steenknight Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I am a 23 year old male, I would consider myself intelligent and funny, most people say these are my strongest attributes. But I've been so unlucky when it comes to relationships, I've not yet kissed a girl or even went on a date with one. I don't know what I am doing wrong, I've tried approaching girls and talking to them, yet I always get shut out and I feel absolutely terrible. Anyone experienced this ? It's so depressing ever experienced a romantic relationship.
Bantosm Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 You need to rely more on one of your strongest attributes-humor. Women love it especially when first meeting them. When approaching women do you get shut out immediately or can you get a conversation going?
normal person Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 We need you to go into more detail. Most people on Earth would describe themselves as "intelligent and funny," just saying that alone is essentially meaningless. What's your personality like, what differentiates you from other people, what do you do for work, how tall are you, how much do you weigh, where are you approaching these girls and under what circumstances, why do you think you've had so much trouble so far, why do you think other people have been so successful while you haven't been, how are you intelligent, how are you funny, etc?
JuneJulySeptember Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 We need you to go into more detail. Most people on Earth would describe themselves as "intelligent and funny," just saying that alone is essentially meaningless. What's your personality like, what differentiates you from other people, what do you do for work, how tall are you, how much do you weigh, where are you approaching these girls and under what circumstances, why do you think you've had so much trouble so far, why do you think other people have been so successful while you haven't been, how are you intelligent, how are you funny, etc? I actually agree with NP for once. Almost everybody on OLD considers themselves funny, intelligent, successful, loyal, and down to Earth. At least 50% throw in good looking. Almost nobody is all of those things. I, am for example, not that smart. I am an engineer and have a degree from a really good school, but many, even most people I would say, are much smarter than me. At the end of the day, I work longer and harder than most people and that allows me to stay afloat. I'm also not that funny. I can make certain crowds laugh, and to a degree humor is subjective, but I can't work bars, parties, or work functions like other people I know can. When it's my turn at work to tell a story or a joke, I often get cut off or even sometimes ignored. I do however have attributes that most other people lack, however very few women would consider those 'sexually attractive' especially off the bat. There comes a point where you make a conscious decision how much you are willing to improve yourself to get others to like you. But I do think it helps to be honest with yourself. And I think dating, especially OLD would work a lot better if people were more honest with themselves. It won't happen though. 1
Recon33 Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 I, am for example, not that smart. I am an engineer and have a degree from a really good school, but many, even most people I would say, are much smarter than me. Don't sell yourself so short. Less than 7% of the world has a college education.
Author steenknight Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 We need you to go into more detail. Most people on Earth would describe themselves as "intelligent and funny," just saying that alone is essentially meaningless. What's your personality like, what differentiates you from other people, what do you do for work, how tall are you, how much do you weigh, where are you approaching these girls and under what circumstances, why do you think you've had so much trouble so far, why do you think other people have been so successful while you haven't been, how are you intelligent, how are you funny, etc? I've suffered from anxiety in the past - only started approaching girls at the age of 22. I would approach girls just about anywhere - like in the library, cafe, outside in the city (London) etc. Before the age of 22 - I would not be able to speak to girls at all. I would consider my personality to be laid back and chill - but also adventurous. I just need to be more assertive. How intelligent --> Academically and recently i've been more socially intelligent. Funny --> Funny in an intelligent way. I've had people tell me I have a witty brand of humour - and I can calibrate the humour depending on the situation.
normal person Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 I've suffered from anxiety in the past - only started approaching girls at the age of 22. I'm one for never "approaching" women. It's such a crapshoot. A losing one, at that. You never know if they have a boyfriend/husband, are busy, or just plain don't want to talk to you. You can probably assume this is the case most of the time. Plus when you do this, you're pretty much announcing the fact that you can't get a woman won't pay any attention to you on your own. If you go into an interaction with an obvious agenda, they'll sniff it out pretty quickly. The better bet is to meet women circumstantially. Out at a bar is much easier, a lot of the time they're there specifically to meet men, or at least are open to the idea. Wait for one of them to talk to you or an opportunity for something circumstantial, then take that and run with it. It will seem much more organic, like you're less eager. I always think it's best to let the woman act first (so you'll know she's interested and you can let her continue to try and win you over), or make the action circumstantial so you're not surrendering any dignity by doing the whole "approach" song and dance which is probably bound to fail anyways. I would approach girls just about anywhere - like in the library, cafe, outside in the city (London) etc. What would you say to them, how would they respond, and what would happen? I wouldn't do this personally for reasons stated above, but I suppose someone might have some luck with it. Before the age of 22 - I would not be able to speak to girls at all. I would consider my personality to be laid back and chill - but also adventurous. I just need to be more assertive. How intelligent --> Academically and recently i've been more socially intelligent. Funny --> Funny in an intelligent way. I've had people tell me I have a witty brand of humour - and I can calibrate the humour depending on the situation. Well, ok. Just saying that is one thing, it's hard to deduce how accurate this description is just based on a brief description. If you're confident that these are assets, use them to your advantage.
