Are women's attraction to men random?

[offwithhishead]

It's something I've always wondered when re-entering into the dating scene.

 

In most cases, it's bad to pursue very pretty to beautiful women. Hate to generalize and I'm sure most of these women are great people but it's almost an intuitive, unconscious thing in that they know their self-worth in the social pecking order. I know this isn't high school but even in the world business and big city social life, looks play a very strong factor in your station in life. You witness when in a large group of people, the more attractive ones just automatically clump together. Put simply, beautiful women know they have options.

 

If you're an average looking guy but otherwise a good man with good qualities, you're better off pursuing similarly average looking women but who you have a strong connection with and things in common with. She will be less likely to jump ship when things get tough. That's not to say these women have less options but they just are more willing to put in more effort into their current relationships.

 

So then I don't understand when the following happens:

 

Girl A: Average looking but is cute and has a sweet and gentle exterior. Common interests and views on life. Ends up not being interested.

 

Girl B: Pretty to beautiful. Confident smile and strong exterior. Not much in common in terms of interests and views. Approach her and talk to her without any expectations of a response. Surprisingly, she is engaging and is willing to go out on a date with you.

 

Obviously, I think Girl A would have worked out better long-term had she been interested but she's not so. That's not to say Girl B won't work out but she has much more options and is likely to jump ship at first sign of boredom or incompatibility.

 

Or maybe it's my approach. My approach depends on my intuition about the woman's personality. Girl A is more shy/nerdy type and probably wouldn't react well to lots of assertiveness. I approached her with a friendly but confident vibe.

 

Girl B looked confident and more outgoing. So I was more assertive with her but just only slightly (I'm overall not a super assertive alpha male in general).

 

Can girls sense it when a guy feels like he has nothing to lose? Are girls attracted to that attitude?

Edited July 7, 2016 by offwithhishead

[elaine567]

Sample size of two, not statistically significant.

[Hyperion227]

Average looking women (the vast majority) have an inflated sense of how attractive they are because they still get hit on by men looking for something casual and easy. They generally know they aren't tgat good looking but to bridge the gap between what they know and what they want to be they need to go try and hold out for only the hottest guys. Genuinely hot women know that they're hot so don't feel the need to bolster this view of themselves.

[elaine567]

 

Girl A: Average looking but is cute and has a sweet and gentle exterior. Common interests and views on life. Ends up not being interested.

 

Girl B: Pretty to beautiful. Confident smile and strong exterior. Not much in common in terms of interests and views. Approach her and talk to her without any expectations of a response. Surprisingly, she is engaging and is willing to go out on a date with you.

 

 

Neither are actually suitable for you.

Girl A is not interested, could be for many reasons, you are not her type, she is still hung up on her ex, you look like her cousin, she felt no spark, she was not sexually attracted to you, sth you said put her off, she had a better offer elsewhere, she is actually dating someone else, she has long term crush on someone else... etc. etc.

 

Girl B is not for you either as she has nothing in common with you.

She accepted because maybe she accepts all offers, maybe she has low self esteem, maybe she is desperate for attention, maybe she was very attracted to you, maybe she just wants to make her ex jealous, maybe she is lonely, maybe she is just looking for sex etc. etc.

 

What you need is someone who is as attractive to you as Girl B but with the personality of Girl A.

That is why you date.

[xxoo]

Women's attractions aren't random, they are individual. Wè aren't all attracted to the same traits, and it is far from all about looks.

[normal person]

Women's attractions aren't random, they are individual. Wè aren't all attracted to the same traits, and it is far from all about looks.

 

Good post.

 

I read a stat somewhere saying that a woman could be considered attractive if 90% of men agreed that she was attractive. But women were so varied in their views of what men were attractive, the biggest percentage of woman that he could hope to find him attractive was 40%. So take that into account, guys: no matter who you are, what you do, or what you look like, you'll never appeal to at least 60% of women out there.

[Hyperion227]

Good post.

 

I read a stat somewhere saying that a woman could be considered attractive if 90% of men agreed that she was attractive. But women were so varied in their views of what men were attractive, the biggest percentage of woman that he could hope to find him attractive was 40%. So take that into account, guys: no matter who you are, what you do, or what you look like, you'll never appeal to at least 60% of women out there.

 

Oh so that's definitive then. Do you have a link to the study or a run-down of the methodology?

[Aniela]

Good post.

 

I read a stat somewhere saying that a woman could be considered attractive if 90% of men agreed that she was attractive. But women were so varied in their views of what men were attractive, the biggest percentage of woman that he could hope to find him attractive was 40%. So take that into account, guys: no matter who you are, what you do, or what you look like, you'll never appeal to at least 60% of women out there.

