East Asian Men: Why are we unattractive? **Updated**

[Beach Guy]

Go to any major city with a substantial Asian population. Go out on the street and observe the white man/asian female couples. The girl is usually slim and pretty and well-dressed but the guy is a fat slob wearing garbage clothing.

This maybe true in your area.

 

However, I observe lots of White male/Asian female couples in late 20s-30s (acquaintances, standing in line together, at the movies, at the beach). The White male is dressed stylishly, fit, refined behavior, and traditionally good-looking. The Asian female is also attractive, fit, well-educated, and probably professionally employed. Based on the Asian females' voices sounding local and lacking a foreign accent, they were probably raised from childhood in the USA or are at least second generation American citizens.

 

Lots of couples like this. (Just a matter of time until LS gets a thread from a White woman stating that Asian-American women are stealing the quality White men!).

[elaine567]

People tend to match up.

 

So if an Asian girl is dating a poorly dressed slob of a white guy, then she is probably not all that, if you get my drift, even if she looks good.

 

Whereas if she is dating a well dressed, highly educated guy then she is probably made of better stuff - educated, classy and more refined.

[SwordofFlame]

This maybe true in your area.

 

However, I observe lots of White male/Asian female couples in late 20s-30s (acquaintances, standing in line together, at the movies, at the beach). The White male is dressed stylishly, fit, refined behavior, and traditionally good-looking. The Asian female is also attractive, fit, well-educated, and probably professionally employed. Based on the Asian females' voices sounding local and lacking a foreign accent, they were probably raised from childhood in the USA or are at least second generation American citizens.

 

Lots of couples like this. (Just a matter of time until LS gets a thread from a White woman stating that Asian-American women are stealing the quality White men!).

 

Completely agree. The White male is usually physically attractive and also has a great paying career to match the Asian woman's.

 

Now as an Asian guy, can you compete with that? Probably not, but you can damn sure compete against those "non-asian fat slobs" who live paycheck to paycheck.

[JC1790]

All you can really observe about this stuff are general trends (and the limited conclusions you can draw from them), bc at the individual level the particulars fall apart. (Asian men having more challenges dating in the west in general ≠ any particular Asian man having trouble.)

 

That said, I think the basic issue from the women's perspective isn't actually w Asian men but w what others can offer that they can't or don't. That could be a variety of things - status, stature, culture, sexual prowess, 'exotic' looks, a more progressive general experience, etc. So theoretically it's less "ew, an Asian guy" and more "oh, that black guy makes me hot." Altho the guy in the other thread seemed to say he experienced an actual overt bias against him from Asian women.

 

fwiw, I do find Asian women in general to be very approachable and open. I don't recall hearing much complaining about Asian men from them but it's not like Asian men are on our minds at that point anyway.

 

Wait, so what exactly are non-Asian men capable of providing and do provide that Asian men don't or cannot provide? Do Asian men suffer from a cultural disadvantage or a genetic disadvantage (i.e., Asian men are genetically inferior mates)?

[SwordofFlame]

Wait, so what exactly are non-Asian men capable of providing and do provide that Asian men don't or cannot provide? Do Asian men suffer from a cultural disadvantage or a genetic disadvantage (i.e., Asian men are genetically inferior mates)?

 

I'll sum it up for you. It's not about the difference between what Asian and non-Asian men can provide. From a financial standpoint, there's largely no problem there.

 

Culturally, if you're big into Asian culture that may work against you if your desired women are not.

 

Negative stereotypes also work against Asian men. They're usually perceived as socially awkward nerds who are pushovers that let other men walk all over them.

 

Genetically, on average Asian men are smaller. This works very well in the Asian women's favor, but has just the opposite effect for Asian men.

[jen1447]

Wait, so what exactly are non-Asian men capable of providing and do provide that Asian men don't or cannot provide? Do Asian men suffer from a cultural disadvantage or a genetic disadvantage (i.e., Asian men are genetically inferior mates)?

 

Answered in the quote you quoted.

[stillafool]

Wait, so what exactly are non-Asian men capable of providing and do provide that Asian men don't or cannot provide? Do Asian men suffer from a cultural disadvantage or a genetic disadvantage (i.e., Asian men are genetically inferior mates)?

 

I just think Asian women like the way white guys look. They are attracted to their hair, skin, eyes and height. If the white guy is educated and has a good career all the better.

[JC1790]

Answered in the quote you quoted.

 

Oops, I thought you were just providing a list of things which *might* be the cause of why women prefer non-Asian men, and I wanted to get your opinion on what you think the exact cause is. Sorry for the misinterpretation.

