She left me for someone else and acts like she doesn't care. [update 5 months later]

[BenDamage]

Ok, so I have a bit of a unique story here. I've been seeing a married woman, who was in an open relationship, for 4 years last April. When me and her first met, we instantly hit it off. We knew we loved each other by the fourth time that we got together and we were both absolutely head over heels for one another. She would invite me over to her place to stay a couple nights if her husband was out of town, or come stay at mine if she didn't have the kids. She was very loving, compassionate and very reaffirming. She would send me love letters via text, or a song that reminded her of me, or she'd end a quote she read from a book that she liked. She took me to Disney World for my very first time when I was 22, she taught me how to drive and helped me get my license, we took several vacations together; San Diego, North Carolina, Destin. She used to say she felt like we've been lovers in past lives and that we were destined to meet each other. Our sex life was amazing as well. We would go 2-3 times a day or one session for multiple hours. Some of the best I've ever had. It seemed like a whirlwind romance that would last through the ages...

 

Unfortunately, things went south around May of this year. In March we went to Disney World for a day and we had a blast, reminiscing about our first trip the entire time. She basically begged me to come down, I had work but she really wanted me to go so I called out of work and drove all the way to Orlando to spend the night/day with her at Disney with her and her friends and everything seemed fine. April comes along and we celebrated our 4 year anniversary by exchanging gifts and going out for a nice dinner, on top of other things. Well towards the middle of April, she told me that her husband didn't get the raise he was supposed to at work, so she was going to put in extra hours at her business to make up the difference, meaning we wouldn't be able to see each other very often. I didn't think much of it, but I noticed that she wasn't calling or texting as much as she used to (she used to call me everyday after work to see how I was) which had me worried. So I asked her why I hadn't heard from her lately (after about 3 days of no contact) she said if I wanted to talk to her that I could call her and not wait for her to initiate the conversation. That had me a little on edge because she had never been like that before. I got to see her once in a month during this period of time where she had to work extra, and I let her know I was a bit upset and lonely that we hadn't been able to hang out more. She said if the relationship was too much for me, that I could start looking for other girls and she was being very callous about it.

 

Well, mid-May came around and we hadn't really spoken often and I only got to see her the one time in that time frame. I finally asked her what was going on, why the distance lately. She finally confessed and laid her concerns out on the table. She said she had been thinking about this for the past 6 months. She said that my depression problems had become a bit of a downer in the relationship. She felt like I was always down in the dumps, and it brought her down because she could never seem to cheer me up. She said our relationship had become a broken record and had become a one-way street and that if she was going to have a side relationship, she wanted it to be something uplifting that intrigued her as well as me. She also said the sex had not been satisfactory over the last few times that we saw each other and she felt like I wasn't taking her needs or desires into consideration and she felt like I wasn't passionate about it any more; it was just sex at that point. She also felt we were of two different mind sets, me being a bartender and working a second job at 26 years old, and her being a mother of 2, at 37, she's a therapist and owns her own business. We talked about it for a good 2-3 hours and I apologized profusely, I promised her I would be less pessimistic and that we could work on things and I would be more sensitive to her wants and needs. She was ok with this, but she said she no longer wanted to be BF/GF because she felt like she didn't want to deal with the weight those titles brought. We agreed to be casual friends with benefits and to be there for each other and cheer one another up. Be each others 'Bright Spots' is what she called it.

 

About a week after that conversation, she invited me over to see her and we had lunch and made love. Afterwards, however, she didn't cuddle into me like she normally would after a session, she got up, got dressed and sat at the opposite end of the couch. I talked with her about what was on her mind and I asked her honestly if she was potentially seeing anyone else. She said that she wasn't and that I shouldn't be concerned about it because we weren't exclusive anyways. "Besides", she said, "I can still love you and have sex with someone else". I knew something was up because over the course of our relationship she always said she never wanted anyone else, that I was enough for her. Sure enough, 2 weeks later in June she drops the bomb on me. She said that she had met someone and he asked her out and she accepted. She said she could see herself getting serious with him and she wanted me to know before anyone else told me and that she didn't mean to hurt my feelings. Well I got mad, obviously and told her off because we had just had this conversation and she lied to me. She went from being sweet and sentimental to vindictive and callous in an instant. She told me "Well, best of luck to you." and said that she loved me, but couldn't get past my depression problems and the fact that I lash out at her when things go wrong. She said it only confirmed how she felt about the break up in the first place. I tried to go into damage control mode because I didn't want to lose her, so I apologized again and tried to talk with her about it, but she said that it would be best if we just didn't speak for a while.

