How I Screwed Up One The Best Things That Happened To Me

[MissCongeniality]

When I was a teen I would babysit I did a lot of odd jobs to support myself and my kid. I was friends with this one couple who were very good to me the husband was always very nice to me and I had a bit of a crush one day he offered me a beer and I accepted I thought he was so cool. I was such an idiot.

 

He got me into some hard core stuff I wont go into details but let me put it this way he liked being in charge. I mean he started paying for things like my rent said I'd never have to worry about money he acted like a friend even got me thinking about finishing High School. Then he got caught but convinced people I was like a stalker or something and his wife she just took all her anger out on me. I get it but I was a kid yes I had a crush on him but its not like it was a secret! She never for a second considered I was telling the truth.

 

After that happened everyone bought his version and thought he was innocent of wrong doing that I was a home wrecker and I threw myself at him no one would hire me after that. So I started doing things that were less than legal to get by. I decided to stop trying to be good and just be the person everyone thought I was and I swore to never let anyone be in charge of me.

 

I hate how he gets held up as this saint and everyone still thinks I'm this messed up crazy girl who had a crush. I sometimes blame myself because I feel like I could have said no then the woman I've grown up to be remembers how manipulative he was because he made it seem like everything was my choice.

 

After that I stopped caring about right and wrong and just decided to do whatever I felt I had to. I taught myself to deal with the pain and guilt by ignoring it and learned to look down on others. It's why as a Dominatrix I like having the power and being in control.

 

Yet I still feel like it was my fault at times and that kills me. I hate feeling anything but hate and contempt towards the situation.

[ChickiePops]

This is extremely confusing. What was the best thing that ever happened to you? The affair with the much older married man? And how did you screw it up?

[13Hearts]

Men are predators.

 

You need to get far, far away from those people, that place, and all those memories.

 

Not sure about the Dom thing. Not my cup of tea.

[anika99]

People took advantage of me when I was a teenager too. You are not to blame for the situation with that man. He took advantage of you when you were young and trusting and as he was an adult he was at fault. That being said when I was a teenager and babysitting I had a couple of fathers hit on me. One guy I had a crush on and I did make out with him a couple of times but I also knew it was wrong and it made me feel ashamed of myself. After the second time I pushed him away from me because even though I was only 15 I knew right from wrong.

 

 

However even if for some reason you didn't know better back then, you know better now and so you can't blame the choices you make today on that guy. Lots of people have been used and taken advantage of. It sucks but it's not an excuse to be careless with your life or careless with your children's lives now.

 

 

Like another poster, I don't understand the title of this thread. What was the best thing that ever happened to you? And how was it screwed up?

[MissCongeniality]

People took advantage of me when I was a teenager too. You are not to blame for the situation with that man. He took advantage of you when you were young and trusting and as he was an adult he was at fault. That being said when I was a teenager and babysitting I had a couple of fathers hit on me. One guy I had a crush on and I did make out with him a couple of times but I also knew it was wrong and it made me feel ashamed of myself. After the second time I pushed him away from me because even though I was only 15 I knew right from wrong.

 

 

However even if for some reason you didn't know better back then, you know better now and so you can't blame the choices you make today on that guy. Lots of people have been used and taken advantage of. It sucks but it's not an excuse to be careless with your life or careless with your children's lives now.

 

 

Like another poster, I don't understand the title of this thread. What was the best thing that ever happened to you? And how was it screwed up?

 

The title is basically about how I use to be like family to them and vice versa I use to be close friends or at least well trusted and part of me feels responsible.

[bummer]

and part of me feels responsible.

 

Responsible for being alive and a child when an older predator attacked you? Then he manipulated the truth so he wouldn't get in trouble?

 

You're better than these thoughts.

 

I hope you and your family are doing well.

[MissCongeniality]

Responsible for being alive and a child when an older predator attacked you? Then he manipulated the truth so he wouldn't get in trouble?

 

You're better than these thoughts.

 

I hope you and your family are doing well.