 

Would you please answer my second question?

[thefooloftheyear]

Funny.....hope no one gets offended....(Actually the Italian one is even funnier...and so true)..

 

 

 

how about :57-1.00...??.....

 

TFY

[jen1447]

Oops, I thought you were just providing a list of things which *might* be the cause of why women prefer non-Asian men, and I wanted to get your opinion on what you think the exact cause is. Sorry for the misinterpretation.

 

Would you please answer my second question?

 

Well it is a list of what might be the cause ....who knows what an individual's reasons are? You'd have to ask them.

 

"Genetically inferior" seems like painting w a ridiculously broad brush but I suspect much of this stuff is about impressions anyway, so it could be some women think penis size for ex is a general issue. Or maybe they'e afraid a shorter man will make short kids and they want tall ones? Cultural disadvantage seems even more subjective but I suppose it could be some Asian women want to get out of their own culture, esp if they've come to the west to do just that.

[JC1790]

I just think Asian women like the way white guys look. They are attracted to their hair, skin, eyes and height. If the white guy is educated and has a good career all the better.

 

Just to make sure we're on the same page, I was talking about women in general -- not just Asian women.

 

I think the more important question, for myself at least, is whether women find non-Asian men more attractive because Asian men are genetically inferior mates or because of the cultural stereotypes associated with men of an East Asian appearance?

[JC1790]

Well it is a list of what might be the cause ....who knows what an individual's reasons are? You'd have to ask them.

 

"Genetically inferior" seems like painting w a ridiculously broad brush but I suspect much of this stuff is about impressions anyway, so it could be some women think penis size for ex is a general issue. Or maybe they'e afraid a shorter man will make short kids and they want tall ones? Cultural disadvantage seems even more subjective but I suppose it could be some Asian women want to get out of their own culture, esp if they've come to the west to do just that.

 

Yes, anything might be the cause for any particular woman (it is possible that a particular woman finds non-Asian men more attractive for a reason *completely* unrelated to race because she might be insane), and I should also note that you used "etc." in your list, so was I hoping that you would narrow down your list a little bit because we were already talking about a general trend and are thusly justified in talking about what causes said trend. I probably shouldn't have used hyperbolic language and ask for the "exact" cause; I mean, an insane woman might find non-Asian men more attractive because she believes that the sun will rise tomorrow. I should've been more clear and asked what (which can be a list of things) exactly is responsible for this general trend. However, I now understand that you probably can't lower down your list because you believe that the causes on your list are probably the actual causes.

 

 

 

I apologize for using some vague and perhaps misleading terms. By "cultural disadvantage", I mean the stereotypes which are associated with Asian men (Elaine provided a wiki page, but I'm sure you're aware of what they are). Perhaps "societal disadvantage" might have been a more suitable name.

 

Edit: Would you please explain what you mean by "impressions"?

Edited July 18, 2016 by JC1790

[normal person]

"Genetically inferior" seems like painting w a ridiculously broad brush but I suspect much of this stuff is about impressions anyway, so it could be some women think penis size for ex is a general issue. Or maybe they'e afraid a shorter man will make short kids and they want tall ones? Cultural disadvantage seems even more subjective but I suppose it could be some Asian women want to get out of their own culture, esp if they've come to the west to do just that.

 

It's largely a cultural thing. If you (and anyone interested, as I imagine the OP is) are interested, if you do some looking into it, there should be some info out there about the systematic emasculation of Asian men in the west. This isn't a bad starting point: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow_Peril

[jen1447]

Edit: Would you please explain what you mean by "impressions"?

 

Impressions ....feelings about sth in general gathered from various sources that may or may not be legit. A woman could get the impression Asian men are bad in bed bc there's a stereotype that says that or maybe bc she knows 2 other women who had relationships w Asian men and they said they were bad in bed. Etc.

 

You sound like you want me to tell you to shut up or smack you around ....makes sense bc the impression I get is Asian men are submissive.

[JC1790]

Impressions ....feelings about sth in general gathered from various sources that may or may not be legit. A woman could get the impression Asian men are bad in bed bc there's a stereotype that says that or maybe bc she knows 2 other women who had relationships w Asian men and they said they were bad in bed. Etc.

 

You sound like you want me to tell you to shut up or smack you around ....makes sense bc the impression I get is Asian men are submissive.

 

I try my best to be polite, and I thought that being polite was what I was doing. Am I coming across as a pushover? If I am, would you please give me some advice to help me not sound that way?

