MM Lies to Sick Wife

[whatever29]

if you are truly scared for you life, then contact the police. He could get rid of you now to prevent any risk of it coming out if he was so motivated.

 

He said he wasn't angry that I broke it off and that he still loved me. Certainly we will let sleeping dogs lie. I am not afraid now but might be if I disrupted things. I'll let karma take its course.

[seren]

My beautiful friend waited 15 years for the MM to be able to be with her, he said he couldn't leave because his wife was terminally ill. I saw him and his wife and they looked like they were in love, even when they didn't know someone was watching them. I had seen him with my friend and he seemed truthful, my friend saw him through some, supposed, terrible times. He wasn't there for one of hers.

 

Eventually he just drifted away, she made all the excuses for him. The BS was demonised as all but having him hostage in the basement, all lies. he future faked with my friend so convincingly. In the end, my beautiful, trusting friend took her life as she couldn't deal with the 15 years she had thought were based upon truth, his words, waiting until they could be together. All lies, all a fantasy to convince himself he could cheat without conscience, without a thought to either of them. he gets to live his retirement in the home he and his wife had bought, but which he showed to my friend as their place.

 

I am sorry you have been hurt but I am glad you can move on. Some of the things I read on here are far too familiar. Compartmentalising should be a crime. I hope life is good to you.

[whatever29]

My beautiful friend waited 15 years for the MM to be able to be with her, he said he couldn't leave because his wife was terminally ill. I saw him and his wife and they looked like they were in love, even when they didn't know someone was watching them. I had seen him with my friend and he seemed truthful, my friend saw him through some, supposed, terrible times. He wasn't there for one of hers.

 

Eventually he just drifted away, she made all the excuses for him. The BS was demonised as all but having him hostage in the basement, all lies. he future faked with my friend so convincingly. In the end, my beautiful, trusting friend took her life as she couldn't deal with the 15 years she had thought were based upon truth, his words, waiting until they could be together. All lies, all a fantasy to convince himself he could cheat without conscience, without a thought to either of them. he gets to live his retirement in the home he and his wife had bought, but which he showed to my friend as their place.

 

I am sorry you have been hurt but I am glad you can move on. Some of the things I read on here are far too familiar. Compartmentalising should be a crime. I hope life is good to you.

 

I'm so sorry that happened to your friend. I'm at a loss for words, this is so sad. Thank you for your kind words.

[whatever29]

Day 8 NC - I am free...

[Sabella]

Day 8 NC - I am free...

 

Good job!

Keep going a day at a time. When you feel a little down, or weak, just post here instead of reaching out to him.

[whatever29]

Good job!

Keep going a day at a time. When you feel a little down, or weak, just post here instead of reaching out to him.

 

Thank you Sabella. I feel I must soon drop this whole topic soon. Just put it out of my mind. I'll admit while it's been NC I have checked her FB to see what's going on. Everytime I do it - I feel a little sick to my stomach. Why would I want to hurt myself anymore?

 

So, need to stop thinking about it and remembering back when I missed all the red flags. I forgive myself. I wasn't the one who lied. It's not my fault I believed those lies. Though he may not have meant the words - they are true - I am a beautiful, kind, generous woman. Being an empath means we are susceptible to those who wish to take advantage. My heart was honest and I will not be bitter.

[Sabella]

Honestly, what you are going through now is totally understandable. I've been NC for months and some days are like a relief, and others days utterly destroy me. My only advice is to be gentle and kind to yourself. It's a process. On the days that it is bad, distract yourself and tell yourself to just get through that day or that hour even.

 

FB stalking... ugh what can I say, I still peek occasionally and it is like a punch to the guts. I don't have advice there except maybe use it to fuel you further away from them and their "happy" life. It still hurts though, I won't lie.

 

A lot of us here in the same situation have turned to exercise for distraction. Seems to help a lot and much healthier than other addictions, lol. I did however have to change my entire play list of songs for cardio workouts, everything reminded me of him. I'm not good in the gym if I'm pushing back tears.

