Dating multiple women to not be too invested in one

[nihar001]

http://www.celebratefast.com

[elaine567]

I don't really like to multi date, but I have done it sometimes. I most often just date one after another, until something works out long term.

 

But my situation now is stressing me out a lot. I have gotten back to talking to someone I was really into, but it ended up ending do to her having to move. Anyway, years go by and now we are talking again and every day and I'm screwing things up because I'm feeling needy. We aren't actually dating, just talking in a way that it is like we are both interested and I'll probably see her in 2 months. Some things that had been obstacles for us to be living near each other years ago aren't an issue anymore.

 

So, I'm trying to back off the communication with her some, because I'm screwing things up over worrying about how everything will go.

 

I am setting up a date with someone I met a few months ago and I'm trying to meet someone else online.

 

OK, so you have someone "special" here that you are talking to, and you think dating multiple other women, will stop you screwing things up with her...

I'm sure she will just love that idea when she finds out...

[WellHelloThere]

OK, so you have someone "special" here that you are talking to, and you think dating multiple other women, will stop you screwing things up with her...

I'm sure she will just love that idea when she finds out...

 

 

I'm not even dating the one from the past. We are just talking. Why should I act like I'm committed to her because we are talking and like each other? Isn't that putting things backwards? All that matters is that I'm single, not that I go out on a date with someone. I can't hold it against her if she goes on a date. If or when we see each other we can see what we both want.

 

Anyway, I feel better now. I feel like if I'm not investing too quickly in her, I can take a step back and see things more objectively, instead of obsessing over little things.

[Jabron1]

A man should explore his options and play the field for as long as he wants.

 

The truth is that this entire dating scene is set-up in such a way to put men in a compromising position. The only way you can make the game work for you is to get plenty of options.

 

I simply can't imagine approaching and dating one woman at a time. All the while, the girl is naturally spinning plates, because it is women that typically get hit on much more.

 

Men are the choosers, women are the filterers.

 

I'm currently seeing two women. I'm feeling pretty damn good lately. I'm getting back to where I was. I've got my head screwed on right, and I've got lots of money. Therefore, I will be further adding to my options in the next few weeks - maybe up to 4 or 5.

 

Life is good. I have no idea why other guys aren't doing the same.

[Jabron1]

I make a decision by 3-5 dates.

 

Why? I don't understand setting yourself an arbitrary lock-down rule.

 

One of the interesting things that I've noticed is how men multidating is accepted - but only as long as monogamy is the intention and motivator.

 

Having fun seems a big no no

[Shining One]

Why? I don't understand setting yourself an arbitrary lock-down rule.

 

One of the interesting things that I've noticed is how men multidating is accepted - but only as long as monogamy is the intention and motivator.

 

Having fun seems a big no no

I should have clarified. When I'm multi-dating with the goal of a relationship, I make a decision on whether or not a woman is relationship-material by 3-5 dates. I use that number because I'd rather not waste any more time and money on women who I don't see potential in. On the other hand, when I'm dating just for "fun", I don't have any specific guidelines and I do what I feel like.

[Jabron1]

When I'm multi-dating with the goal of a relationship, I make a decision on whether or not a woman is relationship-material by 3-5 dates.

 

Still don't understand why, and I'm genuinely interested. You can't really know someone like that in three or five dates anyway.

 

I just don't understand the method.

[elaine567]

I'm currently seeing two women. I'm feeling pretty damn good lately. I'm getting back to where I was. I've got my head screwed on right, and I've got lots of money. Therefore, I will be further adding to my options in the next few weeks - maybe up to 4 or 5.

 

Life is good. I have no idea why other guys aren't doing the same.

 

Which is all good for you, as you have no intention of looking for a long term gf/partner/wife - probably ever. They come, they go...

The OP on the other hand is talking to a woman who he was "really into", previously and so I guess it is a big deal for him if she walks away when she senses he is not that focussed, due to him seeing other women.