 

3 weeks go by with no word from her. She ignored my texts, she ignored my calls, which I only did 3-4 times during this time. On the 3rd week she finally contacted me saying that she was tired of me lashing out at her and that she had moved on. I asked her what she meant, and she told me that the guy that asked her out was her new boyfriend and she had also separated from her husband the same day me and her got into our fight. I asked her if I could see her so we could talk about things and she said she didn't really want to. She made it a point to let me know that this guy has been over to her house almost every day since she separated from her husband, and that he's super good to her and her kids and cooks and does the lawn and such and that she had no intentions of kicking him to the curb to come back to me. I apologized for the way I had acted and I realized at that point what behaviors caused the rift in the relationship and that I was working on changing them. She said she was happy for my positive momentum, but she was no longer in love with me. She said she still wanted to be friends and that she did want me in her life and she had no intention of dropping me completely. I asked her if there was anyway I could have a second chance and she said the only way at this point was if the new guy walked out of her life.

 

It's been a week since that conversation happened. I don't hear from her. I have to initiate the conversation every time and I'm lucky if she responds half the time. She won't answer her phone if she's at home around him because I'm assuming she doesn't want to jeopardize the relationship by speaking with her ex-lover in front of her new one. She said she needed some space because she's stressed out about the divorce with her husband, and having to balance taking care of her kids and her business and managing her new boyfriend. She said all she wanted was simplicity, no drama, because she is in 'self-preservation mode'. and she'll call me if she needs to talk. I decided to give her some space, I told her I'm here for her if she needs me and she thanked me for it. It's been 3 days since I last talked with her and I haven't heard anything from her. The conversations we have had have been short and seem very indifferent, like I was never a past lover, I'm just a guy that she knows basically.

 

It really hurts thinking about her with someone else. I've fallen into a deep depression and I'm having trouble eating and sleeping. But I don't want to tell her these things because I'm afraid she would think I'm being needy and desperate for her attention and I would lose her respect and push her away even further. Do you think giving her space will help at all? I don't want to believe what we had is just dead and gone forever. Is there even the slightest chance in hell I might have another shot with her? I've started changing the behaviors that got me down; drinking, overeating, confidence issues, etc. and I see exactly what I did wrong in the relationship. I took it for granted because I always thought she would be there. Any help would be appreciated.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Hi Ben I am sorry to say this about the woman you love but she sounds like an unstable loser of a woman who has a severe case of arrested development. She is 11 years older than you, married, is a therapist, dumped you because your depression is "bringing her down" tried to keep you around as FWB to use you some more, knowing the state you are in, knowing what she knows as a therapist and simply for having way more life experience than you, and now left you to separate from her husband and to move on to her boyfriend?

 

 

Honey I know you are hurting very much right now especially since you are suffering from depression, and you just lost your love, but that woman was just not right for you think of all the pain she has caused you. You were very young when you met her and I can imagine what you felt for her must have been really out of this world because for a young man of 22 to be seduced by a considerably older woman can be quite intoxicating. You are older now and know what you experienced.

 

1st try to do something regarding your depression.

 

Second of all, she needs space from you because of the stress of the divorce but doesn't need space from the divorce with her new boyfriend? She is SO playing you, and using you.

 

Work on changing the behaviours that got you down but do them for you, not for her. I know it isn't what you want to hear but you deserve SO MUCH more than some loser of a woman who is more lost than anyone half her age.

 

I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like that. Ugh...what a mess

[Sunkissedpatio]

Can I also just say, and these are not excuses nor do I want to say something that will offend you in any way, you went from being a teenager to entering adulthood at 22 and being involved with a much older woman who was married and not fully available to you and you lived those young adult years like this.

