No contact after 3 months

[Nvoanet]

Me (22) and my ex (21) had a pretty messy breakup about three months ago. It lasted for a little over a year, and it was by far the best relationship I've been in. Basically what it came down to was my previous relationship wasn't so great, and I had made the mistake of saying I love you back way too early. I really regretted it, and I wanted to really mean it the next time I said it.

 

I explained this to her, but I think it just hurt her really bad that I said it after a couple months to another girl who I strongly disliked at this point while we had been together over a year. This had really been hurting her, and she even said it to me in a very special way on our anniversary but I couldn't say it back.

 

I don't know what was wrong with me, I was so cold and reserved and eventually could barely even give her compliments or tell her that I cared about her. It wasn't just being distant though, I said some very cruel things and made her feel like nothing really mattered to me. I don't know why I did it, I think part of it was a general sense of apathy. She definitely didn't deserve it.

 

In the last month or two things had been improving, we had been actually talking things out more and I was trying to be more open. I don't want this to sound like "everything was perfect, then it ended" because it wasn't. I was still on the fence about saying I loved her for some reason, we had plans of maybe moving in together for the summer and things seemed positive, but it just scared her more that things would always just be "okay", that I would never tell her I loved her or advance the relationship.

 

It ended in her coming over one night telling me how bad she felt that she thinks I'll never say it, that it's already been over a year. In my mind I thought I was backed into a corner, and I basically kept pushing her away until I walked her to her car and basically broke up with her when she asked what this was, that she needed a definite answer.

 

A few hours later she called me saying she slept with someone else, she was crying and I was angry. I think she wanted closure and to force it to be over since she couldn't bring herself to break it off. Basically she came and got her stuff, then she left. That's probably the worst I've ever felt in my life, but at this point I feel stupid about all the things I did leading up to it, I was so jaded that I truly didn't care whether we broke up or not.

 

I bumped into her a week later and we made the mistake of talking again. Her dog had just died the night before, it was a disaster. Both of us were just hurt and confused and we decided to talk again in a month. The month passed and I was feeling better, so I decided it would probably be better to just let go. No need to hurt either of us anymore.

 

I had a very awkward encounter with her a bit later, we didn't say anything just sort of locked eyes while she was in her car. She sent me a text that night saying she was sorry about how weird that was and wanted to know if she could come get some of her stuff and talk about things.

 

I told her I didn't care if she got her stuff but didn't say anything about talking and we scheduled for next week. She added again that she would like to talk as well, but that ultimately it was up to me. When the time came I just asked if we could try for a couple weeks later because I thought more time would be good. I said if she really needed her stuff though she was welcome to get it, I didn't want to keep her from doing that (it wasn't really much anyways, more of what seemed like an excuse to come over and talk). She said she understood and just to let her know.

 

That was about a month ago, since then I haven't responded but part of me just feels like it's an awful idea to meet if I don't 100% know how I feel or what I want. I don't want to make the same mistake I did last time.

 

So come yesterday, I bump into her again. We don't even really acknowledge each other, I just drove past her while she was walking and we saw each other.

 

At this point I'm wondering if I should reach out or not, or just keep going like it never happened? I'm sure from her perspective she thinks I just don't want to talk to her. Which I don't know if that's true. She reached out to me about talking, she even still has the stuffed animal I gave her on the dash of her car which seems like it would just be a painful reminder for her.

 

I don't know if I should just continue to give it time, even if that means never talking again, or if I should try to contact her. She had stopped talking to her best friend over an issue they had, and even though it tore her apart and she missed her very badly she never brought herself to contact her again. I don't think she will ever try to contact me again, since me not getting back to her at all probably gave a clear signal that I don't want to talk anymore.

Edited July 9, 2016 by Nvoanet

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Girls are specific about saying I love you. We nearly broke up the first time with my ex after 3 months dating. She had a birthday I wasn't planning on going then I got up from bed, headed there and I told her I love her. She was soooo happy she just jumped on my neck and asked me about 10 times to say it again. She said she thought I'll never say it.

 

Know what you feel. If you get to the point where you are posting on a forum then maybe you truly do love her. Why don't you just sit with yourself and think it through. Do you want to contact her or are you doing it because of guilt? Because if you miss her really and you do love her (once you find out that I think you do) you can contact her.

 

The sleeping part however is not fine by me. Maybe you provoked her and she did that because she was vulnerable. Maybe she didn't do it at all and just wanted a reaction from you I can't tell. But one thing is for certain... that girl loves you.

[Nvoanet]

This is the first time I've gotten to this point over a breakup, and I think the reason it's like that is the first time I've cared so much. Usually I've been a strong proponent of just cutting off all contact, maybe feel a little sore for a month or so but after that I've been fine. Part of me wants to try again. I never really entertained the idea but something about just not trying already fills me with regret, even though that may very well be what I end up doing.

 

I think she did it because she felt like I didn't care, in her mind I had ended it with her and she wanted to ease that pain. She's a very vulnerable person and I don't think she could of dealt with with just being alone that night. I really don't know what I'll do, but you are definitely right that if it's gotten to the point of posting on a forum then this is eating away at me. I don't know if I've made things worse or not by ignoring her again after she tried to contact me, but I guess all I can really do is reach out or just keep waiting, whether that ends in me eventually contacting her or never doing it.

 

Thanks you for your words, I know there are no "answers" out there but I think I really just needed to get this out of my head in whatever form that took.

Edited July 10, 2016 by Nvoanet

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

I would tell you to contact her if you really want to.

 

Talking from personal experience whenever I wanted to contact my ex in either one of our 4-5 break ups before my heart was going to explode out of my chest so I knew I wanted it so so much I did it... up to this day I am not regretting my decisions.

 

So I tell you that if you want her back give her a call.

 

Good luck!