She left me for someone else and acts like she doesn't care. [update 5 months later]

[BenDamage]

So another update. It's been a week now and I haven't heard from her at all. She has pretty much stopped liking things on my facebook now even though after our talk last Wednesday she was literally liking/loving everything I posted. Occasionally she'll like a funny quote or an inspirational quote, but she ignores my selfies and motivational and/or love songs I post. Don't think this really changes anything or means anything, I know the advice is still the same, to move on and forget about her.

 

I want to block her off my social media just so I can't see that she's online on the messenger screen, but I'm afraid if I do that it will make her angry and screw up any possible chance of reconciliation, because unfriending her after our initial argument when she told me about that she was talking to this new guy was what put the nail in the coffin.

 

As ****ed up as it sounds, she told me had I been a little bit more understanding of her situation she was in when she told me about him and had I not acted in the immature matter that I did, unfriending her, telling her that she was just another bad experience in my life, that we could of still seen each other and she might NOT have fallen completely over this guy and maybe worked things out with me instead. But apparently me arguing with her and unfriending her made the pendulum swing all the way in his favor. I've been kicking myself in the ass because of it.

[Blanco]

lol; she's playing you like a G-D fiddle, man.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Oh Ben you are so brain washed by this woman, it is really sad to see. She manipulates you in such a way that if you don't at least entertain the notion that she is abusing you, you will end up dedicating your entire life for the scraps that she feeds you.

 

Are you kidding me that if you had been more "accepting of her new guy and mature about it" she would be acting differently towards you? Really? REALLY? She makes me SO angry!!! She is using any excuse to get you to back off an let her play around with her new guy while she keeps you nice and tucked in your place of "waiting around for the queen to decide"

 

You should ask her this:

 

Why didn't she tell her new man to be more patient of the fact that she was already with you, and to accept that she was going to keep being with you because you were there first, and he needs to be mature about the fact that you already have a relationship?

 

I'll tell you why that hasn't happened in the reverse, because any man with an ounce of self-respect would tell her to go f herself and to not let the door hit that pathetic lying piece of sht ass on the way out. That's why!

 

I'm going to tell you something that is going to sound harsh and it is not my intent to hurt you in any way, but I am a woman and take it from me, the weakness you are showing towards her is very VERY unattractive. You can lose a ton of weight and look like Tom Hardy by the end of your transformation but if you are hanging around playing to her every whim, there is no physical transformation that can override the air of desperation that you emanate that is an instant repellant to most women. Including this woman, she is totally disrespecting you and you are letting it happen for the "hopes of some day maybe"

 

Ben, I'm so sorry if that sounds harsh I don't mean to be at all I really just want to shake you and wake you up to the big mistakes you are making because this woman's abuse is so deep and has you acting in very foolish ways and what feels natural to you right in fact really REALLY isn.t.

 

The best thing you could possibly do is unfriend her on FB. Find out as little as possible about her and stop thinking about how she is going to take it. If you don't feel like you can block her just yet then fine, do it in steps. But unfriend her if you can build up the courage.

Edited July 20, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[BenDamage]

lol; she's playing you like a G-D fiddle, man.

Oh I know. Believe me I know. I honestly hate that this woman has this power over me and I can't explain why. Believe me when I say I want nothing more to be done and over this and move the **** on and be the stone-hearted bastard I was before I met her. I used to be able to brush **** off so easily in my past because of everything that I've been through. But this....this I for some reason can't let go of. Maybe it's just me being stubborn and not accepting it. Or I'm retarded. Either or.

[Blanco]

Delete and block. Stop thinking about it and just do it. Seriously.

 

Or stay stuck and play games, thinking that if you post just the right selfie or love song, she'll come charging back to you.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Oh I know. Believe me I know. I honestly hate that this woman has this power over me and I can't explain why. Believe me when I say I want nothing more to be done and over this and move the **** on and be the stone-hearted bastard I was before I met her. I used to be able to brush **** off so easily in my past because of everything that I've been through. But this....this I for some reason can't let go of. Maybe it's just me being stubborn and not accepting it. Or I'm retarded. Either or.

