Are women's attraction to men random?

[jen1447]

I didn't say that I've never been attracted to good looks. But I don't appreciate your deciding that I'm deluding myself when it comes to who I've been attracted to. I had a really good-looking man in my life, and told him where to go, because of who he was as a person.

 

I think this illustrates the failure of the assumption here - an online profile w a few photos is just a 2 dimensional snapshot of a person, so if you evaluate based on that, sure, superficial appearance will weigh out. But that's not where dates begin and end, so I'd bet if you asked the participants after a date how attractive they thought their date was, other available factors like personality et al would very much weigh into the determination.

 

If you go on a date with a physical 10 who doesn't say 2 words and frowns at you, chances are you won't come away feeling very attracted. Likewise if you date a 5 who's a charmer, you very well might.

 

Also up-scaling is easily explainable imo - ppl are constantly being encouraged (in healthy upbringings at least) to "aim high" and not settle and all that, so that essentially encourages them to believe they can attain 'better' than their own subjective standing. Given that, ppl aren't likely to try for what they perceive to be beneath their own standard superficially when all they have to go on is the superficial.

[preraph]

We can only speak for ourselves and our friends, and realizing different groups of people think different ways. Yes, there are some circles out there who judge a person by their money or by their clothing or on whether they are athletic.

 

But there's every other nuance in between out there too. All you have to do is go to Walmart on a Sunday and look at the families to see it.

 

Speaking for myself in my much younger days, I fell for a guy partly because of how he looked and his halo of hair, which reminded me of one of my favorite guitarists -- and he was also a guitarist and into that guitarist and good. He didn't have too much trouble getting women, though he had trouble getting the dream women he shot for that everyone else was after. Most of my friends didn't find him attractive. I fell in love with who he aspired to be and how Old World literate and poetic and charming he was.

 

On the downside, he had no money to have his clothes dry-cleaned and didn't always smell good, he was about 5'7", my height, and was build "soft." Some people called him the Pillsbury Doughboy behind his back. He also had ED but wouldn't come out and tell me, which caused me a lot of pain, so our relationship was kind of tragic. But I loved him. Now he's old and alcoholic and looks and acts like Norm on Cheers. I still care about him and always will.

 

Another guy I fell for also had no problem getting women. His big advantage was he was tall and gainfully employed. The first time I saw him, I zeroed in on his arms. He was very slim but had some little muscles in his upper arms that I did like (I don't like big bulky ones). Then I found out we loved the same band. We were on parallel career paths. I liked his eyes and hair and nose and slimness just fine, even though he wouldn't have been developed enough through the chest and shoulders for some women's tastes. Years later, a new friend of mine would see his photo at my house and all she noticed was his glasses and the gap between his front teeth. She didn't see what I saw at all. But he had plenty of women.

 

You don't have to be perfect. You have to have something. Personality, a great feature of some sort, a passion or talent.

 

But as we all know, on OLD, it all comes down to physical perfection. Used right, like if everyone was honest and genuine on there, the potential is for it to be a great tool to meet someone you click with -- but most of the clicking being done is based solely on the media model of good looks, even though a whole lot of us aren't really into that.

[PrettyEmily77]

If you go on a date with a physical 10 who doesn't say 2 words and frowns at you, chances are you won't come away feeling very attracted. Likewise if you date a 5 who's a charmer, you very well might

 

But that's the thing, though. How can you even determine if someone is a 10 or a 5 or whatever based on a photo or even just 1 date - that's nowhere near enough to decide one way or the other before, you know, getting to know them.

 

You're already on a slippery slope when you've attributed a number to a person.

[jen1447]

But that's the thing, though. How can you even determine if someone is a 10 or a 5 or whatever based on a photo or even just 1 date - that's nowhere near enough to decide one way or the other before, you know, getting to know them.

 

You're already on a slippery slope when you've attributed a number to a person.

 

It's the superficial/2 dimensional aspect I referred to.

[Hyperion227]

We can only speak for ourselves and our friends, and realizing different groups of people think different ways. Yes, there are some circles out there who judge a person by their money or by their clothing or on whether they are athletic.

 

But there's every other nuance in between out there too. All you have to do is go to Walmart on a Sunday and look at the families to see it.

