hotgurl Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Is marriage worth it? In spite of all your problems in your marriage. Is it worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 For Me.. NO it wasn't worth it, so I divorced him Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Yes. Above all, yes. Faith, hope in love are grand. But the greatest is love. And besides, who else will wipe yo ass when you're 87 and poopin ya dwalls? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by tiki And besides, who else will wipe yo ass when you're 87 and poopin ya dwalls? I thought that's what I had Wee Peep's for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 I'm such a romantic. I really want to marry my bf but he is dragging his feet. I just picture growing old together and crabbing at each other and holding hands ect.. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by hotgurl I'm such a romantic. I really want to marry my bf but he is dragging his feet. I just picture growing old together and crabbing at each other and holding hands ect.. There's nothing wrong with that Girl The key is in finding the right person.. that was my problem when I got married.. I knew I shouldn't, did it anyway.. and it didn't work out.. well that, plus he's an assclown Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Find a romantic. Then let it fly. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by hotgurl Is marriage worth it? No! Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 You don't need marriage to get those things Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Absolutely if you find the right person. But marriage for marriage's sake? NO WAY! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 The American Dream isn't an American dream for nothing. It's what many strive for. It's normal to want it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Absolutely if you find the right person. Unfortunately in the real world people find out way too late that Mr or Ms "Right" is in actuality Mr or Ms "Wrong". And by then they've been married already Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Unfortunately in the real world people find out way too late that Mr or Ms "Right" is in actuality Mr or Ms "Wrong". And by then they've been married already True Link to post Share on other sites
Nicholas Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 I think the unfortunate delusion is that marriage makes things more permanent and enables you to focus on fixing the problems in the relationship because you don't have to worry about giving up. It may have been that way at one time, but it isn't anymore, and as a result you find that the problems you thought you could fix by marrying them end up getting worse until the marriage ends--or worse, doesn't end. Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by Nicholas I think the unfortunate delusion is that marriage makes things more permanent and enables you to focus on fixing the problems in the relationship because you don't have to worry about giving up. It may have been that way at one time, but it isn't anymore, and as a result you find that the problems you thought you could fix by marrying them end up getting worse until the marriage ends--or worse, doesn't end. Totally agree. Also, I have yet to witness with my own eyes one good marriage. From what I can tell, and from what I have seen, they all suck. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Unfortunately in the real world people find out way too late that Mr or Ms "Right" is in actuality Mr or Ms "Wrong". And by then they've been married already Well, if you insist on 'mystery' in a relationship, don't be surprised if some of the 'mysteries' turn out to be unpleasant surprises. You need to know someone VERY WELL before you decide s/he's someone you want to spend your whole life with. Also, I have yet to witness with my own eyes one good marriage. From what I can tell, and from what I have seen, they all suck. I've known several. All had in common that both people thought very highly of their partners, that they didn't take everything horribly seriously, and that they had fun together. You need to find someone like that or it won't work. I think most important is thinking highly of your partner. A lot of people marry people they don't respect, but lack of respect turns to contempt after a while. If you don't respect him or her, do NOT marry him or her; it just won't work. Link to post Share on other sites
InmannRoshi Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Marriage is an institution invented by humans for many practical reasons ... romanticism is not one of them. Marriages, like most anything in life, are probably a statistical bell curve. You have maybe 15% of the sample on one end of the curve that live in marital bliss. You have maybe 15% on the other end of the curve that are in misery from Day 1. You have 70% in the middle who make due with what they got. Each individual has to assess how important the concept of marriage is to them compared to where they rank on that curve. Link to post Share on other sites
Nicholas Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by InmannRoshi You have maybe 15% of the sample on one end of the curve that live in marital bliss. You have maybe 15% on the other end of the curve that are in misery from Day 1. You have 70% in the middle who make due with what they got. Each individual has to assess how important the concept of marriage is to them compared to where they rank on that curve. Then you have the 50% who end in divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
lynnspies1 Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 The fact is ... Marriage is hard work and each involved person will do things that piss the other off. Some of those things are forgivable and some are not. People are too quick to get married and then too quick to divorce. I think you really have to know yourself and communicate what you want to your partner. Take your time, don't rush to get married, don't rush to have children once your married. The other fact is that most of the time the good times do outweigh the bad. So , yes it is worth it. Lynn Link to post Share on other sites
Horse Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by Nicholas I think the unfortunate delusion is that marriage makes things more permanent and enables you to focus on fixing the problems in the relationship because you don't have to worry about giving up. It may have been that way at one time, but it isn't anymore, and as a result you find that the problems you thought you could fix by marrying them end up getting worse until the marriage ends--or worse, doesn't end. I sort of felt that way before I got married. I dated my wife for six years because we weren't in a hurry. We thought of marriage as sort of a formality. Divorce is easy and socially acceptable, so breaking up a marriag is only slightly more difficult that splitting up any other long term relationship. Now that I am married I take my vows and the institution more seriouosly. I am more commited to doing the work to make it work than I would have been otherwise. I have more of a long term view and I work to make things better, because I want the relationship to last, whereas in previous relationships I would just bail when things got real. I also see it as a foundation for a family (kids). You can have kids without a marriage, but I don't want to. I grew up in chaos and I would like to give my kids some stability. I've learned that you can work to make your relationship a lot better. I think the key is not to wait until its screwed up before you start doing the work. I think we are doing better than when we got married. In the short term, no it's not as fun as hooking up with a new woman every couple of months, but my life always felt empty when I was doing that. Even though I can get frustrated sometimes, I am happier now. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Its worth it to me, that's for sure. I didn't feel that way before Little B and Mr. B came along (they are a package deal ). I guess what makes the difference is that we make our marriage our own, with little regard to the 'shoulds'. Its the 'shoulds' that always made my skin crawl to begin with. Luckily I found someone with whom I have a like mind about fundamental things, and we value each other as human beings rather than restrict that value to how well we act out our roles of "husband" or "wife". We don't change ourselves to fit marriage. We make the marriage fit ourselves. It works very well for us. I feel very lucky to have met Mr. B. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by hotgurl Is marriage worth it? In spite of all your problems in your marriage. Is it worth it? My husband and I are very lucky - we don't have many problems. We're a good fit and marriage is definitely worth it. I never was big on the marriage idea and my family was shocked that we were getting married. I love it though. It's great! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 No it is not. A man will bend and twist himself trying to make his wife happy but nothing makes her happy. Women are never happy with their husbands and angry at them 75% of the time. After years of this he becomes a shell of a man and she has no respect or love left for him so she divorces him to go find herself. He ends up being a depressed and angry man who gets to see his kids maybe once a month and lives in poverty beause his ex wife cleaned him out in court. That is what men get out of marriage which showswhy they should not marry. Women bring nothing but misery into a man's life. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Yes, it's absolutely worth it. I was a happily married woman for nearly 9 years. Then along came the internet, and my husband strayed, even though the sex was better than ever (even he said so) and he begged me to take him back.....infidelity is not something I can forgive, so I divorced him. I would give anything to be back in the comfort of monogamous marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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