Ex and NC [UPDATE: Ex came back after 8 months]

[ElsieA]

hey guys i just wanna say thank you to all of the replies i got it is really helping me get through all of this . Can anybody relate to my story ? Today is not a easy day for me i just can't stop thinking about all this and wondering whyyy whyyy can't i just get it out of my head It feels so painfull like my chest is going to explode. People around me are all telling me to stay NC and that karma will do it's thing one day . Is that always true? Probably not ... But if i look at all my past relationships i can sure say it did . I dont want him back but i wish he would realize what he lost and try to come back to me so i can tell him that it's his lost now . I know that im not perfect but for 2 years i tried my best to be his kind of perfect did everything and everything for him and deep down of him im sure he knows how lucky he was . Im just asking myself how can i be so easy to forget when all i did was loving him and doind everything in my possible way to make this men happy ? He told me he dosent want to talk to me anymore for now . He went no contact on me since he left .. I was the one texting him all the time to see how he was doing .. i know stupid me !!!!

dont know what to think or do anymore . I just wish he would realize what he lost it would make me feel so much better inside just to know that he feel like he "f***** up"

[TooRational]

Yeah, I also wish that my ex would realize that she made a mistake and that I was worth it after all. But that's wishful thinking. She broke up because she thought that it was the best decision and that I wasn't worth it *for her*.

 

Basically it boils down to being compatible. Your worth is not less because you were dumped, it's just that this wasn't what this guy was looking for. You sound really nice and I'm sure that there are tons of guys out there who would appreciate all the love and care that you put into your relationships.

 

Instead of hoping that your ex will realize that, it's probably best to focus on finding someone who will. You probably need a little break from dating to find happiness by yourself though. You'll be more likely to find a healthy partner then.

[ElsieA]

Yeah, I also wish that my ex would realize that she made a mistake and that I was worth it after all. But that's wishful thinking. She broke up because she thought that it was the best decision and that I wasn't worth it *for her*.

 

Basically it boils down to being compatible. Your worth is not less because you were dumped, it's just that this wasn't what this guy was looking for. You sound really nice and I'm sure that there are tons of guys out there who would appreciate all the love and care that you put into your relationships.

 

Instead of hoping that your ex will realize that, it's probably best to focus on finding someone who will. You probably need a little break from dating to find happiness by yourself though. You'll be more likely to find a healthy partner then.

 

Thx alot that felt good to read and you are right ?

[TooRational]

Glad I could help a little. What I wrote is what I'm actually trying to believe for myself. I'm having a hard time letting her go as well. The thing is, I don't have much to dislike about her. The main issue is that we were simply not compatible in our attachment style, which is hard to accept. She was amazing in so many ways.

[beautifulinside2]

I'm sorry you are hurting, clearly he didn't appreciate what you had and still have to offer. The fortunately thing for you is NOW you have the opportunity to find some one who will. Stay NC, so he can now see that your happiness is not dependent upon him, and find someone who wants to reciprocate and make you happy as well. As long as you continue to contact him, he has no space to realize what he is missing and he knows you have not moved on and found the amazing guy that you obviously deserve. Stop giving to him any more of your time, emotions, feelings, etc. I know it's hard but you will be happier the quicker you let him go.

[ElsieA]

Glad I could help a little. What I wrote is what I'm actually trying to believe for myself. I'm having a hard time letting her go as well. The thing is, I don't have much to dislike about her. The main issue is that we were simply not compatible in our attachment style, which is hard to accept. She was amazing in so many ways.

 

I feel you ..and it is so nice that you can still say that she was amazing in so many ways . Who knows what is ment to be will be . But for now the best thing is to stay NC just like i have to do !

[ElsieA]

I'm sorry you are hurting, clearly he didn't appreciate what you had and still have to offer. The fortunately thing for you is NOW you have the opportunity to find some one who will. Stay NC, so he can now see that your happiness is not dependent upon him, and find someone who wants to reciprocate and make you happy as well. As long as you continue to contact him, he has no space to realize what he is missing and he knows you have not moved on and found the amazing guy that you obviously deserve. Stop giving to him any more of your time, emotions, feelings, etc. I know it's hard but you will be happier the quicker you let him go.

 

thx alot I appreciate ! Yes im trying my best to stay NC , im telling to my self everyday that if i text him i will be right back at square one even more hurt that i am now , and i dont want that . NC is tuff and scary , i dont want him to forget about me cause he wont be hearing about me amymore .

