East Asian Men: Why are we unattractive? **Updated**

[shoplocal]

Before I read all six pages of this thread, it sounds like you're using Caucasian men and women as your standard of beauty/handsomeness. Why? You'll never be one of them. People who only like that look will never be into you, so let it go. Your dating pool may be smaller than you'd prefer, but your sanity will be intact and the ability to grow your self-love will increase.

 

And fwiw, I am a black woman, so I get it.

 

Okay, now going to read the whole thing. Good luck OP!

[Moves Like Jagger]

I admit that there is some truth to what the OP is saying. With that said, I find the attitude of the OP to be really toxic.

 

Focusing on something that you can't control is only going to make you bitter and miserable. I don't see the benefit on dwelling on how much you're dating life is much more disadvantaged compared to other guys. You're better focusing on things you can change like style and confidence.

 

I don't understand the point of the original post. If you were telling Asian guys that they need to work harder on their confidence and appearance in order to overcome negative stereotypes, I would have agreed with you. Instead, you're just complaining about something you have no control over. Do you really want to pressure White girls into dating you in the name of diversity and tolerance?

 

I don't think that guys like Daniel Dae Kim, an Asian actor, from the TV show "Lost"cries himself to sleep because of his race. He's too busy living his life to the fullest. I have no doubt that there are plenty of women of all races that would give him chance.

 

The guys that I know who are the worst in dating are White. The reason why these guys are because they're out of shape, doormats, boring, passive, and anti-social. Yeah, Asian guys are at a disadvantage in the dating game. Just like short guys, quiet guys, guys with average-looking faces, guys who don't have a six-pack, and guys who don't have super smooth game.

[Els]

 

Aside from being small people, they have really small hands....I mean, I do have some big mitts, but a handshake to me feels like three #2 pencils,,,Smaller and less robust than most women..Seems like a small detail, but there are all types of small details that turn the opposite sex off...maybe this is one.?

 

You probably have REALLY big hands. Most of the Asian guys I've known have had hands that are about 1.5x my size, which are fine by me.

 

In fact, of all the one's I know( a lot of them Korean), the one's with Korean wives, the wife just completely dominates the man. In fact, the women will often get directly involved in these decisions, almost to a point of embarrassing the poor guy....I can see how an American woman isn't going to feel good about that arrangement...They may not like an overly controlling type of guy, but they probably don't want a guy that needs to be treated and led around like a little kid..

 

Yeah, this can be an issue, but IMO it's mostly caused by the education system in most Asian countries. Basically, the way that goes is: keep your mouth shut and do as you're told and DON'T question anything, or you'll get punished severely. This leads to a lot of very conflict-avoidant people who are afraid to take risks.

 

However it doesn't apply to the OP, as he was born in Canada and has the benefit of Canadian education.

[offwithhishead]

In a sense (and you may have to be as old as me to appreciate this), part of me likes being the underdog now.

 

Why the h@ll would you want the advantage of being privileged in a game that's shallow and racist anyway? "Oh yea. I wish I was white and tall so that I could date women who would reject me if I was shorter and had slanted eyes. Oh yeah. All day long I wish that."

 

So, white men are more desirable than Asian men. That's a fact here. But normal sized Asian men are more desirable than, say ... dwarf men. That's a fact right? Well HOORAY for that!

 

How far do you have to go down the ladder before your human/dating worth is higher than the next f@cking shmuck?

 

So, a 6'2" white male has sex with 35 hot women and a short Asian guy has sex with 3 average ones over the course of their lives. Will they get points for that in the afterlife? Will they inscribe those numbers on their tombstones?

 

Yea ... this is what life is about.

 

Yeah I do feel entitled somewhat. It's about sex. It's about women's preferences. I feel having been born in Canada and being a good citizen and contributor to this country, I am entitled to a level playing field which includes dating.

 

I do not feel it is fair that I as an asian man has to be 2 or 3 times as successful in my career or education or any other measure in order to have the same dating success as my white male peer.

 

Do you know how humiliating it is to see an Asian girl dump you but goes for a cheap loser white guy? But then OH, maybe he has such a great personality and must be a great person! I guess that implies I'm automatically some selfish ******* who is abusive towards women?