 

If indeed he is not fussed if he loses her, then fair enough, but it will be difficult to convince her to throw her lot in with him, if he is dating all and sundry at the same time.

 

O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?

You'll have to hang on a minute, Juliet. Just got back from a hot date with Cordelia - I'm knackered, and I can't chat long as I'm preparing a meal for Titania who is coming round tonight for chilli. I have to set up some fun things to do with Ophelia at the weekend too, and then there is Gertrude and Miranda... its just all so hectic here.

Love you lots, speak soon...

[WellHelloThere]

Which is all good for you, as you have no intention of looking for a long term gf/partner/wife - probably ever. They come, they go...

The OP on the other hand is talking to a woman who he was "really into", previously and so I guess it is a big deal for him if she walks away when she senses he is not that focussed, due to him seeing other women.

 

If indeed he is not fussed if he loses her, then fair enough, but it will be difficult to convince her to throw her lot in with him, if he is dating all and sundry at the same time.

 

O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?

You'll have to hang on a minute, Juliet. Just got back from a hot date with Cordelia - I'm knackered, and I can't chat long as I'm preparing a meal for Titania who is coming round tonight for chilli. I have to set up some fun things to do with Ophelia at the weekend too, and then there is Gertrude and Miranda... its just all so hectic here.

Love you lots, speak soon...

 

One of us would have to take time off to travel regularly, then I'd need to figure out how to move there at least most of the time. We haven't decided if we are going to actually start something again in reality, not just on the phone. I don't want to multi date long term. At this point if I go one one or 2 dates a week, it doesn't effect the time I spend with her, since it's all on the phone anyway.

[katiegrl]

Why? I don't understand setting yourself an arbitrary lock-down rule.

 

One of the interesting things that I've noticed is how men multidating is accepted - but only as long as monogamy is the intention and motivator.

 

 

----

 

**Having fun seems a big no no

 

Jabron, love.... many people can and do have loads of fun, exciting times dating one at a time.

 

I do! When we click and the chemistry is there, fun exciting times abound! I can't even imagine mixing it up or *spinning plates* as you call it.

 

I know shocking for a man like you to believe, but not everyone is like you, as awesome as you are!

 

Live and let live......

[Jabron1]

Which is all good for you, as you have no intention of looking for a long term gf/partner/wife - probably ever. They come, they go...

The OP on the other hand is talking to a woman who he was "really into", previously and so I guess it is a big deal for him if she walks away when she senses he is not that focussed, due to him seeing other women.

 

If indeed he is not fussed if he loses her, then fair enough, but it will be difficult to convince her to throw her lot in with him, if he is dating all and sundry at the same time.

 

I had a girlfriend this time last year. It brought me down.

 

O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?

You'll have to hang on a minute, Juliet. Just got back from a hot date with Cordelia - I'm knackered, and I can't chat long as I'm preparing a meal for Titania who is coming round tonight for chilli. I have to set up some fun things to do with Ophelia at the weekend too, and then there is Gertrude and Miranda... its just all so hectic here.

Love you lots, speak soon...

 

Listen to me Romeo, and you might have lived.

 

 

One of us would have to take time off to travel regularly, then I'd need to figure out how to move there at least most of the time. We haven't decided if we are going to actually start something again in reality, not just on the phone. I don't want to multi date long term. At this point if I go one one or 2 dates a week, it doesn't effect the time I spend with her, since it's all on the phone anyway.

 

Well at least you learned that multi-dating makes you more attractive. Not less.

 

Jabron, love.... many people can and do have loads of fun, exciting times dating one at a time.

 

I do! When we click and the chemistry is there, fun exciting times abound! I can't even imagine mixing it up or *spinning plates* as you call it.

 

I know shocking for a man like you to believe, but not everyone is like you, as awesome as you are!

 

Live and let live......

 

I'm just trying to figure people out.

 

Anyways I'm off in a bit. I'm going to a party. I turn 30 in a few days

 

Sucks that the interesting conversations start on Saturdays

[katiegrl]

I had a girlfriend this time last year. It brought me down.