 

hugs

[whatever29]

He removed me from his contacts on Skype and for some reason that annoys me. I keep all conversations though...there are things that cannot be erased and for some reason the evidence makes me feel as if I have something on him. Something that if got out wouldn't be pretty. I know we are supposed to move past this...in time.

[sandylee1]

 

If he was such a coward that he couldn't tell her he didn't want to do that, he was no type of man for me. That is completely wrong to do to someone. It just says to me, words are meaningless to you. If that was true then his words were all meaningless to me.

 

 

This is a good realisation and one that all OW could do with acknowledging. It comes down to him or other MM being weak and I find that a very unattractive trait in a man.

[sandylee1]

I wasn't the one who lied. It's not my fault I believed those lies.

 

You're being quite naive with this thinking and refusing to accept any responsibility.

 

All you need to know in the future when getting romantically involved with a man, is that if he's married, it's a no go area.

 

None of this stuff about it's an unhappy marriage, he's only there for the kids, she's religious and won't divorce..... all those things are excuses and likely to be lies.

 

All those things simply mean your job is a gap filler. However you spin it MARRIED is MARRIED. There is no half or quarter married. A man is either married or not. It will only lead to your heartache if you think it's okay to date or have a relationship with a married man under any circumstances that you are a secret.

 

You will be much better of finding a man who is available and without so much baggage.

[whatever29]

Here we are at two weeks NC. I know it's wrong but I couldn't help but peek at his wife's FB. Three days ago it said "I don't like shady people even when it's someone dear to ur heart. I will not tolerate deception...you will get caught one way or another...Kisses" Oh how I wish she knew the truth. Wish I could say something.

[Cloudcuckoo]

Here we are at two weeks NC. I know it's wrong but I couldn't help but peek at his wife's FB. Three days ago it said "I don't like shady people even when it's someone dear to ur heart. I will not tolerate deception...you will get caught one way or another...Kisses" Oh how I wish she knew the truth. Wish I could say something.

 

It's a really nasty thing to do to someone....deliberately pull the wool over their eyes...

[whatever29]

It's a really nasty thing to do to someone....deliberately pull the wool over their eyes...

 

Yes, it is. He did it to me, to her and who knows how many others. Deep down there was always that question whether he was just a lying POS. I want to believe the good in people, especially when they present themselves in a bad situation. The W probably doesn't want to admit it to herself. I can't help but think that she knows. I don't believe that he had never cheated before and she had been cheated on in past marriages and that was why she was so suspicious. It's possible, but then he did it to her to. All I can think is that he cares more about the game than about people.

[BuddyX]

And we're back to day one of NC. By looking at FB you took a major step back. Why are you wasting so much time and effort on this looser? You're stronger than that.

The last page on your LS thread is about Skype and FB. That's not moving forward.

[Lady2163]

I think there are some men who need the drama and need to pursue, capture and manipulate.

 

Years ago, I dated a man while going through my divorce. He wanted to keep the relationship "secret". Since I had a couple more months before my court date and didn't want any outbursts from my soon to be exH I agreed to it. My date was "best friends" with his ex girlfriend. He always insisted he could never plan any dates, any events because "something always came up". Well, what always came up was some drama with his exgirlfriend and/or her kids. Every time. This could happen for days at a time. Numerous last minute cancellations for movies, dinner, events with tickets.

 

I liked the exgirlfriend. I trusted both of them. I trusted her even more once she started dating a really great guy. Her new boyfriend was actually a better guy than my boyfriend.

 

Yet, even though they were living together these problems still cropped up, only now more often than not, they were secret and I was to never mention that my boyfriend was telling me personal details about her life and problems.

 

Yeah, I was an idiot. But the purpose of all of this was to keep me slightly off-kilter and yet he would reel me back in with, "tomorrow night, I promise, we will go out to eat." He also had many many personal sob stories. While probably none of it was true, I always thought they were perfect for each other because they had more baggage than samsonite.

 

Your ex married man was able to feed you a line of bull and keep you on the hook. That's a special kind of sociopath to create these complicated stories. It was probably a challenge to him to see how far he could push you and how much crap he could get away with.

 

I've never been a great invented of stories. I'm just not that kind of skilled liar. I usually can pull off lies omission and denial. But to create a whole sort of alternate universe and sell it to another person - no way.

 

Eventually you may realize how toxic this guy really was. Good job on your no contact. Make sure you don't let your Facebook creeping overwhelm you. Remember when you see her posts, he's created a whole fake reality for her as well as you.

[Lady2163]

And we're back to day one of NC. By looking at FB you took a major step back. Why are you wasting so much time and effort on this looser? You're stronger than that.

The last page on your LS thread is about Skype and FB. That's not moving forward.

 

Oh, horse hockey. Give me a break. Checking the Internet when he doesn't know she's scoping him out is not breaking "contact". For "contact" to happen there needs to be an interaction.

 

I told this story once. I had a fling 30 years ago with a married man from my hometown. It's a small town. I moved away and bounced back here ten years ago. One Saturday I was running errands and running out of time and stressed. I probably went to half a dozen places.

 

A short time later, I really don't know if it was hours or a couple of days, I got a call from a mutual friend asking if I could call him.

 

He was in the checkout line across from me for ten minutes at some place.

 

Did I "break contact" that day in the store? No, not then - not at all. Was "contact" broken? Yes, but inadvertently. I truly didn't see him, I actually looked right through him.

 

I've never called him again. Like I said probably been here for ten years. I have no doubt we are in the same place at the same time and I just don't know it. Don't tell me that if I go to a public concert and he is there as well that I am back to "day 1 of no contact"....

 

So don't try to make her feel bad because she's creeping him on the Internet. That's just wrong. She's not emailing, texting, calling, driving past his house or visiting places he might be.

 

This is part of the healing and recovery process.

Edited July 26, 2016 by Lady2163

[BuddyX]

"She's creeping" Make sure you say that aloud.

 

To the OP, before you're ready to creep again ask yourself "How does this benefit my life?"...

The answer will always be, "it doesn't". It's equivalent to an alcoholic saying "this drink won't hurt me at all". It will.

[ladydesigner]

Oh, horse hockey. Give me a break. Checking the Internet when he doesn't know she's scoping him out is not breaking "contact". For "contact" to happen there needs to be an interaction.

 

I told this story once. I had a fling 30 years ago with a married man from my hometown. It's a small town. I moved away and bounced back here ten years ago. One Saturday I was running errands and running out of time and stressed. I probably went to half a dozen places.

 

A short time later, I really don't know if it was hours or a couple of days, I got a call from a mutual friend asking if I could call him.

 

He was in the checkout line across from me for ten minutes at some place.

 

Did I "break contact" that day in the store? No, not then - not at all. Was "contact" broken? Yes, but inadvertently. I truly didn't see him, I actually looked right through him.

 

I've never called him again. Like I said probably been here for ten years. I have no doubt we are in the same place at the same time and I just don't know it. Don't tell me that if I go to a public concert and he is there as well that I am back to "day 1 of no contact"....

 

So don't try to make her feel bad because she's creeping him on the Internet. That's just wrong. She's not emailing, texting, calling, driving past his house or visiting places he might be.

 

This is part of the healing and recovery process.

 

It is breaking NC in a sense because it impairs healing. I never gained anything from stalking social media as a FMOW and BS every time I have done it it has hurt me.

[ladydesigner]

Here we are at two weeks NC. I know it's wrong but I couldn't help but peek at his wife's FB. Three days ago it said "I don't like shady people even when it's someone dear to ur heart. I will not tolerate deception...you will get caught one way or another...Kisses" Oh how I wish she knew the truth. Wish I could say something.

 

She may just find the info herself. I was able to pull deleted text messages from the code documents from iphone back-ups. It took me 6 months to find it, but was well worth the digging. I hope BS in this situation is excavating.

[whatever29]

It's difficult not to be curious. You wonder how deep the lies went and then she posts some horrible photo of her in the hospital. She did look dead, so that was the truth. At the same time, I can see where it is harmful. What do I care? It's over and I am gone.

 

As for hoping she is excavating/searching for evidence of the A...that's fine, but I don't want her to find out who I am. Of course it wouldn't be difficult. I have a unique first name. I just don't need any more drama in my life. I didn't break any vows, he did. How was I in the wrong for caring about another human being? I don't have a problem with providing love to someone when they need it. I honestly believed at the time, that if she hadn't gotten sick then he would have left her before I came along. At the end his comment when I said you just need to relax, find some peace was that he wouldn't be able to for a very long time. I took that to mean he wouldn't be able to cheat again for a long time now that she was getting better and would be home. I knew he wasn't going to leave.

 

Here we are at almost three weeks and there are moments when I just wanted to text him and tell him what I really think of him. As I write this, my heart goes soft and I know this relationship reopened my heart to give again. I know I can love anyone now. He was just a dress rehearsal for the right one.

[ladydesigner]

It's difficult not to be curious. You wonder how deep the lies went and then she posts some horrible photo of her in the hospital. She did look dead, so that was the truth. At the same time, I can see where it is harmful. What do I care? It's over and I am gone.

 

As for hoping she is excavating/searching for evidence of the A...that's fine, but I don't want her to find out who I am. Of course it wouldn't be difficult. I have a unique first name. I just don't need any more drama in my life. I didn't break any vows, he did. How was I in the wrong for caring about another human being? I don't have a problem with providing love to someone when they need it. I honestly believed at the time, that if she hadn't gotten sick then he would have left her before I came along. At the end his comment when I said you just need to relax, find some peace was that he wouldn't be able to for a very long time. I took that to mean he wouldn't be able to cheat again for a long time now that she was getting better and would be home. I knew he wasn't going to leave.

 

Here we are at almost three weeks and there are moments when I just wanted to text him and tell him what I really think of him. As I write this, my heart goes soft and I know this relationship reopened my heart to give again. I know I can love anyone now. He was just a dress rehearsal for the right one.

 

You are correct I do place the blame on the MM in these situations. I hope for your sake she doesn't find out who you are, but for her sake maybe the info she needs to know and deserves to know about her H. You will meet the right one, make sure he's single so as not to bring the drama back into your life. Best wishes!

[whatever29]

You are correct I do place the blame on the MM in these situations. I hope for your sake she doesn't find out who you are, but for her sake maybe the info she needs to know and deserves to know about her H. You will meet the right one, make sure he's single so as not to bring the drama back into your life. Best wishes!

 

Thank you Ladydesigner...I appreciate the support. I hope she does find out the truth and has enough courage to walk away from him. He has done it to himself. I wish that I could anonymously help her with the info. I think she has the right to know that her suspicions were correct and she's being duped.

 

I'm crossing MM off my list of life experiences, been there done that...no thanks.

[whatever29]

Over three weeks now NC - I feel good. I think I've (almost) gotten over the anger. Deep down I always knew it wasn't right or going to last. So, I'm not too devastated. I hope all of you out there also find some peace. Don't look back just keep going forward!

Edited August 2, 2016 by whatever29

[whatever29]

Here I am still NC after 6 weeks. Today is his 10th anniversary where he is supposed to be renewing his vows. I can't help but wonder if it's happening. There has been 0 mention of this on FB since I broke it off with him because she said it was happening. He had told me not to believe what I read. Considering his W posts just about anything on FB, I can't help but find it odd. I realize it doesn't matter. I am out of his life and he is out of mine. Even if it doesn't happen, I wouldn't contact him. Can I just chalk it up to human curiosity to wonder?

[MidnightBlue1980]

Here I am still NC after 6 weeks. Today is his 10th anniversary where he is supposed to be renewing his vows. I can't help but wonder if it's happening. There has been 0 mention of this on FB since I broke it off with him because she said it was happening. He had told me not to believe what I read. Considering his W posts just about anything on FB, I can't help but find it odd. I realize it doesn't matter. I am out of his life and he is out of mine. Even if it doesn't happen, I wouldn't contact him. Can I just chalk it up to human curiosity to wonder?

 

Somewhat. I wonder a lot of things about xMM and his wife. But try not to feed it. I have them both blocked on FB so there is nothing new for me to wonder about. You should do the same. It helps you mentally. Seriously.

 

Good job on the 6 weeks NC.