bhavok Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 (edited) I am 21 and a guy has never asked for my phone number. I know plenty of other women who are asked for their number from guys.....but not me. I even feel like I take good care of myself. I am 5'6 and weigh 125 pounds. I look in the mirror and personally, I think I look attractive (however, I feel like I am pretty under some lighting and I feel like I look ugly under some lighting). Men older than me will only call me beautiful and other women sometimes will tell me that I am pretty/beautiful/cute as well. I have been called good-looking once. This all does not happen on a daily basis though. Usually when I receive such compliments, I feel disbelief. Women have asked if I have had a boyfriend before. When I say no, they ask me 'why'. I really do not know why I do not have a boyfriend because I feel like I am approachable. People often say that I am a nice girl and I do smile (although, I have my moments). I don't go to bars and clubs. On top of that, I am not interested in online dating. The only thing I notice from men (besides from older men calling me beautiful) is that once in a blue moon, I may notice a guy staring/looking at me. Other than that, men barely hit on me. I have never had a guy come up to me to start a conversation and ask for my phone number. And as a result, I feel like it has been blow on my self-esteem because there are some women who get hit on left and right and they have no problem being in relationships. I feel like if I were really an attractive girl, guys would be all over me and they are not. I am starting to believe that I will never meet someone special. Edited July 10, 2016 by bhavok 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hbpencils Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 keep your chin up, i'm in my 40s and just having my first boyfriend who is younger than me. I thought all those thing you were thinking. You have to think to yourself, you are beautiful and a any man should want you, do you have any hobbies that require socialising? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 Don't stress too much. You're still young. Worry when you're 30 and have only ever dated one guy, like myself. I've only been asked out on a first date TWICE in my life. The first time, the guy was borderline stalking me before he asked me out and the second time, it turned into a LTR. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 You've told us the things you don't do with meeting men (bars, online dating etc). But what things do you do which men also participate in? Let's go for the affirmative instead of the negative. Do you have a mixed gender friend group? College classes? Attend parties? Sports? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron007 Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 You're way, way too young to worry.... Are you talking about complete strangers approaching you and saying "hi"? Are you comfortable with that? I'm a single guy who intermittently approaches women who are strangers, i.e. cold approaches. I typically approach women who are by themselves and don't look as if they're too busy (talking on their cell or squinting non-stop into their laptop) or in hurry (walking fast going somewhere). If I see a girl sitting by herself in a cafe with a book looking around, I try to start a conversation. So if you're comfortable being approached by strange guys in a busy daytime environment, then start hanging out at bookstores, coffee shops, street fairs, music fests, etc.. Remember it is tough for us guys too to approach women who are complete strangers as the chances of the interaction progressing beyond a friendly conversation is really low. Some of us dudes are sensitive. Again, you are way too young to worry about guys not asking you out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Horse Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 OP, have you ever thought about approaching men? A lot of girls don't approach guys I understand but it's actually a really good idea because I guarantee you that if a girl is the one who approaches, guys will be much less likely to reject you. Because think about it, when you're the one doing the approaching, you have the power. If you like a guy, then you should talk to him and show interest. Don't wait for him or give him hints which he may not even pick up on. If more women were like this, they woudn't have to rely on men approaching them all the time. The reason women don't approach is because most of them don't have to approach because they know they will be hit on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 OP, have you ever thought about approaching men? A lot of girls don't approach guys I understand but it's actually a really good idea because I guarantee you that if a girl is the one who approaches, guys will be much less likely to reject you. Sorry, I disagree. The mere act of a woman approaching me has never made me less inclined to reject her. If anything, I start questioning why she feels she needs to approach me, and start wondering what's wrong with her. I don't know why you would "guarantee" this. Because think about it, when you're the one doing the approaching, you have the power. Totally wrong. When you approach, or ask, or request something (like someone's time, attention, or affection) you are admitting that they have something you want and you're asking them to grant it to you. You are empowering them through your desire. It's like walking into a bank and requesting a loan. The bank has the money, they decide if you get it or not. Or, try walking into a bank and requesting some service, and tell them you've got a $100K check to deposit. They will cater to you on hand and foot because in that case, they want your money. Powerful people don't need to submit to other people like this -- other people submit to them. If you like a guy, then you should talk to him and show interest. Don't wait for him or give him hints which he may not even pick up on. Counterpoint: If he's not taking action on his own (as men do), he's probably not interested anyways. The rules of attraction have worked well for so far, there's no need to flip them on their heads. If more women were like this, they woudn't have to rely on men approaching them all the time. The reason women don't approach is because most of them don't have to approach because they know they will be hit on. So what's your point? Things work so well for women and there's no reason for things to change, so... women should change them? I don't follow you. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 I am 21 and a guy has never asked for my phone number. I know plenty of other women who are asked for their number from guys.....but not me. I even feel like I take good care of myself. I am 5'6 and weigh 125 pounds. I look in the mirror and personally, I think I look attractive (however, I feel like I am pretty under some lighting and I feel like I look ugly under some lighting). Men older than me will only call me beautiful and other women sometimes will tell me that I am pretty/beautiful/cute as well. I have been called good-looking once. This all does not happen on a daily basis though. Usually when I receive such compliments, I feel disbelief. Women have asked if I have had a boyfriend before. When I say no, they ask me 'why'. I really do not know why I do not have a boyfriend because I feel like I am approachable. People often say that I am a nice girl and I do smile (although, I have my moments). I don't go to bars and clubs. On top of that, I am not interested in online dating. The only thing I notice from men (besides from older men calling me beautiful) is that once in a blue moon, I may notice a guy staring/looking at me. Other than that, men barely hit on me. I have never had a guy come up to me to start a conversation and ask for my phone number. And as a result, I feel like it has been blow on my self-esteem because there are some women who get hit on left and right and they have no problem being in relationships. I feel like if I were really an attractive girl, guys would be all over me and they are not. I am starting to believe that I will never meet someone special. I see a lot of posters who say they are told that they're beautiful or handsome, but still struggle. While I won't go so far as to say people are lying to you, but do you actually expect people to tell you you are ugly if you're indeed ugly. I'm not referring to you in particular, but people aren't going to just tell you are ugly because that's mean. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 OP, have you ever thought about approaching men? A lot of girls don't approach guys I understand but it's actually a really good idea because I guarantee you that if a girl is the one who approaches, guys will be much less likely to reject you. Because think about it, when you're the one doing the approaching, you have the power. If you like a guy, then you should talk to him and show interest. Don't wait for him or give him hints which he may not even pick up on. If more women were like this, they woudn't have to rely on men approaching them all the time. The reason women don't approach is because most of them don't have to approach because they know they will be hit on. Side note When I was single, I was approached a few times a week. Most of the time it was the little iffy things like an 'accidental bump' or a 'hey, don't I know you?' with a light touch on the arm. The one I remember the most was when I was at a bar and this chick came up with a beer (the same I was drinking), and said 'here's your beer master'... she had my number that night and we were dating that week. It didn't work out, but that was because she was really really into s & m, and I wasn't interested at the time. Regret it now, but hey lol. ------------- Either way, most guys I know didn't start actually asking girls out on 'dates' until well into college. Before then it was always a 'hey you wanna go kick it?' It is something that comes with maturity rather than a continued tradition. So... I guess I'm saying don't worry about not getting asked out at your age. It will come with time. And it's entirely possible you were asked out before but can't remember because it was an automatic 'no' right from the start for you, so not important. As far as not being approached... it could be you are just way outta normal guys league. Try going to some 'meetups'. Just pick a couple interests you have, writing, bowling, whatever, and go to a few. Even if you don't get hit on, you'll have fun. Either way, focusing so much on your appearance isn't good. Being ugly/normal/pretty doesn't change who you are on the inside. I'd rather have a 5 that's a good person and has a real personality with real interests, than a 10 who's interests are only shopping, shoes, purses, and watch a 'real housewives'. Depth in a person is so much more attractive to me than ability to be arm candy. And I'm certain that I'm not the only guy that thinks that way. In fact, the only guys I know who would prefer it the other way are the ones who only want women for sex. Not that there's anything wrong with that... as there are women who think the same way that are just right for them. Those women just aren't right for me, lol. Either way, relax, don't stress, good things will come! You won't be single forever.... unless you deliberately choose to be. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 I am 21 and a guy has never asked for my phone number. I know plenty of other women who are asked for their number from guys.....but not me. I even feel like I take good care of myself. I am 5'6 and weigh 125 pounds. I look in the mirror and personally, I think I look attractive (however, I feel like I am pretty under some lighting and I feel like I look ugly under some lighting). Men older than me will only call me beautiful and other women sometimes will tell me that I am pretty/beautiful/cute as well. I have been called good-looking once. This all does not happen on a daily basis though. Usually when I receive such compliments, I feel disbelief. Women have asked if I have had a boyfriend before. When I say no, they ask me 'why'. I really do not know why I do not have a boyfriend because I feel like I am approachable. People often say that I am a nice girl and I do smile (although, I have my moments). I don't go to bars and clubs. On top of that, I am not interested in online dating. The only thing I notice from men (besides from older men calling me beautiful) is that once in a blue moon, I may notice a guy staring/looking at me. Other than that, men barely hit on me. I have never had a guy come up to me to start a conversation and ask for my phone number. And as a result, I feel like it has been blow on my self-esteem because there are some women who get hit on left and right and they have no problem being in relationships. I feel like if I were really an attractive girl, guys would be all over me and they are not. I am starting to believe that I will never meet someone special. Not a guy but can I have your number? There, you can cross that one of your list. Is it possible you're too hot? That can translate to aloof, unapproachable, intimidating, etc., or the effect or impression can simply be bc of those things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S_A Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 (edited) Is it possible you're too hot? That can translate to aloof, unapproachable, intimidating, etc., or the effect or impression can simply be bc of those things. After reading the first two lines of her post, I thought the same thing. Too hot. I've said this a million times, when women look in to a mirror they tend to see a reflection of themselves that is less attractive that what others see. With guys it is the opposite. Guys think they are hotter than they really are. Edited July 11, 2016 by S_A Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 After reading the first two lines of her post, I thought the same thing. Too hot. I've said this a million times, when women look in to a mirror they tend to see a reflection of themselves that is less attractive that what others see. With guys it is the opposite. Guys think they are hotter than they really are. Sorry, I don't think I'm hotter than I really am. I KNOW I'm hotter than I really am. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 If you are asking our opinion of your beauty, post a picture Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 If you are asking our opinion of your beauty, post a picture I see this ending badly. I've always seen the threads that go here derailing quick. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 (edited) Either way, most guys I know didn't start actually asking girls out on 'dates' until well into college. Before then it was always a 'hey you wanna go kick it?' It is something that comes with maturity rather than a continued tradition. So... I guess I'm saying don't worry about not getting asked out at your age. It will come with time. And it's entirely possible you were asked out before but can't remember because it was an automatic 'no' right from the start for you, so not important. This is a good point. At 21 and in college, do people even "date?" In college you have your friends, your acquaintances, people you meet at parties, etc. You just kind of "hang out." If you meet a stranger you with whom there seems to be a mutual interest, you add them on social media (that's what people do these days, right?) and meet up with your friends and their friends at some point, and just let things happen. It seems odd for a 21 year senior to get a girl's number and take her out to eat. I feel like that process is reserved for people who are older who don't know each other. And in college, you have ample opportunity to get to know each other because you're both out partying every weekend and nobody wants to miss that, not to mention running into each other campus, etc. I don't think I ever asked for a girl's number in college. I just met girls at parties, possibly hooked up, became friends with them on Facebook, then etc. Also, most guys at age 21 are total morons. I wouldn't trust their judgment or their processes in a lot of areas, they just don't have enough experience to know how to "date." 21 year olds don't ask you out, they ask you if you're going to a particular party and then just show up. Something like that. Edited July 11, 2016 by normal person Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Start worrying if you surpass your mid-20s Link to post Share on other sites
Kics Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Don't worry it happens to some of us. In school I dated some but I asked some guys out. What I focus on after college was just doing my thing without worrying why I never had a real real boyfriend. I am 25 btw. I joined several groups around my area and started gym and classes. Guess what? A guy asked me out at the gym, and we are pretty happy together. I found out through a friend that there was another guy that liked me, but he never asked me out. So for some reason some guys are shy or don't know how to ask girls out? Btw I was always called beautiful by older man and older women always asked why I wasn't dating. You will find someone, but if you want to date you can try online dating? I had a terrible experience but my sister and friend both found their boyfriends there. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 Don't worry it happens to some of us. In school I dated some but I asked some guys out. What I focus on after college was just doing my thing without worrying why I never had a real real boyfriend. I am 25 btw. I joined several groups around my area and started gym and classes. Guess what? A guy asked me out at the gym, and we are pretty happy together. I found out through a friend that there was another guy that liked me, but he never asked me out. So for some reason some guys are shy or don't know how to ask girls out? Btw I was always called beautiful by older man and older women always asked why I wasn't dating. You will find someone, but if you want to date you can try online dating? I had a terrible experience but my sister and friend both found their boyfriends there. The amount of girls in your situation is much smaller than the amount of guys in your situation in terms of age bracket Link to post Share on other sites
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