 

You are not retarded. You are fixating on hanging on for dear life though. Because it hurts, because it's hard because the pain you are feeling now is going to be that much more for a while when you finally let go. But you must go through that there is no way around it. It is our nature to avoid pain at all costs we are wired that way. But some things are inevitable this is one of those things, so is pain from death.

 

And yes you can weaken that power she has over you. You can TOTALLY do that. We are not asking you to brush this relationship off or your feelings, you cannot do that even if you wanted to. We are asking you to take some steps to gain that control back. To help yourself, you are acting as if you are helpless and you are not helpless. Right now you feel out of control because you are handing her control on a silver tray.

[BenDamage]

Oh Ben you are so brain washed by this woman, it is really sad to see. She manipulates you in such a way that if you don't at least entertain the notion that she is abusing you, you will end up dedicating your entire life for the scraps that she feeds you.

 

Are you kidding me that if you had been more "accepting of her new guy and mature about it" she would be acting differently towards you? Really? REALLY? She makes me SO angry!!! She is using any excuse to get you to back off an let her play around with her new guy while she keeps you nice and tucked in your place of "waiting around for the queen to decide"

 

You should ask her this:

 

Why didn't she tell her new man to be more patient of the fact that she was already with you, and to accept that she was going to keep being with you because you were there first, and he needs to be mature about the fact that you already have a relationship?

 

I'll tell you why that hasn't happened in the reverse, because any man with an ounce of self-respect would tell her to go f herself and to not let the door hit that pathetic lying piece of sht ass on the way out. That's why!

 

I'm going to tell you something that is going to sound harsh and it is not my intent to hurt you in any way, but I am a woman and take it from me, the weakness you are showing towards her is very VERY unattractive. You can lose a ton of weight and look like Tom Hardy by the end of your transformation but if you are hanging around playing to her every whim, there is no physical transformation that can override the air of desperation that you emanate that is an instant repellant to most women. Including this woman, she is totally disrespecting you and you are letting it happen for the "hopes of some day maybe"

 

Ben, I'm so sorry if that sounds harsh I don't mean to be at all I really just want to shake you and wake you up to the big mistakes you are making because this woman's abuse is so deep and has you acting in very foolish ways and what feels natural to you right in fact really REALLY isn.t.

 

The best thing you could possibly do is unfriend her on FB. Find out as little as possible about her and stop thinking about how she is going to take it. If you don't feel like you can block her just yet then fine, do it in steps. But unfriend her if you can build up the courage.

Well I haven't talked to her in a week. I haven't initiated anything. All I've been putting on facebook is pictures of me out and about with friends, or my workout progress or motivation stuff showing that I'm not being a damn Debby Downer any more. Not just to her, but everybody. Everyone knew I had bad depression problems. The only thing I'm working through is trying to let go of my feelings for her and if she doesn't contact me and stops liking **** on my facebook then that just makes it easy because I don't she could give two ****s about me and how I'm doing.

 

And believe me, I'd love to tell her to '**** Off.' I've actually compiled a nice playlist of songs for just that occasion if/when I know for sure that we're done for good. But as bad as it is, I'm still holding onto hope. Maybe that'll dissipate in a few months, but for now, like I said, I can't help the way I feel.

 

No offense taken, btw. At least it's said in a way that's respectful. In a thread I posted on a different website about the issue, some guy was SUPER rude and was saying rude ****, like "You were just her **** toy and her little boy and she molded you like clay and when she was done with you, she threw you away and now she's riding some other dude's dick. Get over yourself, get over her, give the **** up and find yourself a real girl. You're story isn't unique, it's all fluff, you're nothing special."

 

I swear to God. People are real ****ing brave when they're sitting behind a keyboard.

[Blanco]

All the nonsense on Facebook is just you trying to manipulate her behavior. It's game-playing and it's going to keep you stuck and fixated on her.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Well I haven't talked to her in a week. I haven't initiated anything. All I've been putting on facebook is pictures of me out and about with friends, or my workout progress or motivation stuff showing that I'm not being a damn Debby Downer any more. Not just to her, but everybody. Everyone knew I had bad depression problems. The only thing I'm working through is trying to let go of my feelings for her and if she doesn't contact me and stops liking **** on my facebook then that just makes it easy because I don't she could give two ****s about me and how I'm doing.

