My girlfriend and I broke up because I went BALD...

[JohnStrauman]

A month ago my girlfriend and I decided to break up...the break up was really peaceful, it was more like an amiable agreement to end the relationship rather than those crazy fights most people go through.

 

We were in a relationship of 4 years. The relationship was very good, at least the first 3 years. We had quite a strong bond, we could talk about anything with each other and no one of us, even if the topic was emotional for us or heavy we never attacked each other or insulted or manipulated others reaction, we spent a lot of time at the beginning of the relationship building trust and being empathetic with each other at the best of our abilities. We really loved and supported each other.

 

Personality wise, we were really a good match, not once it happened that I have been complemented by our or my friends that we are one of the happiest couples they saw...and we really were, I doubt that anyone who knew us would say otherwise.

 

Things were this good until 1 year ago...since then our relationship started going downhill...

 

The problem was...balding...I lost most of my hair due to MPB which is genetically inherited.

 

I started losing my hair 3 years ago, 1 year deep into our relationship. My girlfriend knew about this since it started and she laughed it off at the begging she said she does not care and that only shallow people care about this and this should not be a block to my happiness. This reassurance from her made me feel really good...even though I was very insecure about it having her love and assurance that I am the most attractive to her compensated for all that insecurity of mine.

 

The thing is, for the first 2 years the hair loss was quite slow and it did not really show, I had a haircut that made it look like I actually had a full head of hair even though I thinned a lot. But at some point 1 year ago, my hair loss started accelerating insanely fast, I was in shock because I expected to have it for at least 3-4 more years considering how things were going till that point...

 

So, in the last year I lost so much hair that I had to shave it because it looked horrible. (I took Propecia and minoxidil for a while and it helped slow it down for a while but they stopped working at some point plus I was having side effects).

 

Frankly, I look horrible with a shaved head, I am not one of those guys who can pull this look off, I also cannot grow a beard. This is the reason we broke up guys...

 

For the last year, I noticed that our relationship was not what it was before, my girlfriend seemed more distant and emotionally closed off, she would not laugh at my jokes as lively as she used to, she was much more often in a bad or depressive mood, in short she became much less happy.

 

Whenever, I asked her what the problem was she would always tell me it was because of X,Y,Z reason (that was almost never related to me or the relationship). Eventually, after months and months of her being this way she told me it was because she was not physically attracted to me anymore and no matter how much she tried getting over this or pretending it did not matter, the reality it was that it mattered...

 

Before I started losing my hair we were both 7-8 in looks (she was a 9 with make-up on), and we looked really good as a couple. A lot of people told us that we looked lovely together and are a perfect match.

 

But after I lost most of my hair and had to shave...I went really low down the attractiveness ladder. In my opinion, and a lot of other peoples opinion I became a 3-4 or maybe a 5 if you are really generous. I asked a lot of people anonymously and I about 80% rated me indeed as a 3 or 4 which was really hurting by the way...

 

So it was this disparity in looks that made our relationship fall...my girlfriend got prettier with every year and I got uglier. We started to look really weird as a couple since she was so good looking and I was down there.

 

She hid that she cared about this for so long because she knew how much I care about my hair and how insecure I was about it, she cried and hugged me after she confessed this to me after moths of silence and assured me she will not abandon me and will try to do everything in her power to make the relationship work even though I was cursed with baldness. We tried for a couple more months make the relationship work but it was impossible, she just could not bring herself to not care about it even though we tried everything. And I cannot blame her, being physically attracted to your partner is essential no matter how many people try to hide this fact.

 

The only option was us breaking up. We did in a very diplomatic and calm fashion.

 

I never knew how bad this will hurt...in the day of the break-up, strangely enough I did not feel much of anything but day after day the depression and pain started settling in...and man does it hurt... I am also more insecure about my physical attractiveness than ever and since we broke up I have not left the house. I am too anxious and depressed to be productive anymore.

[CupCakess]

Yeah its harsh...its not only loosing your girlfriend, but a blow to yourself esteem. However I can't really think that someone goes from being an "8" to a "4" just by going bald.

