Madame_Noire Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Hi everyone, My partner's mother has a mortgage that is coming to an end some time next year. She has no idea how much is outstanding, however, all we know is that there is a substantial capital balance. His mother has not worked for the last 30 odd years because of various health problems (high blood pressure, meniere's disease and vertigo and whatever else). State benefits have been paying the interest only on the mortgage, however, she got a letter from the bank telling her that there will be an a shortfall. She has not done anything about it, she has no savings etc, she is just burying her head in the sand saying the government cannot throw her out etc. Because of her age (being close to retirement), no employment history and poor credit history (large catalogue debt and contract mobile phone with late payments) she knows the bank will not extend the mortgage. She is asking my partner to take out a loan to pay it off and she will pay him back. However, she does not even pay her own mortgage. Again, her state benefits have paid this. How would she be able to pay him back if he takes out this loan when she does not have this money in her current expenditure/budget? She is always asking him to lend her money until she gets he benefits payments. I am sure the bank will not allow him to borrow money to pay off someone else's mortgage. I am sure it is her, the debtor that, has to find the money herself. He does not want to do it because it is too much of a risk. Besides, my partner is anti credit. He pays for things outright and does not like borrowing. He has never had a credit card. So the odds of him borrowing a 5 figure sum from the bank are slim to none. I am hoping she does not emotionally blackmail him because she hopes to leave that house to him when she passes away, he grew up in that house (she has not even got a will!). The reason why I think she will emotionally blackmail him is because of the things she has said and done in the past. My partner is her only child. A few years ago, I was planning a birthday party for him, she was getting letters from the government around the same time , they were trying to assess how sick she was and whether she is fit for work. She was obviously worried about that and then took things out on him. She was telling him who to invite to his party. He said he didn't want certain people there - AT HIS PARTY- and then she said she was not going to come. He didn't want to have a party without her, so we just cancelled the whole thing. There was a time when I had a friend over and his mother came over to our house, uninvited and unannounced and ignored my friend and expected me to entertain his mother, she then started telling me about the stresses of her day.. She only lives around the corner, she didn't think to give me the heads up to let me know. My friend felt awkward, so did I. That even I told my partner and the next day, I asked his mother if I could pop by for a chat. We were being diplomatic with her, she then turned it around and said she didn't feel welcome, she later threw a tantrum saying "Well, maybe I will think about who I leave this house to" and then walked out the room. We took that as a hint to leave. My partner said that no one has ever stood up to her or called her out on something. This was about 5 years ago. She has never apologised for that incident, but she does, from now on, ask if it is alright if she can pop by. Before I got with him, she told me she was upset when he emigrated and said to me when he wasn't around "How would his nan feel knowing how he left?!" He was the apple of his late grandmother's eye. Why are some mothers like this? Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Some mothers are martyrs and they believe that having children means they have licence to manipulate them for life. You can't stop your MIL from manipulating your husband. All you can is continue to be supportive to your husband when she starts acting up. She sounds controlling and manipulative. I'm glad that you and your husband have diplomatically stood up to her. There's no reason why your husband should take out a loan to pay his mother since she is financially irresponsible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Madame_Noire Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 Thank you for taking the time out to reply Betty (I always like your posts by the way) Luckily, he is of the mindset of not taking out a loan to bail her out. He said she has always been bad with money and does not appreciate the value of it (because she does not get up and go to work and earn her own money). She has to sort her own mess out. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Thank you for taking the time out to reply Betty (I always like your posts by the way) Luckily, he is of the mindset of not taking out a loan to bail her out. He said she has always been bad with money and does not appreciate the value of it (because she does not get up and go to work and earn her own money). She has to sort her own mess out. Good for you and your husband. When manipulative types start using any tool to control you, staying strong and asserting your boundaries works best. Let his mother be angry and use empty threats. She should have taken care of her own finances. I'm glad that you like my posts. Thanks so much! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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