FB request from the ex.

[unheartedninja]

Hi all,

 

So i haven't spoken to the ex since like December, and that was only a merry christmas msg and def havent seen her since last August.

 

So few days ago she added me on FB, i didn't see it till a day later since i was so caught up with school. When i finally got around to it, i msgd her and it went like the following

 

Me: Accidental Click?

Ex: No why would it be?

Me: Because it's hella random that's why.

Her: You just kinda disappeared from my life, you were my best friend and that's no bueno! or did you forget?

Me: We both know why though. Thought you knew? and i don't forget anthing really.

Her: i don't see why though, we were friends before, we could've been friends after. There was no reason.

Me: WElll yeah we were friends before, but not too sure about the second part of that.

Her: Okay then Farewell:)

 

and that was that, i haven't responded, im torn between being friends and not, all i know for sure is which ever route i choose i will have to deal with the consequences... Brains says she only wants to be friends so she can boost her ego through me so she can feel better about her self and the problems between her and the bf. Heart says, take a chance, something good might come from it, maybe she's single againg (which i doubt)

 

What do i do? I mean yeah i missed her since you can't truly forget someone you loved once.

 

What do i do? it's been bringing me down for past few days. I feel more lonely and sad then my random moments here and there before this.

[Marc878]

I wouldn't want to be friend zoned for her benefit. If she actually wants something she'd call.

 

No breadcrumbs thank you. You've been NC why break it?

 

Move on like she has.

[BC1980]

Social media is weird. It can allow you to have an artificial connection to a person that you otherwise don't really have anything to do with. It can be really beneficial in certain situations. On FB, I have lots of friends from high school that I haven't spoken to in years and family that lives far away. Even though we aren't close, it's nice to see what is going on in their lives from afar.

 

With an ex, it's a bit different. I'm FB friends with an ex from almost 15 years ago, but I have no feelings for him. I almost forget he is on FB because he never posts. There was never any bad blood between us. With your situation, I think you were right to deny the FB friend request. It hasn't been that long since your breakup for one. And you're correct; being friends before does not mean you can be friends after a breakup. You can never get that dynamic back.

[guest569]

Accidentally hit the"block" button. It's messing with you and you don't need that stress! What she said about "we were friends before and can be friends after" is a bit insensitive. There was a breakup in between, hello?!

[juniorrocha]

Only you can figure out what's best for you.

 

Personally, I hold no resentment towards anyone in my life. Because I understand people commit mistakes, and I'd rather forgive and move on. If in a year from now my ex contacted me, even if it's to help her with something, I'd be glad to do it. Afterall, she was important during a period of my life, even after all the bad things she did to me & the fact she's the dumper.

 

But every situation is different and if you still don't feel well when she's around, you shouldn't have even accepted or messaged her in the first place.

 

I suppose she likes you and wanted to be friends, at least. But if it's not what you want or you're not comfortable with it, then keep her out of your life.

[unheartedninja]

Only you can figure out what's best for you.

 

Personally, I hold no resentment towards anyone in my life. Because I understand people commit mistakes, and I'd rather forgive and move on. If in a year from now my ex contacted me, even if it's to help her with something, I'd be glad to do it. Afterall, she was important during a period of my life, even after all the bad things she did to me & the fact she's the dumper.

 

But every situation is different and if you still don't feel well when she's around, you shouldn't have even accepted or messaged her in the first place.

 

I suppose she likes you and wanted to be friends, at least. But if it's not what you want or you're not comfortable with it, then keep her out of your life.

 

What you're saying makes great sense, but im not sure if i'd go out of my way to help her, i've done that countless times even a month or two after we were done and it was never reciprocated. I told her we were friends before sure, but not sure about the second part, which is being ffriends again, and i just left it there, and main reason being I don't want to dig up old feelings that might still be deep down inside. and go through it again like a hamster wheel.

[unheartedninja]

I want to say thanks

To everyone who responded, and guided me through this, sometimes it's hard to work through things when you're not sure what to do, and when you get to hear different perspective, it helps out a ton, so thank you so much to all for taking the time to respond and help me out! Even though i feel like i should've said yes because of the idea of having something familiar back in your life again , i think it's jsut best not to to go that route, and not due to hatred towards her, i don't carry hate in my heart. I've learned hates eat you up from inside out. Barely got out of MAJOR depression, don't want to go that route again.

 

Once again, THANK YOU everyone.

[juniorrocha]

What you're saying makes great sense, but im not sure if i'd go out of my way to help her, i've done that countless times even a month or two after we were done and it was never reciprocated. I told her we were friends before sure, but not sure about the second part, which is being ffriends again, and i just left it there, and main reason being I don't want to dig up old feelings that might still be deep down inside. and go through it again like a hamster wheel.

 

If you're sure you aren't over your ex yet, then in fact being friends would be awful. Stay no contact then.

 

And you're welcome. We're here to help each other, makes it all easier when you have a place to vent so you can try to clear your confusion.

[guest569]

. Barely got out of MAJOR depression, don't want to go that route again.

 

Once again, THANK YOU everyone.

 

Then it is a smart move to skip a friendship. In my experience (from both me and exes..) it's rarely a genuine desire to be BFFs, there is usually some sort of ulterior motive or need. They need you for whatever reason.. Alleviate guilt, provide them with support, prevent loneliness.. Ego..not because they want to be pals.

Whatever it is.. I have rarely had a good, genuine friendship with an ex without feelings getting hurt or weirdness. Thats just me! But if it was a tough breakup that led you to feel depressed then carry on with NC, definitely.