 

It sounds like we're worse off in that regard then. We're only seen as attractive if 90% of men think we are? Am I reading this incorrectly?

 

Not starting another gender war, just: yikes.

[losangelena]

What the eff am I reading on this thread? All "average" looking women put up with ish because they know they don't have options? All "beautiful" women are unapproachable because they know their worth??

 

Let me tell you something. There are many, MANY, quote-unquote "beautiful people" who have hobbled, bottom-basement self-esteem. Not all beautiful women are confident, unapproachable fillies. Many have a self worth that's hanging from the narrow thread of their looks. It could very well be that Girl B is engaging with you because she doesn't think she can do better, either.

 

The generalization going on here is mind-boggling. Stop thinking of women as categories. They're individuals with individual tastes, opinions and self-reflections.

[NewLeaf512]

Really? That's so strange ... I'm absolutely stunning, slim and affluent and I don't seem to attract anyone. In fact I am paralysed in social situations mostly.

 

As losangelena says above: you are making a broad brush statement and it's so general and non descript that I really can't address more.

 

The expression "don't judge a book by its cover" seems to be what you do NOT want women to do to you, yet you are doing to them.

[Hyperion227]

What the eff am I reading on this thread? All "average" looking women put up with ish because they know they don't have options? All "beautiful" women are unapproachable because they know their worth??

 

Let me tell you something. There are many, MANY, quote-unquote "beautiful people" who have hobbled, bottom-basement self-esteem. Not all beautiful women are confident, unapproachable fillies. Many have a self worth that's hanging from the narrow thread of their looks. It could very well be that Girl B is engaging with you because she doesn't think she can do better, either.

 

The generalization going on here is mind-boggling. Stop thinking of women as categories. They're individuals with individual tastes, opinions and self-reflections.

 

Well there is a difference. Women are allowed to be considered beautiful no matter what their genetic fortunes are in the looks department. BBW's exist mut not BBM. The ugliest women have their friends telling them how beautiful they are allk the time. Whilst men who aren't good looking are treated by most women with disdain and disgust.

[losangelena]

Well there is a difference. Women are allowed to be considered beautiful no matter what their genetic fortunes are in the looks department. BBW's exist mut not BBM. The ugliest women have their friends telling them how beautiful they are allk the time. Whilst men who aren't good looking are treated by most women with disdain and disgust.

 

I don't agree on either count.

[Hyperion227]

I don't agree on either count.

 

So why doesn't the term BBM or maybe BHM exist? Because a woman hearing that for the first time would laugh herself to death.

[NewLeaf512]

Well there is a difference. Women are allowed to be considered beautiful no matter what their genetic fortunes are in the looks department. BBW's exist mut not BBM. The ugliest women have their friends telling them how beautiful they are allk the time. Whilst men who aren't good looking are treated by most women with disdain and disgust.

 

Ugly to whom?

 

Is beauty not in the eye of the beholder ?

[Hyperion227]

Ugly to whom?

 

Is beauty not in the eye of the beholder ?

 

No it really isn't. Or the word would have no social meaning.

[losangelena]

So why doesn't the term BBM or maybe BHM exist? Because a woman hearing that for the first time would laugh herself to death.

 

Because I'm pretty sure BBW was a term originally devised to better help men categorize their porn. Just because there isn't a term for it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

[Hyperion227]

Because I'm pretty sure BBW was a term originally devised to better help men categorize their porn. Just because there isn't a term for it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

 

Go on any internet advice column or forum:

 

 

Man writes in saying he's single and thinks his looks are holding him back. Response: Go to the gym, wear better clothes, get a trendy hair cut.

 

 

Woman writes in saying the same thing. Response: You are a beautiful woman and if you start to believe it others will too.

 

 

The message is always, all women are beautiful. Only a handful of men are handsome.

[Hyperion227]

Ugly to whom?

 

Is beauty not in the eye of the beholder ?

 

Or put another way. I have two POF profiles up. They both have largely the same written profile information. One profile has photos of (very average looking) me on. Another has photos of a really conventionally good looking man up. Now one of these profiles gets about 40-50 introductory messages a day from different women. The other has never had an introductory message sent to it.

 

 

Now, if beauty was in the eye of the beholder you couldn't guess which profile was the popular one and which wasn't. However I would bet everyone knows exactly who gets all the attention.

[TheArtist]

Or put another way. I have two POF profiles up. They both have largely the same written profile information. One profile has photos of (very average looking) me on. Another has photos of a really conventionally good looking man up. Now one of these profiles gets about 40-50 introductory messages a day from different women. The other has never had an introductory message sent to it.

 

Now, if beauty was in the eye of the beholder you couldn't guess which profile was the popular one and which wasn't. However I would bet everyone knows exactly who gets all the attention.

 

I'm sure I'm not alone in wishing that one day your fake profile can meet another girl's fake profile and live a long and happy life together. They might even invite you both to the wedding where you can both meet in a sea of mutual acceptance and shamefully settle for each other.

 

Modern dating is a beautiful thing for sure. *sniff*

[jen1447]

Because I'm pretty sure BBW was a term originally devised to better help men categorize their porn.

 

LMAO

[normal person]

It sounds like we're worse off in that regard then. We're only seen as attractive if 90% of men think we are? Am I reading this incorrectly?

 

Not starting another gender war, just: yikes.

 

I'm sorry guys, I think I articulated it wrong. I can't find the article, but allow me to clarify, it was something the along the lines of this:

 

90% of men agreed on what women were attractive,

40% of women agreed on what men were attractive

 

Hence you'll have women coming in here saying "I don't like Brad Pitt/Ryan Goesling/Channing Tatum, I prefer _________."

 

The point being, women across the board are much more varied in their tastes. Seemingly (according to that one particular article/study), the highest percentage of women any man could expect to find him appealing is about 40%. Women are pickier in their tastes, men are less so. Considering the biological implications of it all (pregnancy, childbirth, etc), it doesn't sound so far fetched.

[GoodOnPaper]

The message is always, all women are beautiful. Only a handful of men are handsome.

 

Isn't the theory that a man's personality factors more into his sex appeal than a woman's does for her sex appeal? How much that actually plays out, I'm not sure. I would have much rather been someone who could attract casual arrangements than the "relationship guy" I turned out to be.

 

Regarding women's attractiveness, aren't most women at least "cute"? What a miserable world it would be if that wasn't the case . . . I don't remember any shortage of women who had at least some degree of physical appeal. That's what made struggling with dating so frustrating. Attractive women seemed to be everywhere but they were all taken or otherwise not interested.

 

I don't women's tastes in men are as completely subjective as many make it out to be. Pragmatism has to come into play for many of us.

[Hyperion227]

I'm sorry guys, I think I articulated it wrong. I can't find the article, but allow me to clarify, it was something the along the lines of this:

 

90% of men agreed on what women were attractive,

40% of women agreed on what men were attractive

 

Hence you'll have women coming in here saying "I don't like Brad Pitt/Ryan Goesling/Channing Tatum, I prefer _________."

 

The point being, women across the board are much more varied in their tastes. Seemingly (according to that one particular article/study), the highest percentage of women any man could expect to find him appealing is about 40%. Women are pickier in their tastes, men are less so. Considering the biological implications of it all (pregnancy, childbirth, etc), it doesn't sound so far fetched.

 

Well without knowing who carried out the 'study' or who it was commissioned by or the methodology it's impossible to judge how trustworthy this is. You do realise that most of those studies that pop-up online or in news stories are extremely dubious don't you?

[losangelena]

Go on any internet advice column or forum:

 

 

Man writes in saying he's single and thinks his looks are holding him back. Response: Go to the gym, wear better clothes, get a trendy hair cut.

 

 

Woman writes in saying the same thing. Response: You are a beautiful woman and if you start to believe it others will too.

 

 

The message is always, all women are beautiful. Only a handful of men are handsome.

 

 

You love to generalize. You've read every relationship advice article out there? No, you haven't. Women are in fact told to work out, to slim down. I think an unattractive woman being told she's beautiful is a way to bolster her self-esteem, because the worst thing a woman can be is unattractive. If she's not beautiful, she's nothing. An unattractive man can still rely on his career success or other markers of professional and personal prowess. Trying to make an unattractive woman feel beautiful doesn't mean she is actually beautiful.

[Hyperion227]

You love to generalize. You've read every relationship advice article out there? No, you haven't. Women are in fact told to work out, to slim down. I think an unattractive woman being told she's beautiful is a way to bolster her self-esteem, because the worst thing a woman can be is unattractive. If she's not beautiful, she's nothing. An unattractive man can still rely on his career success or other markers of professional and personal prowess. Trying to make an unattractive woman feel beautiful doesn't mean she is actually beautiful.

 

Men like to feel they are attractive too you know. We have self-esteem issues around our looks.