She left me for someone else and acts like she doesn't care. [update 5 months later]

[elaine567]

Apparently he has something special going on because she straight up dumped me and her husband for him.

 

 

YES.

 

HE is bona fide relationship material, you were just "fun"(until you got depressed and started drinking a lot that is), a distraction, you were no threat to her marriage as neither she or her husband considered you to be "relationship material".

She was just "messing around" with you, this new guy is the real deal, and she has grabbed him with both hands and left you and her husband for him.

 

I am glad you have got your act together, keep this up and you will also be considered the "real deal" to some lovely single girl in the future.

[Satu]

She sounds extraordinarily shallow, whilst you sound extraordinarily naive.

 

You were a bit of 'fun' for her.

 

When you weren't fun anymore, you were no longer of any value to her.

 

Try to avoid getting involved with shallow people in the future.

 

 

Take care.

[gaius]

You're a man. In any kind of relationship with a woman it's your responsibility to be a man and to be strong, not to be whining about how depressed you are all day. If your depressed then take action and get undepressed. It's good your doing that now but it seems like too little too late.

 

I would wager that her husband felt unthreatened by you because you don't act like a man, so he knew she would never value you more than him. This new guy probably does so he put up a stink and lost.

 

Life is not like a video game, you can't hit the reset button and do it all over again. She's done with you. So learn from your mistakes and don't make them again in the future.

[keiji]

You're a man. In any kind of relationship with a woman it's your responsibility to be a man and to be strong, not to be whining about how depressed you are all day. If your depressed then take action and get undepressed. It's good your doing that now but it seems like too little too late.

 

I would wager that her husband felt unthreatened by you because you don't act like a man, so he knew she would never value you more than him. This new guy probably does so he put up a stink and lost.

 

Because men have no right to feel depressed...

[standtall]

It could be worse, you could be the husband.

[Redhead14]

She left me for someone else and acts like she doesn't care. -- That's because . . . she doesn't!

 

She doesn't care about anyone but herself. And, what do you expect from a woman who is married and in an open relationship. The reason it's an open relationship is because she and/or he can't commit to one person and wants to sleep with anyone she wants yet still have the ancillary benefits of a marriage.

 

And, don't for one minute believe that she will stick with the new guy. She's a hopper . . . one man to the next. She's the one with "issues" not you. You're just suffering the effects of her issues.

 

You are confused, anxious, depressed because the situation is confusing, anxiety-causing and depressing. I bet when things have calmed down from her exit, you'll start feeling much, much better.

[Alamo657]

You're a man. In any kind of relationship with a woman it's your responsibility to be a man and to be strong, not to be whining about how depressed you are all day. If your depressed then take action and get undepressed. It's good your doing that now but it seems like too little too late.

 

I would wager that her husband felt unthreatened by you because you don't act like a man, so he knew she would never value you more than him. This new guy probably does so he put up a stink and lost.

 

Life is not like a video game, you can't hit the reset button and do it all over again. She's done with you. So learn from your mistakes and don't make them again in the future.

Yeah we men must be solid rocks and deal with our problems alone and without ever telling the woman who supposedly love us that we have moments of weakness, lest she leaves us because reasons.

 

I do agree that it's the trend. Women trade their sensuality for men's protection; men's trade their manliness for women's attention, but it never the less sounds ugly once said.

 

to the OP :

1) you have a 11 year gap difference with a woman who already did what was expected of her : children and marriage. Now she wants to have fun until she physically can't anymore, not deal with a depressed fat guy.

 

2) a woman who cheats with you will cheat on you

 

3) she never loved you, she only loved your attention for her, and the distraction from her boring marriage

 

4) be it a lesson for the future : if a woman is looking for a clown to entertain her, don't be that guy, let another fool eat the pussy and be cheated on in your place. Maintain your dignity at all times, and never compromise with manipulative women who "want to have fun".