 

Speaking for myself in my much younger days, I fell for a guy partly because of how he looked and his halo of hair, which reminded me of one of my favorite guitarists -- and he was also a guitarist and into that guitarist and good. He didn't have too much trouble getting women, though he had trouble getting the dream women he shot for that everyone else was after. Most of my friends didn't find him attractive. I fell in love with who he aspired to be and how Old World literate and poetic and charming he was.

 

On the downside, he had no money to have his clothes dry-cleaned and didn't always smell good, he was about 5'7", my height, and was build "soft." Some people called him the Pillsbury Doughboy behind his back. He also had ED but wouldn't come out and tell me, which caused me a lot of pain, so our relationship was kind of tragic. But I loved him. Now he's old and alcoholic and looks and acts like Norm on Cheers. I still care about him and always will.

 

Another guy I fell for also had no problem getting women. His big advantage was he was tall and gainfully employed. The first time I saw him, I zeroed in on his arms. He was very slim but had some little muscles in his upper arms that I did like (I don't like big bulky ones). Then I found out we loved the same band. We were on parallel career paths. I liked his eyes and hair and nose and slimness just fine, even though he wouldn't have been developed enough through the chest and shoulders for some women's tastes. Years later, a new friend of mine would see his photo at my house and all she noticed was his glasses and the gap between his front teeth. She didn't see what I saw at all. But he had plenty of women.

 

You don't have to be perfect. You have to have something. Personality, a great feature of some sort, a passion or talent.

 

But as we all know, on OLD, it all comes down to physical perfection. Used right, like if everyone was honest and genuine on there, the potential is for it to be a great tool to meet someone you click with -- but most of the clicking being done is based solely on the media model of good looks, even though a whole lot of us aren't really into that.

 

I agree actually. I cant speak for men but it seems to me that when on a dating site women completely erase the memory that they have been/can be attracted to a wide range of men. I don't really want to be irresistibly attractive to all women. I would like one or two of them to respond once in a while to a thoughtful message.

[preraph]

I agree actually. I cant speak for men but it seems to me that when on a dating site women completely erase the memory that they have been/can be attracted to a wide range of men. I don't really want to be irresistibly attractive to all women. I would like one or two of them to respond once in a while to a thoughtful message.

 

I guess they can't even trust that because so many men are copying not only what they say in their profiles to draw women but also looking on Google to find "sweet" things to say. So I think everyone has justifiably lost trust in OLD. I still think the better bet might be to frequent forums for your passions to meet someone you have something in common with who isn't posturing!

[Haydn]

Attraction for both, boys and girls is never random. How could it be?

 

I find my Better half attractive for many reasons.

 

Same for her.

 

`Haydn, you appear randomly good looking today, fancy a beer or 6?`

 

`Why yes my randomly edible pudding of delight`

 

Maybe you should re-title this to....

 

`I want a randomly crackingly gorgeous bird, any tips`

 

Good luck on your quest.

[Aniela]

Attraction for both, boys and girls is never random. How could it be?

 

I find my Better half attractive for many reasons.

 

Same for her.

 

`Haydn, you appear randomly good looking today, fancy a beer or 6?`

 

`Why yes my randomly edible pudding of delight`

 

Maybe you should re-title this to....

 

`I want a randomly crackingly gorgeous bird, any tips`

 

Good luck on your quest.

 

 

......

[Hyperion227]

I guess they can't even trust that because so many men are copying not only what they say in their profiles to draw women but also looking on Google to find "sweet" things to say. So I think everyone has justifiably lost trust in OLD. I still think the better bet might be to frequent forums for your passions to meet someone you have something in common with who isn't posturing!

 

Except they're perfectly willing to trust anything from the hot guy profile. Trust is really not the issue. Looks are the issue and I'm afraid any other explanation has to explain how hot guy profile has NONE of the problems mine does when the same person is behind them.

[Shining One]

Because I'm pretty sure BBW was a term originally devised to better help men categorize their porn. Just because there isn't a term for it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

I was curious, so I found this article. According to the article, the term Big Beautiful Woman was coined by Carole Shaw, a woman, in 1979 for the magazine of that name.

