ErinSeMa Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 I once was in a relationship where we were both really happy and we see each other 4x a week. My ex was going through some financial hardship at the time and was a little emotionally off. I was seriously there for him and helped him with making things better. Turned around and found him using a dating site. I just don't get it. I thought I was being the best girlfriend ever, and later on he blamed it on stress. Guys, please justify this situation for me. Why would someone do that? I understand if I was not a good girlfriend, but I seriously was. Now I keep thinking something is wrong with me (not attractive enough or not caring enough) and it really ruined my trust on people. Doesn't help that a few girls I know have found their boyfriend cheating on them (one relationship was 12 years!). I just don't get why guys who cheat will throw away something potentially good...If their partner is not good enough, why not break up? Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 Girls do it too. Why cheat? They aren't really happy. That simple. Your bf was going through hardship. It's all connected. He wasn't happy. He wanted other girls. Simple! You like peppermint. Hundreds of redeeming qualities about peppermint. It's the bee's knees... Tomorrow you wonder what spearmint tastes like... It's taboo because you said peppermint yesterday, but you got to find out or you'll regret it. You try spearmint. It's also good. Maybe you'll alternate days and won't tell the other about your mint-decision. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 Girls do it too. Why cheat? They aren't really happy. That simple. Your bf was going through hardship. It's all connected. He wasn't happy. He wanted other girls. Simple! Maybe "happiness" is not really relevant. He may be happy playing tennis, he may be happy rock climbing, but being happy playing tennis doesn't mean he is unhappy when he is rock climbing. Yes, many cheaters are "unhappy" in their core relationships but I do not feel unhappiness is a cause of cheating because many very unhappy people would never think of cheating on their partner no matter how bad the relationship was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBathWater Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 When self-interest exceeds respect for the relationship, the person will cheat. Happy or not. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 Sometimes that thing of always wanting what we can't have comes into play. Like when we're kids and we wanted that new toy, but as soon as we got it, we wanted the next toy. I reckon these days the world has been made so much smaller thanks to the interwebs and so we all know there's many different experiences to be had out there. For many, the idea of just having one experience, one toy, for our lives when there's such a world of them out there, seems a little scary. Basically, some people talk about commitment without ever realising what it truly means. You will find those that can be with one partner all their lives, but then there's the opposite where there's some who can never stay in a LTR, no matter how good it is. Never take it as a negative against you (unless you did something wrong) as often the person they cheat with is usually the total opposite of the person they're with, even not as good looking or as nice, just different. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 You can be really happy, AND want something more or different occasionally. Smart, ethical people who understand this about themselves openly and honestly deal with the issue by negotiating an open relationship or some other unconventional relationship - or they break up and don't cheat. Most people do not have this level of self-awareness, or don't have a partner who would even discuss the topic, much less try it. So they'll cheat, and their relationship will be happy (from their perspective) - until they're caught! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 My ex cheated on me. We had been living together for 4 years when I learn he had been cheating the whole 4 year. We had a good life together and he told me every day he loved me. When confronted with his cheating he told me it had nothing to do with me. He loved me and did not want me to leave. He said it was a battle between him and himself, he had this constant need to chase and was never able to control it, he had cheated on every women of his life including his kids mom. So yes I do believe in some circumstances men can cheat even if they are in a happy relationship. In my case I refused to stay and left. He is now married with another lady and he is still cheating. He was right, he can't stop. At least now it's someone else problem, not mine anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 There are different types of cheaters. Some find themselves in a situation where they are emotionally weakened by stress, or don't realize they are unsatisfied with whom they are with, or emotionally unstable/depressed, or cheaters have a lack of control when intoxicated/high and then there's the narcissists or serial cheaters, which include celebrities, famous and the wealthy. They only care about themselves and play by different rules, self entitled. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 Some people, primarily women, just absolutely need constant validation from members of the opposite sex. So she could be completely happy, love you and all that. But still flirt, sext, cross boundaries, etc. That tends to ruin a good relationship she had going when the dude inevitably finds out. Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 Some people, primarily women, just absolutely need constant validation from members of the opposite sex. So she could be completely happy, love you and all that. But still flirt, sext, cross boundaries, etc. That tends to ruin a good relationship she had going when the dude inevitably finds out. Ah yes, because most men are so confident in their masculinity and their sexual prowess that they don't tend to care whether women like them or not. But OP, people cheat for different reasons. My ex was very insecure about his looks, even though I obviously liked the way he looked. He would send mass messages to women on facebook trying to flirt or snag dates. It was borderline harassment and most of them ignored him. Then he tried to date multiple women in his office at the same time until they inevitably found out and word spread about him. There's also the revenge cheat, where you piss your partner off and they decide to mess with other people to hurt you (although sometimes they don't tell you about it, they just secretly enjoy having gotten 'even' with you). But it really doesn't matter whether you're a good SO or not, it's not a happy relationship unless both partners are happy and satisfied. Not just with their partner, but with themselves. and cheaters don't break up with their partners unless they find something they like better. It's obviously immoral, but why would they want one when they could have both? Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 (edited) Online was barely a thing when I was married but so many women wanted me once the ring was on the finger. The stuff they offered no strings attached in the parking lot of the bar where I joined coworkers..... Never did it. But later found out every time I posted poker night while dating she would meet up with an ex and cheat to spite me. And when I was working two jobs while married to pay the bills while she was home with our first she was cheating because I was "ignoring" her. OK. She was unhappy. But she's still unhappy. Lol I know a few other guys who are happily married but cheat because women always wanted to sleep with them since they could remember. so it's easy for them so I guess their thinking is "why not?" Edited July 11, 2016 by phineas Link to post Share on other sites
TheBathWater Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 When are people going to realize that human beings are not monogamous? Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 I just don't get why guys who cheat will throw away something potentially good...If their partner is not good enough, why not break up? As someone else said, women do it just as much but the question you posed above is the million dollar question that an entire industry of infidelity experts has sprung up trying to answer with no success. We are all so complex as human beings that just like with overeating or any other temptation, a certain percentage of us are going to take the bait and do it. The two seemingly most frequently used quotes seem to be "I never thought I would do this" "I never thought my wife/husband/partner was capable of this betrayal" Those quotes followed by how great a partner the BS is are pretty normal. if you figure out a successful answer to your question, patent it. You will be an instant billionaire. Link to post Share on other sites
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