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 I actually agree with NP for once. Almost everybody on OLD considers themselves funny, intelligent, successful, loyal, and down to Earth. At least 50% throw in good looking. Almost nobody is all of those things. I, am for example, not that smart. I am an engineer and have a degree from a really good school, but many, even most people I would say, are much smarter than me. At the end of the day, I work longer and harder than most people and that allows me to stay afloat. I'm also not that funny. I can make certain crowds laugh, and to a degree humor is subjective, but I can't work bars, parties, or work functions like other people I know can. When it's my turn at work to tell a story or a joke, I often get cut off or even sometimes ignored. I do however have attributes that most other people lack, however very few women would consider those 'sexually attractive' especially off the bat. There comes a point where you make a conscious decision how much you are willing to improve yourself to get others to like you. But I do think it helps to be honest with yourself. And I think dating, especially OLD would work a lot better if people were more honest with themselves. It won't happen though. Sure you can list those things about yourself, even though I've seen some women SAY in their profile, "A man that can make me laugh, has me under his spell" or something like that...giving a guy who is naturally funny a false sense of security. But the thing is, ALL of this can't be known about that individual until they meet FACE TO FACE. But considering that people can be dismissive quite quickly, some don't even give it a shot for a quick 30-minute meet.
JuneJulySeptember Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 Don't sell yourself so short. Less than 7% of the world has a college education. Intelligence, as most people consider it is ... 1) the ability to retain information, and 2) to be able to converse in subjects most people consider 'intelligible'. I'm not good at either of those. I also think intelligence is overrated in life.
normal person Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 Sure you can list those things about yourself, even though I've seen some women SAY in their profile, "A man that can make me laugh, has me under his spell" or something like that...giving a guy who is naturally funny a false sense of security. But the thing is, ALL of this can't be known about that individual until they meet FACE TO FACE. But considering that people can be dismissive quite quickly, some don't even give it a shot for a quick 30-minute meet. True, but part of the part of the problem is that anyone can say they're smart and funny. The people who are actually smart and funny don't need to say it -- their profile demonstrably is smart and funny. If you can't actually show the qualities you claim you have, you're just expecting people to take a flier on you, which they may or may not want to do. However, if you can actually demonstrate the good stuff, they'll want to go out with you.
bummer Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 I've suffered from anxiety in the past - only started approaching girls at the age of 22. 1 year... Well, you're going to need time. Most guys your age have ten years chasing tail under their belt. It's a practice for a marathon and not a sprint. Fake it until you make it but dont be fake... I don't know if that makes any sense.
S_A Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 I read a bunch of these topics. The guys always say that others think they are good looking, or funny, or smart etc. I don't doubt them. I think the universal issue in these cases is that the guy is shy or lacks confidence. Or at the very least does not take initiative. I think these guys wonder why girls don't ask them out. Don't be passive and you will get your first date and kiss!
Els Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 What are you doing currently? Are you going to college/working? Do you meet women on a regular basis, do you talk to them to hone your social skills with the opposite gender? Relying on 'cold approaches' as a person with social anxiety is really not your best bet IMO.
Dark Horse Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 You can be funny but is it the type of humor that would appeal to women? Like for instance, i'm known for being funny in a crazy, immature, crude way. (Just look at some of my forum posts here.) But my type of humor doesn't really appeal to women that much, most would be turned off by it. They'd dismiss me as being immature. You can be the funniest guy in the world but if you're scared poopless of women, it doesn't mean a thing. They think you're a serious boring guy and they move on.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 My younger brother is also 23 and he has never even had a first date yet or a first kiss yet
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