[toastytiger]

Not to mention she was drop dead gorgeous. Tattoos, she liked to keep her hair short and trim the sides down and she was just very alternative but still spiritual in her style. She was very regal the way she carried herself, very alpha and that was sexy as hell. The entire package. Smart, Hard-Working, Independent, Good Mother, Gorgeous, Great Body, Awesome in bed....I'm hung up because I don't know what this woman saw in me but she did, and she was madly in love with it and I've never had someone as amazing as her love me before and I'm afraid I'm never going to find something like that again..

 

Nope stop right there. Be careful of idealizing someone you don't have. (Or even anyone at anytime.) Take her off that pedestal! Try and list things you didn't like so much about her, ways you might be better off now w/o her. I'm sure you'll come up with some, and then be able to add even more as your rose glasses come off and the anger from betrayal sets in.

 

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

You don't.

 

Where are you boundaries? Where are you standards? Where are YOU? This is the kind of sh**ty relationship that provides huge learning for you to discover the answers to those questions.

 

 

 

I'm with you, man. Loving someone deeply and being left for another sucks! No way out of it but through it.

Edited July 11, 2016 by toastytiger

[Satu]

These kind of relationships rarely last.

 

If you're ok with that, there's no problem, but most people aren't.

 

When they end you walk away with nothing, feeling unloved.

[BenDamage]

She called me two weeks into no contact wondering how I was and how things in life were going for me. We talked for about 45 minutes, we talked about the relationship and how it was a really sour note to end it on and she agreed. I also said I was mad she didn't communicate with me at all about her problems with the relationship and she apologized for not being direct; and believe me when I say, she doesn't apologize for ANYTHING. However, she didn't regret the break up and still 'wants the best for me.' I asked her if I could take her out for lunch in a couple days and all she had to say was 'maybe sometime soon.' Any time I brought up getting back together she would go quiet or say "I know you want to, I understand." Something along those lines. We laughed about our inside jokes, she said she likes seeing the progress I've made with my weight loss and going out more. She even joked "Where was this side of you a few months ago?"

 

Apparently dude has a problem with her talking to me, so I told her to tell him if he's got a complaint he can take it up with me because if she wants to talk to me, then that's her prerogative and he can't dictate what she does and doesn't do. She said for now it'd be easier to just let her contact me because she doesn't want me to think she's ignoring me and have me get mad at her if she doesn't respond right away because of her busy schedule with her business, her kids and him. It was a nice conversation and she said 'I love you too' every time I said it, so there's that I guess. However I don't feel like we're any closer to being together. She told me she has my news feed on facebook set to see first and she likes pretty much everything I post, including an old song we used to get down to, which she 'loved'.

 

Fast forward 2 days. She posted a cute selfie on facebook which I liked and commented on, saying 'Wow, you look great.' This is when the new guy decides to rear his ugly head and posts right beneath me 'Yea she does, and she's all mine.' Boy I'll tell you, I'd smack the flavor out of his mouth if he had been standing right beside me for the amount of disrespect in that sentence. Turns out it was the same guy I confronted her about when we initially broke up. I messaged her on facebook and asked her why she lied to me about him, and she was adamant that she had never lied to me about him. I guess not telling me about him counts as 'not lying' to me.

 

Turns out he's an old boyfriend from 18 years ago when they went to high school in Massachusetts and he just so happened to move down to where me and her live.

However, dude looks like a chud. Like seriously, he closely resembles a foot. I swear he has a face that should be registered under 'sex-offender.' Judging from his facebook, he can't seem to hold down a job for more than a year from his 10+ jobs he has listed on his profile. Also he's a terrible cosplayer who makes ****ty costumes AND he has mental health issues of his own. His frickin' cover photo is him sitting all mopey wearing a hoody on a sidewalk with a quote that says "When you hit rock bottom, there's not much else in life that can scare you."