[GorillaTheater]

Except they're perfectly willing to trust anything from the hot guy profile. Trust is really not the issue. Looks are the issue and I'm afraid any other explanation has to explain how hot guy profile has NONE of the problems mine does when the same person is behind them.

 

 

I don't have any experience with OLD, but from what I hear it's a tough road and maybe especially for men.

 

 

How about real life, and not necessarily the bar scene?

[Hyperion227]

I don't have any experience with OLD, but from what I hear it's a tough road and maybe especially for men.

 

 

How about real life, and not necessarily the bar scene?

 

Well from my limited take (I have very little time right now to get out and about) that scene has been poisoned by the tendencies of OLD. Maybe it's just me but it is a much harsher, more brutal audience out there's than ten years ago.

[Hyperion227]

To be honest I genuinely think that a majority of women would prefer to date a hot looking convicted rapist than me right now.

[Aniela]

To be honest I genuinely think that a majority of women would prefer to date a hot looking convicted rapist than me right now.

 

That isn't going to get you very far.

[Hyperion227]

That isn't going to get you very far.

 

Well that's not really the motivation behind thinking something is it.

[Aniela]

Go on any internet advice column or forum:

 

 

Man writes in saying he's single and thinks his looks are holding him back. Response: Go to the gym, wear better clothes, get a trendy hair cut.

 

 

Woman writes in saying the same thing. Response: You are a beautiful woman and if you start to believe it others will too.

 

 

The message is always, all women are beautiful. Only a handful of men are handsome.

 

I missed this earlier. Women usually do the things that men are advised to do, or are given the same advice if they haven't. Take classes, get a nicer haircut, find a workout that you enjoy so that you will not only look better, but feel better in your own skin. That sort of thing.

 

I've been told the same things that men have, or I've just come to realizations by myself. Common sense that doesn't always seem so sensible when you're shy, or feel that you aren't good enough.

[Aniela]

Well that's not really the motivation behind thinking something is it.

 

You're just determined to argue. Women wouldn't choose a convicted rapist over you (and if such a woman did, would you really want a woman who was that messed up?).

[PrettyEmily77]

To be honest I genuinely think that a majority of women would prefer to date a hot looking convicted rapist than me right now.

 

So if you value women so little, why do you want to date one?

[Hyperion227]

So if you value women so little, why do you want to date one?

 

Because I'm a heterosexual man.

[Aniela]

I'm sorry guys, I think I articulated it wrong. I can't find the article, but allow me to clarify, it was something the along the lines of this:

 

90% of men agreed on what women were attractive,

40% of women agreed on what men were attractive

 

Hence you'll have women coming in here saying "I don't like Brad Pitt/Ryan Goesling/Channing Tatum, I prefer _________."

 

The point being, women across the board are much more varied in their tastes. Seemingly (according to that one particular article/study), the highest percentage of women any man could expect to find him appealing is about 40%. Women are pickier in their tastes, men are less so. Considering the biological implications of it all (pregnancy, childbirth, etc), it doesn't sound so far fetched.

 

It was probably me, not you. I had a stressful morning, and was distracting myself at LS for a few minutes.

[Hyperion227]

Because I'm a heterosexual man.

 

And I did say majority not all.

[jen1447]

I was curious, so I found this article. According to the article, the term Big Beautiful Woman was coined by Carole Shaw, a woman, in 1979 for the magazine of that name.

 

Think about it tho - today you really only see that term used in porno titles. "BBW shows stepson how to wash the dog." Etc.

[Hyperion227]

Think about it tho - today you really only see that term used in porno titles. "BBW shows stepson how to wash the dog." Etc.

 

Nope. I see it on POF all the time.

[PrettyEmily77]

And I did say majority not all.

 

Ah, I see. Yes, that changes everything.

 

Why don't you then make it clear on your OLD thing that you are one of these heterosexual men who are only interested in the minority of women who would not rather date a hot looking convicted rapist?

 

That would go down well, I think.

[GorillaTheater]

Ah, I see. Yes, that changes everything.

 

Why don't you then make it clear on your OLD thing that you are one of these heterosexual men who are only interested in the minority of women who would not rather date a hot looking convicted rapist?

 

That would go down well, I think.

 

 

Or at least state that you're willing to consider becoming a convicted rapist for the sake of the relationship.