 

And believe me, I'd love to tell her to '**** Off.' I've actually compiled a nice playlist of songs for just that occasion if/when I know for sure that we're done for good. But as bad as it is, I'm still holding onto hope. Maybe that'll dissipate in a few months, but for now, like I said, I can't help the way I feel.

 

No offense taken, btw. At least it's said in a way that's respectful. In a thread I posted on a different website about the issue, some guy was SUPER rude and was saying rude ****, like "You were just her **** toy and her little boy and she molded you like clay and when she was done with you, she threw you away and now she's riding some other dude's dick. Get over yourself, get over her, give the **** up and find yourself a real girl. You're story isn't unique, it's all fluff, you're nothing special."

 

I swear to God. People are real ****ing brave when they're sitting behind a keyboard.

 

 

Ughhh that is SO uncalled for! How incredibly rude and unnecessary for another human being to talk to you like that - strangers behind a keyboard or not. Regardless of how "weak" someone might seem to others on the internet it is always good practice to remember that we don't know just how bad someone is feeling and tough love may work on those we love, because there is a precedence of "love" already established, but tough love with strangers just sounds like some a-hole projecting their own shortcomings.

 

 

I'm glad you took my comments in the spirit they were intended, I understand all too well the fragile nature of someone in your situation.

 

Ultimately Ben, you are going to do what you need to when you see fit. We may think we know what the right course of action should be for you and when, but you need to act when you feel it's right. Not when you are ready, because believe me when it comes to this kind of thing we don't wait to act when we are ready, we don't actually "feel ready" to pull a plug sometimes but you do feel it is the right thing to do based on the level of unnecessary suffering you are experiencing.

 

When your pain becomes so unbearable of waiting for nothing then you will grow tired of it and feel it is the right time.

 

I hope it happens sooner than later for you.

 

I can't help the way I feel.

 

That is very true. What you can help though is what you do out of those feelings, and in turn those actions will aid in how you feel.

Edited July 20, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[BenDamage]

I did it. She texted me again just a little bit ago. It was because she thought I looked cute in my pic and she wanted me to know. We had a talk about how we're doing and all that jazz. I asked her again if we could meet up and she said 'I don't know, I'll have to think about it.' I asked her why and she said because she knew the bf wouldn't appreciate it and that her schedule is super busy atm and she knows it would drag up feelings and confuse her. I told her if there's still feelings for me then that's not a bad thing, she said but it would be either emotional or physical and she doesn't want to confuse herself or me. I asked her honestly if there was still a chance for us and she said 'Not right now, no. Perhaps if this one doesn't work out.' That was what I needed to hear. I told her that I loved her and I was only interested in being her lover and it hurts to think she's not in my life in that capacity any more. I said if she wants to try and work things out that I will leave the door open for her. She said I know <3 and that was it. Time to move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

I did it. She texted me again just a little bit ago. It was because she thought I looked cute in my pic and she wanted me to know. We had a talk about how we're doing and all that jazz. I asked her again if we could meet up and she said 'I don't know, I'll have to think about it.' I asked her why and she said because she knew the bf wouldn't appreciate it and that her schedule is super busy atm and she knows it would drag up feelings and confuse her. I told her if there's still feelings for me then that's not a bad thing, she said but it would be either emotional or physical and she doesn't want to confuse herself or me. I asked her honestly if there was still a chance for us and she said 'Not right now, no. Perhaps if this one doesn't work out.' That was what I needed to hear. I told her that I loved her and I was only interested in being her lover and it hurts to think she's not in my life in that capacity any more. I said if she wants to try and work things out that I will leave the door open for her. She said I know <3 and that was it. Time to move on.

 

Oh, dear.

 

OP, she knows how you feel. To continue re-iterating and telling her the door is open is not good, because then she knows you are placing yourself in the Plan B position. Essentially, you're being way too passive. Take your power back and really move on. Delete her from social media. Don't contact her. You need to demonstrate to yourself that you're worth more than being a married woman's back-up plan. She is still seeing if you'll be Plan B, hence her text to you. You are not Plan A, which is what you ultimately want.

 

I don't think anyone here is suggesting that you should immediately be able to brush this off. It's obvious it's taken an emotional toll on you and it will take time to overcome. You're only human.

 

I think the message most posters in this thread are trying to convey is that you are really lacking in self-respect and self-esteem. This woman, whether you see it now or not, has toyed with you. You have not yet drawn a boundary for yourself, but you very much need to.

 

Most women lose respect for a man who allows himself to be mistreated and disrespected. This is why this woman doesn't take you or your feelings seriously. She doesn't need to, because you actually told her your door is still open. That was a bad move. But more importantly, you need to start taking your own feelings seriously by not enabling behaviour like hers any longer.

[LoveIsMyReligion]

Stop trying to make sense of this.

 

People act very strange after break-ups and you will only drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what she is thinking, why she is acting this or that way.

 

You were fired from your job, pick up your belongings, sharpen your skills, polish off your resume and move onto something better. By better I mean someone who you have better chemistry with.

 

Edited July 20, 2016 by LoveIsMyReligion

[Sunkissedpatio]

That was such an awesome youtube vid! Was that the voice of Steve-O?

[BenDamage]

This will be my last post to this thread and probably my last time on Loveshack. I wanted everyone to know where I stand and where my head is at regarding my ex at the moment.

 

So, I work at a bar that hosts quite a bit of the LGBT community where I live. A friend of mine who used to be a co-worker at the bar came in tonight and sat and talked with me. The kicker here is, he used to be a client of hers in early 2015 because he was having problems in his relationship with his boyfriend, and his mother had just died, so he was seeking a therapist who liked working with LGBT clients and guess who he found? My ex.

 

I never revealed to him before that her and I were dating because at the time I didn't want to spoil the client/therapist confidentiality thing by letting him know I was sleeping with his therapist. At this point, I could give less of a **** and let him know all about our relationship together. I told him about the break-up and how she ended up leaving her husband and dumping me for a new guy.

 

He asked me who it was she was seeing. I told him it was an old high-school boyfriend of hers named *insert name here*. He looked shocked and told me that she had talked about him in one of their sessions. I asked him what kind of talk did she have about him? He got quiet and said "Oh, I don't really remember." I knew he was lying, so I asked him, "Did she say anything about seeing him/sleeping with him?" He just looked me in the eyes and stayed quiet. That silence is everything that I needed to hear. I told him I didn't need to hear any more and that I didn't want to hear any more. He told me "Good, because I really don't want to tell you."

 

Sooo..... for the better part of a year she has been seeing her new boyfriend whom she left her husband AND me for behind BOTH of ours backs; building up another relationship with him, on top of her relationship with me and the relationship with her husband.

 

I honestly don't really know how I feel, I guess kind of indifferent at this point. I'm not crying about it, I'm not really mad about it either. It really doesn't come as much of a surprise at this point. I guess it was what I needed to hear to know that I definitely need to move on and be completely done with her and give up any hopes of wanting her back. The proverbial 'nail in the coffin' as it were.

 

I'm not going to confront her about it. I'm not going to say anything at all about it. I'm just going to keep this knowledge in the back of my head and move forward, now knowing that not only is she a liar, but she's also a cheater and not someone I would see myself in a relationship again with. I want to erase her from my mind as if she never existed.

 

Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement and advice through all of this. Maybe my next relationship will be better.

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry to hear the update, OP.

 

She wasn't cheating on anyone but her husband, to be fair. She wasn't exclusive with you, by virtue of the fact that she is someone else's wife. That is the risk you take when you date a married woman.

 

However, she obviously lied about a lot of things. You needed to hear this from your friend, to erase any false hope you might have had. She just was not the woman you thought she was. It doesn't seem like it now, but this revelation will prove to be a gift to you. You now know definitively that she's full of horse manure.

 

Your next relationship will be better if you implement better skills in choosing a partner. This one was doomed from the beginning, in the sense that she was always monkeying around and you knew she wasn't single. You have a lot more power than you think to follow a better path. Don't overlook the serious red flags next time, and you will find happiness again someday.

 

PS: She sounds like a terrible therapist. No sense of professional boundaries at all.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Oh no Ben, to add insult to injury...I can imagine how bad it must feel to find out what you did. I'm sorry the pain is rehashed all over again.

 

Maybe this will be the fire to the canon that catapults you into faster healing?

 

I know for me finding out that he left me for someone else did exactly that. It closed the door of hope and made me get on with things much faster than I would have. It will still hurt but hurt without the hope is a different thing.

[BenDamage]

So I'm severely confused and I know I said I was done with all of this, but I'm just not sure what to do or how to react and I need advice badly....

 

So this past Monday she called me out of the blue after not hearing from her for a week. She was wondering how I was doing and 'wanted to hear my voice.' We had a small discussion about what's been going on in her world and all the progress I've made in mine. I'm on my third month of my workout and I've dropped 35 pounds, I've signed back up for school, I recently hired a law firm to help me fix my credit, I've had several sessions with a therapist and feel much better off than I did when you guys first read this thread and I've improved my mood and have been nothing but positive as of late.

 

She said she has been noticing all this stuff and is always checking my facebook and seeing how I'm doing; again she reiterated that she has my feed set to 'See First' so my stuff pops up above others. She says she cheering me on and that she's impressed and proud of me for all my accomplishments. I told her that the changes have been for me so I can become a better person and she followed up by saying that she sees this and that I'll be a 'better person/lover either for her or whoever I might start dating.' I told her at the moment I'm not really looking to date anyone and she said she didn't want me to close myself off to opportunities that might arise, which I haven't been. I've been several dates since the breakup, but nothing really serious.

 

She said it seemed like I've been handling all of this very well and I told her honestly that although I didn't let it break me, I still have my good days and my bad days. She said it never had to be this way had I not removed myself from out of her life because of the argument we had when she mentioned her new boyfriend and me acting the way I did and going silent on her made it easy for her and him to just enter into a monogamous relationship. I could of turned this into an argument because she broke it off and ignored me for three weeks, but I chose to bite my tongue and leave it be, but I did say that it wasn't I that broke it off with her, it was the other way around and she just said, "Yea we broke up, but we could of still been FWB."

 

Anyways, after that we switched up the subject and had a few laughs over some inside jokes between us. I told her that it was good to see that her business was doing well and good to see that it's successful and I wasn't sitting around hoping that it'd fail and being spiteful about all of this, and she said that was good because that would of been the end of it. I know I'm an idiot, but I said I didn't want to burn the bridge down between us because I'm working on fixing things in my life, for me, but I want her to take notice that I can do the things I said I would and she said she has been noticing and she's grateful that I've been mature about the entire situation and not taken myself out of her life entirely because she likes me being around even if we're not together atm. I asked her if she would let me try and fix things and she said maybe, but in a positive tone instead of a shutting me down type tone like she had been a month and a half ago.

 

Well the conversation started to wind down at this point and I told her I did miss her and I'd like to hear from her more. She said I'm free to message her any time I want and she doesn't mind, but not to get angry if she doesn't immediately respond because she's been severely busy as of late (We've talked a couple times since Monday and she immediately responds each time). As messed up as this is, she told me to stick to messenger for talking/flirting because regular texts makes her phone go off and apparently her new bf is a bit inquisitive when it comes to whom she may be talking to. If he knew it was me he may take issue and she said 'Scorpios aren't known to be rational.' I told her I didn't give a **** what he says because I'm a Leo and I don't play that ****. If he had a problem he could come square up and we'd settle it. (I know, I'm being ridiculous, but I got heated and I'm territorial.) She laughed and told me to calm down 'fiery Leo.' I mentioned that I'm not gonna talk **** about him, but I will say that he will never in his wildest dreams be able to love you the way I can and will. She said she understood and that she loved me too.