 

I do have an aquaintance from work that started going bald at age 24, and went almost completly bald by age 26. In his words, he took it rough, and felt more "ugly" for a few years. He did however, started to excersise a lot, and developed a very athletic body. He is currently 37, still has rocking abs, and he picks up a LOT of ladies.

[Lorenza]

Ugh, this is awful, sorry it happened to you. But at least you found out how weak the connection between you two were and how shallow she actually was. She could not look through your imperfections and it's her own problem, not yours. Might be she will get the taste of her own medicine when a man will become unattracted to her because of aging/weight gain or whatever.

 

Otherwise I really hope you will learn to embrace your new look. There are plenty of women who like bald men Maybe it looks terrible because you're not used to it.

 

Confidence is the key for guys, not looks

[LostOnes05]

You were the same guy, and she underneath all the looks was pretty shallow. What would she have done if you had chemotherapy treatments for cancer and lost your hair? Probably leave. Looks are important to a degree, BUT building a foundation for a solid relationship will last much longer than looks. I wonder what she will do when she starts to get crow's feet around her eyes, bags under her eyes, her boobs start to sag, and SHE starts losing hair? Be glad she left...she probably would've made you foot the bill for plastic surgery and then left you for the surgeon. Let her go be incredibly vain. Gravity will do it's job in due time. Best of luck!

[JuanDelToro]

I believe that the problem wasn't exactly that you looked ugly after going bald, but rather that you felt ugly, your confidence took a beating and thus you transmitted insecurity to her. With your self-loathing, you basically de-ranked yourself in her eyes, gaining her resentment.

 

It is not how we look that make us attractive, it is how we carry ourselves and what we put out there for others to receive.

If your belief is that you're ugly, that's how others will see you as well.

[FoxDie]

No!

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! I don't care what no one says. When you are dating a person and you're in a RS. You love them. You don't wake up and just say, I'm gonna break up with this person...this was something else she had.

 

You didn't cheat on her. You didn't beat on her. Did you disrespect her? Call her stupid? If you're a great upscale person there had to be a very real deep reason for her to break up. Just say it to yourself. She broke up with me because I'm bald. Before anything else just say that sentence first and you will see how weak of a reason that is.

She new you would get bald probably a long time ago. No. She had her own agenda in breaking up.

That's like you breaking up with her for getting gray hair. Something she can reverse.

[blackcat777]

The typical honeymoon period is also about two years, give or take, which is the peak of physical attraction in a relationship. After that, the chemistry naturally shifts and becomes calmer, deeper, and more cuddly.

 

Or, a lot of people break up because the sparks have run their course. It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship going after that stage... mutual work on building compatibility and real love, which some people also don't have the patience, interest, or taste to cultivate. They always want a quick fix and chase firecracker feelings that don't last.

 

She could be pinning the death of chemistry on the hair loss.

 

I also imagine it could be extremely troubling to experience MPB for some people. Breakups are also a huge blow to the self-esteem. Please don't internalize either of these things as a sign of low worth.

 

You are awesome and always have been. Spend some time doing the things you love again, do them for yourself. It's the quickest way to recover after the post-breakup depressing loss of mojo. You will get your groove back.

 

I am sorry for the loss of your relationship. Take this time to focus within.

[bubbaganoosh]

Enough make up and any woman can look like a 9. Where she needed her make up was in her pettiness. What you should have done when she said that was tell her to kiss your royal bald ass and walked away.

 

Go find a woman that accepts you for who you are. Their out there.

 

I keep wondering about your girlfriend. If she would be married or engaged to a serviceman and he lost a limb or went blind or was burnt how fast she would have packed up and left. Not a good person.

[JuanDelToro]

No!

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! I don't care what no one says. When you are dating a person and you're in a RS. You love them. You don't wake up and just say, I'm gonna break up with this person...this was something else she had.