 

 

 

Listen to me Romeo, and you might have lived.

 

 

 

 

Well at least you learned that multi-dating makes you more attractive. Not less.

 

 

 

I'm just trying to figure people out.

 

Anyways I'm off in a bit. I'm going to a party. I turn 30 in a few days

 

Sucks that the interesting conversations start on Saturdays

 

Oh my goodness I never would have figured you were a *Cancer* man.....happy birthday!!!!

 

I am *Cancer* too by the way, moon in Gemini.

 

Have fun!

[WellHelloThere]

I had a really good conversation with her today. She talked about how we are different, how she likes me because of that and we wouldn't be talking after all these years if it wasn't for what she likes about me. She said that I have things she doesn't have and she has things I don't have, so we go together because of that. I think I actually like her more than years ago and she was my favorite. So it's kind of a lot to take in. Especially since this is all based on the phone and text. I don't know if real life will be the same.

 

The thing is I can't base my feelings on phone conversation. Anyone can talk, but who knows what reality is going to be. I'm just being cautious.

 

I'm not looking to be a player. But I shouldn't act like I'm taken if I'm not actually taken.

[blackcat777]

I think multi-dating is critical in the early stages of dating.

 

My advice: know your max number.

 

I could NEVER message more than three guys at a time because I found it WAY too stressful and overwhelming.

 

You don't want to scream the wrong name or something, yikes

 

One of my favorite relationship bloggers talks about how multi-dating into long term relationships can be destructive, however, and is counterproductive to commitment - it can make a person you really want shy away because they think you're not 100% into it.

 

You have to find a sweet spot for your involvement levels, involvement quantities, and exclusivity trigger. Whew!

[WellHelloThere]

I think multi-dating is critical in the early stages of dating.

 

My advice: know your max number.

 

I could NEVER message more than three guys at a time because I found it WAY too stressful and overwhelming.

 

You don't want to scream the wrong name or something, yikes

 

One of my favorite relationship bloggers talks about how multi-dating into long term relationships can be destructive, however, and is counterproductive to commitment - it can make a person you really want shy away because they think you're not 100% into it.

 

You have to find a sweet spot for your involvement levels, involvement quantities, and exclusivity trigger. Whew!

 

 

I think 2 or 3 is my max number. It took2 girls to the same restaurant in the same week. Not my idea but the girl said lets go there. The ass waiter said, what happened to the other girl? WTF?

[Jabron1]

Oh my goodness I never would have figured you were a *Cancer* man.....happy birthday!!!!

 

I am *Cancer* too by the way, moon in Gemini.

 

I don't understand this paganism. Help me out here.

 

Have fun!

 

Thankyou. You too

 

I'm not looking to be a player.

 

We are all players. It's inevitable, whether we like it or not. Until we die, which is also inevitable.

 

Death is coming.

 

I like writing feelgood stuff

 

I think 2 or 3 is my max number.

 

F*ck it. Speed the car until it crashes. Learn your limits. You live once, so you might as well experience it.

 

My advice: know your max number.

 

This is impossible, really.

 

Yesterday I felt like I could handle 10 girls. This morning I don't want to handle any.

 

I know that I have to at least have a text exchange with this one girl today to keep her happy. I need to give her some value.

 

All I want to do is sleep all day. Poor me

Edited July 10, 2016 by Jabron1

[katiegrl]

 

I don't understand this paganism. Help me out here.

 

 

Oh it just means the sun, stars and moon were aligned in the right place when we were born.... and that we are both awesome ..

[sc0316]

A man should explore his options and play the field for as long as he wants.

 

The truth is that this entire dating scene is set-up in such a way to put men in a compromising position. The only way you can make the game work for you is to get plenty of options.

 

I simply can't imagine approaching and dating one woman at a time. All the while, the girl is naturally spinning plates, because it is women that typically get hit on much more.