 

How could you not be insecure, and overeating and over drinking and all the other "issues" that you picked up along the way when you went from being a kid practically to and OM in a very grown up scenario.

Obviously you had a choice in this too but 22 and 32 married with kids, big difference.

 

Are you sure they were in an open marriage or is this some baloney she fed you?

[bubbaganoosh]

All I can say is your lucky her husband didn't find out about it. Screwing another mans wife no matter what problems they have can cause you to wind up in the morgue and then a funeral parlor.

 

And I'm glad that her husband can get away form a loser of a woman he's married to. She isn't a trustworthy person and I don't know where you thought you would be immune from her dishonesty. She cheated on her husband to be with you so you shouldn't be surprised that she cheated on you to be with another man.

 

Bit of advice friend. Wise up real fast because your playing a dangerous game messing with another mans wife. Now you know how he will feel when he finds out about her affairs and that doesn't mean that your in the clear because he still might come a knocking and if that happens, I feel for you.

[whatnot]

When I was in my mid 20's....i went to eat with a married woman twice. She then came over to help decorate my Christmas Tree. We never had sex. (But I'm not saying we might not have).

 

One day...my phone rang. The voice on the other end said..."If you don't stay away from my wife, I will kill you." The line went dead. He man wasn't angry. His voice....just matter of fact.

 

That's the last time I ever had any desire to see a married woman....Under just about any circumstances.

 

That was over 30 years ago. (I won't even see one if she's separated).

 

Take care...and be careful!

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, she was never yours.

 

She has been married to another man the entire time. You two were never exclusive and I have to wonder how much her husband really knows about what his wife does when he's not around.

 

At the risk of sounding insensitive, what did you think was going to happen?

 

She sounds like a nutcase.

[PegNosePete]

Ex GF left me for another man. What do I do?

Well I can tell you what I'd do: never talk to her again.

[Giggles666]

Forget about her, the whole situation sounds like there was no possible way to have a happy ending. When I was younger I dabbled where I should not have, and all it took was one case of feelings for a taken woman for me to learn my lesson.

 

You run, you try as quickly as possible to forget her, and you start to realize how lucky you are when you meet a nice woman and have a "normal" relationship.

[BenDamage]

Can I also just say, and these are not excuses nor do I want to say something that will offend you in any way, you went from being a teenager to entering adulthood at 22 and being involved with a much older woman who was married and not fully available to you and you lived those young adult years like this.

 

How could you not be insecure, and overeating and over drinking and all the other "issues" that you picked up along the way when you went from being a kid practically to and OM in a very grown up scenario.

Obviously you had a choice in this too but 22 and 32 married with kids, big difference.

 

Are you sure they were in an open marriage or is this some baloney she fed you?

 

I know she was. Her husband started the open marriage after she found out he had been talking to other women for the better part of year into their marriage. She threatened divorce, but he compromised saying that she could do what she wanted as well, so as to prevent them from separating and putting the kids through that.

[BenDamage]

All I can say is your lucky her husband didn't find out about it. Screwing another mans wife no matter what problems they have can cause you to wind up in the morgue and then a funeral parlor.

 

And I'm glad that her husband can get away form a loser of a woman he's married to. She isn't a trustworthy person and I don't know where you thought you would be immune from her dishonesty. She cheated on her husband to be with you so you shouldn't be surprised that she cheated on you to be with another man.

 

Bit of advice friend. Wise up real fast because your playing a dangerous game messing with another mans wife. Now you know how he will feel when he finds out about her affairs and that doesn't mean that your in the clear because he still might come a knocking and if that happens, I feel for you.

 

They had a poly amorous relationship. I met her husband, he didn't have a problem with me. He knew about me for 4 years. And yes I know, everyone told me the same thing 'If she'll do it to him, she'll do it to you.' I thought maybe, JUST maybe they'd be wrong and our love for each other would withstand the test of time. But, low and behold, she meets some new guy who must have had a lot to offer her, because she dumped me and her husband off and started up with this guy. Kind of feels like a swift kick to the gut.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I know she was. Her husband started the open marriage after she found out he had been talking to other women for the better part of year into their marriage. She threatened divorce, but he compromised saying that she could do what she wanted as well, so as to prevent them from separating and putting the kids through that.

