Jbunny Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Today after my daughter's softball game I was standing with my wife and in laws waiting for my daughter. When she came out she greeted us and asked where my parents were as they always come to her games. My father in law said "nope, I guess your cool grandma and grandpa were too busy for you." The reason they didn't come is because my oldest brother is in trouble with the law, but I'm not supposed to say anything to anyone but my wife. Her parents always try to make jabs at my parents, but when they see them act like they are the best of friends. It really rubs me the wrong way. This comment also hurt my daughter's feelings because she is very close to my mom and dad. I've tried to let it go, but it's really bugging me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 so how do you think you could have turned that comment around to acknowledge the one set of grandparents absence whilst still showing regard for the ones who did show up? My granddaughter has her favorite set of grandparents and I realize that I am not it. So whenever she does get upset when they aren't there, I remind her how much they love her too and miss her. I stopped thinking I'd be anything more than a "stand in" grandparent. I love her dearly and sincerely understand the "place" that some grandparents are put in the life of the endeared one.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jbunny Posted July 8, 2016 Author Share Posted July 8, 2016 so how do you think you could have turned that comment around to acknowledge the one set of grandparents absence whilst still showing regard for the ones who did show up? My granddaughter has her favorite set of grandparents and I realize that I am not it. So whenever she does get upset when they aren't there, I remind her how much they love her too and miss her. I stopped thinking I'd be anything more than a "stand in" grandparent. I love her dearly and sincerely understand the "place" that some grandparents are put in the life of the endeared one.... Honestly I don't know what I should have said... I was mad and distracted. I try to tell my daughter to lay off on the favoritism because sometimes it's blatantly obvious. She and My nephew are constantly taking pictures with my dad or posting things on Facebook that are little memes comparing them to him. My dad is a really relaxed guy, and his job makes it so he has to know current trends and all that, so the kids have a lot of fun with him and my mom. I know that drives my father in law up the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jbunny Posted July 9, 2016 Author Share Posted July 9, 2016 My poor daughter started asking me about it today... "did they really not come because they don't care?" It made me so sad. I tried explaining that wasn't the issue, but she doesn't believe me. I can't say anything about the real reason... Should I let my FIL know that that comment really caused some hurt? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 I didn't read by your fil statement anything relating to not caring. Either she or you are drawing that conclusion by his "not cool" comment. A Wise father would not take sides but instead certainly validate the daughters perspective and emotions. It's your choice to confront the FIL. sounds like you want to anyways. Or your daughter can take this as an opportunity to get clarification. How are you each on responding directly and with empathy when matters like this arise? Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 If your wife knows what the problem is with your brother being in trouble and therefore your parents couldn't be there, then maybe she should let her parents know that the comment wasn't very nice and that they should be careful with their words. As far as your daughter asking where they were, just explain to her that something important came up and they couldn't make it this time and let it be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jbunny Posted July 9, 2016 Author Share Posted July 9, 2016 I didn't read by your fil statement anything relating to not caring. Either she or you are drawing that conclusion by his "not cool" comment. A Wise father would not take sides but instead certainly validate the daughters perspective and emotions. It's your choice to confront the FIL. sounds like you want to anyways. Or your daughter can take this as an opportunity to get clarification. How are you each on responding directly and with empathy when matters like this arise? She came to that conclusion, and I wonder why because they are so involved. My mom more than my dad because he's a workaholic, but her to draw the conclusion they don't care was sad for me. This was a big game with their rivals and think that's why she took notice. They also had said that they would be there, but then my brother got arrested. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts