How often do you see your MM?

[StrawberriesandCream]

He's actually not MM. He has a girlfriend and they don't even live together.

Him and I talk on the phone everyday and sometimes we text for hours.

What bothers me is that I only get to see him twice or three times a month.

I feel like he doesn't want to see me more often because he's afraid he might get more emotionally involved.

But when we talk, he tells me how much he cares about me and how attractive he finds me.

Has anyone been thru this? When a man wants you but won't see you as often as you would like?

[brothers343]

Thats becouse he doesn't want you as much as you think he does. He likes the game, he likes to sweet talk you in believing that he totally wants you......butt in reality he wants his girlfriend a little bit more. If you stay through this process you will understand what Im talking about. Good luck.

[StrawberriesandCream]

So it's a game for him? Sweet talking, compliments, etc.

Btw, I don't expect him to leave his girlfriend for me. I am also in a relationship, which I can't leave even though I want to. It's very complicated. Does that change anything on his side?

[anika99]

I haven't been in affair but in just regular relationships I will walk away from a man who isn't as eager to see me as I am to see him. I don't care what his reasons are and I don't sit around trying to analyze the reasons. Maybe I'm full of ego but I have never wasted my time pining for a man who doesn't demonstrate, in actions not words, the same level of interest that I have. Instead of waiting on a cheater to make time for you and wondering why he doesn't you should aim higher and find better for yourself.

[loveisanaction]

You say, what bothers you is that you only get to see him 2-3 times a month.

It bothers you? How so? What part about him having a girlfriend did you miss? Just because they don’t live together means nothing. They may not be living together because she is old fashioned and would prefer a ring before moving forward with that level of commitment.

 

When a man wants to see a woman he likes more often he will, nothing will stop him. He does not want to see you more often because he does not want to. Period!

 

You need to start being honest with yourself hon and stop building castles in the sky. You know the truth; he has a girlfriend, calls you up and whispers you sweet nothings, sees you 2-3 times a month. Come now, you know what he wants.

 

Tell this man to stop calling you and go and find yourself a man who is single and available…Leave this one alone.

 

He has a girlfriend.

 

End of….

[OneLov]

So it's a game for him? Sweet talking, compliments, etc.

Btw, I don't expect him to leave his girlfriend for me. I am also in a relationship, which I can't leave even though I want to. It's very complicated. Does that change anything on his side?

 

Please don't take this the wrong way, but is it a game for you? You just stated you can't your primary relationship, so that being the case, does it really matter what his position is? I know it's flattering when someone likes you, but since you cannot leave your primary relationship, I urge you to end contact before this ends badly.

[StrawberriesandCream]

This is not a game for me and I don't get a kick out of him liking me. I do have genuine feelings for him and more than anything would love to be with him the proper way. He made me believe that good things can happen and literally save me from all bad things that happen to me. I know it's sad and pathetic but that's where I am right now.

I can't leave the relationship I am in right now. Like I said, it's very complicated and can't go into details here.

[OneLov]

This is not a game for me and I don't get a kick out of him liking me. I do have genuine feelings for him and more than anything would love to be with him the proper way. He made me believe that good things can happen and literally save me from all bad things that happen to me. I know it's sad and pathetic but that's where I am right now.

I can't leave the relationship I am in right now. Like I said, it's very complicated and can't go into details here.

 

Other than heartbreak what outcome do you foresee? Let's pretend he showed up at your front door tomorrow, single and ready to commit to a serious LTR. You're in a relationship that you, by your own admission, cannot end. This is a recipe for disaster because you're going to break your own heart.

[StrawberriesandCream]

You are right. The sad part is I realize all that and yet I cannot just walk away from him. He always finds a way to make me want to continue this.

If he showed up at my door like you said, I would tell him that I need until the end of the year and then I would be able to end the relationship I am in.

[Satu]

You are the least valuable person in the triangle.

 

Thats why you only get to eat leftovers.

 

You chose this.

 

 

Take care.

[DKT3]

When it comes to cheating complicated is code for selfish. I want my primary relationship because.....but I want the new guy too.

 

It's not complicated, these situations never are,

[HappyAgain2014]

He's actually not MM. He has a girlfriend and they don't even live together.

Him and I talk on the phone everyday and sometimes we text for hours.

What bothers me is that I only get to see him twice or three times a month.

I feel like he doesn't want to see me more often because he's afraid he might get more emotionally involved.

But when we talk, he tells me how much he cares about me and how attractive he finds me.

Has anyone been thru this? When a man wants you but won't see you as often as you would like?

 

This is the difference between being a priority and an option.

[Eighty_nine]

He's actually not MM. He has a girlfriend and they don't even live together.

Him and I talk on the phone everyday and sometimes we text for hours.

What bothers me is that I only get to see him twice or three times a month.

I feel like he doesn't want to see me more often because he's afraid he might get more emotionally involved.

But when we talk, he tells me how much he cares about me and how attractive he finds me.

Has anyone been thru this? When a man wants you but won't see you as often as you would like?

 

How are you spending this time you see each other? Is it just sex? are you sneaking around or going out on dates, etc? I'd assume it's just sex, but talking on the phone every day seems emotional or connected. Just wonder what his motivation is. Is he serious with his GF?

[StrawberriesandCream]

How are you spending this time you see each other? Is it just sex? are you sneaking around or going out on dates, etc? I'd assume it's just sex, but talking on the phone every day seems emotional or connected. Just wonder what his motivation is. Is he serious with his GF?

 

That's what I wonder about. What is his motivation? When we are together, we are usually at his house. We talk for hours about personal stuff like family, growing up, teenage years, etc. Sometimes we order food and watch TV.

Yes, we have sex too but sex is just a small portion of what we have.

He complains about his girlfriend and says he's more compatible with me.

[Eighty_nine]

That's what I wonder about. What is his motivation? When we are together, we are usually at his house. We talk for hours about personal stuff like family, growing up, teenage years, etc. Sometimes we order food and watch TV.

Yes, we have sex too but sex is just a small portion of what we have.

He complains about his girlfriend and says he's more compatible with me.

 

It's hard to understand what he is looking for out of this. I'm assuming since he and the gf got back together only recently, they are not that serious- is that right?

 

If he says he is more compatible with you, straight up ask him why you are not together? I assume he wont' have a good answer. Right now he's not going to consider being with you in any serious way; even if he does prefer you over the GF, he's getting companionship and a good time out of you so nothing will change unless you take that away.

[StrawberriesandCream]

It's hard to understand what he is looking for out of this. I'm assuming since he and the gf got back together only recently, they are not that serious- is that right?

 

If he says he is more compatible with you, straight up ask him why you are not together? I assume he wont' have a good answer. Right now he's not going to consider being with you in any serious way; even if he does prefer you over the GF, he's getting companionship and a good time out of you so nothing will change unless you take that away.

 

I don't know how serious they are. All I know is that he says he feels trapped with her.

I can't figure out his motivation either. Sometimes I think he just enjoys being with me. Nothing else.

But I can't make suggestions or ask him to make a decision as I'm in a relationship myself. Had I been single, I would be asking him to be with me.

[Satu]

I don't know how serious they are. All I know is that he says he feels trapped with her.

I can't figure out his motivation either. Sometimes I think he just enjoys being with me. Nothing else.

But I can't make suggestions or ask him to make a decision as I'm in a relationship myself. Had I been single, I would be asking him to be with me.

He's exactly where he wants to be.

[ladydesigner]

I don't know how serious they are. All I know is that he says he feels trapped with her.

I can't figure out his motivation either. Sometimes I think he just enjoys being with me. Nothing else.

But I can't make suggestions or ask him to make a decision as I'm in a relationship myself. Had I been single, I would be asking him to be with me.

 

He says he feels trapped with her but won't see you more. It's not adding up.

[loveisanaction]

Even if her affair partner didn't have a girlfriend the OP is in a relationship that she says she can not get out of. So no matter how much she ponders over her lover's intentions it makes no difference because at the end of the day she is in a relationship with a man that she says can not leave.

 

So, what is the point of all of the wondering and pondering of his intentions?

[StrawberriesandCream]

Even if her affair partner didn't have a girlfriend the OP is in a relationship that she says she can not get out of. So no matter how much she ponders over her lover's intentions it makes no difference because at the end of the day she is in a relationship with a man that she says can not leave.

 

So, what is the point of all of the wondering and pondering of his intentions?

 

I can't get out of it now. If everything lines up, I will be able to leave before the end of the year. The point of wondering and pondering? I think I would like to know, like someone posted here, his motivations as I'm confused as it is.

[Sub]

If he knows that you can't be with him, he's just biding his time. He keeps the girlfriend so he's not alone right now, and lays the groundwork to be with you when you're available, if it comes to that. He's hedging his bets. Either way he ends up with someone.

[Grapesofwrath]

Actions > words. Remember this, always. Same is true for you. Your actions with your partner speak louder and are more important than whatever words you say about your feelings.

 

It's about priorities. Whatever the reasons for why you stay, it is because you have prioritized your life in such a way that this is the course of action you choose. Same for him.

[loveisanaction]

I can't get out of it now. If everything lines up, I will be able to leave before the end of the year. The point of wondering and pondering? I think I would like to know, like someone posted here, his motivations as I'm confused as it is.

 

StrawberriesandCream....If you are confused, you are the one who is confusing yourself. You said that if everything lines up before the end of the year then you will be able to leave your relationship. It is not the end of the year yet, right?

 

So, to un-confuse yourself you need to end things with your affair partner. Then get to work on what you have to do so that you are able to leave your relationship before the end of this year.

 

When it is the end of the year and you are single and IF your affair partner is single the both of you can reconnect, see if there are still some feelings there then start a sincere and honest relationship.

 

That is how you un-confuse yourself.

 

Pondering and wondering is all in vain if the both of you are not single and not able to be for a period of time.

Edited July 7, 2016 by loveisanaction

[Maggie888]

It seems like your hope is that you leave your boyfriend at the end of the year and he does the same, and you guys are together. Is that correct?

 

Is he only able to see you 2-3 x month bc thats the only time his GF is not around? Or are there other times he could have u over but just chooses not to? If the latter than you need to realize he is seeing you at the frequency he wants to. And its not bc he fears he will get too attached. Its bc thats all the time he cares to spend with you

[Daisy2013]

To answer your question, in the beginning, many days per week. Four years later, once per week, maybe twice, but calling every day on way to work. These guys have a routine for the most part, and we will never be their priority.

 

As Satu says often, "He is where he wants to be with whom he wants to be with," no matter how miserable he claims to be. Repeat these words often and it will help you detach. I repeat it daily.