 

That's what I gathered from your opening statement but you never know in these triangle situations...At least you weren't cheating with her, but you still got the short end of the stick it seems.

 

I don't know or understand more so, how you felt comfortable sharing your woman with another man...unless you are into open relationships as well then of course the arrangement would work for you as well in which case none of that matters. But my other observations about her still stand. I do feel she took advantage of you, and that doesn't exclude you from your own responsible choices especially now that you are an adult and have had more experience.

[BenDamage]

OP, she was never yours.

 

She has been married to another man the entire time. You two were never exclusive and I have to wonder how much her husband really knows about what his wife does when he's not around.

 

At the risk of sounding insensitive, what did you think was going to happen?

 

She sounds like a nutcase.

 

Honestly, I thought me and her would see each other on the side for a good while until I met someone who I could be full time with. I liked what her and I had going. It was a low maintenance relationship. We saw each other 1-3 days a week depending on her schedule, we'd usually go for food or something, then come home, throw a movie in and cuddle/make love until I had to go to work. Her husband knew about me the entire time. He had his own flock of girls he'd go see as well.

[BenDamage]

That's what I gathered from your opening statement but you never know in these triangle situations...At least you weren't cheating with her, but you still got the short end of the stick it seems.

 

I don't know or understand more so, how you felt comfortable sharing your woman with another man...unless you are into open relationships as well then of course the arrangement would work for you as well in which case none of that matters. But my other observations about her still stand. I do feel she took advantage of you, and that doesn't exclude you from your own responsible choices especially now that you are an adult and have had more experience.

 

I know I did. I willingly went into the relationship knowing that I would not have her full time, but we had two different lifestyles anyways. She had a family and kids and her business and such, where I was a young bartender who still liked to play video games and go out with friends all the time. Our arrangement was very low maintenance and easy to handle and we did feel strongly for each other, any time she was going on a vacation, she usually invited me instead of her husband. She told me time and again if I ever felt like the relationship was too much for me, I could leave. Or if I ever found someone I could be full time with, she would understand and bow out gracefully.

 

The reason her husband didn't bother me was because I wasn't really intimidated by him I suppose. He was overweight and couldn't do the things that I could in bed because I'm young and at the time was in shape and confident, she told me the sex with me was way more satisfying and electric. And for her, I didn't really mind sharing. I love her and she loved me and we saw each other when we could and that was ok with me because I knew in my heart that a full time relationship between the two of us would of been problematic because of our lifestyles.

 

I'm just so damn surprised that she just up and basically shed herself of her husband and myself and just started dating this guy. I understood her feelings that I had been depressed as of late and I hadn't been the best boyfriend in the past few months because of it. I asked her if she would like to just keep the arrangement going that we had while she was with this guy and she said he wanted a monogamous relationship with her, so she wants what he wants. I know it sounds pathetic, but I just liked having her in my life. Knowing that someone was out there who was unbiased who loved me for me. Now I feel more alone than I have in years because she basically acts like I don't exist now.

[Sunkissedpatio]

First of all you don't sound pathetic, I can see how your relationship developed and why it worked for you in some twisted way. And of course you would feel the loss now because for as little or as much as it was at times it was the relationship you had with her, it's what you know.

 

By the fact that she always told you she'd bow out gracefully if you found a girl leads me to believe her investment in you never quite grew past a FWB situation for her, I'm sorry to say that, but that is just my observation. Here she is moving mountains for her new guy... and even left her husband!?!

 

Was there ever discussion of that happening while she was with you or you expressing to her a desire for that?

 

It appears to me like you were used, and though you thought that the arrangement suited you just as it was, you clearly developed feelings for her more than you realized and you attached to her just as if you were having an exclusive rel despite the time spent together. But for her it seems it was always just a side arrangement. Her telling you that you are too much of a downer for a "side dish" really speaks volumes.

 

I do think that because you spent so long in this type of pattern and that you did this at such a young age that you have cast the mould for this type of attachment style in your future relationships. And that you will seek out semi-committal situations and won't be able to break free from that to experience what it is like to be with someone who loves you and only you, and that in turn you don't have to share.

 

You are grieving the loss of your "relationship" and it's expected, even the shock of her moving on despite the fact she was what and who she was.

 

You should try to move on.

 

Hopefully somewhere down the line you will be able to see just how damaging this scenario was for your well-being despite of how good it felt at the time. I'm sorry you got sucked into this so young. I hope you can some day have a healthy relationship (even though right now I am sure it is the furthest thing from your mind) and learn to love fully and most importantly to be loved fully. Nothing compares to that and when you do experience that you will look back at this as a the mistake that it was. I know it doesn't help you now but knowing there is so much more for you out there to feel should give you some hope to move on.

[VeveCakes]

What a piece of work.

 

This woman will repeat this cycle one hundred times over. She is not capable of empathy or caring for anyone but herself. I'm sorry but what you had wasn't real, she manipulated you and then threw you aside when she got bored.

 

You deserve soooo much better. Someone available to you.

[BenDamage]

First of all you don't sound pathetic, I can see how your relationship developed and why it worked for you in some twisted way. And of course you would feel the loss now because for as little or as much as it was at times it was the relationship you had with her, it's what you know.

 

By the fact that she always told you she'd bow out gracefully if you found a girl leads me to believe her investment in you never quite grew past a FWB situation for her, I'm sorry to say that, but that is just my observation. Here she is moving mountains for her new guy... and even left her husband!?!

 

Was there ever discussion of that happening while she was with you or you expressing to her a desire for that?

 

It appears to me like you were used, and though you thought that the arrangement suited you just as it was, you clearly developed feelings for her more than you realized and you attached to her just as if you were having an exclusive rel despite the time spent together. But for her it seems it was always just a side arrangement. Her telling you that you are too much of a downer for a "side dish" really speaks volumes.

 

I do think that because you spent so long in this type of pattern and that you did this at such a young age that you have cast the mould for this type of attachment style in your future relationships. And that you will seek out semi-committal situations and won't be able to break free from that to experience what it is like to be with someone who loves you and only you, and that in turn you don't have to share.

 

You are grieving the loss of your "relationship" and it's expected, even the shock of her moving on despite the fact she was what and who she was.

 

You should try to move on.

 

Hopefully somewhere down the line you will be able to see just how damaging this scenario was for your well-being despite of how good it felt at the time. I'm sorry you got sucked into this so young. I hope you can some day have a healthy relationship (even though right now I am sure it is the furthest thing from your mind) and learn to love fully and most importantly to be loved fully. Nothing compares to that and when you do experience that you will look back at this as a the mistake that it was. I know it doesn't help you now but knowing there is so much more for you out there to feel should give you some hope to move on.

She and I had talked about her divorcing her husband on several occasions. Their relationship had always been rocky because of his infidelity at the beginning of the relationship and with the way he spent their money and such. At one point about a year ago she had actually kicked him out because she had found out had seen one of her best friends which was a no fly zone. She all prepared to move me in when he left, but he begged his way back into the house about a week later.

 

And yea, my feelings got.me in trouble in April because I hadn't seen her for almost a month and I missed her and we kind of argued about it because I was being needy and wanting to see her more often because my schedule had opened up more but hers was really busy. So she was telling me if it was too much for that I could leave any time and I should look for someone who could be with me full time. I could of handled that situation better but I was letting my depression get the best of me and I projected it into her.

[Sunkissedpatio]

You handled the situation the way any normal human being who is in love and enjoys spending time with their partner would, you expressed your desire to see more of them.

 

What isn't normal is the bullsht situation you were involved with which was entirely self-serving for her and you told yourself you could handle the arrangement on her terms but actually found out you needed much more to be happy. Your needs weren't being met and you expressed it and that has nothing to do with your depression or being categorized as some "needy" sap. Don't tell yourself that or entertain that thought for a single second.

 

The fact she didn't and wasn't willing to give you more is not your shortcoming, it is her needs being put before yours. That's it.

 

Actually it's a good sign that you did want more because then that means you are very capable of yearning for what most people in a healthy romantic relationship yearn for, more time together, exclusivity, and more shared happy experiences. It's really that basic.

 

Her blame shifting is priceless. Cheaters do that, they make you feel crazy or like a "drag" for wanting and expecting things that are natural so they don't have to be the "bad guys" in the situation. It's classic.

 

I can bet anything that even if you played by her bullsht rules and and didn't push for more time together she still would have met this new guy and decided to move on because if there is one thing that I am learning is very consistent and prevalent in most cheaters is their sense of entitlement to whom an what they want, when they want it, and they will find any excuse at your cost to make that happen.

Edited July 7, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[BenDamage]

You handled the situation the way any normal human being who is in love and enjoys spending time with their partner would, you expressed your desire to see more of them.

 

What isn't normal is the bullsht situation you were involved with which was entirely self-serving for her and you told yourself you could handle the arrangement on her terms but actually found out you needed much more to be happy. Your needs weren't being met and you expressed it and that has nothing to do with your depression or being categorized as some "needy" sap. Don't tell yourself that or entertain that thought for a single second.

 

The fact she didn't and wasn't willing to give you more is not your shortcoming, it is her needs being put before yours. That's it.

 

Actually it's a good sign that you did want more because then that means you are very capable of yearning for what most people in a healthy romantic relationship yearn for, more time together, exclusivity, and more shared happy experiences. It's really that basic.

 

Her blame shifting is priceless. Cheaters do that, they make you feel crazy or like a "drag" for wanting and expecting things that are natural so they don't have to be the "bad guys" in the situation. It's classic.

 

I can bet anything that even if you played by her bullsht rules and and didn't push for more time together she still would have met this new guy and decided to move on because if there is one thing that I am learning is very consistent and prevalent in most cheaters is their sense of entitlement to whom an what they want, when they want it, and they will find any excuse at your cost to make that happen.

 

I have the same feeling. Honestly I think she was talking with him well before when she says she did. There was a Saturday night around the beginning of May that I finally had off and I invited her to come spend the night. She NEVER refused to come spend the night on a Saturday. In fact, she would beg me to get it off so she could come spend the night and cuddle with me. She told me she was in Destin with some friends at a club and that she would 'Let me know' if she was gonna make it over that night and she would 'keep that in mind'. The thing is, I know her entire social circle and all of her friends have moved away, so who was she with? I knew something was up at that point.

 

Honestly, when we argued about her meeting this guy, she told me there could of been a 'better outcome' to all of this had I not acted the way I did. I asked her later what she meant by 'better outcome' and she said that if I had been more understanding, that she still would of saw me on the side and it might of prevented her from falling entirely for this guy. However, I think that's a crock of ****. If she loved me, she wouldn't of talked to this guy in the first place. Either way, I feel like what would of happened had I been more 'understanding' is that yea, I might of seen her a couple more times until guy was like "Hey, I don't want an open relationship," and she probably would of cut it off with me to appease him. That, I think, would probably hurt even worse than just being ignored.

 

I went ahead and stopped talking with her. It's been four days since I last contacted her and I intend to keep it that way. If she cares or has an inkling of love for me left, I'll let her text me. I'm not gonna hold my breath though because she seems perfectly content with this. She made it a point to let me know she was with him every time we talked and that just hurts even more. Her husband is finally out of the picture and instead of me getting to sleep next to her in bed, it's whoever this 36yo ******* is. What kind of dickhead comes into a relationship knowing that a woman has a husband AND a boyfriend and is ok with that? What more so, what does it say about her that she drops off her husband and I to bring some complete stranger into her home and around her kids IMMEDIATELY after separating from her husband? What's worse is that she KNOWS I have abandonment issues. She knows my life story. She knows I've lived on my own since I was 16 because of a neglectful mother and that I have depression because of it. But she does this to me anyways so she can take of her needs and wants instead of trying to work it out with me.

 

I'm just done. It hurts like hell and I probably won't be over it for quite some time, but I'm done being #2 to her.

Edited July 7, 2016 by BenDamage

[BenDamage]

I hate her and yet I love her still. It's been about a month and a half since me[m/26] and my GF[f/37] of 4 years broke up. She was married, but her and her husband had an open relationship and her husband knew of me. She stated that my depression problems were getting in the way of our relationship and that our relationship had become a broken record and it was always about me and my problems and if she was going to have a side relationship she wanted it to be fulfilling and intriguing for her and not just depressing all the time, etc. She broke it off and 2 weeks later had met someone new and was planning on 'becoming serious with him' as she put it. We argued about it because obviously I was mad that she had moved on to someone new so quickly. Honestly, I think she had probably been talking with him for a while and was keeping him waiting until she could finally find a good enough reason to drop me off to make room for him. I say that because the same day she told me about the guy was the same day she separated from her husband. Apparently he found out about the new guy and wasn't comfortable with her having a brand new lover because he had become used to me and didn't have a problem with me. She didn't like that he didn't approve of her new lover, so she broke it off with her husband and kicked him out of the house and moved new guy in. Needless to say, she got mad at me for being mad at her and she blocked me from facebook and ignored me for 3 weeks.

 

We got in contact around Jun. 24th, and she stated that she has moved on and he's her new boyfriend and he's super great to her and her kids and they spend every day together and that she has no desire to see me and that she's no longer in love with me, that whole speech. She said however that she wants to keep me in her life as a friend, and that she does care about me. Which now I'm finding to be a complete lie. First of all, if she cared about me, then why the hell did she dump me and move onto him so easily? Secondly, she knows I have depression problems and abandonment issues and she ignored me for 3 weeks and made no attempt to call or text me. That shows absolutely no compassion whatsoever and what's worse? She's a THERAPIST. I started NC last Sunday and still have yet to hear from her and that just further proves my point that she could give less of a **** about me any more. She's too enamored with her new love, whom she has entered into a monogamous relationship with, to give a **** who she steps over to get what she wants.

 

She gave me absolutely no warning that it was this bad between us. In March we went to Disney for a weekend and had a blast. Mid April we celebrated our 4th anniversary. Mid May we were broken up. She said she tried to tell me that she tried to drop vague little hints here and there that she wasn't happy, but I'm not the most observant person and I didn't pick up on the cues. Instead of telling me flat out what the problem was so I could fix it, she had probably at that point already mentally checked out and just let it build and build til I confronted her about the distance she had been putting between us. (Less frequent phone calls, me always having to initiate the conversation, saying she was 'busy' on our normal date days) and laid it all out on the table and decided it wasn't worth fighting for.

 

I know I'm speaking out of anger and making it seem like she's completely in the wrong, but I can to take responsibility for my own actions; yes, the past few months I have been very depressed. I had been drinking and overeating and I was letting peoples opinions on my weight and such kill my self-esteem which brought me into an even worse place. Yes, I relied on her to consul me and make me feel better and yes I wasn't as compassionate to listen to her problems that she was having. I took her for granted because I never thought she would leave. I became jaded. And now I'm paying for it. But the way she's handling this is heartless.

 

Part of me still loves her and believes that what we had was genuine and authentic and that there may be a chance to salvage this in the future. The other part of me knows that it's over and our relationship is dead and gone and to move on. Then there's the angry side that hopes karma comes to bite her in the ass and knows that taking her back, if she ever came back, would be a completely dumb idea and hates her guts.

 

Anybody have any advice or comments? Any stories to share?

Edited July 10, 2016 by BenDamage

[salparadise]

Should we copy and paste responses from your previous thread?

 

My advice would be to keep the same thread and start a new woman.

[road]

You to her:

 

 

Sex toy

FBuddy

 

 

 

She was never leaving her husband so was never committing to you to be nothing but her FB till she got tired of you.

 

 

The last 4 years would of been more productive for you if you had spent it looking for a woman that was free to have an exclusive relationship with.

 

 

Maybe married

Maybe kids

Maybe not alone crying in your beer

Edited July 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[CupCakess]

She is a married woman, in an open marriage, dating someone 11 years younger than her.

 

It was a bit naive to think you could have a serious or loving relationship with her to begin with. Expecting someone who clearly has a lot of issues regarding her love life to act in a "mature" way is a bit is just too optimistic.

 

Don't try to understand her.

[toastytiger]

Yeah, being a therapist does not mean you don't have any issues or are above doing f*d up things.

