Fatal Attraction

[Blinkford]

Now I *get* what Alex was feeling in that movie. Did you know that the original play that the movie was based on was completely different? It was about the harm done to the OW.

 

Anyway, nothing fatal implied, but I do want to get the f-er back. I want to tell everyone what he did to me, including his wife. I think he deserves that, minimally. I want to catch him with his next fling and expose that as well.

[whichwayisup]

Now I *get* what Alex was feeling in that movie. Did you know that the original play that the movie was based on was completely different? It was about the harm done to the OW.

 

Anyway, nothing fatal implied, but I do want to get the f-er back. I want to tell everyone what he did to me, including his wife. I think he deserves that, minimally. I want to catch him with his next fling and expose that as well.

 

You knew going in he was married, so you bare some of the responsibility. Unless he lied to you and you had no idea he was married, don't go and do something that you may regret. Best revenge is to go total NC and move on with your life, forget he ever existed and be happy.

[Emilia]

It's best to learn to set boundaries OP.

[whatever29]

If you are now free from this mess, why wouldn't you want to stay free? He has to live with who he is at his core and what he's done. It doesn't matter. I know I don't want the karma. Just move on...it's over and the heavy weight can now be lifted if you let it.

[Daisy2013]

I saw that movie and she frightened me. I swore I would never become a bunny boiler. No drive-bys, no no -work related calls to his home. He even recently got FB to stay in touch with out-of-state family and invited me to look at some posts he had made. I declined even after he asked why I wouldn't and I have never looked at his page.

 

In fact, I stayed as far away from them as I could except we were at church and it couldn't be helped. Even for extra-curricular activities outside of teaching (we taught together), I skipped those. Didn't want to be anywhere near them and watching him pretending to be happy and playing house, as he said that's what he is doing. I can see where hurt and anger might come into play, but wasn't going there. Also, the man in that movie never promised her anything that I remember. She was just plain nuts.

[lilajane]

If you need to get your power back, then tell BS about the affair. MM are on a power trip and control freaks. Give it back where it hurts. No reason only one of you should be suffering.

[whatatangledweb]

I don't believe you telling will make you feel better. Look at the threads where there was a d-day. None of those OW suffered any less once the MM's wife knew. Some times it can make it worse especially if the wife decides to tell everyone you know.

[13Hearts]

Now I *get* what Alex was feeling in that movie. Did you know that the original play that the movie was based on was completely different? It was about the harm done to the OW.

 

Anyway, nothing fatal implied, but I do want to get the f-er back. I want to tell everyone what he did to me, including his wife. I think he deserves that, minimally. I want to catch him with his next fling and expose that as well.

 

All it would really take is one Facebook post in the middle of the night, especially if you asked all your friends to share it.

 

But be careful. You never really know a person, or what they are capable of.

 

I totally understand wanting to get revenge, though. It is really a matter, IMO, of control. He's been controlling you during the affair, so now you want to take back control by affecting him and his life the way he affected you and yours.

[sandylee1]

Unless you didn't know that he was married, you have yourself to blame. Everyone is responsible for their choices in life.

[oceansaway]

Most of us have all felt your anger. Being lied and taken advantage of. He is not worth it. Karma is a bitch.

Best revenge is NC and YOU moving on. Feel bad for his wife...she has to deal with the lying cheater...not you

[Mayday2016]

It's not worth it. That's not a dragon worth chasing. Believe me.

[ChickiePops]

I didn't sign up to get abused. And I made no vows to the BS. Hey, he likes drama, so there could be a lot to be had here.

 

What did you sign up for?

[Poppy47]

If you knew he was married, then you should be pointing the blame finger fairly and squarely at yourself.

 

You can take back your power and control easily. Go NC and walk away. Never see him or speak to him again. Disappear.

 

Would you gain anything by blowing his world apart? Remember there is a wife and maybe children who would suffer. I guarantee you that revenge like that would not be as sweet as you think.

 

IF decide to go down that path, he will probably tell his wife you are exactly like the mad woman in Fatal Attraction, and what's more she will believe him.

 

Choose wisely.

 

Poppy.

[todreaminblue]

whatever alex was feeling what happened at the end of the movie is that her seeking revenge resulted in her death....and even though this is a movie and a fictional character.....in real life....and in affairs of the heart and real people.... it remains fact...revenge sought by you is death to you.....its death to who you are..to yoru standards....to your values...and how you value the lives of others........and rarely has the desired reaction or effect that you seek....

