BelleSkye Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Just sharing my experience here - I finally get what some movies are about regarding dreams - when the one partner truly believes that they are talking or with their ex and then....wakes up This past week - I have had the sweetest dreams of my ex - me telling him...holding him so close telling him how much I miss him....truly believing that it was not a dream. Another dream - we are talking about making things work out - and in the dream, I'm convincing myself that this is not a dream by looking at objects around me and concentrating on them to make sure they are real....then I wake up It's as if script writers have had their heads messed up with dreams as well. Never knew dreams would take over me so much. Keep reminding myself that one-day I will be part of Star Dust again...and none of this **** would matter anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Dreams can seem to kick your butt but they actually serve a needed purpose, which is just processing the info. Each time you dream about the ex you're slowly getting over him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BelleSkye Posted July 8, 2016 Author Share Posted July 8, 2016 Thanks Jen - however, 9 months straight - dreams / nightmares of him. It hurts and scares me that this is it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Just sharing my experience here - I finally get what some movies are about regarding dreams - when the one partner truly believes that they are talking or with their ex and then....wakes up This past week - I have had the sweetest dreams of my ex - me telling him...holding him so close telling him how much I miss him....truly believing that it was not a dream. Another dream - we are talking about making things work out - and in the dream, I'm convincing myself that this is not a dream by looking at objects around me and concentrating on them to make sure they are real....then I wake up It's as if script writers have had their heads messed up with dreams as well. Never knew dreams would take over me so much. Keep reminding myself that one-day I will be part of Star Dust again...and none of this **** would matter anymore. I really like your reference to Star Dust as I'm a bit of an astronomy geek so the reference resonates with me. We are all made of star dust and one day will become star dust again I like Jen's interpretation that it means you are healing. I am going through a more recent breakup and find myself dreaming about tons of stuff (both good and bad). I've found when I've been through a rough break up I'm reminded of the previous rough break ups as well (and have dreams about them too). I do look forward to sleeping (now that I can) because it takes me away from the daily reality. I trust in the fact that I made it through two really rough breakups in my day and I will make it through this one as well. You will too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Dreams can seem to kick your butt but they actually serve a needed purpose, which is just processing the info. Each time you dream about the ex you're slowly getting over him. This. tencharacters 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Thanks Jen - however, 9 months straight - dreams / nightmares of him. It hurts and scares me that this is it. 9 months, bah - try 18 years. (Only diff is those dreams are 'okay' now. Yours will be too.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 9 months, bah - try 18 years. (Only diff is those dreams are 'okay' now. Yours will be too.) 18 years to get over a guy or just the dreams? You look like you're 18! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 18 years to get over a guy or just the dreams? You look like you're 18! Aw, thank you. 18 years and I still dream about him from time to time. But sometime after oh, 5 years or so? they lost most of that power to knock you out and anymore they're just like abstract short films where he still plays an occasional role. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SeanDylan Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 I used to have those dreams. In them she would wake me up, kiss me. I would take comfort holding her. There were never words, just feelings. They then changed to me screaming at her. Saying the things I can not / will not say to another person. She has said things to me which have messed me up. In my dreams I say mean things to hurt her. In reality I can't say them. I sometimes have dreams where I research them and find some interesting clues to what I am thinking below the surface. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Densel Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 I only got nightmares. In the dreams...My ex and the new guy are together and my ex dumping me. Same dreams almost every night. That was the 1st 3 months post break up. Link to post Share on other sites
SeanDylan Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 I had some odd dreams last night again. Not unpleasant but I do not see my stbx in them. But know she is there. Last night I was chasing that spectre through my dreams and do not know why. It was not to catch up but to understand what is going on. I think it is me looking for closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BelleSkye Posted July 21, 2016 Author Share Posted July 21, 2016 Loveshackers - still not doing well - nightmare this morning had my heart racing for a good 30 min after I woke up - and I feel traumatised. It's like breaking up all over again - or going through the horror of it all again. A Lobotomy does not seem like a bad idea right now. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 Ha, I remember that feeling. Just try to consciously keep it in the forefront of your mind that no matter what you dream or whatever else happens, you're actually slowly getting better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BelleSkye Posted July 21, 2016 Author Share Posted July 21, 2016 Trying Jen, really trying. I do keep thinking your advice everytime I experience a nightmare. Hope that oneday I can be cool-as-a-cucumber-Jen like you Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 Trying Jen, really trying. I do keep thinking your advice everytime I experience a nightmare. Hope that oneday I can be cool-as-a-cucumber-Jen like you You will be. And by then you'll be the one giving the support to some other poor soul. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 First month was all nightmares for me. Now, just a few times a week. Generally when I don't meditate before bed. It's important to read, or clear your mind of the anxiety and thoughts just before sleep. No screens. Those seeds of whatifs and doubt grow into giant redwoods of dreamed reality overnight. By morning your subconscious has to keep the nightmare woodchipper turning just to get you to wake up! Funny thing is, part of my relationship's fall was my ex consistently had a nightmare of me with other girls that sowed the seed of doubts in her head as to our longevity. Now I have the dreams and the reality! I never "felt" or understood many song lyrics or broken romance movies before being dumped. It's as if art, music, and film have a much deeper connection to myself because I understand and can empathize with the artists and writers who clearly have experienced something similar in their own lives. Country music and chick flicks connect well with me all of a sudden. The Killers' first song, Mr. Brightside is on the radio where I live once an hour it seems. It has always been a favorite of mine, but I never really "listened" to the lyrics until recently. The History Of 'Mr. Brightside' By The Killers, 10 Years Later 2 Link to post Share on other sites
asphyxis Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 Loveshackers - still not doing well - nightmare this morning had my heart racing for a good 30 min after I woke up - and I feel traumatised. It's like breaking up all over again - or going through the horror of it all again. A Lobotomy does not seem like a bad idea right now. This is me today too. Woke up out of a dream of us breaking up all over again, only in my dream, we were leaving away from.somewhere and he told me to my face in a nasty manner. Unlike the text he sent me, but which was still cruel. I woke up with my heart racing and crying. Been feeling extra law today, almost like I'm reliving 2 weeks ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BelleSkye Posted July 23, 2016 Author Share Posted July 23, 2016 10 months later and I'm not coping Nightmares still get to me - still at a loss of what was the point of everything I went through - all that pain....my life seems pointless and I'm still suicidal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 You're coping. And you'll get there. (Hugs) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BelleSkye Posted July 23, 2016 Author Share Posted July 23, 2016 It's so unfair Jen - he is out of my life, not messing me around, doing the NC strategy - and I'm letting myself down with these stupid nightmares and dreams - as horrifying as some might be - it seams more real than what happens when I'm awake....when awake - life is empty...slow...tedious....in my nightmares - I'm not numb - I feel I experience, I explore and aware of my surroundings - trying to convince myself that this activity is actually taking place and is not a dream. I wish that I could feel relieved that they were just nightmares and not what I have been really experiencing....but I feel like I'm not winning in either world - the sleep / REM world and in wake / real life....I feel trapped and in limbo. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 I can't validate or invalidate any of those things Belle - ppl have their own ways of processing - but try to keep in mind it really is your body's way of healing. Do you get out much? I don't mean dating necessarily but I've found that when I get too worked up inside my own mind I need to get out of it, which means get outside your place and out in the world. One really good thing to do in your shoes is volunteer for a charitable organization - it helps to eat up a lot of otherwise idle time, get your mind elsewhere, give you real life examples of other very unfortunate ppl, gain perspective, and get the body and spirit benefits of helping other ppl. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BelleSkye Posted July 23, 2016 Author Share Posted July 23, 2016 I am busy - busy with a new job, busy making new friends, busy seeing to my health (take weekly iv fusions for my type of aneamia - something I never used to do before because of I have a phobia for blood). Go out Friday night for drinks, spend time with my dogs, assist with animal shelters (well, mostly donating - not actually looking after the animals).... I try to appreciate the situation I'm in - (at home with family, being able to play the piano again, mum cooks and cleans for me etc) - its a bit better than some of the situations that my new or current friends are in. However... I miss him Jen - he was the most real thing in my life when he was around. The nigthmares just make it worse for me. Exhaust m Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 I know the feeling, but about all I can really do is hug you. You just have to suffer thru. It could be you just 'feel' more than most others. Not that others don't feel but I do think some ppl are a bit more on the poignant side in terms of feelings potentially being a kind of onslaught. Are you a creative type? I think it's worst for them. Anyway I like the sound of your structure ....if you were alone in a room all the time and never went out I'd be worried about you, but between fam and friends and your volunteer work I think you're pretty set in terms of strong support. Doesn't mean the pain isn't there but there are darker corners of the heartache world - be glad you're not in them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BelleSkye Posted July 23, 2016 Author Share Posted July 23, 2016 Yes - I am the creative type And get quite destructive when I experience inhibition. I do admit, I have never felt more for a person than this guy - I used to drop other guys just so I could be with him. Your last reply will dwell on my thoughts tonight...thank you Jen - you are much needed on LS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RocketQueen Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 I've been doing great lately, more good days than bad days and starting to feel a bit better and brighter, then woke up in the early hours after a..lets say X Rated dream featuring me and my Ex which unsettled me, I looked at my phone to see the time and went to go and get a drink, when I came back there was a message there on viber (never used that to contact my ex when we were in contact) from him saying "Hey *insert nickname he called me*, Just had a 'naughty' dream about you. Miss you. Can't sleep now" Safe to say it has knocked me for six. Damn dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
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