So she left me for some ugly depressed *******, when she broke off it off with me for being an ugly depressed *******. However I started working out and lost 20 pounds, not to toot my horn, but beep beep, and she's noticed and likes it.

Edited July 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
wall of text ~6

[standtall]

Women do not love men that they do not respect. You are still being a door mat to her, she keeps you in the wings, and she still doesn't respect you...get it?

[Sunkissedpatio]

Ben - I kind of went MIA for a while and left your last thread hanging, sorry for that.

 

If there is one thing I am going to tell you about that you do NOT want to be an active participant of, is stroking your ex's ego by duelling her new man online, on social media for everyone to see you both "fighting over her"

 

Please, please, please DO not make any more comments on FB that lead to her feeling doted on from "all her men" STOP complimenting her, and stop arguing with this new tool over her. She is not something to fight over, get that through your head. You are both nothing more than pawns in her world of narcissistic pleasure and you are both feeding into it effortlessly.

 

 

This is precisely what she wants and needs from you, and you are giving it to her on a silver platter. The problem is, that is all she wants from you, nothing more than an ego boost. She already told you she doesn't want to see you or get back together. She is now doing the text book narcissist's move, to have you there for a quick "pick me up" when she feels like it while getting all her other needs met from her new guy.

 

Have some self-respect and pride and start posting your own pictures of how happy and good you look now that you got that heavy baggage off your shoulders. Build your self-confidence to a point that she notices you don't need her to be happy, to be self-disciplined, and to move on with your life. And if she comes knocking tell her you are no longer interested in any sort of communication with her even if it kills you.

 

And it will kill you for a while, and then it will get easier and then something magical happens. You actually gain your self-confidence back.

 

If you stick to it and do it one of two things will happen:

 

1. She will be long gone because you have served your purpose for her, being the emotional vampire that she is, she has tapped out on what she can draw from you so you no longer serve any purpose for her. (this is the best outcome for you because you can see her true colours and it is a wake-up to what you are pining for)

 

2. She will continue to suck you in because she enjoys the attention, holding you back from moving on with your life, being there like a sap catering to her ego and getting more of NOTHING in return. (hopefully you will stop this and realize sooner than later, you will never get love if you can't love yourself first)

 

Google Chumplady, read her articles. And don't take my word it. Read up on what narcissists are made of, they are all cut from the same cloth.

 

Ben, you should be infuriated by now. I don't understand why you are not....

[Blanco]

However, dude looks like a chud. Like seriously, he closely resembles a foot. I swear he has a face that should be registered under 'sex-offender.' Judging from his facebook, he can't seem to hold down a job for more than a year from his 10+ jobs he has listed on his profile. Also he's a terrible cosplayer who makes ****ty costumes AND he has mental health issues of his own. His frickin' cover photo is him sitting all mopey wearing a hoody on a sidewalk with a quote that says "When you hit rock bottom, there's not much else in life that can scare you."

So she left me for some ugly depressed *******, when she broke off it off with me for being an ugly depressed *******. However I started working out and lost 20 pounds, not to toot my horn, but beep beep, and she's noticed and likes it.

 

So much venom for a person who, for most intents and purposes, is a total stranger.

[Sunkissedpatio]

So much venom for a person who, for most intents and purposes, is a total stranger.

 

A total stranger who took his woman!

 

He has every right to be furious at him, just wish he was just as angry at her. She is the bigger douche of the two.

[Blanco]

She's married. She was never his.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Well she was in an open marriage, the husband knew and encouraged her to be with Ben so he could be with others....so technically she was nobody's and everybody's.

[BenDamage]

A total stranger who took his woman!

 

He has every right to be furious at him, just wish he was just as angry at her. She is the bigger douche of the two.

 

I am angry at the both of them. I'm a roller coaster of emotions at the moment. I'm upset, hurt, betrayed, furious, confused, etc. I'm mad at her for dropping me like I was nothing and just getting up with this guy and I'm mad at him for being a disrespectful prick and butting into other peoples lives and having a big ass mouth.

[Blanco]

So where exactly did you expect this relationship to go? Four years is a long time to invest in someone you don't have a real future with. Why were/are you interested in investing even more time into an unsustainable relationship?

[Sunkissedpatio]

Ben! Forget about him.

 

STOP TALKING TO HER immediately. If you are as angry as you say you are do something about that. Get rid of the cancer in your life.

 

I am sorry to be so blunt and say such horrible things about the woman you love but lingering in contact with this person is like swimming in a pond filled with feces and hoping the stench will go away and won't rub off on you. You are knee deep in it and hoping you have any other sort of outcome is not enough, you need to remove yourself from the "cesspond".

 

If it is any consolation to you and your current grief, she is going to do the EXACT same thing she did to you to him when he loses the "shiny appeal"

 

How do I know that? She is already betraying his wishes to contact you behind his back, and this is during the honeymoon phase!

 

Watch the movie Anomalisa. It's a Charlie Kaufman film (it is a weird film and you might find it hard to understand since it is not what it appears to be on the surface) The main character in that movie is your ex, she will live her life chasing after the unicorn who will fill the black hole within her that NO ONE can ever fill because the issue is within.

Edited July 17, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[BenDamage]

So where exactly did you expect this relationship to go? Four years is a long time to invest in someone you don't have a real future with. Why were/are you interested in investing even more time into an unsustainable relationship?

Honestly, I was perfectly ok with us being a side piece for the rest of our lives. She was fully ok with me dating other people if that ever came to be, but I would be looking for someone who is ok with Polyamory so her and I could still see each other with no hindrances. She always used to say IF she were to ever split with her husband that she and I would be a thing and she wouldn't want to share me at that point. I know it sounds completely weird and out of the norm, but you do strange things for the ones you love sometimes.

 

That's why this came as a complete surprise to me and I'm hurting as much as I am, because the husband is finally out of the picture, but I've been dumped off as well. I know I should be furious and fuming and hate her for this, but it's hard not to think about the good times, which is what pretty much all of our relationship was. We never fought, we were head over heels for one another, the sex was amazing on both ends, we had what I thought was a close spiritual bond. We only got to see each other 1-3 times a week, but that didn't really bother me and we made the most out of those days. Just knowing someone who was out there who adored me and was unbiased was enough for me. I know, it's weird and I don't expect everyone to understand, but she came into my life when I didn't know what the hell I was doing with my life and she picked me up and taught me what love felt like and made my life amazing for 4 years. I miss that feeling.

[Blanco]

You two never fought because you had an incomplete relationship. You got to be her reprieve from ho-hum married life, where unsexy things like bills and dirty laundry are part of the package. You saw each other minimally, especially for having been together for such a long time.

 

A lot of relationships aren't truly tested until there's an effort from both people to blend more of their individual lives. It's the natural progression of most long-lasting relationships, but it's also one of the biggest challenges a relationship can face. Making that transition from the cherry-picked good things to day-to-day life with each other is one that a lot of couples struggle and even fail to make.

[BenDamage]

You two never fought because you had an incomplete relationship. You got to be her reprieve from ho-hum married life, where unsexy things like bills and dirty laundry are part of the package. You saw each other minimally, especially for having been together for such a long time.

 

A lot of relationships aren't truly tested until there's an effort from both people to blend more of their individual lives. It's the natural progression of most long-lasting relationships, but it's also one of the biggest challenges a relationship can face. Making that transition from the cherry-picked good things to day-to-day life with each other is one that a lot of couples struggle and even fail to make.

 

I know. I see this for myself in her actions and in her words. I can tell that she didn't envision a life with me full-time at this point. She used to talk about it, sure. She said we would probably have our ups and downs because we were of two different mindsets at the time, but I was always ready to step up to the plate and live the family life with her and she said we would make it work because we had a close bond and she loved me enough to work for it, or so I thought.

 

Everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't be worried about it, that she was 11 years older than me, a hag, old, etc., and that I should go find girls my age and such. I don't like girls my age at this point. Too much bull****, too much drama, too many games. Unfortunately I never thought that she would end up like that too. All I saw was a woman with a good head on her shoulders who was fiercely independent and strong who was settled in and knew what she wanted. I was very wrong.

 

The rose colored glasses are missing a lens at this point and I see the negative side of her. But it's hard to forget all the good too. Every one keeps saying that I was her **** toy and her play thing, but I don't believe that is true, I believe what we had was genuine, even if it was through an open marriage. I'm telling you, this woman could have her pick of anyone she wanted as a side-lover, but she chose me for whatever reason and showed me the affection and love from a woman that I had been missing for years.

 

I love her, I truly do. That's why this is so hard, I never thought she would break my heart. Like I said, I don't expect everyone to understand because it is such a weird situation, but it IS possible to have love for two separate people at the same time and want to be with both. I'm guessing this guy she's seeing now might of been 'the one that got away' from high school she used to tell me about, her very first boyfriend, and I guess he means A LOT to her to just drop everything and pick up with him. I'm mad about it, yes, but I'm hurt as well and it's not something I can just say "Well to hell with her," and walk away from, even though I know I need to.

 

I'd appreciate if everyone stopped calling me naive and bashing on me for this. I can't help the way I feel. I just wanted some insight and opinions and so far everywhere I've posted this is just flaming me and basically calling me stupid for putting myself in this situation, which doesn't help me in the slightest.

[ExpatInItaly]

You've learned a hard lesson here, OP.

 

Never, ever go for a woman who is married. Despite what she claims about it being an open marriage, that still means she wasn't entirely yours.

 

You have been upset by the comments and criticisms on this thread, and granted, some were harsh. But you turned around and did the same to the man she supposedly left you for. The problem isn't him. It's her.

 

You are seeing her for who she really is now. And you've also learned that age sometimes means very little when it comes to a person's ability to create drama. You are unfairly discounting women your own age while attaching yourself to an older, married woman.

 

She had fun with you, but she evidently wasn't invested to the same degree you were. That was clear all along, to be fair. She couldn't possibly be fully invested in you while married to another man.

 

A sincere question - did you expect her to leave her marriage for you?

 

I ask because I don't quite get where you felt this relationship was going. You mentioned you'd have been happy always being her side piece - really? If you are being truly honest with yourself, would that have been a satisfying situation for you?

 

I have a bad feeling you went along with this because you don't feel you can do better or that you deserve someone's full commitment. Have you had much relationship experience before? I don't mean that as a snarky question, either. I am curious what your dating history looks like; perhaps you will see some patterns there.

[BenDamage]

You've learned a hard lesson here, OP.

 

Never, ever go for a woman who is married. Despite what she claims about it being an open marriage, that still means she wasn't entirely yours.

 

You have been upset by the comments and criticisms on this thread, and granted, some were harsh. But you turned around and did the same to the man she supposedly left you for. The problem isn't him. It's her.

 

You are seeing her for who she really is now. And you've also learned that age sometimes means very little when it comes to a person's ability to create drama. You are unfairly discounting women your own age while attaching yourself to an older, married woman.

 

She had fun with you, but she evidently wasn't invested to the same degree you were. That was clear all along, to be fair. She couldn't possibly be fully invested in you while married to another man.

 

A sincere question - did you expect her to leave her marriage for you?

 

I ask because I don't quite get where you felt this relationship was going. You mentioned you'd have been happy always being her side piece - really? If you are being truly honest with yourself, would that have been a satisfying situation for you?

 

I have a bad feeling you went along with this because you don't feel you can do better or that you deserve someone's full commitment. Have you had much relationship experience before? I don't mean that as a snarky question, either. I am curious what your dating history looks like; perhaps you will see some patterns there.

I kind of imagined she would leave him at some point, they had always been rocky. The reason for the open marriage was based on deceit on his part in the first place. I think I threw a wrench in their relationship to be honest. She fell for me and wasn't willing to drop me even when he asked her to because he knew she had feelings for me, which caused more than a couple fights between them, The reason for the fights being was that he didn't want her to have feelings for someone else, but it was ok to have sex with other people. Eventually he came to accept it and no longer had an issue with me after around the year and a half mark of our relationship. He was probably getting laid a lot on the side so it didn't matter anyways. She told me that they always fought a lot because he was irresponsible with his money and he was disrespectful when it came to their rules for the open marriage, that being he would text his side girls during family time and often would go see them without letting her know first so she would sit there and not know where he is. I thought this rockiness would eventually lead to a divorce, which she DID talk about often. She probably threatened him with divorce 6 or more times during our relationship and he always begged and pleaded and she'd give in for the sake of the kids.

 

As far as the side piece, yes of course I would of wanted more. I would of loved to have her on a full time basis. But it never came to be so I accepted what we had and didn't complain about it. We saw each other like I said 1-3 times a week depending on her schedule, which now that I think about it, the relationship was always based around her schedule and when it was convenient for her, and we'd have a good time with each other when we did.

 

It was easy to maintain and she never locked me down and told me I couldn't see other women or date someone else. I was always free to do what I wanted and that was easy. I slept around with several women and went on several dates, so I've been able to have fun this entire time, I wasn't 100% completely all about her and shut out trying to meet other people. It's just that no other girl really lived up to the standards I had because she put the bar so high. But it was good knowing that there was one woman in particular that was actually emotionally invested in me and excited to come over and see me when we had time to do so.

 

My dating life has been pretty ****, actually. My first relationship happened when I was 18 and lasted for 2 years. I came to find out she had cheated on me with several people while we were dating, including my best friend, whom she developed strong feelings for and ended up leaving me for. She ended up having 2 kids with him and he ended up cheating on her and leaving her, so karma. Weird thing is, 6 years later, her and I are good friends and she's actually been really helpful with this entire situation and been supportive. One night I was feeling my weakest and wasn't sure if I was going to make it til morning, so she came to spend the night to keep me from doing anything drastic.

 

My second relationship was when I was 21, it lasted for about 6 months, but she ended up leaving me for one of her coworkers because she apparently 'always had feelings for him, but he was never available.' As soon as he was, she left. 2 months later, I met my current ex.

 

So yea, all of my relationships have ended with my girlfriend leaving me for someone else. Hence why I have abandonment issues, which my mom honestly didn't help with either.

 

I thought my newest girlfriend would always be there. I didn't think she'd hurt me the way she did. I always figured we'd be together, and if we ever did end it it would be because I found someone I could be with full-time. That's why this hurts so much. This is the third time this has happened to me. I admit at this point I know what I did wrong with my most recent relationship. Complacency. Thinking she'd always be there. I got comfortable and always complained to her about my problems and things going on in my life and never really sat down and talked with her about hers.

 

As dumb as it sounds, I really do want her back. I know what I did wrong and she and I talked about it. I told her if we ever got back together that we would build our relationship around communication and honesty and trust. She agreed wholeheartedly. She also said she would want me monogamously to herself. That's why I'm having such a hard time letting go, because she's basically telling me she would still want to be with me, but just not while she's with guy. That's why I'm fighting for it. Because I know I can make her happy. I know I sound dumb for all this, but like I said, I can't help it and she's keeping me hooked in.

[Sunkissedpatio]

It doesn't sound dumb that you want her back, you are in love with her, you envisioned a future with her once she got out of her marriage. It’s ’s like most of the other OM/ OW and their wishes to land a relationship with the WS partners once they get it together enough to leave. Which rarely happens i might add...I guess in your situation you felt the odds were greatly stacked in your favour since she was in an open marriage that had crumbled and would disintegrate for good any second now.