We are doing better thank you. I just want some one to believe me. I mean he twists every thing around to make me sound crazy. Even if I run into him he just acts like I delusional especially if no one else is around. HE bought ME gifts and helped pay my bills! He says he was just being nice and that I created a fantasy in my head.

 

He ruined my life. The worst part is I have issues and I sometimes wonder if I was crazy or if he's just playing on my issues.

[13Hearts]

We are doing better thank you. I just want some one to believe me. I mean he twists every thing around to make me sound crazy. Even if I run into him he just acts like I delusional especially if no one else is around. HE bought ME gifts and helped pay my bills! He says he was just being nice and that I created a fantasy in my head.

 

He ruined my life. The worst part is I have issues and I sometimes wonder if I was crazy or if he's just playing on my issues.

 

So many women and girls have similar stories. It is heartbreaking. We all have issues, some worse than others, but we cannot let those issues control us! Each of us has to figure out what our major malfunction is and do what needs to be done to compensate for those shortcomings, quirks, disabilities, inabilities, problems, etc so that we can be successful and happy in life. Me? I HAD TO go to college in order to get myself out of the dysfunctional environment I had gotten myself into. I had to stop being financially, emotionally, and physically dependent on men because being so nearly killed me. Literally. I had no money, I had no home, I had nothing but my car and a couple pieces of furniture I kept in people's sheds, garages, and basements. And I figured out a way to go to college. With every scary step I took, another piece of the road ahead appeared, and I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.

 

This is what you need to do. Stop allowing yourself to be the victim of SOME MAN. They were NOT the best thing to ever happen to you, they were the WORST thing to ever happen to you. And what you have to do with the horrible things in life is you have to grab them by the horns, you have to scream into the top of their heads "YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME!" and you have to throw them aside and march forward.

 

DO NOT allow what that "man" did to define you. You think being dominatrix solves that problem? It doesn't. Find your true worth, your true value, and build on THOSE things. Don't continue that guy's story for you! Start your own story, make your own path, and leave that MFer in your dust.

[Tayla]

 

The worst part is I have issues and I sometimes wonder if I was crazy or if he's just playing on my issues.

 

I commend you for acknowledging that these issues exist. I recall some of your other posts.

 

Keep doing what you are doing and things will keep turning out as they are....That can work in your favor....

 

You come from a difficult past...foster bro in prison...a kid to him....

 

Its a colorful life you have played a part in. How are you doing in therapy on

some of these past issues?

 

I don't think you are mentally ill, I think you are a lady who has made and acted poorly based on circumstances in which upon further review you are now ready to face.....

[basil67]

I too have a history of a crush on an older man who took advantage of me. I was about 14 and he was mid 20's. It taught me to use sex to get the attention of a man. You're far from alone here.

 

However, the answer is not to further destroy our lives with our own bad choices. While we are not responsible for being taken advantage of back then, we are 100% responsible for the decisions we make in our lives now. Making bad choices now and blaming the past for those choices should not be an option for you.

[anika99]

We are doing better thank you. I just want some one to believe me. I mean he twists every thing around to make me sound crazy. Even if I run into him he just acts like I delusional especially if no one else is around. HE bought ME gifts and helped pay my bills! He says he was just being nice and that I created a fantasy in my head.

 

He ruined my life. The worst part is I have issues and I sometimes wonder if I was crazy or if he's just playing on my issues.

 

What was the nature of your relationship with him? Was it sexual? Didn't that happen years ago? What do you mean he acts like you are delusional when you run into him alone? Why in the heck do you even talk to him? It sounds like you are still trying to get validation from him or something? He's a creep but you are choosing your life

[whichwayisup]

We are doing better thank you. I just want some one to believe me. I mean he twists every thing around to make me sound crazy. Even if I run into him he just acts like I delusional especially if no one else is around. HE bought ME gifts and helped pay my bills! He says he was just being nice and that I created a fantasy in my head.

 

He ruined my life. The worst part is I have issues and I sometimes wonder if I was crazy or if he's just playing on my issues.

 

He was/is the adult in this situation, you were a teen. Of course he knows better and he's a real sh.it to do this to you and make you out to be the bad guy/home wrecker.

 

Please, seek counseling so you can move past this and work through your issues. Don't let his man (or any other man!!) ruin you! Gain your confidence back.

[burnt]

He ruined my life. The worst part is I have issues and I sometimes wonder if I was crazy or if he's just playing on my issues.

 

Whether you were crazy or not is completely irrelevant; we instinctively have crushes very early on--even by the age of 7 or 8. You were a CHILD and he was THE adult. What he did was wrong on so MANY levels--from the start to the end. It is very sad to hear that his wife had no clue what sort of a monster she stood by.

 

May I ask how many years ago this took place?

 

It sounds like it has been a long time, and you still have not found closure. What he did to you had a snowball effect in the rest of your life and has caused many years of pain; HIS wrong-doing has destroyed your innocence. There is no question about it. His corrupted actions has now corrupted your perception of the world.

 

Perhaps this will not be a popular suggestion, but:

I think you should write a letter putting your side of the story in paper, saying how deeply deeply wrong his actions were, but furthermore, on top of all the wrongs he did the fact that he tarnished your image not his and the fact that his wife and all others believed him, not you.

 

I can see why his wife believed him at that time. But I think if you write in the letter that you are writing this to find closure because his actions has destroyed so much in you, your words will be more believable.

 

I really do think, you should send it to him and to his wife. It will not undo what he did, but you will at least be able to speak up about the wrong that was done to you.

 

There won't be justice, but sometimes the ability to have the right to speak the truth is the only solace one can hope for.

[MissCongeniality]

What was the nature of your relationship with him? Was it sexual? Didn't that happen years ago? What do you mean he acts like you are delusional when you run into him alone? Why in the heck do you even talk to him? It sounds like you are still trying to get validation from him or something? He's a creep but you are choosing your life

Yes it was sexual he introduced me to BDSM it was his favorite thing to do like I stated in a previous post he was very controlling. His control got pretty scary at times an he often guilted me and pressured me into doing things for him. He knows I have certain issues (I'm on medication) and he'll just say I created some fantasy.

 

He was a school councilor now he's a therapist which is why I have trouble trusting people in that field. What really kills me is my former best friend(who got me the babysitting job) is his oldest child and she absolutely hates me. If by validation you mean I want him to just admit what he did and stop acting like I'm making it up then yes. I don't seek him out or anything but we live in the same area so I run into him and he just loves starting something. He's still a controlling loser.

 

Whether you were crazy or not is completely irrelevant; we instinctively have crushes very early on--even by the age of 7 or 8. You were a CHILD and he was THE adult. What he did was wrong on so MANY levels--from the start to the end. It is very sad to hear that his wife had no clue what sort of a monster she stood by.

 

May I ask how many years ago this took place?

 

It sounds like it has been a long time, and you still have not found closure. What he did to you had a snowball effect in the rest of your life and has caused many years of pain; HIS wrong-doing has destroyed your innocence. There is no question about it. His corrupted actions has now corrupted your perception of the world.

 

Perhaps this will not be a popular suggestion, but:

I think you should write a letter putting your side of the story in paper, saying how deeply deeply wrong his actions were, but furthermore, on top of all the wrongs he did the fact that he tarnished your image not his and the fact that his wife and all others believed him, not you.

 

I can see why his wife believed him at that time. But I think if you write in the letter that you are writing this to find closure because his actions has destroyed so much in you, your words will be more believable.

 

I really do think, you should send it to him and to his wife. It will not undo what he did, but you will at least be able to speak up about the wrong that was done to you.

 

There won't be justice, but sometimes the ability to have the right to speak the truth is the only solace one can hope for.

I was about 16 maybe 17. I honestly don't care about closure I have absolutely no desire to waste words on him. The only man I care about is my husband. Ironically one of the things we've bonded over is the fact we are outcasts.