[ElsieA]

Hey guys i was wondering ... Saturday is my birthday what do i do if my ex send me a text to wish me happy birthday ? Wich i really doubt cause he is a really selfish men and he is the one that broke up with me.. We just recently started NC cause that is what he wanted totally broke my heart . When he left me i would text him to ask him how he was and stuff .. Yup i know stupid me ! Im the one that gets dump and im the one asking him how he is doing :/ not once did he try to contact me .. And when i ask him why all he answers is i would of done it when i had time you know im busy . Sorry but in my book you have time for what you decide to have time for . It takes 1 sec to send a text asking how i am and stuff . Each time i did text him i did always get a reply though . I would ask him how he felt about all this , if he misses me , if he thinks about me .. And he told me that yes he feels all of that . That he thinks about it everyday that he misses me that he could not imagine himself sleeping with another woman cause all he thinks about is me when he starts feeling horny or something . And then i would say to him .. Well why did u leave then? And i would always get the same answer " cause i dont have time to give you the attention that you want and deserve " so thoes text went on for like 2 weeks until last week when he told me that it was better for now to go NC . I just replied to him " allright i respect your choice " i dint wana start pleeding him and stuff so that is all i said . Do you think it was ok for me to say just that ? we have not spoken since . Like i said i dont even know if i should answer if he ever send me a text for my birthday saturday .. Mine is the 16 and his on the 19 of july. We had plans together it really hurts when i start thinking about it if he does text it will probably be really plain and simple and i dont even want to reply to that it will hurt more if i do . He is the one that asked to go NC .. Please give me advice guys

Thx alot

[ElsieA]

Hey guys i was wondering ... Saturday is my birthday what do i do if my ex send me a text to wish me happy birthday ? Wich i really doubt cause he is a really selfish men and he is the one that broke up with me.. We just recently started NC cause that is what he wanted totally broke my heart . When he left me i would text him to ask him how he was and stuff .. Yup i know stupid me ! Im the one that gets dump and im the one asking him how he is doing :/ not once did he try to contact me .. And when i ask him why all he answers is i would of done it when i had time you know im busy . Sorry but in my book you have time for what you decide to have time for . It takes 1 sec to send a text asking how i am and stuff . Each time i did text him i did always get a reply though . I would ask him how he felt about all this , if he misses me , if he thinks about me .. And he told me that yes he feels all of that . That he thinks about it everyday that he misses me that he could not imagine himself sleeping with another woman cause all he thinks about is me when he starts feeling horny or something . And then i would say to him .. Well why did u leave then? And i would always get the same answer " cause i dont have time to give you the attention that you want and deserve " so thoes text went on for like 2 weeks until last week when he told me that it was better for now to go NC . I just replied to him " allright i respect your choice " i dint wana start pleeding him and stuff so that is all i said . Do you think it was ok for me to say just that ? we have not spoken since . Like i said i dont even know if i should answer if he ever send me a text for my birthday saturday .. Mine is the 16 and his on the 19 of july. We had plans together it really hurts when i start thinking about it if he does text it will probably be really plain and simple and i dont even want to reply to that it will hurt more if i do . He is the one that asked to go NC .. Please give me advice guys

Thx alot

[stillafool]

Since he is the one who broke up and wanted NC don't expect a birthday text. If he does send you a "Happy Bithday" you should simply reply "thank you" and nothing more. If he wants space give him the sky. Start doing things for yourself to make your life better. It seems whatever he is doing is more important to him than you. So be it.

[Zahara]

I read your other thread. You need to block this clown. Therefore, you don't sit there waiting for a text or even open the door to communication. He seems like the kind that will come around sniffing again when he needs something so, birthday text aside, block him.

 

I'm not sure why you are still allowing him access into your life. If you've forgotten the reality of this man, write everything down and remind yourself why you need to shut him out.

 

And if he texts you because you don't want to block him, IGNORE IT.

[ElsieA]

I read your other thread. You need to block this clown. Therefore, you don't sit there waiting for a text or even open the door to communication. He seems like the kind that will come around sniffing again when he needs something so, birthday text aside, block him.

 

I'm not sure why you are still allowing him access into your life. If you've forgotten the reality of this man, write everything down and remind yourself why you need to shut him out.

 

And if he texts you because you don't want to block him, IGNORE IT.

 

thx alot Zahara , so if he does thx me for my birthday i should not reply ? Im trying my best to stay NC trust me . It is so hard to do he is making me feel like i was so easy to forget it hurts alot

[juniorrocha]

thx alot Zahara , so if he does thx me for my birthday i should not reply ? Im trying my best to stay NC trust me . It is so hard to do he is making me feel like i was so easy to forget it hurts alot

 

It's never easy to forget, even if you're the dumper. But while he's on his way to move on, you're still hoping and wanting him in your life.

 

Leave him alone. My ex called me on my b-day (it was last tuesday) and I answered, just said thanks, but it drove me crazy for days to expect she would say something. We had an amicable break up though, so it was important for me to receive a happy birthday from her... but at the end of the day, it doesn't matters, we're not getting back together anyway.

[Zahara]

thx alot Zahara , so if he does thx me for my birthday i should not reply ? Im trying my best to stay NC trust me . It is so hard to do he is making me feel like i was so easy to forget it hurts alot

 

Elsie, let's weigh things.

 

What is the value of a two word birthday text in comparison to the way he has treated you? He can take that text and stick up his arse. A trained monkey can send a text. Why are you focusing on something so trivial and stressing as to whether you should say thank you and what not?

 

No, trying your best to stay NC would mean blocking him because you have enough self-respect to want to keep this guy away from you. And most importantly, you've had enough of him treating you badly. Instead, you're still allowing him to stress you out even when he's not in the picture! Anticipating some lame two word communication is getting you all messed up -- imagine what's going to happen if he came around again with a bunch of words. You'll be right back in the hole again.

 

Protect yourself. A text doesn't mean anything. If he could not treat you the way you deserved during the relationship, you now need to stop holding on to some silly crumb because you so desire to be validated by him.

[Giggles666]

I would like to add this, if he does contact you for your Birthday ignore it.

 

You'll feel like you gained some control over this whole matter back. Part of the problem those of us that get dumped suffer from is the lack of control of our situations. Take control and ignore him. If it was amiable and he treated you with respect then yeah, say thanks. Since he did not, ignore him, take control.

[ElsieA]

Elsie, let's weigh things.

 

What is the value of a two word birthday text in comparison to the way he has treated you? He can take that text and stick up his arse. A trained monkey can send a text. Why are you focusing on something so trivial and stressing as to whether you should say thank you and what not?

 

No, trying your best to stay NC would mean blocking him because you have enough self-respect to want to keep this guy away from you. And most importantly, you've had enough of him treating you badly. Instead, you're still allowing him to stress you out even when he's not in the picture! Anticipating some lame two word communication is getting you all messed up -- imagine what's going to happen if he came around again with a bunch of words. You'll be right back in the hole again.

 

Protect yourself. A text doesn't mean anything. If he could not treat you the way you deserved during the relationship, you now need to stop holding on to some silly crumb because you so desire to be validated by him.

 

Wow Zahara you are so right it felt so good to read all of that thank you .. I guess what is hard for me to except is that he seems to be doing just fine and moving on seems pretty easy for him . If i would of been a total b**** ok would make sence but it is all the opposite . I was the best i could of been to him in every possible way . Im not trying to have some pitty from him or from you guys but im just trying to understand how can he move on so fast ? When i told him all of that he told me that he was not moving on but he just dint have time for me anymore . It hurts cause in 2 years never did he call me names or cheat on me or yell at me in general he was a good person but to my eyes did not value or relationship enough, i cannot say he was a bad guy cause he was not .. But he did take me for grandted after all i did to make this work all he could tell me all the time was that he dint know what to do to prove me that he loved me .. Cause for him saying i love you once a while was enough . But never would he do something for me . It's hard to explain but it felt like whatever i would do he would of never realize how lucky he was to have me in his life . I just hope that one day he will at least i wont feel like i did all of that for nothing for 2 years .

[ElsieA]

I would like to add this, if he does contact you for your Birthday ignore it.

 

You'll feel like you gained some control over this whole matter back. Part of the problem those of us that get dumped suffer from is the lack of control of our situations. Take control and ignore him. If it was amiable and he treated you with respect then yeah, say thanks. Since he did not, ignore him, take control.