 

And you may have even justified being involved with her as something less wrong because she was in an open marriage, and I am not here to judge you, but you are now living the effects of your choices as well.

 

What you are feeling is absolutely normal, your pain is valid, your pain is expected. We are all there with you, we are all feeling pain of some sort right there with you regardless of how or why our relationships ended. You are feeling exactly what you are meant to feel and it sucks and it’s hard and it feels like the world is coming to an end, and it might even feel like what is the point of it all if you can’t do it with the one you love?

 

And that too is normal, and it’s excruciating and infuriating and debilitating all in one. We are all there too Ben! Some of us are just further down the line of recovery than others and because we are not emotionally invested in your situation we can see things you are incapable of accepting right now. And that’s OK too. And some of us will project our own preconceived notions and prejudices.

 

And of course it doesn’t help you to call you names like weak or naive or anything you might already be feeling, that is the last thing you need. What you do need though is to put a little bit of effort each day to help yourself navigate through what you are feeling. I am not saying ignore or suppress, that doesn’t work, what works is to feel what you are feeling keep asking questions and make decisions based on what you are experiencing not what you are thinking and what we are writing here. Speculation helps and it's a way of getting things out of your head but that's all it is, it's speculation. When we tell you "cut contact", or "accept that it wasn't a good situation for you" that is not speculation those are tried and tested facts, that work in your recovery if you want some of the pain to subside.

 

Here are the facts:

 

She told you she doesn’t want to be with you right now, it’s harsh and it’s hard to accept but we as dumpees have all been there and have had to accept the very same thing. You cannot make someone be with you who doesn’t want to be with you. You made mistakes in your relationship that could have had different outcomes but the reality is that you are not responsible for her decision to move on. No amount of changes on your part will lure her back she is using those as excuses to be able to move on guilt free. If she blames you for everything she doesn't have to face the pain she has caused you.

 

You both played a part in your relationship. You both shared feelings and made promises (or if not promises, declarations) based on what you were feeling at the time. SHE made declarations to you based on what she was feeling at the time. And that isn’t to say she wasn’t feeling those things at the time, she likely was. She likely did fall in love with you and did love you at one point.

 

As a woman, and this is a very biassed opinion based on gender perception alone, she may have thought it was great to be with someone much younger and exciting who found her attractive and exciting and who was able to overlook her age and her unscrupulous character to love her when her own husband didn’t care for her. Here was a woman who was likely starved for attention and she took what she could get. I am not putting you down by saying that you likely have so much to offer but in her thought process at the time you were good enough for what she needed.

 

Fast forward to years down the line she finally got the courage to leave her joke of a marriage and here is her chance to do what she wants, how she wants with a “clean slate” she probably thought to herself “yes I do love Ben, I do love his company but by the time I am in my fifties he will still be in his 30’s and as a woman that can be a scary thought. The thought of getting older and being less desirable and being with someone who is still in his prime. From a very simplistic and superficial aspect alone and seeing as she is highly narcissistic it could be as simple as “well now I am still young and can get someone around my own age and do it right so I have to try”

 

 

Ironically, people like her will see you and what you represent to her as something “tainted” The relationship you had was tainted on so many levels but you both were participants in creating that. Of course she is incapable of seeing her part in things and realizing that you both played a part in tainting your relationship. She is only looking at it selfishly as cheaters do.

 

Please read the chump lady blog. It helped me immensely understand cheaters and why when we try to make excuses for them or blame ourselves for their choices it is wasted energy. Good use of your energy is to focus on fixing all the things you feel you did wrong, that is never a bad thing but to do it for a more ambitious purpose than to get the failed rel back. I am speaking from experience, my fiancé left me for another woman I too was blind sided and even though we did have problems in our relationship I never EVER expected us to end that way, yet we did.

Edited July 18, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio