My BFF's Boyfriend Bought Her Work-Out Outfit For Birthday...

[Aniela]

So now there's unspoken rules as to what constitutes a "gift" and when its supposed to be given?

 

I'm gonna wait for this thread to die down and in a few months I'm gonna post one about a guy buying his gf a workout suit outside of birthdays, anniversaries, etc. and see the responses. I'm sure he'll also get hemmed up too.

 

Oh, geez. I realize there is no happy, cheery way to bring up a weight problem with someone. Katie brought up a birthday, and previous birthdays - that's where the focus is, as well as on the woman's feelings. You're all about his feelings. Why is that?

 

I prefer his method of wanting to do something *together*, rather than just telling her she's fat.

[jen1447]

However, the only way I can think of to "address" an undesirable weight-gain situation without being manipulative and possibly offensive is to let HER bring it up, and then talk about it. (Otherwise, just keep his mouth shut and get over it...or he can leave if it bothers him that much.) The man should choose his words very carefully and keep his own feelings and biases under control as this is a sensitive subject. I think it requires a high amount of maturity and emotional intelligence in order to navigate through this kind of delicate situation unscathed. Then, if he's gonna get her a workout outfit or something, then do it on an ordinary day.

 

I appreciate the sentiment of concern here but I really don't think any topic should be off-limits in a relationship. If someone (man or women) can't handle a weight topic being broached, that's unfortunate but they really need to do some growing up. I don't think a guy (or a girl) should simply have to tolerate any particular development in a partner that they don't like, no matter what it is. (Assuming it's sth they can control.) That's just making a breeding ground for toxic resentment.

 

The consideration you show for your partner is to address the issue honestly and directly. You owe them honesty and care, not special exemptions. And the flip side is you're not entitled to trickery and manipulation either.

[katiegrl]

I appreciate the sentiment of concern here but I really don't think any topic should be off-limits in a relationship. If someone (man or women) can't handle a weight topic being broached, that's unfortunate but they really need to do some growing up. I don't think a guy (or a girl) should simply have to tolerate any particular development in a partner that they don't like, no matter what it is. (Assuming it's sth they can control.) That's just making a breeding ground for toxic resentment.

 

The consideration you show for your partner is to address the issue honestly and directly. You owe them honesty and care, not special exemptions. And the flip side is you're not entitled to trickery and manipulation either.

 

AMEN sista!

[xxoo]

The reasons I believe that this was a good gift:

 

1. It's a CUTE workout outfit.

 

2. It's in her current size.

 

I think it's really sweet! And I don't equate it with telling her she's fat and needs to lose weight. It's certainly encouragement to work out, but everyone of every size should work out, right?

[SwordofFlame]

She is not *obese* or morbidly obese.

 

She was around 120 lbs. when they met and is now 170. Far from obese.

 

She still looks lovely, wears cute clothes, etc.

 

The weight crept up gradually, I recall her saying last year she wanted to lose, but kept gaining.

 

They go out to eat a lot, lots of rich foods, barbecues etc..... so I don't think there is any deep psychological reason for the gain, she was just very happy and didn't pay much attention.

 

As I said earlier, she mistakenly assumed her bf didn't care.

 

She was wrong about that, yes she is embarrassed......but now that she knows ..... she is motivated to doing something about it...... for herself and for him.... for the relationship.

 

It's all cool now...

 

This thread was started go get opinions re how you (ladies) would feel and men ... what you thought of the idea.

 

NOT to criticize my friend, make unfounded accusations about her being morbidly obese or to suggest there is something wrong with her for not wanting to lose "for herself" or why she chooses to stay with her boyfriend..

 

Wow 50lbs. Has he also just let himself go in this relationship?

[katiegrl]

The reasons I believe that this was a good gift:

 

1. It's a CUTE workout outfit.

 

2. It's in her current size.

 

I think it's really sweet! And I don't equate it with telling her she's fat and needs to lose weight. It's certainly encouragement to work out, but everyone of every size should work out, right?

 

I love your attitude! When she came to my place in the outfit and told me, I conveyed the same attitude.

 

She told me she feels that way too, NOW, but it took her awhile to get there.

 

At first she was really offended, I think it did ruin her birthday tbh.

 

I think I mentioned earlier .... but she was so down, I thought they had broken up!

[katiegrl]

Wow 50lbs. Has he also just let himself go in this relationship?

 

He has gained too for sure. Not as much though from what I can tell.

 

He is taller though... so maybe that is why

 

She said they *both* need to lose a few, so there ya go.

 

Running is good!

 

The weight will drop off in no time along with healthier eating ....

 

It's all good!

[Emilia]

If they both need to lose weight and that's how he presented it, it's a different matter entirely.