college, or found a futures spouse, in college, and they graduated without a partner.....it's all, sadly, a dredded uphill battle at that point.

 

I recall being in college, and a lot of my friends and classmates found their future FIRST wives/husbands via that route.

 

College, in a sense, is a MAD dash to find a future sig. other or even spouse, after that, again...future single men tend to struggle and wind up older male inexperienced types.

 

It used to kind of blow my mind seeing these posts here of young men currently IN college, a SERIOUS dating pool to take a dive into, but still struggle? Still be rejected by women. Figured you can keep moving from woman to woman after one rejects you...if you're in college.

Edited July 7, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[preraph]

I wonder if 23 is the sexual peak for a lot of late bloomers or something because you do see that number a lot in panicky men. I wonder if they wake up and it's like EEEEK! I need sex. And yes, the problem is that school years is the natural time to awkward your way through learning how to be with the opposite sex, but not everyone does that. I barely did it myself in those years. Most girls had a steady boyfriend those years. I never really dated until I was just out of high school. I would say I was a late bloomer, but I always had crushes on guys since I was young, though. Hormonally, though, I was a late bloomer.

 

So then at 23, the pool of people to date becomes scarier for inexperienced men and women because the percentage that are on their same experience level is much smaller than in school years.

 

But no one should let that slow them down. Shouldn't be freaking out because some woman has had sex with a few guys and you haven't. Most women wouldn't care about that if the guy wouldn't TELL them. Even with experienced guys, they can have an off night, you know, so the only real "tell" is being too fearful to move forward. That's a sure sign.

 

I didn't think I'd ever been with a virgin and then 30 years later, I reconnected with this guy I liked while he was in college and I was a few years older but not much. We had a nice LDR for about a year. Years later, we had dinner when I found out he'd moved to my same town. He was married and everything. We never had a bad falling out of any type. It was just both of us dating others as well. Anyway, he mentioned that I'd always be special because I was his first. Well, I had no idea. He claims he told me, but it was the '70s. I probably didn't take it seriously, and besides I was seriously inebriated, we all were, and it was 4 in the morning and what I remember most of all is I wish he and his friend would go to sleep so I could sleep. So I had no idea. And now I'm always special

 

For most women, the first time they're with a new guy, the expectations aren't that he'll be crazy good in bed. Sometimes it's enough that they are just sweet and loving, you know. The other stuff will hopefully develop the more you see them.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I never really dated until I was just out of high school.

 

Peraph, good points...I wanted to post on this bullet point as I recall the first time I experienced the oddity of high school freshman girls starting to date.

 

There was this one freshman girl, dated a senior. She wore his letterman jacket, and it kind of boggled my mind on what could a girl that young, what 14,15 years old could find interesting about a 17-year old?

 

Some would say "Maturity" honestly, girls were attracted to the seniors I guess and didn't even sometimes bother dating their awkward, grade-equaled counterparts, (that's just a foot note of this post, mind you.)

 

I just found that dynamic...odd to me. In my freshman year, I couldn't fathom being in a relationship with anyone like this girl was, but apparently...they were together for a while, even when her beau went off to college as she remained in HS.

 

Some people were getting into monogamous relationships and I would hear stories in high school how they've went camping with their hs sweethearts and talked, cryptically, about their shenanigans.

 

KIDS in high school were developing romantic bonds with each other and at that age, I had interests in other things. I was attracted to the girls in HS, but, I guess my priorities were different.

 

There was always this ONE teen-aged pregnancy in our class that resulted. I recall a class mate that got knocked up at 16 and said she wasn't voted into the Student Body Govt. like her older sister as she felt there was a bias against her because of it.

 

I would hear about this "under the school bleachers sex" going on, etc. Crazy for me to fathom at the time.

 

People would look at me and say, "What you've never had a g/f in high school? Why not?" "Never been to the prom? What's wrong with you?!"

 

But no one should let that slow them down. Shouldn't be freaking out because some woman has had sex with a few guys and you haven't. Most women wouldn't care about that if the guy wouldn't TELL them.

 

Good point, though they may think it's great, but they would feel the pressure to please this virgin. Making them self-conscious. Performance anxiety may occur with the already experienced party.

Edited July 7, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[Dark Horse]

It's okay OP, i'm on my way to being your age and not having any success with women either.

 

We should start a Facebook group together and invite all of the 20+ year old male virgins.

[MGX]

What I think happened THERE was that they were 22 23, and usually that's kind of transition point...a "hump" if you will and SNOWBALLED from then on out.

 

It's like if they've reached college-aged, and hadn't had a girlfriend in college, or found a futures spouse, in college, and they graduated without a partner.....it's all, sadly, a dredded uphill battle at that point.

 

I recall being in college, and a lot of my friends and classmates found their future FIRST wives/husbands via that route.

 

College, in a sense, is a MAD dash to find a future sig. other or even spouse, after that, again...future single men tend to struggle and wind up older male inexperienced types.

 

It used to kind of blow my mind seeing these posts here of young men currently IN college, a SERIOUS dating pool to take a dive into, but still struggle? Still be rejected by women. Figured you can keep moving from woman to woman after one rejects you...if you're in college.

 

I wonder if 23 is the sexual peak for a lot of late bloomers or something because you do see that number a lot in panicky men. I wonder if they wake up and it's like EEEEK! I need sex. And yes, the problem is that school years is the natural time to awkward your way through learning how to be with the opposite sex, but not everyone does that. I barely did it myself in those years. Most girls had a steady boyfriend those years. I never really dated until I was just out of high school. I would say I was a late bloomer, but I always had crushes on guys since I was young, though. Hormonally, though, I was a late bloomer.

 

So then at 23, the pool of people to date becomes scarier for inexperienced men and women because the percentage that are on their same experience level is much smaller than in school years.

 

But no one should let that slow them down. Shouldn't be freaking out because some woman has had sex with a few guys and you haven't. Most women wouldn't care about that if the guy wouldn't TELL them. Even with experienced guys, they can have an off night, you know, so the only real "tell" is being too fearful to move forward. That's a sure sign.

 

In a way, I could see why. 23 is when most young graduating college age men will have tried countless times to get a relationship on a campus full of sexually active young adults and repeatedly failing to do so by their graduation year. Now they are entering "the Real World" without the life experience that they should have had. Everyone around them is seen to either have gotten laid at some point or is currently in a relationship. Since they are lacking that experience that everyone else seemingly has, they don't feel human. The failures mount up until they come here, all exasperated and looking for advice.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I didn't even start until 26 because I was busy with college,

 

I could never really get the whole, "I was too busy focusing on college", when in fact I was highly social-able in college, participating in the Student Activities Board and Resident Hall Assoc.

 

It was a blast! Went to conferences even.

 

Or...joining groups associated with your current field of study, to. Did that. Met a lot of people that way and dated.

 

Of course, I was able to get my studies done and the like first, but I don't think I was busy enough to completely not have a life. *shrug*

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

What I think happened THERE was that they were 22 23, and usually that's kind of transition point...a "hump" if you will and SNOWBALLED from then on out.

 

It's like if they've reached college-aged, and hadn't had a girlfriend in college, or found a futures spouse, in college, and they graduated without a partner.....it's all, sadly, a dredded uphill battle at that point.

 

I recall being in college, and a lot of my friends and classmates found their future FIRST wives/husbands via that route.

 

College, in a sense, is a MAD dash to find a future sig. other or even spouse, after that, again...future single men tend to struggle and wind up older male inexperienced types.

 

It used to kind of blow my mind seeing these posts here of young men currently IN college, a SERIOUS dating pool to take a dive into, but still struggle? Still be rejected by women. Figured you can keep moving from woman to woman after one rejects you...if you're in college.

Yeah that makes a lot of sense

[ZA Dater]

In a way, I could see why. 23 is when most young graduating college age men will have tried countless times to get a relationship on a campus full of sexually active young adults and repeatedly failing to do so by their graduation year. Now they are entering "the Real World" without the life experience that they should have had. Everyone around them is seen to either have gotten laid at some point or is currently in a relationship. Since they are lacking that experience that everyone else seemingly has, they don't feel human. The failures mount up until they come here, all exasperated and looking for advice.

 

I'll put my hand up as one of those guys. There also isn't a day where it doesn't cut me like a knife.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Ya, it sucks but it is what it is