 

another movie i can think of is the grudge....that particualar cinematic release has value to your thoughts....you are holding a grudge...and grudges fester, magnify darkness to your spirit......and so you are lost in that deep dark well of despair and loneliness...when you hold a grudge it colors all your relationships black..it colors how you treat others....what thoughts you hold...it seeps your innocence and joy......holding a grudge is your unsxpressed sadness personified...magnified....and consuming..it changes who you are at heart level.......

 

let go of that darkness...embrace the day......today and tomorrow...with hope in your heart...and a gained wisdom, self knowledge and experience for what you do not desire from a lover or partner with the added solid determination to seek what you really want.and to make good choices in the future towards your real hearts desire....

 

 

make it your goal to let go of the sadness...your disappointed hopes let them go also...and hope anew.... and realize what happened needed to happen for you to be truly happy with the right guy who loves you for you...let that guy not fall in love with a damaged woman with a grudge.......and move forward..you are free now......i wish you well..take care...deb

Edited July 11, 2016 by todreaminblue

[cocorico]

Did you know that the original play that the movie was based on was completely different? It was about the harm done to the OW.

 

The play was adapted from the movie:

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal_Attraction_(play)

[sandylee1]

I didn't sign up to get abused. And I made no vows to the BS. Hey, he likes drama, so there could be a lot to be had here.

 

So you are an innocent party with no blame at all then?

 

Because you didn't make vows to his wife, the basic rules of common decency and morality don't mean anything to you... is that your feeling? Do unto others doesn't sit well with you?

 

If we all lived this way it would be a damn awful world don't you think.

 

You were not forced to have an affair with a MM

You knowingly did wrong.

You've been hurt by it.

You need to take responsibility.

 

And ..... You need to bear in mind that the revenge may vert well be your downfall.

 

Some BWs are no pushover and it sounds like you got dumped, so consider how you'd feel if she returned the revenge by doing any or all of the following that some have done :

 

- Telling your family

- Blasting it all over social media (Blink is a .................. keep her away from your husband or boyfriend)

- Telling your employers

- Getting a restraining order against you

 

Remember that much of the above can be done anonymously as well. You could get bitten in the rear with your vengeance.

 

************* Don't start a fight if you don't want a war.**************

[pooldog]

You are looking the wrong way.

 

You are looking back instead of forward. And so you are only seeing loss and getting stuck.

 

It is not a loss because you get to walk away and find the man of your dreams.

 

He has to live with guilt the rest of his life.

 

How would telling help you? It would not. Everyone would empathize with BS. And you would remain stuck in the drama.

 

 

Now I *get* what Alex was feeling in that movie. Did you know that the original play that the movie was based on was completely different? It was about the harm done to the OW.

 

Anyway, nothing fatal implied, but I do want to get the f-er back. I want to tell everyone what he did to me, including his wife. I think he deserves that, minimally. I want to catch him with his next fling and expose that as well.

[xxoo]

Now I *get* what Alex was feeling in that movie. Did you know that the original play that the movie was based on was completely different? It was about the harm done to the OW.

 

Anyway, nothing fatal implied, but I do want to get the f-er back. I want to tell everyone what he did to me, including his wife. I think he deserves that, minimally. I want to catch him with his next fling and expose that as well.

 

I'm sorry you were hurt. I can understand your desire to hurt him back. Sure, he deserves it.

 

But revenge will drag you further down, as well. Climb upward. I promise, he is trapped in a hell of his own making. You stepped into that hell willingly, but now you have an opportunity to step OUT. Keep moving in the direction AWAY from him.

 

Living well is the best revenge.

[Cloudcuckoo]

If you need to get your power back, then tell BS about the affair. MM are on a power trip and control freaks. Give it back where it hurts. No reason only one of you should be suffering.[/quote

 

I don't think that's the answer is it? Making someone who likely isn't aware they are the third element in that affair triangle suffer just because you (general) are. That's not nice at all.

 

Bad eggs have a particularly obnoxious smell...he'll get his without delberately making his wife pay for his indiscretions.

[Lady2163]

I'm one of the few people on here that openly advocates revenge. It can be a catharsis.

 

But, you have to make the punishment fit the crime. I had a boyfriend who was horribly abusive and neglectful. He was a cold, calculated, sociopath. I stayed with him for too long. He repeatedly used me, berated me and sucked my happiness away. All my special days were ruined and made about him. Then he cheated on me...and lied about it. He ended things with me to be with the other woman. There is a chance when he started dating me and we started sleeping together that he hadn't officially ended things with his previous girlfriend. So, he cheated on her to be with me, told me he was single, spent most of our relationship trying to get her back and then cheated on me. He was very committed to the girlfriend after me, whereas with me he was always chasing after the Ex. He constantly preached how loyal he was and how he expected total and complete loyalty to the point of lying for him during some of his schemes.