[jen1447]

I try my best to be polite, and I thought that being polite was what I was doing. Am I coming across as a pushover? If I am, would you please give me some advice to help me not sound that way?

 

I was mainly just trying to show the nature of impressions. Accurate or not? You decide. (See what I did there? )

[JC1790]

I was mainly just trying to show the nature of impressions. Accurate or not? You decide. (See what I did there? )

 

Oh, were you insinuating that impressions are accurate? Even if you weren't, you obviously believe that there exists a degree of verisimilitude vis-a-vis impressions. If you do believe that these impressions are accurate, would you please tell me whether or not you believe that women prefer non-Asian men because Asian men are genetically inferior mates? I ask this question because it seems much easier to overcome a cultural/societal hurdle than a genetic one.

[S_A]

I'll sum it up for you. It's not about the difference between what Asian and non-Asian men can provide. From a financial standpoint, there's largely no problem there.

 

Culturally, if you're big into Asian culture that may work against you if your desired women are not.

 

Negative stereotypes also work against Asian men. They're usually perceived as socially awkward nerds who are pushovers that let other men walk all over them.

 

Genetically, on average Asian men are smaller. This works very well in the Asian women's favor, but has just the opposite effect for Asian men.

 

A lot of Asian cultural norms look "weird" in the eyes of Westerners. Things like walking with hands behind the back, keeping the head down, and minimizing eye contact.

 

I try my best to be polite, and I thought that being polite was what I was doing. Am I coming across as a pushover? If I am, would you please give me some advice to help me not sound that way?

 

Asian men can come off as pushovers, but I don't think it's always true. I had a best friend that was Korean and, when my friend and I were in 9th grade we had these four 12th grade Arab kids that tried to punk us. My friend's brother found out and, at lunch, he went up to where those Arab kids hung out (he went alone) and slapped the main guy across the face lol real hard (and it was loud). The four guys were completely terrified of him and the whole school (about 4,000 kids) stopped what they were doing. It was dead silent. usually when a fight is about to happen, kids get rowdy. Nobody made a peep this time lol. What's also funny is that the four seniors that my friend's brother stepped up to were all bigger than him (the brother was a senior though). The four Arab kids did nothing to retaliate.

 

My friend and I never asked for his brother's help though (we were not actually scared of the seniors or anything, maybe annoyed at best). He just sort of took initiative on his own. I actually felt embarrassed for the four Arab kids. What a way to end high school in front of 4,000 students eh? As a disclosure, my friend's brother was a gangbanger. It was an Asian gang (forget the name) of mostly Koreans.

 

The four Arab kids could have taken him for sure, but I think they felt his fire and it intimidated them.

 

I know that what I've said is anecdotal, but it's not like Asian guys are allergic to "tough".

[stillafool]

Just to make sure we're on the same page, I was talking about women in general -- not just Asian women.

 

I think the more important question, for myself at least, is whether women find non-Asian men more attractive because Asian men are genetically inferior mates or because of the cultural stereotypes associated with men of an East Asian appearance?

 

I don't know about other women but I've always found them extremely attractive. I love their hygiene, the way they dress, their pretty smiles, hair and calves.

[offwithhishead]

What frustrates me about this topic is the attitude of non-Asians toward it.

 

If a black person brings up issues affecting the African-American community or a Muslim-American brings up something, white folks are scared NOT to take it seriously.

 

But when an Asian-American brings up an issue affecting Asian-Americans, it's instantly dismissed. I don't know how white folks view Asian-Americans. Maybe you're used to walking all over us? Maybe we're too much of pushovers like a bunch of people have said on here? I don't know what it is.

 

But I myself am encountering an example of this dismissive attitude on this thread. 90% of you here have dismissed the issue. Although I admittedly have exaggerated the issue, it is an emotional issue affecting a lot of Asian-Americans and when emotions run high, so do the distortion of the facts.

 

But no matter how much I've exaggerated, the issue is REAL. There may be a few Asian-American males who deny this but that's due to their own unwillingness to face the pain of the truth. By and large, Asian-Americans, especially the males, are very much aware of this issue.

 

I am fine with white folks and non-Asians accusing me of being too dramatic and stretching the facts. I admit I have done that. BUT don't dismiss the issue as a non-issue. That's an insult.

 

There are enough racial issues in North America, especially in the US. You don't need to get the Asian-American community angry as well. You've already got the African-American, Muslim-American, Latino-American angry. You don't need another one to add to the list.

 

And Asian-Americans will not forever be this minority group everyone can just walk over and insult without any repercussions. That may have been the case in our parents' generation who were struggling just to survive and had language skills. Asian-Americans who grew up here and who thrive here won't necessarily let this continue to happen down the road.

