I don't know who the father is

[noparadise]

I am 24 years old and 7 months pregnant. I don't know who my babies father is. I had a boyfriend and I walked in on him cheating on me. We broke up and I made the stupid, stupid decision to have sex with a friend of mine. As if that wasn't bad enough I got drunk and thought it would be a good idea to have sex with a totally f'ing stranger and his friend.

 

So here I sit. Young, unmarried, no relationship, pregnant, with 4 possible father's. More likely 2, but still 4 possibilities.

 

I haven't told anyone because I'm so ashamed. No one knows that I'm pregnant yet, except my doctor. I told my doctor the father isn't involved, I'm too embarrassed to tell him I don't know. I can't go in and get tested for FOUR different fathers. I might as well tatoo it on my forehead.

 

As soon as I tell people they are going to be so ashamed and think so poorly of me. I would. Now I have to have an excuse for the guys for not telling them sooner. I won't be able to hide it much longer. I'm finally starting to look pregnant. The longer I wait the harder it gets. It's another reason people will have to be disappointed.

 

I know my baby deserves better. I'm not embarrassed that I'm pregnant, I'm embarrassed about how I got pregnant. I want him and I'm prepared for him. I love him already. He's going to be born and I won't know who his father is. They probably won't be in his life because of what I've done.

 

I am so stressed all the time. I know I need to tell the my ex and the guys I slept with. I need to tell my family, who live across the country. I need to be able to co-parent with the father if he wants to be around. I feel like it's too late.

[ChickiePops]

It's not too late but do it NOW. NOW NOW NOW. You CANNOT just show up on someone's doorstep with your son in your arms and say hey dude, this kid might be yours, just FYI. You need to give them time to prepare themselves.

 

Have you tried doing the math? If you can figure out when you ovulated you might be able to narrow it down. If you can't do it, you can ask your doctor for help.

 

Also, tell your family!!! You think you're well prepared but I promise you you're not. You're going to need emotional support. Badly.

[Hope4now]

Do not be so hard on yourself! We ALL make mistakes, but it's how you deal with those mistakes that really matter. And it sounds like you are taking full responsibility by yourself. This baby is blessed to have a responsible mother like you. I do think you need to find out the answer to paternity, for your sake and the baby's sake. Will you have to wait until the baby is born to get a dna test? I know some states will administer these tests for free. Please let your family and close friends know, you need emotional support right now. There's no need to tell anyone the details, you can just let them know that it's a complicated situation with the father. Most guys would probably want to be a part of their child's life after the initial shock.

 

Look for a women"s resource center near you, they provide a lot of help to new moms and have free counseling services. Some churches provide wonderful support as well.

 

And please be kind to yourself, you are carrying such a heavy emotional load right now. Wishing you ALL the best!

[noparadise]

I've tried to narrow it down but they are too close together. My last period was December 18, I should have ovulated December 31.

 

Had sex with my ex the day before we broke up, December 24. Had sex with my best friend December 29. Had sex with the two guys December 31/January 1.

 

If I ovulated on time my ex is the least likely. His current girlfriend is pregnant.

 

I know everyone makes mistakes, but most people don't go and sleep with 4 people in one week, unprotected at that. I've never done anything like that.

 

From what I've read I could have a DNA test done during pregnancy.

 

There is a place near me that only charges for the first father tested and the rest are free. You can go back if the first wasn't a match. I don't want to be that girl.

 

I don't know how to tell them at this point. Especially the random guys. They probably don't even remember me.

 

Do I tell them all there are 3 other options? Maybe I'll tell my friend first.

 

My parents will hate that I waited so long to tell them. They live across the country so they won't be able to help me at all.

[Hope4now]

No I wouldn't tell them anything, just that there's a chance they could be the father. And yes the place where each additional one is free sounds like a good choice.

 

Good luck, everything will work out! Sending prayers your way!

[d409]

None of them wrapped up?

 

Think of it this way. That is his baby too, whoever the daddy is. They are just as much part of that baby as you are and they deserve to know just as much as you do.