 

It's like what I said before. An asian girl who hates Asian guys will always find a reason to find fault with an Asian guy, even if he's actually a great guy. But she'll justify all the reasons in the world she's with a ****ty white dude.

 

There really is no winning here. If an Asian guy is successful, intelligent, gentlemen and kind person, the Asian girl will find some fault by saying stuff like "he's too selfish, he's too ambitious...." Then she goes and dates some white guy who is cheap and wears the same clothes everyday but she'll say "he's so responsible and so kind to me."

 

Basically, there is no winning.

 

I admit that there is some truth to what the OP is saying. With that said, I find the attitude of the OP to be really toxic.

 

Focusing on something that you can't control is only going to make you bitter and miserable. I don't see the benefit on dwelling on how much you're dating life is much more disadvantaged compared to other guys. You're better focusing on things you can change like style and confidence.

 

I don't understand the point of the original post. If you were telling Asian guys that they need to work harder on their confidence and appearance in order to overcome negative stereotypes, I would have agreed with you. Instead, you're just complaining about something you have no control over. Do you really want to pressure White girls into dating you in the name of diversity and tolerance?

 

I don't think that guys like Daniel Dae Kim, an Asian actor, from the TV show "Lost"cries himself to sleep because of his race. He's too busy living his life to the fullest. I have no doubt that there are plenty of women of all races that would give him chance.

 

The guys that I know who are the worst in dating are White. The reason why these guys are because they're out of shape, doormats, boring, passive, and anti-social. Yeah, Asian guys are at a disadvantage in the dating game. Just like short guys, quiet guys, guys with average-looking faces, guys who don't have a six-pack, and guys who don't have super smooth game.

 

That guy (Daniel Dae Kim), even if he wasn't on TV and such, if he was just a regular guy, he wouldn't do badly with women. He doesn't look and act like your typical Asian dude. EVen if he can't pull white women, he'll be able to pull Asian girls. He's attractive. Top 10% amongst Asian guys.

 

The top 10% in any race will do well. But for Asian guys, if you're in the bottom 60%, it's over.

 

You probably have REALLY big hands. Most of the Asian guys I've known have had hands that are about 1.5x my size, which are fine by me.

 

Yeah, this can be an issue, but IMO it's mostly caused by the education system in most Asian countries. Basically, the way that goes is: keep your mouth shut and do as you're told and DON'T question anything, or you'll get punished severely. This leads to a lot of very conflict-avoidant people who are afraid to take risks.

 

However it doesn't apply to the OP, as he was born in Canada and has the benefit of Canadian education.

 

I don't see this as a problem. You need all kinds of people in this world. Anyone who has seen how a company/organization operates will realize this. You need the folks who are more creative, take risks, question authority and you will also need the docile, obedient, hardworking folk who gets the job done well.

 

I don't see anything wrong with Asian people coming to US/Canada and just wanting to be professionals who do their jobs welll but don't take much risks. If these people were so terrible, why do they have jobs and get hired?

 

If everyone was creative and risk/taking, who would be left to do the actual work?

 

Western society prides itself WAY too much on things like creativity and innovation. Yes these things are great but not all of us are cut from the same cloth.

 

I've even heard an Asian girl say to me she likes white guys cause they question authority more and are more creative. Ok so what? That automatically makes an Asian guy who just does his job well, treats his family and friends well and is a kind and caring person undateable?

[elaine567]

Yeah I do feel entitled somewhat. It's about sex. It's about women's preferences. I feel having been born in Canada and being a good citizen and contributor to this country, I am entitled to a level playing field which includes dating.

Life doesn't work like that.

 

I do not feel it is fair that I as an Asian man has to be 2 or 3 times as successful in my career or education or any other measure in order to have the same dating success as my white male peer.

 

Life isn't fair, who said it had to be fair? Life has never ever been fair.

How do you think anyone who isn't successful at dating feels? Is it only East Asian men that need to feel hard done by?

Dating is essentially a competitive sport and so not everyone can "win", but plenty athletes who may have never won the big prizes, love the competition, love the sport and make the best of their life.

They alter their goals and challenges to make life happy and interesting for themselves.

They may not have won that Gold Medal, but they still had fun trying and that is that everyone has to do too.

Hankering after the unobtainable to the exclusion of everything else is the road to insanity.

No-one is "entitled" to anything.

