Not physically cheating but is this classed as emotional cheating?

[jenks2015]

Hi all im new here and i just want guys and gals perspective on my situation, i dont know what to do......iv'e been with my boyfriend for 7 months and theres this girl that we both dont know and she keeps showing me his dating site profiles hes on, he said she's nuts and he only forgot to delete them but on (badoo) he was on last week (he hasn't been on it since the day i found out as im now like a stalker bitch and keep checking) he promised me that he's not chatting to anyone and he loves me and im the only woman for him BUT on Saturday morning i saw a text from another woman on his phone and because he has a finger print lock think i could only see she wrote "glad you've calmed down now :)" he says shes a mate (which ive not once heard him mention in 7 months) and she only sent a few messages BUT this seems like part of a conversation and he also deleted the messages and her (SO HE SAYS) before i could see them. he said i should believe him and he cant be with someone who doesn't trust him.... does it sound like hes playing me? i havent done anything about it because i do love this guy so much and what is hes telling the truth i dont want to ruin what we have, but then again i think he's been chatting to random woman and he's just saying its a mate, why would you delete it ??? please someone help me, im going out of my mind, i cant eat or sleep

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, it does sound like you're being played. Sorry, OP.

 

I wouldn't continue this relationship. He's not the guy you think you're in love with.

[jenks2015]

this is what i suspected and worried about

[ExpatInItaly]

this is what i suspected and worried about

 

You know what to do now.

 

If you feel you can't break it off, remember that the person you love isn't actually who he is. You love the image he presents, but there's a lot more to that than you're seeing.

 

If he's active on a dating site and chatting with other women, it's because he's keeping his options open.

[jenks2015]

what would you do? end it?

[Zahara]

Dated a guy briefly who did this. Thought I deleted, forgot to delete, don't know how to delete -- all excuses because he was keeping his options open. And when he tells you he can't be in a relationship with someone that doesn't trust him and that you should believe him, he just knows you're not going anywhere because you've shown him that you will tolerate his behavior -- essentially he's telling you to sit there and shut up. Once you show them you'll tolerate, they'll just keep doing it.

 

Trust is earned, not given.

 

And I ended it.

[jenks2015]

this is so hard i dont want to end it but i think it will anyway.

 

i have just sent him one mother of a text saying i dont believe him and i need to know the truth.

 

once he's read what ive written i think he will end it anyway! were supposed to be getting a house together and i cant do that feeling like i am now im so hurt but hell end it now for sure

[Zahara]

You've known him for 7 months, why are you buying a house together!?!? Stop. You hardly know this man. A huge commitment none of you are prepared to do in such a short time of dating.

 

Asking him for the truth? Do you actually think you'll get it? C'mon OP.

Edited July 4, 2016 by Zahara

[Poutrew]

He will show you the truth, not tell you. Within days of your breakup he will be out with one of his other girlfriends. Your guy is a player and a juggler. You can find better - at least someone who doesn't care if you look at his phone and read what is on it.

[ExpatInItaly]

You've known him for 7 months, why are you buying a house together!?!? Stop. You hardly know this man. A huge commitment none of you are prepared to do in such a short time of dating.

 

Asking him for the truth? Do you actually think you'll get it? C'mon OP.

 

All of this.

 

OP, it is far too soon to be considering purchasing a house with anyone. Whose idea was this?

 

And sadly, as Zahara said, he isn't likely to be honest with you now. Or ever. He's been playing games behind your back the whole time.

 

You asked if i would end it, and my answering is YES. I would prefer to be with a man who is into me. This guy isn't into you the way you think he is.

[smackie9]

We get many threads about whether or not to tell the GF what their BF is up to. And like I always say don't bother because the GF will never believe a stranger. There will be denial, or doubt.

 

Many say if my BF was cheating on me I would want to know...well OP wouldn't you want to know???? This person felt it was their obligation to make sure you knew.

[jenks2015]

I just want guys and gals perspective on my situation, i dont know what to do......iv'e been with my boyfriend for 7 months and theres this girl that we both dont know and she keeps showing me his dating site profiles hes on, he said she's nuts and he only forgot to delete them but on (badoo) he was on last week (he hasn't been on it since the day i found out as im now like a stalker bitch and keep checking) he promised me that he's not chatting to anyone and he loves me and im the only woman for him BUT on Saturday morning i saw a text from another woman on his phone and because he has a finger print lock thing i could only see she wrote "glad you've calmed down now " he says shes a mate (which ive not once heard him mention in 7 months) and she only sent a few messages BUT this seems like part of a conversation and he also deleted the messages and her (SO HE SAYS) before i could see them. He said i should believe him and he cant be with someone who doesn't trust him and that in time i will see he's telling the truth and i am wrong.... does it sound like hes playing me? i havent done anything about it because i do love this guy so much and what if hes telling the truth i dont want to ruin what we have, but then again i think he's been chatting to random woman and i cant help but think this everyday and he's just saying its a mate, why would you delete it if she was a mate??? he said he panicked because he didnt want to hurt me and he know i would think this...please someone help me, im going out of my mind, i cant eat or sleep

[PegNosePete]

does it sound like hes playing me?

Yes it certainly does. Deleting the conversation is highly suspicious. If he had nothing to hide, why hide it?

 

His excuses seem quite flimsy. Blame-shifting -- saying that you should trust him when he's acting extremely untrustworthy -- is also a very bad sign. Trust is earned, not given. What's he doing to earn your trust? Being active on a dating site, having mysterious contact with new "friends", and deleting messages? That certainly doesn't sound like someone who is earning trust.

 

I would dump him.

Edited July 7, 2016 by PegNosePete

[Zahara]

Creating another thread isn't going to garner you a different response. I know you're hoping for someone to tell you he isn't but unfortunately, he's playing you. Go back and read your other thread.

 

Just don't purchase a home with this guy.

[road]

Yes it certainly does. Deleting the conversation is highly suspicious. If he had nothing to hide, why hide it?

 

His excuses seem quite flimsy. Blame-shifting -- saying that you should trust him when he's acting extremely untrustworthy -- is also a very bad sign. Trust is earned, not given. What's he doing to earn your trust? Being active on a dating site, having mysterious contact with new "friends", and deleting messages? That certainly doesn't sound like someone who is earning trust.

 

I would dump him.

 

 

 

 

Dumping is to good for him, though dump him anyway.

[Keller970]

Take it from someone who has been cheated on by his life partner after 21 years of being together. The activity you describe is reminicent of what caused me to become suspicious and discover the horror I did a year ago this weekend. I'm sorry but that is no way to start a relationship and I would highly advise against buying real estate together with someone being so unscrupulous.