 

You are SO right A part of me does wish he send me a text so i can look at it delete it and be proud lol . But i dont think he will he is the one that told me he wanted to go NC . And i just replied " allright i respect your choice" and i went no contact since that

Edited July 12, 2016 by ElsieA

[Satu]

thx alot Zahara , so if he does thx me for my birthday i should not reply ? Im trying my best to stay NC trust me . It is so hard to do he is making me feel like i was so easy to forget it hurts alot

 

Until you block him, you're not really doing NC.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

[Zahara]

Wow Zahara you are so right it felt so good to read all of that thank you .. I guess what is hard for me to except is that he seems to be doing just fine and moving on seems pretty easy for him . If i would of been a total b**** ok would make sence but it is all the opposite . I was the best i could of been to him in every possible way . Im not trying to have some pitty from him or from you guys but im just trying to understand how can he move on so fast ? When i told him all of that he told me that he was not moving on but he just dint have time for me anymore . It hurts cause in 2 years never did he call me names or cheat on me or yell at me in general he was a good person but to my eyes did not value or relationship enough, i cannot say he was a bad guy cause he was not .. But he did take me for grandted after all i did to make this work all he could tell me all the time was that he dint know what to do to prove me that he loved me .. Cause for him saying i love you once a while was enough . But never would he do something for me . It's hard to explain but it felt like whatever i would do he would of never realize how lucky he was to have me in his life . I just hope that one day he will at least i wont feel like i did all of that for nothing for 2 years .

 

He has moved on so quickly because he was never truly invested in the relationship the way you were. That is why it he was able to up and go.

 

I believe you gave and gave because you were hoping that he would give back and you were hoping that if you showed him how wonderful you were, he'd love you or give you what you deserved. I think you already knew in the relationship that his investment was very shallow. I think you just didn't want to accept it. Instead of stepping back and saying STOP, you gave more.

 

We are the ones sitting back and wondering what happened because we overly invested ourselves. And when it falls apart, we are left sitting there going but, but, but I gave him ABCDEFGH...even when we weren't getting much back.

[ElsieA]

He has moved on so quickly because he was never truly invested in the relationship the way you were. That is why it he was able to up and go.

 

I believe you gave and gave because you were hoping that he would give back and you were hoping that if you showed him how wonderful you were, he'd love you or give you what you deserved. I think you already knew in the relationship that his investment was very shallow. I think you just didn't want to accept it. Instead of stepping back and saying STOP, you gave more.

 

We are the ones sitting back and wondering what happened because we overly invested ourselves. And when it falls apart, we are left sitting there going but, but, but I gave him ABCDEFGH...even when we weren't getting much back.

 

This is so true like a 100% true ! And yes i gave and gave and gave you have no idea how and that was my mistake . All i can do now is move on !

Edited July 12, 2016 by ElsieA

[ElsieA]

This is so true like a 100% true ! And yes i gave and gave and gave you have no idea how and that was my mistake . All i can do now is move on !

 

Seriously Zahara thank you very much your truly helping me right now to see all this more clearly

[Zahara]

Seriously Zahara thank you very much your truly helping me right now to see all this more clearly

 

You're very welcome, hun. Been there done that. Wrote the book.

 

Stay strong. When you feel weak, post here before you do anything and let someone talk you out of whatever is troubling you. And don't respond to him if he reaches out.

[ElsieA]

You're very welcome, hun. Been there done that. Wrote the book.

 

Stay strong. When you feel weak, post here before you do anything and let someone talk you out of whatever is troubling you. And don't respond to him if he reaches out.

 

I promise i wont , i dont even feel like it . I gave enough already i am done

[sarah171]

I agree with the other posters, it's best to block him from your phone. It'll make it easier for you to move on and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve. Do not find your worth in what one person thinks. Break-ups happen all the time because we find we are not a good match with the other person, it has nothing to do with not being a good person or him thinking you are forgettable. This is just about you two not being suitable for one another. You're a giver, and he's a taker, and until he learns to be responsible and give as much as he takes in a relationship neither he or the person he's with is going to be happy. I hope you find the right person who will treat you with love and respect. He's out there, don't settle for less! Meanwhile, learn to love yourself :-) You're a wonderful person!

[ElsieA]

I agree with the other posters, it's best to block him from your phone. It'll make it easier for you to move on and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve. Do not find your worth in what one person thinks. Break-ups happen all the time because we find we are not a good match with the other person, it has nothing to do with not being a good person or him thinking you are forgettable. This is just about you two not being suitable for one another. You're a giver, and he's a taker, and until he learns to be responsible and give as much as he takes in a relationship neither he or the person he's with is going to be happy. I hope you find the right person who will treat you with love and respect. He's out there, don't settle for less! Meanwhile, learn to love yourself :-) You're a wonderful person!

 

Aweeee thx alot Sarah . Yup im a giver when i love i truly do and i would give the moon . I promise myself to never again settle for less than what i deserve .. More easy to say than do but i think i have learn a big lesson in that relationship i gave alot and i lost myself i can admit it .