 

Men are the choosers, women are the filterers.

 

I'm currently seeing two women. I'm feeling pretty damn good lately. I'm getting back to where I was. I've got my head screwed on right, and I've got lots of money. Therefore, I will be further adding to my options in the next few weeks - maybe up to 4 or 5.

 

Life is good. I have no idea why other guys aren't doing the same.

 

Jabron1:

 

Just curious: For someone like you who "spins plates" (your vocabs), I have a few serious questions:

 

1. When do you stop seeing a woman whom you have been dating? Once you get tired of her??

2. What happens when you have developed feelings or even attachment to one of your "plates"?

3. Do you visualize yourself still doing this (i.e., "spinning plates") when you get

to a certain age, say, in your 50s?

 

Again, I'm genuinely interested in your answers. Thanks.

[2.50 a gallon]

Max number.

I made the mistake of dating around 4 at Thanksgiving. Everybody wants you to share a meal with them.

I was down to one by Christmas

[Jabron1]

Jabron1:

 

Just curious: For someone like you who "spins plates" (your vocabs), I have a few serious questions:

 

1. When do you stop seeing a woman whom you have been dating? Once you get tired of her??

 

Who says they don't often ditch me?

 

The most common two reasons it ends is because I either won't put up with bullsh*t, or because I won't accept being bossed around.

 

Women are so used to being able to control guys, it's surprising.

 

 

2. What happens when you have developed feelings or even attachment to one of your "plates"?

 

?

 

Same. I treat people well. I give value to people around me; I don't mooch off people at all.

 

No interest in being anyone's slave though.

 

What you can't say "no" to becomes your master.

 

 

3. Do you visualize yourself still doing this (i.e., "spinning plates") when you get

to a certain age, say, in your 50s?

 

One of the things I often hear is "the fear of ended up a lonely old man" lol.

 

I'll tell you why this is BS.

 

Growing up, my dad wasn't a 'player'. He was loyal to my mum. But my grandad and uncle were big womanisers, and not in the way that I agree with - they were liars. But they were good with women.

 

My grandad lived on the same street that I did growing up. My uncle lived there too, on and off.

 

I had to go around there often for stuff. You have no idea how many women I saw come and go from that house. It was absolutely ridiculous

 

I have no idea what I'll be doing when I'm 50. But I sure as hell aren't going to settle out of fear, mate

[sc0316]

Thanks for responding, Jabron1. If you don't mind, I have a couple of follow-up questions (these are the last, I promise). Again, I ask them simply out of curiosity:

 

How long do you usually "spin a plate"? Is it fair to say you have never met a girl/woman who didn't either ditch you or boss you around fairly quickly? What happens if someone you like asks you to date exclusively?

 

I brought up the 50-year-old player question NOT because I thought you should settle for fear of becoming a lonely old man. From a woman's perspective, a 30-year-old bad boy or player may have its appeal, but a 50-year-old player or bad boy not so much perhaps?!

 

 

Who says they don't often ditch me?

 

The most common two reasons it ends is because I either won't put up with bullsh*t, or because I won't accept being bossed around.

 

Women are so used to being able to control guys, it's surprising.

 

 

 

 

?

 

Same. I treat people well. I give value to people around me; I don't mooch off people at all.

 

No interest in being anyone's slave though.

 

What you can't say "no" to becomes your master.

 

 

 

 

One of the things I often hear is "the fear of ended up a lonely old man" lol.

 

I'll tell you why this is BS.

 

Growing up, my dad wasn't a 'player'. He was loyal to my mum. But my grandad and uncle were big womanisers, and not in the way that I agree with - they were liars. But they were good with women.

 

My grandad lived on the same street that I did growing up. My uncle lived there too, on and off.

 

I had to go around there often for stuff. You have no idea how many women I saw come and go from that house. It was absolutely ridiculous

 

I have no idea what I'll be doing when I'm 50. But I sure as hell aren't going to settle out of fear, mate