 

Anyway, so I wanted revenge. While his new girlfriend had pulled some hateful crap on me, I knew all she knew was what he was telling her. She wasn't a total innocent, she should have drawn the line with the stalking of me and trashing me. Again, deep breath, all she knew was what he told her.

 

In order for revenge to work, it has to hurt. He broke my heart, he ruined me for years as I recovered from the abuse and neglect. BUT, since he didn't love me, there wasn't anyway I could make him hurt the way he made me hurt. That was a bitter pill to swallow. I had to find someway to get him where it would do damage.

 

I did get my revenge. It was a stealth mission that had more planning than most military operations. ;-) It was a wonderful turning point for me. I'm not saying I still don't have triggers and I still don't tell stories about him. But, more often than not, when I think about him, I laugh with satisfaction. I'm smiling as I write this. I am at peace and rest with the whole debacle that was that relationship. I'm also largely indifferent to him. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifferent. It's the ability to NOT care in the slightest.

 

So, you made a mistake and had a relationship with a MM. It sounds like he may have been abusive and done more than just lead you on. Have some decency if you must get revenge. Don't hurt the innocent people. His wife and kids are still innocent as long as they stay out of your life.

 

Other than wife and kids (and any pets) what does he value most? That's where you hurt him.

 

Good luck and good recovery. You still have worth and you still deserve someone who will love you completely.

[NTV]

You feel the need to tell his wife to move on? Then tell his wife. She should probably find out this way rather than by getting herpes from the next woman he starts seeing on the side, right?

[cocorico]

 

Some BWs are no pushover and it sounds like you got dumped, so consider how you'd feel if she returned the revenge by doing any or all of the following that some have done :

 

- Telling your family

- Blasting it all over social media (Blink is a .................. keep her away from your husband or boyfriend)

- Telling your employers

- Getting a restraining order against you

 

Remember that much of the above can be done anonymously as well. You could get bitten in the rear with your vengeance.

 

************* Don't start a fight if you don't want a war.**************

 

A restraining order needs grounds. Contacting someone to inform them of their H's infidelity as a one-off is hardly going to crack the nod for a RO.

 

Telling employers will only work if you're employed by some religious organisation, or you and he have some other R with each other (patient-doctor, for example, or teacher-student, or such). Most other employers couldn't care less about your private life unless it impacts on your ability to do your work.

 

Also, there are stories on these boards of BS who've chosen to make a scene at an OW's workplace that has gone very badly for the BS, with no fallout for the OW, so it's unlikely to be in the BS's interest to do this.

 

As for telling your family / social media - this only matters if you have something to lose from not keeping it a secret. That might be true in, say, Saudi Arabia, or if you're a vicar, or your family are into "honour killings" or whatever. Most adults' families don't lend out their ears to spurious gossip from random strangers - especially anonymously - and public spats on social media are more likely to backfire and make the BS look bad (if people know / suspect about the A) or be brushed off as hysterical paranoia if not.

 

So I wouldn't worry too much about any of that.

 

What I would be more concerned about is miring yourself in more emotional drama. If you walk away now, and shrug it all off, you can be done. If you sit and fester, plotting revenge, or carrying it out, you still harbour the emotional baggage. You made a bad call, getting involved with a guy who didn't treat you well. Why let him make you bitter? These boards are full of stories of bitterness, sometimes even years on, from people who feel they were done wrong by someone in a R. Is that who you want to be? Do you want him to have that power over you? Is he worth that?

[ChickiePops]

It was adapted from Diversion, which centered around the plight of the OW and had her in a much more sympathetic role. We watched the short film version of it in women's studies to show what happens when misogynistic Hollywood gets their hands on a true feminist story. Sorry, Wikipedia is wrong on this one.

 

There's absolutely nothing feminist about sleeping with married guys.

 

If anything, it's anti-feminist. The guy has an abundance of love and sex and you and his wife get whatever's left over for each of you. What part of letting him have two women while you and his wife only have half a man each is empowering to you?

 

Not to mention the fact that you are knowingly helping him hurt his wife..there's nothing feminist about that either.

[whatever29]

No one has mentioned that revenge could carry a price. What if he has a screw loose and takes his own revenge on you. I wouldn't do anything to my now xMM because it could be fatal to me. Who wants that karma.

[Lady2163]

No one has mentioned that revenge could carry a price. What if he has a screw loose and takes his own revenge on you. I wouldn't do anything to my now xMM because it could be fatal to me. Who wants that karma.

 

Wolffish grin.....yes my revenge was one that kept my identity anonymous.

 

Don't get caught....