 

I'm not saying we're going to become suicide bombers or ambush police officers but it won't be as easy to dismiss as in the past.

[Els]

What frustrates me about this topic is the attitude of non-Asians toward it.

 

If a black person brings up issues affecting the African-American community or a Muslim-American brings up something, white folks are scared NOT to take it seriously.

 

But when an Asian-American brings up an issue affecting Asian-Americans, it's instantly dismissed. I don't know how white folks view Asian-Americans. Maybe you're used to walking all over us? Maybe we're too much of pushovers like a bunch of people have said on here? I don't know what it is.

 

But I myself am encountering an example of this dismissive attitude on this thread. 90% of you here have dismissed the issue. Although I admittedly have exaggerated the issue, it is an emotional issue affecting a lot of Asian-Americans and when emotions run high, so do the distortion of the facts.

 

But no matter how much I've exaggerated, the issue is REAL. There may be a few Asian-American males who deny this but that's due to their own unwillingness to face the pain of the truth. By and large, Asian-Americans, especially the males, are very much aware of this issue.

 

I am fine with white folks and non-Asians accusing me of being too dramatic and stretching the facts. I admit I have done that. BUT don't dismiss the issue as a non-issue. That's an insult.

 

There are enough racial issues in North America, especially in the US. You don't need to get the Asian-American community angry as well. You've already got the African-American, Muslim-American, Latino-American angry. You don't need another one to add to the list.

 

And Asian-Americans will not forever be this minority group everyone can just walk over and insult without any repercussions. That may have been the case in our parents' generation who were struggling just to survive and had language skills. Asian-Americans who grew up here and who thrive here won't necessarily let this continue to happen down the road.

 

I'm not saying we're going to become suicide bombers or ambush police officers but it won't be as easy to dismiss as in the past.

 

....Wow. You really need to get professional help. Honestly. Please put down LS right now and ring a psychologist. I'm not saying this to insult you. I'm genuinely concerned. Your viewpoint is NOT shared by the majority of Asians in Caucasian countries. It is NOT such a big deal for the majority of Asian men in Caucasian countries. The majority of such men are or have been in relationships. The few who aren't typically either have excessive expectations or some other dealbreaker that is NOT related to their race, or just prefer to be single.

 

Just in case you missed it, my partner is Asian. He is amazing. I would never trade him for all the white dudes in the world. Many of my girl friends prefer Asian men as well - they feel such men tend to be more compatible with them.

 

I can empathize with some of the issues you are facing, but you are going down a very, very dangerous route.

Edited July 19, 2016 by Elswyth

[JC1790]

....Wow. You really need to get professional help. Honestly. Please put down LS right now and ring a psychologist. I'm not saying this to insult you. I'm genuinely concerned. Your viewpoint is NOT shared by the majority of Asians in Caucasian countries. It is NOT such a big deal for the majority of Asian men in Caucasian countries. The majority of such men are or have been in relationships. The few who aren't typically either have excessive expectations or some other dealbreaker that is NOT related to their race, or just prefer to be single.

 

Just in case you missed it, my partner is Asian. He is amazing. I would never trade him for all the white dudes in the world. Many of my girl friends prefer Asian men as well - they feel such men tend to be more compatible with them.

 

I can empathize with some of the issues you are facing, but you are going down a very, very dangerous route.

 

I believe that OP's approach to this issue is wrong. However, bias against Asian men is a very real and big issue. The fact that the majority of Asian men are or have been in relationships does not imply that this issue is not a very big one for them. I'm not accusing you of downplaying the issues which pertain to Asian men. However, if you were saying that the biases we face are no big deal, then I sincerely implore to reconsider your stance.

[offwithhishead]

....Wow. You really need to get professional help. Honestly. Please put down LS right now and ring a psychologist. I'm not saying this to insult you. I'm genuinely concerned. Your viewpoint is NOT shared by the majority of Asians in Caucasian countries. It is NOT such a big deal for the majority of Asian men in Caucasian countries. The majority of such men are or have been in relationships. The few who aren't typically either have excessive expectations or some other dealbreaker that is NOT related to their race, or just prefer to be single.

 

Just in case you missed it, my partner is Asian. He is amazing. I would never trade him for all the white dudes in the world. Many of my girl friends prefer Asian men as well - they feel such men tend to be more compatible with them.

 

I can empathize with some of the issues you are facing, but you are going down a very, very dangerous route.

