BS who stayed - did your WS ever worry about you cheating?

[dreamingoftigers]

No.

 

I severely doubt he worries about it or ever worried about it.

 

I don't even think it would bother him on any real level if I did cheat.

 

He'd probably be pissed off and indignant. If we didn't divorce, he would remind me frequently that I lost some "moral high ground" that I really don't give two craps about.

 

I think he would be more upset if I refused to allow Netflix and CNN in the house.

[wmacbride]

The ex-ow in our situation tried to convince him afterwards that i was cheating on him.

 

It didn't work though.

[NTV]

Probably was the wrong thing to do, but right after dday, I did things to make her wonder if I was. Randomly shaving the good parts into a triangle, dressing super nice when going to get some groceries and spending and extra hour at the gamestop, etc. etc. So, I guess I hope she did/does.

[dreamingoftigers]

The ex-ow in our situation tried to convince him afterwards that i was cheating on him.

 

It didn't work though.

 

I remember you.

 

Your h's x-ow was a real whackjob.

[William]

Folks, this thread is borderline for our infidelity forum as there is no active or suspected affair going on, rather a long ago affair and current apparently otherwise healthy marriage with some leftover issues.

 

In any event, let's keep the discussion confined to personal experiences as requested in the starting post and refrain from making editorial comments about any other member's past affairs, or affairs in general. Share your personal experiences as related to your marriage and recovering from infidelity. Thanks!

[spanz1]

yes, it is common human nature to project your own thoughts/fears/temptations onto a partner. So if you cheat, are horny for other married people, etc, you just assume your spouse must have the same urges/feelings. Hence them worrying about YOU cheating on them!

 

It is one of those little red lights that go off. Normally, cheating would be the farthest thing from a spouse's mind, so when they seem preoccupied with YOU cheating....you have to wonder where those worries came from?

[Noirek]

I'm the WS but I'll answer anyways. Better from the horse's mouth anyways.

 

No, I didn't really worry. I have had the thought come and go during our marriage but never stick. One time I saw a text message from some girl I thought in his phone (I needed his phone for a legit reason) I got this sickening feeling at the nature of it and read the messages and then laughed and laughed because it was from a friend with a usually girls but can be boys name. And the entire conversation made the online that showed up make sense. That's probably been it.

 

I did tell him that if he ever cheated I wouldn't hold it against him. Not after what I put him through. But by my nature I would have forgiven him without my own infidelity. I just would never have told him that.

 

If he cheats or not is nothing I can change or control. It will be his decision. What I have worried about and do still at times is he will divorce me. Whether for someone or not doesn't matter. When I was in the throws of my self hatred I told myself he was better off without me. I did what I could to push him out. But even then I hated the thought of life without him. I've never really deep inside of me wanted that.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Yes. My wife was really concerned that she would get a taste of her own medicine. One of the ancillary benefits of D-Day was that I couldn't eat for a couple weeks. Lost a lot of weight and it was like " Oh....hello six pack abs....I've missed you."

 

Stayed in shape since then, and got back into my sports and activities HARD. Finally, when I decided it was time to get a vasectomy, she freaked and asked me straight up if I was doing that so I could " go out and have my fun."