 

But for Asian males, we are at a disadvantage in the Anglo-Saxon world.

You nailed it. You are trying to be successful dating in a world that generally is not accepting of the East Asian male as a potential desirable mate.

You either alter your expectations, or you go live in a different world, a world that will accept you for who you are. Obviously Canada isn't working for you, so move.

Saying over and over again that it is "not fair" and that you are somehow "entitled", means nothing, the world just keeps turning and doing what it wants to do, despite you wishing it were different.

[Els]

I don't see this as a problem. You need all kinds of people in this world. Anyone who has seen how a company/organization operates will realize this. You need the folks who are more creative, take risks, question authority and you will also need the docile, obedient, hardworking folk who gets the job done well.

 

I don't see anything wrong with Asian people coming to US/Canada and just wanting to be professionals who do their jobs welll but don't take much risks. If these people were so terrible, why do they have jobs and get hired?

 

If everyone was creative and risk/taking, who would be left to do the actual work?

 

Western society prides itself WAY too much on things like creativity and innovation. Yes these things are great but not all of us are cut from the same cloth.

 

I've even heard an Asian girl say to me she likes white guys cause they question authority more and are more creative. Ok so what? That automatically makes an Asian guy who just does his job well, treats his family and friends well and is a kind and caring person undateable?

 

...You missed the point of what I was saying entirely. I'm not sure how one person can be that defensive of his cultural heritage and yet simultaneously blame it for all the issues he suffers from, but there you have it.

 

There are plenty of advantages that many Asian men have in my opinion. My partner has many of them. He has flaws as well, but who hasn't, regardless of ethnicity? One of those advantages is tenacity - us East Asians have been given the short end of the stick in so many areas that we have a pragmatic view of life. We don't blame life for giving us lemons. We do what we can with what we have, instead of sitting around and complaining after a few failures.

 

For instance, here is a Chinese man who kept himself alive by making his own dialysis machine, when he was told he couldn't afford dialysis, and there weren't any social programs to help him get it - http://www.medicaldaily.com/chinese-man-has-kept-himself-alive-14-years-home-made-dialysis-machine-244362 . In the meantime, there you are, with your privilege of Canadian citizenship, with all the free healthcare and social security you could ever want. And instead of being grateful to your parents for ensuring this for you, you instead spend hours bemoaning your lack of dating success and blaming it on your race.

 

If you only display the disadvantages of your heritage without any of the advantages then of course you are going to have a hard time. This goes for anyone of any ethnicity.

Edited July 16, 2016 by Elswyth

[Lois_Griffin]

I like white girls and I'm open to dating them but I find they are not open to dating me. Mainly because I'm shorter and thinner than what they are used to.

Well, I'll be honest. The OP has a point.

 

I never found East Asian men physically attractive, regardless of how tall or built they may or may not have been. They're just not my cup of tea, whether they have big hands or small hands or whether they're tall or short or whether they can build their own dialysis machine or not. Doesn't matter.

 

I also find bald men extremely unattractive, regardless of ethnicity or height. Doesn't matter.

 

It all comes down to preference.

[elaine567]

 

I also find bald men extremely unattractive, regardless of ethnicity or height. Doesn't matter.

 

It all comes down to preference.

 

I am actually quite surprised how few threads there are about bald men, it seems almost to be a taboo subject here.

[sc0316]

A lot of times, those who are good at the "dating game" have this "don't give a fxxk attitude". OP seems to be giving off a needy vibe, which can be unattractive to many women, Asian or otherwise.

[Els]

Well, I'll be honest. The OP has a point.

 

I never found East Asian men physically attractive, regardless of how tall or built they may or may not have been. They're just not my cup of tea, whether they have big hands or small hands or whether they're tall or short or whether they can build their own dialysis machine or not. Doesn't matter.

 

I also find bald men extremely unattractive, regardless of ethnicity or height. Doesn't matter.

 

It all comes down to preference.

 

That's fine, nobody is everyone's cup of tea.

 

The OP is saying that nobody likes Asian men. I'm saying that some women do - he just lacks the traits that attract such women. Simple as that.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yeah I do feel entitled somewhat. It's about sex. It's about women's preferences. I feel having been born in Canada and being a good citizen and contributor to this country, I am entitled to a level playing field which includes dating.

 

I do not feel it is fair that I as an asian man has to be 2 or 3 times as successful in my career or education or any other measure in order to have the same dating success as my white male peer.

 

Do you know how humiliating it is to see an Asian girl dump you but goes for a cheap loser white guy? But then OH, maybe he has such a great personality and must be a great person! I guess that implies I'm automatically some selfish ******* who is abusive towards women?

 

It's like what I said before. An asian girl who hates Asian guys will always find a reason to find fault with an Asian guy, even if he's actually a great guy. But she'll justify all the reasons in the world she's with a ****ty white dude.

 

There really is no winning here. If an Asian guy is successful, intelligent, gentlemen and kind person, the Asian girl will find some fault by saying stuff like "he's too selfish, he's too ambitious...." Then she goes and dates some white guy who is cheap and wears the same clothes everyday but she'll say "he's so responsible and so kind to me."

 

Basically, there is no winning.

 

Just for the record, I think you're a troll, and I know I'll get banned for that. How many is that now?

 

I know this thread is fun and all and arguing about these topics, is I will admit, strangely addictive, but in real life, I know guys who are in their 40s and have never had a woman period. See the world through a broader lens.

 

So, the world is unfair ... what are you going to do today/this week to make life more fair for somebody else?

 

Oh ... and just an endnote. The woman I'm dating now is mixed. What then? Does she automatically get excluded from 'whatever' because she's Asian? Or does she get thrown a bone or a token because she's part white? "Oh, jeez, I didn't know you were part white. Well, maybe I will date you."

Edited July 16, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[thefooloftheyear]

I am actually quite surprised how few threads there are about bald men, it seems almost to be a taboo subject here.

 

 

Well...I'd say, its not nearly as taboo or as sensitive as fat women or flat chested women's threads....yet unlike weight loss or getting boob jobs, men can do little about baldness....Its pretty much gonna happen regardless..and nothing can be done about it...

 

 

Perhaps that's the reason??

 

TFY

Edited July 16, 2016 by thefooloftheyear

[elaine567]

Well...I'd say, its not nearly as taboo or as sensitive as fat women or flat chested women's threads....yet unlike weight loss or getting boob jobs, men can do little about baldness....Its pretty much gonna happen regardless..and nothing can be done about it...

Perhaps that's the reason??

TFY

 

 

Flat chested women can get boob jobs, bald men can get hair transplants. Not a lot of difference.

[thefooloftheyear]

Flat chested women can get boob jobs, bald men can get hair transplants. Not a lot of difference.

 

I know of no woman that walks around with her tits out, so quite frankly a woman can conceal that aspect indefinitely...

 

A boob job is a routine operation and no one really seems to judge anyone negatively over it...Its all high fives...Great!!

 

A hair transplant will often be rejected by the body the same way the original hair did....The only difference is that the guy will probably be 30-50K poorer and will have had to endure a hideous and lengthy process of surgeries do accomplish a look that at the end, rarely looks close to an original hairline and he is often is ridiculed for even bothering....

 

Lets put it this way....When you see a bunch of old.rich guys with full and youthful hairlines, then make your argument....If it was as easy as a boob job, there wouldn't be practically more than a dozen bald guys walking this Earth......

 

TFY

Edited July 16, 2016 by thefooloftheyear

[offwithhishead]

Well, I'll be honest. The OP has a point.

 

I never found East Asian men physically attractive, regardless of how tall or built they may or may not have been. They're just not my cup of tea, whether they have big hands or small hands or whether they're tall or short or whether they can build their own dialysis machine or not. Doesn't matter.

 

I also find bald men extremely unattractive, regardless of ethnicity or height. Doesn't matter.

 

It all comes down to preference.

 

No, it's not all about preference. If an Asian girl liked Asian guys but she only prefers types of Asian guys like: tall Asian guys, athletic Asian guys, Asian guys who can cook, Asian guys who are handy, etc. THATs PREFERENCE.

 

But when an Asian girl hates Asian guys and only dates white men, that goes way beyond just simple preference. There are over a 1 billion Asian people in this world, half of which are Asian men. We are all different. To categorize and dismiss an entire race, especially that big of a group, that borders on nazism. Very similar to Hitler's thinking.

 

You are trying to over-simplify things by just saying it's preference. I don't know you and I don't know why you find all Asian men unattractive but perhaps it points to something deeper.

 

...You missed the point of what I was saying entirely. I'm not sure how one person can be that defensive of his cultural heritage and yet simultaneously blame it for all the issues he suffers from, but there you have it.

 

There are plenty of advantages that many Asian men have in my opinion. My partner has many of them. He has flaws as well, but who hasn't, regardless of ethnicity? One of those advantages is tenacity - us East Asians have been given the short end of the stick in so many areas that we have a pragmatic view of life. We don't blame life for giving us lemons. We do what we can with what we have, instead of sitting around and complaining after a few failures.

 

If you only display the disadvantages of your heritage without any of the advantages then of course you are going to have a hard time. This goes for anyone of any ethnicity.

 

Yes but whereas other ethnicities have political correctness on their side, we Asians don't. We never speak up or do anything when we're unfairly discriminated against. As a result, western mainstream media thinks it's ok when they insult Asians (especially Asian men) but they don't ever dare to insult Black men, Muslim men, etc.

 

As for tenacity, I agree with you East Asians are pragmatic and have tenacity. But it's also a sense of hopelessness too. There's a saying that goes, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." Asians may hunker down and just deal with it but they don't really try to change the underlying fundamental issues. They just go back to doing the same old and of course, many of them just keep getting the same results.

 

As for me, I've decided to try something new. I moved to a new city. I actually don't even like this city much but I'm going to live here temporarily to see if my dating life will get better. It's an experiment.

 

Things just weren't working in the city I was previously living in dating-wise but I liked it for everything else. I built my career there. It gave me a lot of opportunities. Made some close friends. I like the city itself. But dating-wise, I was hitting a brick wall no matter what I tried.

 

So far, in this new city, I've only been here a month, and I've already got two dates lined up. Both with Asian girls who seem to strongly prefer Asian men. It's a refreshing change from the hate I usually get. In the previous city I was living in, I could go a whole year without getting a single date. That's how bad it was. I am pretty sure I was encountering extreme discrimination.

 

I'm not doing this in order to find something long-term although that'd be great if it happened. It's more for self-exploratory reasons. As you said, a 5'5 Asian guy is gonna have it tough anywhere in the world, especially in the western world where people are much taller. I may not get anything from this city but at least then I'll know it's me as an individual who is unattractive and not due to my surroundings. And if that turns out to be the case, I'll just go back to my old city and live a comfortable life and focus on my career and that's that.

 

I don't know. I think I'm being tenacious. I am trying. But there's only so much I can do. I'm not getting any younger either. As you get older, it's harder and harder to try new things and change yourself.

 

Life doesn't work like that.

 

You nailed it. You are trying to be successful dating in a world that generally is not accepting of the East Asian male as a potential desirable mate.

You either alter your expectations, or you go live in a different world, a world that will accept you for who you are. Obviously Canada isn't working for you, so move.

Saying over and over again that it is "not fair" and that you are somehow "entitled", means nothing, the world just keeps turning and doing what it wants to do, despite you wishing it were different.

 

See, if you said the above to a black person or a muslim person, you'd get a huge backlash that you'd be scared of saying things like that again. You're fortunate that East Asians for the most part don't voice it when they are treated unfairly. What I'm doing which is just posting stuff on the internet is about as "vocal" as East Asians get.

 

As a result, white people think it's ok to mistreat Asians and insult us. There are no repercussions.

 

If I was a black man and the title of this thread was "Why aren't black men attractive?" I bet I'd be getting much different kinds of responses. I bet I'd have more of you on my side.

 

But because I'm Asian, it's ok to just make personal attacks on my character even when none of you know me personally or know my life. Also, it's perfectly ok to just assume I'm a terrible person with unattractive personality and that's the reason women don't like me.

 

Yah life wasn't made fair for everyone. But for Asians and Asian men in particular, I think we're treated the worst out of all the races. We've got the extreme end of the stick.

[offwithhishead]

 

Oh ... and just an endnote. The woman I'm dating now is mixed. What then? Does she automatically get excluded from 'whatever' because she's Asian? Or does she get thrown a bone or a token because she's part white? "Oh, jeez, I didn't know you were part white. Well, maybe I will date you."

 

Ok, so I don't know what the above quote has to do with anything.

 

Are you an Asian man or white man?

 

If you're an Asian man, well the fact that she's part-white means nothing because Asian men are open to dating Asian women and white women. It's actually Asian men who are the least racist when it comes to preferences. We prefer Asian women because of cultural affinity and because we're Asian ourselves. But we don't fetishize white women. We're open to dating white women if it's a good fit and if there's attraction.

 

It's white men you hear who sexualize Asian women with sayings like, "asian women are submissive", "asian women belong to white men", etc.

 

If you're a white man, I have no idea what your point is. In my opinion, you're getting the best of both worlds. You've got a white woman who has some exotic Asian in her. It's perfect.

 

How does this apply to Asian men and difficulty for Asian men to find dates?

[offwithhishead]

That's fine, nobody is everyone's cup of tea.

 

The OP is saying that nobody likes Asian men. I'm saying that some women do - he just lacks the traits that attract such women. Simple as that.

 

Whose "Some women"? Some Asian women still like Asian men? I agree. But it's a rapidly shrinking pool.

 

A lot of times, those who are good at the "dating game" have this "don't give a fxxk attitude". OP seems to be giving off a needy vibe, which can be unattractive to many women, Asian or otherwise.

 

When a woman has already decided a guy is unattractive, any behavior or traits he has will automatically be negative.

 

So for example, she doesn't like Asian men and an Asian man approaches her, it doesn't matter if he comes off as needy or has a "don't give a ****" attitude. If he has a don't give a **** attitude, she'll just say, "he's an *******."

 

Whereas say an Asian girl who likes white guys, if the white guy is needy, she'll say he's so sincere and genuine. If the white guy doesn't give a ****, she'll say he has confidence and bravado.

 

Asian men are already painted with the unattractive label by women before they're even given a chance to show their individuality.

[sc0316]

Just curious: OP, you seem to have mentioned Asian and Caucasian women only. Do you date women of African ethnic background?

[MGX]

No, it's not all about preference. If an Asian girl liked Asian guys but she only prefers types of Asian guys like: tall Asian guys, athletic Asian guys, Asian guys who can cook, Asian guys who are handy, etc. THATs PREFERENCE.

 

But when an Asian girl hates Asian guys and only dates white men, that goes way beyond just simple preference. There are over a 1 billion Asian people in this world, half of which are Asian men. We are all different. To categorize and dismiss an entire race, especially that big of a group, that borders on nazism. Very similar to Hitler's thinking.

 

You are trying to over-simplify things by just saying it's preference. I don't know you and I don't know why you find all Asian men unattractive but perhaps it points to something deeper.

 

That's a flippin' ludicrous ass leap of logic!

 

There's a world of difference between a woman not wanting an Asian man for a relationship and a woman wanting the Asian race dead and exterminated.

 

Some women don't see themselves married to an Asian man, but could be best friends with them. That's not the same as sending countless Asians to gas chambers or destroying their identity and culture.

[SevenCity]

I just realized something. If the OPs logic is sound, eventually there will no longer be any Asian women!

[jen1447]

I just realized something. If the OPs logic is sound, eventually there will no longer be any Asian women!

 

Exactly. The elephant-in-the-room sized logical flaw being ignored here is that somehow, east asians by the billions keep being magically reproduced. The only way that happens is by east asian men impregnating east asian women.

 

OP - you have a point about being faced w special challenges imo, particularly as an east asian ethnic man in the west, but the carrying on about it and crying about fairness (not to mention the tactless comments directed toward whites in general) is just bitterness and resentment disguised as aloof intellectualism. East asian or not, that attitude can be seen a mile away and it'll stop you dead in your tracks w a date (or a prospective one) every time.

[Els]

 

Yes but whereas other ethnicities have political correctness on their side, we Asians don't. We never speak up or do anything when we're unfairly discriminated against. As a result, western mainstream media thinks it's ok when they insult Asians (especially Asian men) but they don't ever dare to insult Black men, Muslim men, etc.

 

As for tenacity, I agree with you East Asians are pragmatic and have tenacity. But it's also a sense of hopelessness too. There's a saying that goes, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." Asians may hunker down and just deal with it but they don't really try to change the underlying fundamental issues. They just go back to doing the same old and of course, many of them just keep getting the same results.

 

I do somewhat agree with you on this.

 

As for me, I've decided to try something new. I moved to a new city. I actually don't even like this city much but I'm going to live here temporarily to see if my dating life will get better. It's an experiment.

 

Things just weren't working in the city I was previously living in dating-wise but I liked it for everything else. I built my career there. It gave me a lot of opportunities. Made some close friends. I like the city itself. But dating-wise, I was hitting a brick wall no matter what I tried.

 

So far, in this new city, I've only been here a month, and I've already got two dates lined up.

 

This is a good thing, no? Why not just wait and see? You're still so young, there is plenty of time to date and meet women. If you adopt a more laid-back attitude about relationships instead of a desperate/hostile/defensive one, you will be increasing your chances of success by multiple folds.

 

I don't know. I think I'm being tenacious. I am trying. But there's only so much I can do. I'm not getting any younger either. As you get older, it's harder and harder to try new things and change yourself.

 

Didn't you say you were in your 20s? That is really not too old to try new things or change.

[offwithhishead]

I do somewhat agree with you on this.

 

This is a good thing, no? Why not just wait and see? You're still so young, there is plenty of time to date and meet women. If you adopt a more laid-back attitude about relationships instead of a desperate/hostile/defensive one, you will be increasing your chances of success by multiple folds.

 

You even said being 5'5 is a major disadvantage, even for dating Asian girls. What exactly is a laid-back attitude about relationships? Do you mean take rejection in stride? A rejection is a rejection.

 

I went on a date today. Conversation just flowed. I thought we were getting along great. I asked her towards the end of the date why she decided to meet up with me and what she thinks of me. She said I liked what I wrote to her in my messages to her online and she thinks I'm a good guy. But ya, I'm not gonna see her again because she's got a buncha other options.

 

How exactly am I supposed to be "laid-back" about that? I'm terribly disappointed. It's not like I behaved like a douchebag or I was cheap or I was drunk or rude. A white guy can do that on a first date and still manage to bed an Asian girl by the 3rd date. As for me, I won't even get a 2nd date. I was a gentlemen to her. I guided her when we had to jaywalk across a busy street. I listened to her and we had good conversation. But I won't get a 2nd date because either she's got some white guy lined up or she's got some taller Asian guy lined up.

 

Didn't you say you were in your 20s? That is really not too old to try new things or change.

 

No I'm 33 years old. That's old enough. I regret not making this change in my 20s but at the time, I had to stay in my previous city in order to build up my career. I didn't really have a choice to relocate at the time. And now I'm 33 and I'm making this kind of change and this will be my last change. If it doesn't work out, I'm going to give up. I'm going to go back to my old city and just focus on my career and save my money and prepare for a long and lonely life.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Ok, so I don't know what the above quote has to do with anything.

 

Are you an Asian man or white man?

 

If you're an Asian man, well the fact that she's part-white means nothing because Asian men are open to dating Asian women and white women. It's actually Asian men who are the least racist when it comes to preferences. We prefer Asian women because of cultural affinity and because we're Asian ourselves. But we don't fetishize white women. We're open to dating white women if it's a good fit and if there's attraction.

 

It's white men you hear who sexualize Asian women with sayings like, "asian women are submissive", "asian women belong to white men", etc.

 

If you're a white man, I have no idea what your point is. In my opinion, you're getting the best of both worlds. You've got a white woman who has some exotic Asian in her. It's perfect.

 

How does this apply to Asian men and difficulty for Asian men to find dates?

 

This may go against all of the rules of modern posting on internet forums ... but I will admit that I trolled myself earlier in my Loveshack career (mostly sticking to basic facts but using EXTREME hyperbole).

 

And sometimes I go back and read my old threads, and some of it is kind of funny, but a lot of it just embarrassing. Take a looksy if you like. A few of the threads read just like this one.

 

I mean, if you're here to vent, then I could probably save you the time and energy that I myself wasted to get to the point where I am now ... which is a pretty good spot. And I could probably do that better than most because ... well, I've been exactly where you're at.

 

If you're here to have fun, then hey that's cool too, but use less hyperbole, you'll keep more posters in the thread.

[Beach Guy]

Here's to rooting for you!