 

You didn't cheat on her. You didn't beat on her. Did you disrespect her? Call her stupid? If you're a great upscale person there had to be a very real deep reason for her to break up. Just say it to yourself. She broke up with me because I'm bald. Before anything else just say that sentence first and you will see how weak of a reason that is.

She new you would get bald probably a long time ago. No. She had her own agenda in breaking up.

That's like you breaking up with her for getting gray hair. Something she can reverse.

 

Putting the blame on everyone else but ourselves is counter productive and promotes the same mistakes to be repeated. Accountability and taking responsibility over our own actions make us grow and become stronger and better.

 

Petting ears is not helpful mate. OP's fault was that he let himself down by allowing a change in his physical appearance to affect him so deeply, his ex gf and her reaction are irrelevant.

If he acknowledges that and work on himself to overcome such internal obstacles, he'll be a lot happier with who he is (both internally and externally) and eventually he'll attract the right partner.

[Lorenza]

No!

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! I don't care what no one says. When you are dating a person and you're in a RS. You love them. You don't wake up and just say, I'm gonna break up with this person...this was something else she had.

 

You didn't cheat on her. You didn't beat on her. Did you disrespect her? Call her stupid? If you're a great upscale person there had to be a very real deep reason for her to break up. Just say it to yourself. She broke up with me because I'm bald. Before anything else just say that sentence first and you will see how weak of a reason that is.

She new you would get bald probably a long time ago. No. She had her own agenda in breaking up.

That's like you breaking up with her for getting gray hair. Something she can reverse.

 

So if a woman dumps a guy there must be a really deep and valid reason?

 

Nobody have any problems believing if a woman says she got dumped by her bf cause she got fat etc.

[BlueIris]

So if a woman dumps a guy there must be a really deep and valid reason?

 

Nobody have any problems believing if a woman says she got dumped by her bf cause she got fat etc.

 

You're right.

 

I'm sorry that you're hurting, OP.

In time you'll see that there are women who do like bald guys and some even prefer it. My ex used to say, "how come bald guys get the best looking women?"

[grays]

I have a feeling that both OP and his ex were too caught up on their appearances, their own and each other's. I bet if he stops looking for 9's he'll be more likely to find someone who is more able to have real and deep feelings for another person.

 

And OP, I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds really hurtful. When you recover from this, tho, I think you'll be a better, happier person.

[Els]

If she could dump you for something like this after 4 years together, then chances are she isn't the sort of person you want a long-term relationship with anyway. She's exactly like the sort of guy who would dump a partner of several years for gaining 10lbs. Very superficially-oriented, and the R probably didn't mean all that much to them. In hindsight, you might have dodged a bullet.

 

You need to start going out again and meeting people. If you are really too anxious to go out bald, wigs could help get you out of the rut in the short term. Although I think it would be best if you learn to embrace yourself. Perhaps when you yourself stop rating people (girls AND yourself) by numbers, you might find someone who loves you for you, baldness and all.

[jen1447]

Be Jason Statham.

 

http://media1.santabanta.com/full1/Global%20Celebrities(M)/Jason%20Statham/jason-statham-10a.jpg

 

You don't have to do the cueball thing bc short cropped hair on a bald guy can look good. Bald pate and all. (Do add the facial hair tho.)

[FoxDie]

So if a woman dumps a guy there must be a really deep and valid reason?

 

Nobody have any problems believing if a woman says she got dumped by her bf cause she got fat etc.

 

I didn't mean it for just a woman. I meant it for people in general. Even a guy. Anybody who is a great person in the relationship. Not a cheater, abuser, selfish, non of that. To break up with a great person I think you just ha e a hidden agenda. And usually these people will choose the most bogus reasons to break up with a person like that.

[elaine567]

...since we broke up I have not left the house. I am too anxious and depressed to be productive anymore.

 

So you have not been to your work or do you work from home?

[tomatome]

There are people who treat their SOs like fashion accessories. Everyone has their type per se but really I think those that place the most important value on physical appearance to the detriment of other characteristics often do so because deep down inside themselves they have tremendous self-loathing. Being with the best looking person to them is a way to validate their existence and tone down their self-hatred. However, these people are unreliable in the long term because we all age and looks will always fade. It's also quite common to do this when young, because the reality of aging has yet to be recognized (also because some fail to realize that good looking does not mean good person--but I live in a society/country where appearances count for too much). Your ex is being shallow, but more importantly she is unreliable and immature as a future partner.

 

I say this as a balding 45 yo dude. Surprisingly I can still pull the women who are attractive to me, but I don't care so much about that as much as whether they have good personalities. A much harder task. Many girlfriends in my past have said they really didn't care about my hair. I am sure you will do fine with your hair shorn.

 

You can search for my sad breakup story if you want. My ex (36) kept saying she didn't like my appearance so much, to which I would say that maybe we should just be friends (I am perfectly ok with people not being attracted to me, not everyone obviously will). She would keep me in the relationship, telling me that 'she didn't want to lose me.' Why? Because I have a very kind, easygoing personality, and treated her well and made her feel better about herself. She said so as she was dumping me ... Now she is off to pursue an ex in a different country and one she hasn't seen in five years on the basis that he is 'physically her type.' Hurts like hell after three years but fine. But I am not going to stand around and help her grow up anymore, which is why she is still trying to keep me in her orbit. Should have paid more attention to her personality.

 

Hope this helps. Hang in there.

Edited July 11, 2016 by tomatome
Grammar

[Noideanow]

why this ideal about hair on the head? For a woman it May be ok because its a sign of lover testosteron but for a man? It should be ideal since more testosteron more man? infact its rumered the neanderthals had these genetics so it should be very sexy:love: in fact men with too much hair on the very top May be handicaped in the race to procreate and survice since its a sign of weakness:p:confused;) what i wanna say is Lets create new ideals or better yet celebrate the differences, and the different advantages associated with each design:cool: be happy with what Nature gave you and dont change according to stupid People's ideals, in fact your genes are a million years old aint that a treasure more than an ideal built to destroy your confidence in order to rob your money (just like makeup, tell a woman she looks ugly without it, and makeup companies Got a new costumer:cool: we gotta be careful which ideals we believe in:o

[JohnStrauman]

why this ideal about hair on the head? For a woman it May be ok because its a sign of lover testosteron but for a man? It should be ideal since more testosteron more man? infact its rumered the neanderthals had these genetics so it should be very sexy:love: in fact men with too much hair on the very top May be handicaped in the race to procreate and survice since its a sign of weakness:p:confused;) what i wanna say is Lets create new ideals or better yet celebrate the differences, and the different advantages associated with each design:cool: be happy with what Nature gave you and don't change according to stupid People's ideals, in fact your genes are a million years old aint that a treasure more than an ideal built to destroy your confidence in order to rob your money (just like makeup, tell a woman she looks ugly without it, and makeup companies Got a new costumer:cool: we gotta be careful which ideals we believe in:o

 

 

why this ideal about hair on the head?

 

Well, have you ever heard about the "tall dark and handsome" stereotype? It is very popular among females I did, a lot of times, and there are very clear reasons for this when it comes to reproductive strategies. This is not just a random saying, there is truth to it otherwise, it would have never become such a popular saying. I will explain below why.

 

Hair represents youth, fertility, good health, etc...this is the reason most men have a full head of hair all throughout their youth and those who go bald early are the minority and not the other way around.

 

Hair loss is a sign of getting older and less fertile, that is why after 60 years old the vast majority of men have some degree of hair loss or thinning. It means their health and youth is declining so evolutionarily speaking, it is a sign for females to know that the man is old and is someone who is dangerous to have children with because him being old he won't be able to provide resources for you and your offspring. Therefore as a woman, evolutionarily speaking, you are more encouraged to look for a man with a full head of hair because there is a greater chance he will be a good provider.

 

For a woman it May be ok because its a sign of lover testosterone but for a man?

 

As far as I know the fact that bald men have higher testosterone testosterone levels is a total myth. Based on this logic we could say that 80 old men have more testosterone than 20-year-old males because they are almost all bald.

 

It is the sensitivity of the follicles to DHT that makes you lose your hair, not the quantity of testosterone in your bloodstream.

 

in fact men with too much hair on the very top May be handicapped in the race to procreate and survive since its a sign of weakness:p:confused;)

 

If that was the case the most majority of men today would be bald because they would have inherited the balding gene from their bald ancestors but since they are in a minority this means that bald men historically have been less successful at reproducing themselves. It is the hair gene that is more prevalent. not the other way around.

 

what i wanna say is Lets create new ideals or better yet celebrate the differences, and the different advantages associated with each design:cool:

 

Who "we"? Have you come up with any plans for this?

 

I do not think it is sufficient for a couple of people to reconsider the current beauty standards, the majority is that which dictates.

 

What advantages do bald men have? If men with hair want to go bald they can do that just as easily shaving their heads but the opposite is impossible.

 

be happy with what Nature gave you and don't change according to stupid People's ideals

 

In fact, nature gave me nothing, it took from me, I was not born bald so hair was something that was taken from me and what did I get in exchange?

 

How do I become happy with this? What do I need to do?

 

in fact your genes are a million years old aint that a treasure more than an ideal built to destroy your confidence in order to rob your money

 

Everyone's genes are million years old, there is nothing special about bald men's genes.

 

 

I also do not believe there is a secret plan to destroy my confidence. Companies just cash in on the natural desire to have hair, they did not invent it. I am pretty sure that this is innate due to the evolutionary reasons I talked about earlier in my post.

 

Make-up also is designed to make women look more fertile so the men are become more aroused by her.

 

 

Are beauty standards ideals? Is this an accurate term to describe them? I am not sure. And are they chose by choice? I would like to hear what you have to say about this.

[hurts2death]

this .....

john the relationship was shallow . you must seek wome who get provoked by the spirit and the spirit should be your first thing to look out there..

i am investing a big amount in biotech companies and i wanted to share this with you.

google replicel and histogen

hair loss is a thing of the past . the cell based therapy to make your hair like too much is around the corner. but again it is not looks you must seek but spirit.

i hope you find your way

Ugh, this is awful, sorry it happened to you. But at least you found out how weak the connection between you two were and how shallow she actually was. She could not look through your imperfections and it's her own problem, not yours. Might be she will get the taste of her own medicine when a man will become unattracted to her because of aging/weight gain or whatever.

 

Otherwise I really hope you will learn to embrace your new look. There are plenty of women who like bald men Maybe it looks terrible because you're not used to it.

 

Confidence is the key for guys, not looks

[Ijustdon'tgetit]

 

Make-up also is designed to make women look more fertile so the men are become more aroused by her.

 

QUOTE]

 

Seriously, I actually think the universe is giving you a blessing.. You may not see it now, but maybe one day you will. You are really shallow, it's no wonder your ex was that way. By your opinions, I guess I'm less fertile since I don't wear makeup or follow the "beauty" crowd. That's such a shallow way to live and there are people who don't follow these conventions. I did not fall in love with my ex for his looks. By society's standards, I was wrong to choose him because supposedly we were not on the same level looks wise. I actually lost a friend because of my relationship, but I didn't care because I fell in love with him for his personality, which was confident and attractive. That's what makes someone attractive, their beauty inside, not out.

[Noideanow]

why this ideal about hair on the head?

 

Well, have you ever heard about the "tall dark and handsome" stereotype? It is very popular among females I did, a lot of times, and there are very clear reasons for this when it comes to reproductive strategies. This is not just a random saying, there is truth to it otherwise, it would have never become such a popular saying. I will explain below why.

 

Hair represents youth, fertility, good health, etc...this is the reason most men have a full head of hair all throughout their youth and those who go bald early are the minority and not the other way around.

 

Hair loss is a sign of getting older and less fertile, that is why after 60 years old the vast majority of men have some degree of hair loss or thinning. It means their health and youth is declining so evolutionarily speaking, it is a sign for females to know that the man is old and is someone who is dangerous to have children with because him being old he won't be able to provide resources for you and your offspring. Therefore as a woman, evolutionarily speaking, you are more encouraged to look for a man with a full head of hair because there is a greater chance he will be a good provider.

 

For a woman it May be ok because its a sign of lover testosterone but for a man?

 

As far as I know the fact that bald men have higher testosterone testosterone levels is a total myth. Based on this logic we could say that 80 old men have more testosterone than 20-year-old males because they are almost all bald.

 

It is the sensitivity of the follicles to DHT that makes you lose your hair, not the quantity of testosterone in your bloodstream.

 

in fact men with too much hair on the very top May be handicapped in the race to procreate and survive since its a sign of weakness:p:confused;)

 

If that was the case the most majority of men today would be bald because they would have inherited the balding gene from their bald ancestors but since they are in a minority this means that bald men historically have been less successful at reproducing themselves. It is the hair gene that is more prevalent. not the other way around.

 

what i wanna say is Lets create new ideals or better yet celebrate the differences, and the different advantages associated with each design:cool:

 

Who "we"? Have you come up with any plans for this?

 

I do not think it is sufficient for a couple of people to reconsider the current beauty standards, the majority is that which dictates.

 

What advantages do bald men have? If men with hair want to go bald they can do that just as easily shaving their heads but the opposite is impossible.

 

be happy with what Nature gave you and don't change according to stupid People's ideals

 

In fact, nature gave me nothing, it took from me, I was not born bald so hair was something that was taken from me and what did I get in exchange?

 

How do I become happy with this? What do I need to do?

 

in fact your genes are a million years old aint that a treasure more than an ideal built to destroy your confidence in order to rob your money

 

Everyone's genes are million years old, there is nothing special about bald men's genes.

 

 

I also do not believe there is a secret plan to destroy my confidence. Companies just cash in on the natural desire to have hair, they did not invent it. I am pretty sure that this is innate due to the evolutionary reasons I talked about earlier in my post.

 

Make-up also is designed to make women look more fertile so the men are become more aroused by her.

 

 

 

Are beauty standards ideals? Is this an accurate term to describe them? I am not sure. And are they chose by choice? I would like to hear what you have to say about this.

 

Im Guessing you have a full head of hair:p or head full of hair:D sorry if i insulted you or anybody Else i just dont give a damm about that ideal:cool: and even less now that you try to uphold it:( and i dont think your arguments are Holding water, one of Them beeing most men have hair..where i live most men or almost lack hair on the top:p but take what i wrote as a provokation to the ideal, not Desect Every little word and come with logical arguments thats why i made these faces:confused::cool:

And by the Way you saying that tall, Dark is ideal, for me not, its mostly for the woman who thinks she Can impress others that Way (she like you believes it to be ideal) or because she herself is little and therefore attracted to what she hasnt Got herself or has a complex about it (because of people Who think/talk like what you wrote) i think:o Every size and colour has its advantages depending on the environment-) just like a White person is not fitting Well in africa and a tall person has advantages where there is a lot of food While a small person has the advantage when there is less food and so on. There is a Reason for the variation in the species and in Nature in general

[Noideanow]

comment to the above: youth is not attractive but the person you love is:) at least for me:cool:

[frigginlost]

Am I actually reading dissertations about hair loss and procreation? Good lord...

 

Op, I started losing my hair at 25. It bothered me for about a month. Then I just realized one thing:

 

Girls care about hair. Women don't.

 

Every girl I have ever been with has been considered a "babe" or "hot" or whatever. It all comes down to how you feel about yourself. Women can sniff confidence and are attracted to it (don't confuse that with arrogance) from a hundred miles away.

[metaversus]

I'm kind of a 'hairist.' I like men with long, or a lot of (head) hair. However, I am 100% certain that if I already loved a guy and he went bald, I would still love him just the same, because I would love his spirit and soul. The core of his being. He would still be the same person to me, hair or no hair, and I would want to be close to him:).