Zahara Posted August 6, 2016 Share Posted August 6, 2016 Stop being ashamed of yourself. You don't need to belittle yourself because some arsehole has treated you less than. You empower yourself. You don't stay a victim anymore. If you want to stop feeling "ashamed" then stop doing the same thing over and over again and expecting him to be this person he just cannot be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElsieA Posted August 7, 2016 Author Share Posted August 7, 2016 Stop being ashamed of yourself. You don't need to belittle yourself because some arsehole has treated you less than. You empower yourself. You don't stay a victim anymore. If you want to stop feeling "ashamed" then stop doing the same thing over and over again and expecting him to be this person he just cannot be. Thank you Zahara . Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 Occasionally the dumper will downgrade their ex to a fwb or booty call because they miss the regular sex, not the relationship. This can be very tempting when they can see their ex still want to be with them and might be desperate enough to take whatever affection they can get. Obviously, the other person gets the wrong idea and thinks it means more because of their history, but the sad reality is just their ex taking advantage of their vulnerability. This may not apply to your situation (although I think it might) but you need to be careful of his motives or risk additional heartbreak and feelings of betrayal in the long run. It can be hard, but try not to give in to temptation. Be strong and don't settle for less than you truly want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
treezy Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 It doesn't really matter whether or not it's a breadcrumb right? You and I both know that he doesn't want the relationship anymore. Try not to read too much into the messages. They don't mean anything. Action speaks louder than anything said. If he truly wants to be with you, the breakup would never have happened. In any case don't beat yourself up too hard over breaking NC. Never too late to start NC again. I'm not sure if this helps, but I broke NC so many times during my last breakup to a point where my ex started avoiding me. Three years later, tables turned. He recently tried to reach out to me (no idea why and don't really care) and I'm just trying to avoid him now. Point is, stop thinking about it and just, move, on because you will. Let nature take its course. Stay strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 He can miss you, and still not want to be romantically involved. I haven't read your previous threads, so I'm not sure what happened. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElsieA Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 (edited) ok so here it goes i will try my best to make this short . I was with a guy for 2 years we had alot of fun together went on trips together did everything together. It was love at first sight the magical one we're you think that you will spend the rest of your life together , we did not just think it we would say it over and over and how much we loved eachother and bla bla bla ...we moved in together and maybee a year later things started to fall Appart.. he would always wanna stay in and do nothing , he was never motivated to do stuff with of course sometimes we would go out and have fun but i almost had to beg him for it . He would never communicate i would always have to try and guess what was wrong . I would sit there for hours trying to make him speak to me and he would reply " baby everything is okay i love you alot dont worry" so at this point i told myself hmmm okay i guess that is just how he is and now that im living with him i can see that more maybee? No another year went by we went on trip together and with my whole family we had a blast everything was perfection . We got back and everything was still ok then .. And months after that out of the blue he became distant more and more and one morning he just decided it was over . I was devastated for months. And still am today ! When i asked him why he replied i need time for myself and my new job i neee to focus on my new job .. on my head i was like what a poor excuse and dint believe a bit of it .. well guess what not even 1 month after he had a girlfriend oh god was i even more devastated . The worse part in all this is that i dint even hear it from him but from his brother's girlfriend. So i texted him telling him how weak he was for not being honest with me and he said " sorry it just happened " so from that moment i will be honest i told him to f*** off and never heard from him since 3 weeks ago !!! HE texted me saying how sorry he is .. how he made the biggest mistake of his life how muck he misses me how much he was alot better with me how much he feels stupid and that he would give everything to have me back and do things differently. Ok soooo that is the interesting part .. he still has that gf lol and he sends me texts almost everyday.. some good morning..how is my day going .. that he misses me .. so i told you why are you still with her then if you want me that bad .. he replied " cause leaving someone for me can't be done over night " he just keeps on telling me that he wants me just me no doubt in his mind but that he can't leave her just like that but that he will do it eventually!!! what the hell is he thinking or doing ??? Im all confused !!! I was doing fine and now it's all i think about . He keeps on saying i wanna be with you i just dont know when ! Edited January 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Please move on from this. You can't keep reducing your standards any lower for this guy. Realize you deserve better -- a mature individual that is able to provide you with emotional stability and healthy commitment. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 And go back and read your old thread. He has not "changed". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I would be really pissed if I were you ????. That's so shabby. He contacting you while in a relationship? That's BS. And if he can leave you high and dry, what makes her so special? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElsieA Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 I would be really pissed if I were you ????. That's so shabby. He contacting you while in a relationship? That's BS. And if he can leave you high and dry, what makes her so special? I am pissed but i wish i could be even more pissed . I already regret answering him . I wish i could be a b*** to him but i always forgive not just to him but whoever has hurt me in the past .. i can't seem to stay mad ? i wish i could a 100% . I just went nc on him last night cause he is the one that comes back to me but still he is saying i dont know when it will be but i want to be with you i want you to be mine i know it now and i wont leave if someone leaves it will have to be you not me . He keeps telling me that . I hate him right now cause he got me thinking about him all over again . Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 (edited) I am pissed but i wish i could be even more pissed . I already regret answering him . I wish i could be a b*** to him but i always forgive not just to him but whoever has hurt me in the past .. i can't seem to stay mad �� i wish i could a 100% . I just went nc on him last night cause he is the one that comes back to me but still he is saying i dont know when it will be but i want to be with you i want you to be mine i know it now and i wont leave if someone leaves it will have to be you not me . He keeps telling me that . I hate him right now cause he got me thinking about him all over again . It's about having self-respect for yourself. It's one thing to forgive someone who hurts you, but forgiving someone doesn't mean involving yourself with them again. You're mistaking forgiveness for being a doormat. You can't stay mad because you have no boundaries. Stay NC with him. Aim higher. You deserve better than this -- he was a man child in your first thread and he's no better in this thread, even worse. Edited January 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language~T 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElsieA Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 (edited) It's about having self-respect for yourself. It's one thing to forgive someone who hurts you, but forgiving someone doesn't mean involving yourself with them again. You're mistaking forgiveness for being a doormat. You can't stay mad because you have no boundaries. Stay NC with him. Aim higher. You deserve better than this -- he was a man child in your first thread and he's no better in this thread, even worse. yes you are totally right he is just feeding me breadcrumbs . Maybee he did realize that he was better with me and all of what he was telling me but at the end it's his lost . I just wish i would of been not ass nice as i was when he texted me now i feel dumb cause we have been texting for days .. for weeks he must be saying to himself " oh look at her she is still there and she still wants me " im pist off at myself at this moment . Edited January 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 yes you are totally right he is just feeding me breadcrumbs . Maybee he did realize that he was better with me and all of what he was telling me but at the end it's his lost . I just wish i would of been not ass nice as i was when he texted me now i feel dumb cause we have been texting for days .. for weeks he must be saying to himself " oh look at her she is still there and she still wants me " im pist off at myself at this moment . There's nothing to feel dumb about. You are emotional about him and you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. And that's human so don't be so hard on yourself. But you need to learn from this and cast him away. He is not good for you. I think he is bored with his relationship and trying to jump on you. He's using you both for whatever boosts his ego. Take this as a valuable lesson. Use it as a positive rather than dishonor yourself based on the poor behavior of someone else. You're going to be okay. I would suggest blocking this assclown. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElsieA Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 There's nothing to feel dumb about. You are emotional about him and you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. And that's human so don't be so hard on yourself. But you need to learn from this and cast him away. He is not good for you. I think he is bored with his relationship and trying to jump on you. He's using you both for whatever boosts his ego. Take this as a valuable lesson. Use it as a positive rather than dishonor yourself based on the poor behavior of someone else. You're going to be okay. I would suggest blocking this assclown. when he texts back can i at least tell him that i dont want to hear from him that i deserve better and that im done with all this . Or whatever i should tell him but i know im gona feel better to say something than nothing at all . And i can go Nc after that i have done it before with him i have no problem doing it again but i feel the need to leave him with words before i go completely Nc . Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 when he texts back can i at least tell him that i dont want to hear from him that i deserve better and that im done with all this . Or whatever i should tell him but i know im gona feel better to say something than nothing at all . And i can go Nc after that i have done it before with him i have no problem doing it again but i feel the need to leave him with words before i go completely Nc . There is no need to supply words to someone that treats you like crap. Where is your self-respect? The man is toying with you while he has a girlfriend. Why do you think he deserves your words or an explanation? Plus, he won't care about what you think or feel. If he did, you wouldn't be where you are. Trust me, the moment you're done with your speech, he'll say whatever, go back to his girlfriend, have a little cuddle and go on his day. So, go NC. Nothing is louder than silence. Give that to him. He'll get the picture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElsieA Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 There is no need to supply words to someone that treats you like crap. Where is your self-respect? The man is toying with you while he has a girlfriend. Why do you think he deserves your words or an explanation? Plus, he won't care about what you think or feel. If he did, you wouldn't be where you are. Trust me, the moment you're done with your speech, he'll say whatever, go back to his girlfriend, have a little cuddle and go on his day. So, go NC. Nothing is louder than silence. Give that to him. He'll get the picture. Ok thank you for all the advice:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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