 

Anyways, she said she had to go after that and that she loved me. Fast forward to Tuesday. I decided to spark up a conversation with her about how what law firm I had hired to help me fix my credit and what my plan was. She said she was proud of my for tackling this issue and that she had her fingers and toes crossed for me. We asked about what the others day was going to be like, she simply said 'work and kids and more work.' I told her my plans for the day and she said 'Sound like a great day!' I told her it'd be better if I had some company....here's where it gets interesting...she proceeded to tell me 'Here's some company for you:' and sent me a nude picture. I was completely shocked by this. All of my previous attempts at being flirty and sexual with her she was quick to shut down. Now all of a sudden out of nowhere she sent me that. I didn't really know what to do with it so I told her I of course wanted it and that I was gonna be thinking about it all night. She replied with 'Sorry? ' I decided to go ahead and leave the conversation at that and said I love you Cara Mia, and she posted a gif of Morticia staring seductively at Gomez before walking out of the room and Gomez looking feisty and walking after her. (We had a thing, we felt our relationship was close to the passion Gomez and Morticia had for one another so that was an us thing.) She said I love you back and that was that.

 

Anyways, so I'm just completely confused and not sure where to go from here or what to do? Do I leave her alone? Do I keep talking to her? Should I let her initiate contact or is it ok for me to do so? She's still with guy, so I don't understand what's going on... is she playing games? Or is she confused and misses me and what we had and we're slowly rekindling that? I need some help guys. I know some of you are probably just gonna say I'm naive for playing into this, but I don't think is based on manipulation, it feels genuine. I dunno. I could use some help.

 

I know this was pretty lengthy, so in short TL;DR, Ex GF is being super flirty and extra loving as of late with me, but she's still with her new bf. What do?

[Survivor12]

Spare yourself more agony and stop trying to find reasons to convince yourself that she feels the same as you.

 

It seems very obvious that she does care for you--as a friend. She is supportive of your desire to improve your life because she wants the best for you. I can relate as I am close friends with a former lover (it didn't happen overnight) and I can honestly & confidently say that we love each other very much but not romantically. that ship sailed years ago.

 

Because of your feelings for her, you want and need to interpret everything she says and does as an indication that she feels the same way about you as you do about her, and continuing to engage with her is holding you back from healing and moving on.

 

Some will say that she is selfish by keeping you on a string. While that may be true, I believe that because she does have affection for you (albeit not romantically), it's not easy for her to walk away.

 

So it's up to you to do what's best for you by putting some serious distance between you. Tell her not to contact you. Cut ties. Work through the hurt. Then you'll be able to enjoy the other positive changes you're making in your life.

 

Good luck.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Ben first of all, very glad to hear you are making such great progress and are taking so many positive steps towards getting yourself and your life back in order. Good for you on that front!

 

I do have to say though, that for as long as this woman has access to you, all the progress that you make will always be limited by her.

 

I am so VERY annoyed by her all over again. Reading your update is making me angry. Her manipulation tactics are pretty gross. I don't mean because of the sexual subject manner, I mean her style of mindfckery.

 

So she wants to start up again with all the nonsense and is back to her usual mindfckery right when you are coping steadily and making progress!!

 

But I'm going to be honest with you, you are also doing this to yourself. That is the problem with not cutting ties with her, with posting updates on FB secretly hoping to get a reaction from her.... you will get what you want and then it will just bring you right here where you are. Right back to all the confusion, and sadness, and general unease ALL over again.

 

I'm annoyed that I can see right through her actions of wanting you for sex again, and by the looks of it you will end up slipping again she will get you out of her system one more time and then you will be in an even deeper state of despair a few weeks down when she discards of you again.

 

What annoys me the MOST is that a month ago she discarded you like an old holey sock you throw out because it stops performing its function.

And now that you are in therapy, getting your life together, getting fit, getting your finances in order generally getting YOU back she appears again wanting to start up with her bull**** taunting you with her pathetic tactics.

 

Ben, you say she is being so "loving" again...there is NOTHING loving about what she is doing. Do you realize what YOU should be expecting at this point from her to even consider wasting your time having a conversation with her?

 

You should be expecting her to come to you with a plan of seeking therapy for her own atrocious behaviour, an apology of how she treated you when you were at your lowest, acknowledge that while your situation was entirely unconventional that she lied and deceived you and hurt you, she should be offering words of assurance that she is alone and wanting to be with you and only you because she realized she does love you wants to make it work with you on YOUR terms and is willing to make you the only man in her life while she fixes the many MANY character flaws she has. Anything short of that is wasting your time, investing the healing part of your heart to being destroyed again, and preventing yourself from finding true happiness.

 

There is absolutely nothing loving about this woman's actions. I see a desperate fool who wants sex now that sees you are doing great and I see someone who is sniffing around to inflict more pain and abuse on someone who inviting it into his life.

 

This woman is a waste of your time and you don't seem to want to see this. There is nothing anyone can help you with here if you are willing to continue in contact with her allowing her into your life the way you are. You will be stuck in this perpetual chain of misery and confusion for as long as she deems suitable and another 10 years will go by and you will be waiting for her reaction.

 

What you do is cut her out completely and truly continue on making all these positive changes for you, because as it stands it appears you are doing them for her.

 

Be honest with yourself first and foremost and you will find clarity.

[ExpatInItaly]

Loving? Where is the love here?

 

She's manipulating you. What's she's doing isn't loving at all.

 

Think about this checklist:

Is she still married? Check.

Does she have a boyfriend? Check.

She doesn't want you back? Check.

 

You're still being played a fool, OP. Get this woman out of your life. She's highly toxic.

 

It's sad you don't have the ability to see through her. The rest of us do because we're more objective, of course. But make no mistake - this woman is bad news. It's not going to end in your favour.

[Sunkissedpatio]

And I strongly disagree that "she cares about you" She only cares about herself. She cares about meeting her selfish needs at your expense.

 

A friend is someone who can reflect and acknowledge when they are causing your pain. A friend will do what they can to stop causing you pain because they care and love you and want the same good things they want for themselves because that is what friendship is about.

 

She is showing 0 signs of that. She does not even consider you her friend, you are just a distraction for when she gets bored of the other saps she is leading on to believe she is exclusive with.

 

Now you have the satisfaction of knowing she has 0 respect for the new guy despite his requests to be exclusive with her but if you engage with her again then you are inviting all the destruction back into your life.

 

That is NOT what friends do.

[Blanco]

Jeez, you've made all these positive changes, yet you seem eager to still invite a known toxic element (her) back into your life. That's like getting clean and sober and celebrating that by going on a bender.

 

I don't see anything here about her actually caring about you. She's bored and just wants to know that something will happen if she pulls your string. This is still about her. Notice how she put all of the blame for your falling out on you? That right there should be enough to show that she hasn't changed at all. It's still what she wants and any conflict that comes through her life is someone else's fault.

[ExpatInItaly]

Jeez, you've made all these positive changes, yet you seem eager to still invite a known toxic element (her) back into your life. That's like getting clean and sober and celebrating that by going on a bender.

 

I don't see anything here about her actually caring about you. She's bored and just wants to know that something will happen if she pulls your string. This is still about her. Notice how she put all of the blame for your falling out on you? That right there should be enough to show that she hasn't changed at all. It's still what she wants and any conflict that comes through her life is someone else's fault.

 

Exactly.

 

She chose you, OP, because she obviously sensed you suffer from low self-worth and would allow her to do this. Most men wouldn't tolerate this type of woman.

[BenDamage]

Some of you may already know my situation with my ex, if not the story is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/587595-she-left-me-someone-else-acts-like-she-doesn-t-care

 

It's been 5 months since my ex left me and I'm still missing her a lot. Nothing feels right, y'know? Going to the movies, going out to eat, all the things I used to do with her now by myself just kind of feels unnatural at this point. I've had my ups and downs over the past few months, some days better than others. Lately has been kind of hell though. She gave me the hot/cold treatment about 2 weeks ago. Texting me saying that she just wanted to check in on me and that she missed me and hoped I was doing well. Then a week later we're talking again and she's telling me that I should try and meet someone closer to my age that I can have kids with and that she's in a relationship right now and can't be with me, blah blah. Anyways, that hit me pretty hard. Here I was thinking "She misses me, this must be a good sign!" And then she tore all that hope down in an instant.

 

I know at this point I should be moved on from her and completely done, but it's hard to let go. I don't message her at all, she always comes to me and I know I need to tell her to leave me alone, but it's hard to do. After 5 months I was hoping I'd feel a lot better, but I still think about her every day and I can't help but cry every now and then when I think about the good times. Just feeling kind of lost.

[HumanMachine]

Took me a year to fully get over my first love & ex

 

Good luck