 

Even though you can empathize with a lot of my views and you are not one of those Asian girls who loves white guys (your Asian bf is proof of that), we are not on the same page.

 

You are one of those Asians who for whatever reason is afraid to confront the truth and the reality. It's easy to live in one's bubble and in self-denial. Just because you happen to like Asian guys as well as most of your girlfriends doesn't say much. You've got a small sample size to work with. I know there exists lots of Asian girls like yourself. I've met them and I'm friends with some of them. Yeah they generally like Asian guys. And even for friends, they prefer other Asian girls. They're just into the Asian community. I'm assuming your upbringing and your friends was somewhat like that. But there are lots of Asians who grew up in different circumstances and everyone's life is different.

 

Furthermore, you're an Asian girl so things look rosy to you. You have no idea what it's like to be an Asian guy. Even if you ask your boyfriend about this, he might not tell you the truth and may just play dumb. Also, he probably doesn't care about this issue because he's already got his problem solved.

 

As an Asian girl, you simply cannot see what it's like for an Asian guy out there. You are the objective of desire from not only Asian guys but pretty much guys of every race.

 

Perhaps it's slight guilt that makes you deny the reality? Perhaps you feel bad for Asian guys out there who can't find a girl. I don't know.

 

I believe that OP's approach to this issue is wrong. However, bias against Asian men is a very real and big issue. The fact that the majority of Asian men are or have been in relationships does not imply that this issue is not a very big one for them. I'm not accusing you of downplaying the issues which pertain to Asian men. However, if you were saying that the biases we face are no big deal, then I sincerely implore to reconsider your stance.

 

Exactly. I've been in relationships with both Asian girls and white girls. This proves that I am not some freak who is undateable. However, just because some girls have liked me doesn't mean this is not an issue.

[offwithhishead]

Yellow Fever used to only apply to white men. Typically the kind of white man who is not educated, does not have a good job and is not good looking and so cannot find a white girl and so resorts to Asian girls.

 

A lot of these men oddly enough do quite well with Asian girls. Suppose he can get white girls who are a 5. He can get Asian girls who are an 8.

 

If you take a look around cities with large Asian populations, you can see the big disparity between how the white guy looks and the asian girl looks. The asian girl is typically slim and pretty and well-dressed. Perhaps she even is well educated. The white guy is dressed like a slob, fat, and does odd jobs for a living.

 

However, despite these advantages facing eligible Asian men who are well-educated, well-groomed, and overall good people, the situation isn't disastrous because the best Asian women still typically prefers to Asian men.

 

It's not true anymore. Now it's actually Asian men who are not allowed to like Asian girls. It's actually Asian girls who are telling Asian guys, "Please don't like us! You should try dating white girls because we no longer like you."

 

I've been in situations with Asian girls where I've been accused of "only liking Asian girls"...even though I'm Asian myself. Obviously I am not going to admit that all my attempts at approaching white girls have ended in rejection. With Asian girls, my rejection rate is high but with white girls, it's almost 100% rejection.

 

Many Asian girls actually want Asian guys to date girls of other races. Why? Perhaps they feel guilty because that's what they're doing. The truth of the matter is. Many Asian guys have tried and most fail.

 

But since Asian girls love dating outside their race, it is now common practice to accuse Asian guys of only going for Asian girls. It's EXACTLY what the white man used to be accused of. For only targetting Asian girls. Now the Asian guy is being accused of the same thing. The only difference being that the white guy who has yellow fever can actually succeed and the Asian guy cannot.

 

It's funny because this could only happen to Asian guys. If you have a black guy who likes Black women and white guy only likes white women, it's ok. Nobody says a thing.

 

So Yellow Fever is now something only Asian guys are accused of. White guys are exhonerated from this label because it is their right and privilege to date Asian girls.

[jen1447]

Oh, were you insinuating that impressions are accurate? Even if you weren't, you obviously believe that there exists a degree of verisimilitude vis-a-vis impressions. If you do believe that these impressions are accurate, would you please tell me whether or not you believe that women prefer non-Asian men because Asian men are genetically inferior mates? I ask this question because it seems much easier to overcome a cultural/societal hurdle than a genetic one.

 

I was illustrating that broad societal impressions, while of limited value and often pretty sketchy, can sometimes be accurate nonetheless. But not always. But sometimes. See what I mean? They're not universal truths but they can be indicative of general ones that trend this way and that. Take that for what it's worth.

 

I don't speak for womenkind (you seem to struggle a bit w our individuality lol) but my guess, like I said originally, is that some women may have biases for either reason. I really can't get anymore specific than that no matter how much you want me to.