 

On the bright side, they can't tell you to get an abortion. But seriously. Just tell them, you need to. It's no longer about you and how embarrassed you are. It's about your baby and he deserves to know who his dad is and bond with his dad. He deserves to have his dad there when he is born. So I say it again. It's not about you.

 

Call them, text them, email them, meet them, send a letter by pigeon. Doesn't matter but you need to tell them, before the baby arrives.

 

And NO, do not tell the men they are 1 of 4 possible fathers. That doesn't look good on anyone, unless you want to be on Maury.

[ChickiePops]

You owe it to your child to figure this out. Your reputation is not as important as your kid. Suck it up and tell them. You don't have to tell anyone how many potential fathers there are.

 

Have you been tested for STDs? I know you generally get tested when you're pregnant but just making sure..

[MJJean]

I have to agree with the others. Your baby and his or her father have a right to know each other. You are just going to have to suck it up and start DNA testing.

 

Yes, you can get testing done during pregnancy through a simple blood draw. And you should. When the baby is born, the hospital will be asking who the daddy is for the birth record. Do you really want to say you don't know?

 

Best for all concerned if you get it out of the way now.

 

And don't rule anyone out. Sperm can survive in the body for 5 days after ejaculation. If you ovulated a day or two early that month, exBF is still in the running.

 

If it makes you feel any better, my exH's Baby Momma hauled 7 guys into court for DNA testing. Yes, 7. And they all knew each other. My ex won the sperm lottery and the kid was his.

Edited July 8, 2016 by MJJean

[noelle303]

The first step is not to be so hard on yourself.

 

Hey, I got pregnant with my daughter during an affair with a married man. I was 20. I had to tell this to my parents, family, friends etc. So decision making wise - not my finest moment. However, it happened and the most important thing is to own up to your mistakes and face them with grace.

 

I would start by sending all the guys involved a private e-mail or call them (whatever you feel comfortable doing) and tell them that there is a possibility they are the father (you don't have to tell them that there are 4 of them in the running). Then go to the clinic you found and have them tested one by one.

 

Do it soon so that once the baby is born, there's none of this stress involved as you're raising him.

[introverted1]

I've tried to narrow it down but they are too close together. My last period was December 18, I should have ovulated December 31.

 

Had sex with my ex the day before we broke up, December 24. Had sex with my best friend December 29. Had sex with the two guys December 31/January 1.

 

Assuming you actually ovulated on December 31, the most likely candidate is the best friend from 12/29.

 

Regardless, you need to find out, so move forward with the DNA testing asap.

[BeautyNeverDies]

I need to find the father of my son as well. I too, share in the fact that - being pregnant is a blessing; it's the fact that when the child is here - you have to explain how they were conceived and find their father. I wish you the best. People are always quick to tell you find the Dad but they fail to realize that as the mother of these children - you want to make sure you create the best environment for them so they are safe and happy.

[Eighty_nine]

Assuming you actually ovulated on December 31, the most likely candidate is the best friend from 12/29.

 

Regardless, you need to find out, so move forward with the DNA testing asap.

 

Agreed, it's most likely this guy- second most likely, the next person you slept with after that. Assuming that no one wore a condom.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You can't change anything now; and you were grieving the loss of your relationship when you made these choices. I would ask your friend to take a DNA test; you can just tell him you're wondering if it's his or someone else's. You don't have to get into how there's 4 possibilities. If it's not him, move on to the next most likely. I would do this now, so you can find out who the father is before the baby is born. You never know, maybe that person will be a support to you. And if not, at least you know. Hang in there.

[GunslingerRoland]

Please don't punish your child for your mistakes. Find out who the father is, so that you can get proper child support to support the child plus so that they can know who their father is, if the father wants to be involved.

 

 

Clearly you made mistakes, but they also chose to have unprotected sex with you, they are adults who know the possible outcome of that, as well as you do. A request for a dna test shouldn't come as that big of a surprise.