I think my subconscious is holding me back.

[ashy555]

I have never had any success whilst dating and I have always thought that I have just been extremely unlucky. I am 26 and never had a serious relationship. Yet have dated a fair bit. I always thought life isn't fair because i get screwed by every man I date etc etc. I consider myself extremely independent and enjoy my own space.

 

I do get a fair bit of attention from the opposite sex, so couldn't figure it out.. Until now.

 

I developed this huge crush on a friend that I have known for years. Out of the blue. He hit on me a few times over the years but i never saw him like that. I was ALWAYS chasing the unavailable dickheads. So i asked this guy out and we went on our first date last week. He picked me up, paid for dinner and I kissed him when he dropped me off. I spent the rest of the weekend riddled with anxiety and I couldn't quite figure out why. Hes a catch but i almost felt trapped instantly. I think I am actually afraid of commitment on some kind of sub conscious level. Back when I was 18 I would have gotten into a relationship with anyone who showed me attention (very naive) but now I somehow like the thrill of the chase. Not just that, I don't give good genuine guys a go. I have always been huge on chemistry but I really am putting that on the back burner now as the only men i ever felt chemistry with, were men who were unavailable and treated me like a dog.

 

This is the first good decent guy that seems perfect for me. Same values, come from similar families with the same hobbies. I am attracted to him and sometimes feel a little spark here and there when i think of him after one date (usually its a no straight no off the bat)

 

As soon as he messages me though.. it almost disappears. It is so utterly ridiculous. Emotionally I must be really messed up. I would be so angry with myself if I screwed it all up. I am trying to block out any negativity and in the past few days have felt a lot better but I believe I have a long way to go.

I have been reading a lot and everything just makes sense to me now. I just want to relax and open myself up and just enjoy myself. The initial stages are supposed to be the most exciting.

 

He is also far from needy and has always been quite confident within himself. Therefore we aren't texting back and forth every single day which is actually really nice as it gives me time to gather my thoughts. I am looking forward to seeing him again, but on the other hand I am terrified that I won't like him.

 

Is there any advice out there? Or anyone who is in a similar situation?

[jen1447]

I'd just decide to take a risk and jump in the deep end, despite everything. Sometimes I think worry is best managed by defying it like that. Just tell yourself you're gonna do it and have fun no matter how much your anxiety badgers you.

 

Good luck!

[ashy555]

Thanks Jen!

 

I am doing exactly that. In the past week I have felt a lot better and now I can't seem to get him off my mind. Its like I have done a complete 180.. I couldn't even sleep a few nights ago and it was kinda terrifying haha. We don't text back and forth every 5 minutes so it does help. It also feels really easy and peaceful almost. I have been working on it so i hope next time I see him, I actually do feel more attraction.