Don't put extra expectations on someone to be compassionate and caring all the time just because they are a therapist. If anything, they're work in psychology just makes them more complex to deal with. I know, I dated one, he was also a lot older than me. Had the same thought you did -- like, "and they're a therapist too?!" Good to remember they're still human.

 

I'm kind of confused why you are so hung up on this woman. I understand 4 years is a long time and there was a real connection there. I can also empathize with the depression making this harder to handle. BUT... She was married the whole time and you were just a side relationship! She made it very clear she's done.

Move on. You deserve better anyway.

 

You have plenty of time and opportunities ahead of you to find a more fulfilling relationship. Actually, before you even try to seek out another relationship, this would be a great time to do some inner work and unfold this depression you're experiencing. Focus on your self-growth and it will benefit your next relationship

[BenDamage]

Yeah, being a therapist does not mean you don't have any issues or are above doing f*d up things.

Don't put extra expectations on someone to be compassionate and caring all the time just because they are a therapist. If anything, they're work in psychology just makes them more complex to deal with. I know, I dated one, he was also a lot older than me. Had the same thought you did -- like, "and they're a therapist too?!" Good to remember they're still human.

 

I'm kind of confused why you are so hung up on this woman. I understand 4 years is a long time and there was a real connection there. I can also empathize with the depression making this harder to handle. BUT... She was married the whole time and you were just a side relationship! She made it very clear she's done.

Move on. You deserve better anyway.

 

You have plenty of time and opportunities ahead of you to find a more fulfilling relationship. Actually, before you even try to seek out another relationship, this would be a great time to do some inner work and unfold this depression you're experiencing. Focus on your self-growth and it will benefit your next relationship

 

I'm hung up because when we first met and through to our 4th year together, we were completely into each other. Like when we were together, you couldn't pry us apart. We felt like we could never hold each other close enough, or kiss each other deep enough. The chemistry was electric between the two of us and I've never felt that way about any of the women in my past relationships.

 

Not to mention she was drop dead gorgeous. Tattoos, she liked to keep her hair short and trim the sides down and she was just very alternative but still spiritual in her style. She was very regal the way she carried herself, very alpha and that was sexy as hell. The entire package. Smart, Hard-Working, Independent, Good Mother, Gorgeous, Great Body, Awesome in bed....I'm hung up because I don't know what this woman saw in me but she did, and she was madly in love with it and I've never had someone as amazing as her love me before and I'm afraid I'm never going to find something like that again.

 

Now I'm scared anyone from now on I'm probably going to compare to her in some way and I'm afraid a lot of people might not meet those expectations. I know it's not fair to compare people, but damn she was amazing. That's why this hurts so much. I feel like I honestly found my soulmate and now that reality has been ripped away from me. Rather violently too.

 

As far the depression goes, I've worked on the things I can change already. Within this past month I've already dropped 20 pounds from exercising vigorously like I used to back when we first met. I stopped drinking which was another cause of my severe depression, and I stopped letting peoples opinions bother me and stopped giving a **** what other people think about me. The only thing that has me severely down in the dumps is knowing that now I have to live me life without her. I just wish I could of figured all this out sooner and maybe she'd still be around.

 

I dunno though, maybe she didn't see a future with me. I'm just a bartender and I also work a day job and I make anywhere between $20,000 to $25,000 a year atm although I am planning on getting back into school in the spring. Whereas she owns her own therapy business and raked in almost $70,000 last year. Plus we are polar opposites in a lot of ways. Not a lot of our tastes line up, only a few things here and there like music and movies and such.

 

There's no telling what this new guy brought to the table. All I know is that he's 36 and apparently cooks and does the lawn for her and her kids. Apparently he has something special going on because she straight up dumped me and her husband for him.

[ExpatInItaly]

Should we copy and paste responses from your previous thread?

 

My advice would be to keep the same thread and start a new woman.

 

Exactly.

 

OP. not to be too blunt - but what did you really expect from this relationship?

 

She is married. This means she wasn't ever yours to begin with. Which I also said in your other thread.

 

If it seems like she doesn't care...well, that's because she doesn't. Not anymore.

 

Stay away from married women in the future. You need to be accountable for your role in this, too. You knew her situation and made a choice to not walk away. That's not all on her.