These past 5 months have been really rough (very VERY lengthy post).

[ZayKayWill]

Hey guys. My brother had told me about this site and that this is where he came when he was going through his break up, so....hear I am. Before I type anything out, I very kindly ask you guys to bear with me. I honestly didn't want to come on here to talk about my story...I have some pretty bad anxiety when it comes to people on the internet...you know how it is in this day and age. People on the internet don't tend to be very nice or empathetic...I actually had told about what happened to me right after the break up happened on another Forum site that I usually go to (Gamefaqs) and well...I don't wanna say they weren't all that supportive, but they didn't really say what I needed to hear I guess. I don't really like that community in general anyway, so I guess I figured I would give this place a shot...I'm a bit scared of the responses I'm gonna get not gonna lie, but oh well...better than holding it in I guess. To be honest I don't even know why I'm looking for more support...I've told pretty much all of my friends about what's happened to me and they've reassured me that I didn't really do anything wrong...but I guess when it comes down to it they're my friends so they're gonna somewhat be on my side no matter what...so I guess I kinda need that third party perspective (that is, a perspective aside from my friends and family). Also the post is probably going to be very long...so please try to bear with me on that, too.

 

 

Not even sure where to begin. So um...I met this girl in Spain back in 2010 when I was doing one of my study abroad programs for school. We clicked pretty well. I was in Ibiza seeing DJ Tiesto and apparently she (and her friend) was too. She had a boyfriend apparently, though, so I mean nothing at that point really happened. Ironically enough, though, about a year later (in 2011) I was going to England for another study abroad program that I was doing (and she just happened to live there). Stayed at her house for a week, really clicked, and then just kinda came home and pretended nothing happened...I really liked her but I was still in school so I figured that that was just going to be a one time thing kind of deal. We stayed in contact, and last year in 2015 we agreed to meet up in New York since we haven't seen each other in a while. That was in September. When we finally meet up for the first time since 2011, I sealed the deal and made her my girlfriend (a long distance relationship). Little did I know it would completely end up in disaster...

 

 

I'll just start off by saying that when I made her my gf in New York, she had already right then and there found a reason to break up with me and then get back together with me the next day. We went out and met up with a few friends and we were talking about having kids. My ex gf didn't want to have kids, and so I figured it would be something interesting to offer to the conversation, so I pointed to her and told them about how she didn't want to have children. This really pissed her off. She broke up with me that night and got back together with me the next day. Now let me just say I can understand if that was something personal that she didn't want other people to know. That was her business to share, not mine, but how was I supposed to know that that was something she wasn't comfortable sharing? She could have at least told me to not tell anyone that...or something. You know? Again I'm not trying to not take responsibility since that was her business, not mine, but she didn't need to break up with me....if that's something she wasn't comfortable with sharing she needs to communicate that with me...I mean right? Anyway...

 

 

We move on from that. Everything is going well from that point on...until Thanksgiving 2015 when I go to visit her in England (I live in Arizona.) She finds yet another reason to break up with me...we were going to the Pharmacy to pick up some medicine and when we walk in, she notices that the majority of the people working there were Muslim...and she apparently doesn't like Muslim people. So when she walks inside I see her roll her eyes...and that upset me. And I made it pretty clear that it upset me. Which lead me to ask her why she was 'kind of racist' towards Muslims, because in all honesty I vaguely remember her telling me those exact words when we were in New York that she was 'kind of racist' towards Muslims. And then she responds..."I'm not racist towards them I just don't like them." And I say, "I remember you saying you were kind of racist towards them..." and immediately she freaks out. Stops holding my hand and walks right in front of me. For a few minutes I think nothing of it, but then I proceed to ask her why she felt the way she did and she responds, "I ALREADY TOLD YOU!!!" and just is completely resistant to me the rest of the day...ends up breaking up with me AGAIN WHEN I'M UP THERE VISITNG HER TRYING TO JUST HAVE A GOOD TIME!!! *sigh* sorry had to get that off my chest. I tried multiple times to talk to her but she just wouldn't listen to me. She just left me guessing why exactly she was mad...I tried to figure it out on my own because I figured that's what she was wanting me to do. If I asked her she would just get even more mad...it was awful. I had to deal with that the rest of the day until maybe 2:00 AM when she all of a sudden acted like nothing even happened...we both are laying on the bed separate from each other trying to go to sleep and all of a sudden she just starts holding my hand and making out with me as if nothing even happened...which didn't help anymore with my pissed offness...gets back together with me, says she was just angry and that we can try to start things over again...and of course I agree... it was the last day I was supposed to be there so I flew home and we discussed what happened afterwards and just moved on from there. Thought it was all over. Boy was I wrong.

 

 

After that everything seems to be going somewhat ok, despite a few arguments here and there (that's normal in a relationship I believe). Until the very beginning of February....this is when everything collapsed for good . I didn't see it coming at all. And guess what ended it? A ****ing Facebook quote of all things. Not something that I came up with, myself, but one of those automatic messages that you repost when you see it on someone else's page or whatever. Apparently because I posted this quote, it automatically means that I still like my other ex gf (the girl before the one I am talking about right now). I'm sure you're wondering what it said, right? It said, "It seems that when you want someone, they don't want you, and when someone wants you, you don't want them. And when you both want each other, something has to come around and mess it up." I honestly just thought that that was a true quote in general. I have a lot of friends and a lot of the time things just don't work out between me and them when it comes to hanging out and stuff, so it hit home for be. But apparently she couldn't see that. That quote apparently only applies to loving relationships and not friend and family relationships *SMFH*. That wasn't the only thing that gave her the impression that I liked someone else, though. This was the icing on the cake:

 

 

So get this. I am still very good friends with my ex ex girlfriend (a girl prior to the one that I am currently talking about). And so for her birthday, I decided to buy her something pretty nice....a skydiving certificate. I know. A pretty generous gift and something, as you can probably imagine, wasn't that cheap. I honestly didn't buy her the gift to try to woo her or win her back, though. She's always kind of had a crappy birthday, and well I wanted her to have a not so crappy one...and she's always wanted to go skydiving (something I like to do a lot, myself) so I figured hey, why not bring her with me one time when I go skydiving again or something, you know? So yeah, I had bought that gift for her (her birthday was on Thanksgiving, the same time I went to go visit my most recent ex girlfriend.) I had told my most recent ex gf that I had bought the gift, too...probably wasn't a good idea to tell her I guess. It was kind of obvious that she got a bit jealous over it, but she didn't make it a huge deal at the time (I told her about a week before I went to go visit her in England). So I mean yeah I figured she kind of just got over it after a while. Guess I was wrong. She's really good friends with her ex boyfriend of 3 years...she even considers him a best friend, so I figured she would have understood...and I guess deep down I felt that it was better to be upfront with her than not be upfront with her. Anyway...I guess what I'm basically trying to say is that when she saw me post that quote she automatically thought it meant that I still liked my other ex girlfriend. She also goes on to tell me about how much it bothered her that I went to go hang out with her AND HER BOYFRIEND MAY I ADD on New Years Eve. She had just invited me to go hang out at the bar since there was a small mini rave event going on and well I had nothing else planned, so I figured why not. And of course, she chooses right then and there to tell me how much it bothered her (when she finally broke up with me) and not at the time when it actually happened that it bothered her...*sigh*. She also apparently was bothered when there were some messages that I wouldn't show her when I was up there visiting her in England. I was showing her a conversation between me and a girl and then all of a sudden I had told her that I didn't want to show her anymore...and yes, that was very sneaky I understand, but the only reason why I didn't want to show her was because it involved some dark things in my past that I didn't want to be brought up when I was visiting her in England and just having a good time...I don't want to get too deeply into what it was about, but it wasn't anything that she didn't already know...to be honest it wasn't even the fact that I didn't want HER to see the messages. I didn't want to see the messages either...it was just one of those things where a past memory would have brought back bad emotions...does that make sense? And I had tried to tell her that. And I will admit that yes, that can be viewed as shady, but get this: When I was in England and when we were having that fight that I was talking about earlier, she out of nowhere said, "If you want other girls, you should go after them." I responded by saying, "I have no idea what you're talking about. WHERE are you getting that? Are you talking about Lexi? Cat?" (Cat is the girl that I was showing her the messages to and Lexi is my ex ex). So I mean it's not like I avoided anything...I had given her an opportunity to tell me what exactly was on her mind and what was bugging her, so you would think that she would have taken that opportunity to tell me how much it bothered her that I hid the messages...I mean right? But she didn't...I mean I kinda had a feeling that it bothered her hence why I brought it up in the first place, but of course she chose that one time to use it against me to tell me how much it bothered her...I just don't get it. If I really still liked Lexi, why would I have told her about buying the gift and WHY would I have posted that quote in the first place if it meant I was putting my most recent ex 2nd place behind Lexi? It just doesn't make sense. It's not even like I haven't spent that amount of money on her before. When we were in New York I had bought her a trip around Munds Park I believe it was called and a play to see Aladdin...both which were way more expensive than the skydiving certificate.

 

So yeah, me buying that gift for her I guess just really pissed her off and was just the final straw for her. This girl is 36 years old by the way, and I’m 26. Yup…10 years older than me. It's weird because after she broke up she said that she still wanted to be friends. She would do stuff such as going out of her way to send me cards for Easter (when she lives so far away and could have just sent me a message saying Happy Easter or something else). She even went as far as calling me about a month after we broke up because she out of nowhere apparently found out that her 'real' dad wasn't really her 'real' dad and just needed someone to talk to I guess. Her mom told her this. Don’t know why she would call me of all people if what I did pissed her off so much. It’s not like she doesn’t have any other friends that she couldn’t have gone to talk to. She even went as far to tell me that one of her neighbors had asked her out but she said no because she still liked me…(so why aren’t we still together???). At the end of the conversation she even went as far to say, “I just don’t like it when people don’t admit that they’re wrong…but then again I guess some people do react to things differently. Who knows? Maybe something will happen with us in the future. But don’t forget to invite me to your wedding!” Yeah….as you can imagine that really ****ed with my head and made me angry. After she said that I was pretty much done with her. A month after we had that conversation I deleted her from my Facebook (in April). She didn’t like that I did that. 2 days after I did that she tried calling me twice. Both of which I didn’t answer the phone. And because I didn’t answer the phone, she decides to respond by blocking me. I honestly wasn’t expecting her to do that…I just couldn’t pretend that I was okay with what she had put me through. I’m sorry that I hurt her, but the way she behaved when she broke up with me I felt was very uncalled for. She called me a bunch of names, taunted me, said I should go **** my ex, asked if I was really that desperate and a bunch of stuff that I just can’t seem to forgive her for. So yeah, I did what I did. As of now it’s been 3 months since we’ve talked to each other. Still think about it every day…I’m not sure why I even still care. At this point I don’t even think that she’s worth it. Like I said before I’ve talked to pretty much all my friends about this and they all agreed that it shouldn’t have been something to break up over. They did say how they can see why it would have made her upset, but maybe only should have made her upset for maybe a day or 2 at max, but not something to just break up over. It sucks because I still love her to death…we were only officially together for 5 months, but I’ve had my eye on this girl for years…and now she’s gone. I really do hope that one day we can rekindle things and settle our differences…but for some reason I’m really not counting on it. She just seems too immature. I did truly love her, though…and still do. *sigh* Idk about you guys, but I feel, no….I KNOW that I could find a girl out there who wouldn’t have made it such a big deal. Again if she was mad for maybe a day or 2 that’s fine I guess, but it shouldn’t have been anything to hold a grudge over, if you ask me. Idk…do I sound crazy? I’m open to whatever you guys have to say at this point. Like I said I didn’t want to post this because I was way too scared of being judged…I’ve stopped myself from posting this story on this site about 3 times I think. This is my 4th time at attempting to do so…so um yeah whatever you guys have to say I’m open ears. Let me have it… *bites lips*.

[JewelD]

I honestly thought you both were teens from reading this until I got to the end. She's an idiot and she's a racist, move on from that.

[ExpatInItaly]

Good heavens, this woman has serious issues. Ones that you can't fix.

 

Stay away from her. She isn't a well person.

[ZayKayWill]

I truly do appreciate the support...I just couldn't believe that someone behaved like this and thought that it was normal and would point fingers at me saying that I was the one that wasn't being normal...ugh.

[Zahara]

You dodged a bullet. This is not normal behavior and you should move on from her. All kinds of emotional volatility. Stay away from her and move on from this.

[ZayKayWill]

I'm glad I decided to post here. I'm already starting to feel better. You guys are awesome.

[friendlyfriend]

Zaykaywill:

This sounds like a very un-serious attempt at having a relationship, and having a relationship (even a long-distant relationship) involves a deeper level of intimacy in sharing feelings and ideas than what is going on with you at this time.

This seems more like a long distant 'play date' with real life expectations that are not justified.

I'm glad that posting here has given you some perspective. Best wishes to you

 

friendlyfriend

[ZayKayWill]

Zaykaywill:

This sounds like a very un-serious attempt at having a relationship, and having a relationship (even a long-distant relationship) involves a deeper level of intimacy in sharing feelings and ideas than what is going on with you at this time.

This seems more like a long distant 'play date' with real life expectations that are not justified.

I'm glad that posting here has given you some perspective. Best wishes to you

 

friendlyfriend

 

What do you mean?

[friendlyfriend]

Well, let’s start with why you want a relationship.

Traditionally, ‘dating’ had a purpose to it: To find a mate; someone you want to commit yourself to for a lifetime. Socializing was just an occasion for getting to know each other, and the assessment was going on at a deeper level; would we make a good couple? Is he or she supportive; do we share a common perspective and is a good friend…the best friend you would ever have. Do we share the same values and beliefs? What do I add to his/her life and visa versa. Can we solve problems together successfully? What kind of a future do we both want? Do I feel relaxed and secure around him/her? Is this the person I want to share my best and worst times with.

I get the feelings that you want to be able to say that you have a girl friend more than you really want to have a girl friend.

I question what does it mean to you that she is your ‘girlfriend’? What does that mean to her? Is it a committed relationship? It doesn’t sound that way to me. What is the commitment? What is the promise? Exclusivity? Are you exclusively looking at her, listening for her, making and keeping a promise to her? You’ve got ‘exs,’ and ex-exs,’ because you haven’t fulfilled a commitment to anyone yet. Even ‘exclusivity’ is a long way from a Promise Ring, which is a long way to an Engagement Ring and a long way from a Wedding Ring. I doesn’t sound to me like you’re on this serious a track. It sounds as if you love thinking you’re in love, and it’s kind of like the old TV show, “The Dating Game.”