East Asian Men: Why are we unattractive? **Updated**

[AMJ]

Can't we just say that anyone has the right to date anyone who also wants to date them?

You'll strike out with some Asian women but not all, some white women but not all, some black women but not all, etc.? For what it's worth, half-Asian half-white babies are absolutely beautiful. I've known lots of interracial couples and their children. My sister in law's dad is Japanese and her mom is white, she and her sister are gorgeous. OP I hear you, racism is very real, but I don't think that's something anyone can fix here today, unfortunately.

[offwithhishead]

Can't we just say that anyone has the right to date anyone who also wants to date them?

You'll strike out with some Asian women but not all, some white women but not all, some black women but not all, etc.? For what it's worth, half-Asian half-white babies are absolutely beautiful. I've known lots of interracial couples and their children. My sister in law's dad is Japanese and her mom is white, she and her sister are gorgeous. OP I hear you, racism is very real, but I don't think that's something anyone can fix here today, unfortunately.

 

I'm all for interracial dating, provided it's fair and not based upon fetishism and asiaphilism which in itself is racist. If white girls would date more Asian guys like how Asian girls are dating white guys, I'd be fine with it.

 

You think the white guys who are dating Asian girls just happened to meet by random coincidence and had amazing chemistry and things just worked? No. It's due to fetishism from both sides.

[AMJ]

Yeah I know what you mean. But I don't think we can generalize to say that yellow fever or whatever is always the reason that white men date asian women. That said, there are all sorts of fetishes, if that's what you want to call it. I'd say preferences. Most people have a "type". I don't really get why having a type is offensive. We can't really help who we are attracted to.

[offwithhishead]

Yeah I know what you mean. But I don't think we can generalize to say that yellow fever or whatever is always the reason that white men date asian women. That said, there are all sorts of fetishes, if that's what you want to call it. I'd say preferences. Most people have a "type". I don't really get why having a type is offensive. We can't really help who we are attracted to.

 

You're saying a white guy who most likely grew up in a white suburb where 90% of his friends were white and most of the girls he dated are white just suddenly develops a "type" and that type is an Asian girl?

 

See for Asians who grew up in the west, we've been watching white celebrities in movies and TV our whole lives. So if an Asian girl develops a type for white guys or Asian guy has a preference for white girls, it's at least somewhat understandable.

 

But where do you see Asian people in the western media? It's seldom. You can count them on one hand. So how does a white guy suddenly develop a type for Asian girls? The only acceptable case in which a white guy has a fetish for Asian women is if he grew up in Asia and had Asian friends and surroundings. Otherwise, if he's just a typical white American or Canadian and grew up in suburbia but he targets Asian girls, he's sick in the head.

Edited July 19, 2016 by offwithhishead

[bummer]

If a black person brings up issues affecting the African-American community or a Muslim-American brings up something, white folks are scared NOT to take it seriously.

....

 

I'm not saying we're going to become suicide bombers or ambush police officers but it won't be as easy to dismiss as in the past.

 

Get a grip, buddy. You're not being systematically prosecuted and incarcerated for your skin colour, you're finding it difficult to date because the world isn't fair.

 

You haven't felt afraid to be out at night in a white burb because you might get arrested. You haven't had your home vandalized because people thought you were dirty terrorists. You're conflating dating woes of the second most privileged racial group as a serious dilemma.

 

You won't win, not here or out there. Girls who don't like you won't wake up suddenly to think you're handsome. Racism doesn't spin backwards because you complain to a group on the internet.

 

Get over your ex, you lost her, grieve more clearly. Go find some weights to get angry at and learn to project warm confidence. You'll meet the right girl for you and forget soon enough that you kept propagating this rant thread.

[AMJ]

Because Asian girls are beautiful? A white guy who's never interacted with Asians before suddenly meets one and thinks- OMG she's amazing. I grew up in CA with a rainbow of kids, and I know people in different parts of the US aren't as used to diversity, but it's not that strange to be attracted to something that is totally new or foreign. Case in point- how many people have fun flings while traveling to foreign places? I've had a few

[offwithhishead]

Get a grip, buddy. You're not being systematically prosecuted and incarcerated for your skin colour, you're finding it difficult to date because the world isn't fair.

 

You haven't felt afraid to be out at night in a white burb because you might get arrested. You haven't had your home vandalized because people thought you were dirty terrorists. You're conflating dating woes of the second most privileged racial group as a serious dilemma.

 

You won't win, not here or out there. Girls who don't like you won't wake up suddenly to think you're handsome. Racism doesn't spin backwards because you complain to a group on the internet.

 

Get over your ex, you lost her, grieve more clearly. Go find some weights to get angry at and learn to project warm confidence. You'll meet the right girl for you and forget soon enough that you kept propagating this rant thread.

 

Second most privileged? You talk as if Asian-Americans were handed some silver platter by the white folks. Ever heard of the Chinese/Asian exclusion act? What about all the Chinese who died building your trans-pacific railroad? We earned everything we have in this country. Nobody gave us anything for free. I don't see how we had it any less difficult than any of the other minorities in America.

[offwithhishead]

Because Asian girls are beautiful? A white guy who's never interacted with Asians before suddenly meets one and thinks- OMG she's amazing. I grew up in CA with a rainbow of kids, and I know people in different parts of the US aren't as used to diversity, but it's not that strange to be attracted to something that is totally new or foreign. Case in point- how many people have fun flings while traveling to foreign places? I've had a few

 

There are Asian guys who love blonde white girls. Only difference is, the blonde white girl doesn't like the Asian guy back. She'll just continue dating the douchebag captain of the football team. Whereas the Asian girl will always go for the white guy over the Asian guy. The asian guy could be a future doctor or some super accomplished individual but she'll chose the white guy who barely has a job and she'll make up all kinds of justification for why the white guy is better when anyone with any common sense would see otherwise.

[JC1790]

I was illustrating that broad societal impressions, while of limited value and often pretty sketchy, can sometimes be accurate nonetheless. But not always. But sometimes. See what I mean? They're not universal truths but they can be indicative of general ones that trend this way and that. Take that for what it's worth.

 

I don't speak for womenkind (you seem to struggle a bit w our individuality lol) but my guess, like I said originally, is that some women may have biases for either reason. I really can't get anymore specific than that no matter how much you want me to.

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "can sometimes be accurate", but it seems to me that you're implying that my alleged submissiveness implies that your impression that Asian men are submissive is sometimes accurate. If this is true, then I have a problem with either your use of the word "sometimes" or your illustration. I might have an impression that women are bald, but does my seeing a bald woman imply that my impression is "sometimes accurate"? If so, then the fact that impressions can sometimes be accurate is trivial because there's probably a person who possesses any given extant characteristic in just about any group.

 

I don't believe I'm struggling with distinguishing generalities from particular cases. My inquiry concerns a general trend; I'm inquiring whether women prefer non-Asian men because Asian men are genetically inferior mates or because Asian men suffer from societal disadvantages. My question concerns the general trend, not individual women. If I'm interpreting your answer correctly, you're saying that some of the disadvantage is due to Asian men being genetically inferior mates while some of it is due to societal disadvantages? If so, then even if the aforementioned societal biases are extirpated, Asian men would still be at a disadvantage because they are genetically inferior mates? Sorry if I'm misinterpreting anything.

Edited July 19, 2016 by JC1790

[S_A]

To answer your question JC, the gist of it is that non-Asian women stereotype Asian men as being not manly enough. There really is not much more to it than that.

 

It's not always true obviously. There is this video on youtube called "5 philipinos vs 20 mexicans" (or something close to that) and the Asians wooped their ass. Pretty awesome. IMO it looked like there were more than 20 Mexicans and they were all bloodied. One got knocked unconscious. The Mexicans were the vato/cholo types too and the Philipinos were just regular looking dudes. It was like some Spartan 300 stuff. There is this one Philipino with a gray shirt that was just dropping fools left and right. Goes to show that you can never judge a book by its cover.

Edited July 19, 2016 by S_A

[elaine567]

The problem is that in the West the media portrays the white American male as being the epitome of desirability.

He is the most handsome, the bravest, the smartest. He is the nice guy, the rich guy, the strong guy, the guy with the power, the guy who deserves and gets the girl.

 

THAT superlative white male stereotype is the biggest problem for men of other races dating in the US and why I guess some may want to keep their communities pretty closed.

 

Young women will always be swayed by the media, they grow up with it, they become immersed in white American culture, whether they want to be or not.

Who cares what any one says about East Asian men or any other men for that matter, who cares what stereotypes they are given, when obviously "the man to be seen with" for any woman who values herself and her worth, is a white American male.

He is the "best". She learns that in kindergarten.

 

The White American male is still at the pinnacle of society in the US, so I do not see that "superlative" stereotype shifting much anytime soon - women of all races and nationalities will always be attracted to that.

 

The white straight male has privilege in this society, many non-white women just want to hitch their wagon onto that, why wouldn't they?

[Els]

You are one of those Asians who for whatever reason is afraid to confront the truth and the reality. It's easy to live in one's bubble and in self-denial. Just because you happen to like Asian guys as well as most of your girlfriends doesn't say much. You've got a small sample size to work with.

 

And why do you think your sample size is larger or 'more in tune with reality' than mine is?

 

I know there exists lots of Asian girls like yourself. I've met them and I'm friends with some of them. Yeah they generally like Asian guys. And even for friends, they prefer other Asian girls. They're just into the Asian community. I'm assuming your upbringing and your friends was somewhat like that.

 

So what's wrong with dating those girls that you met?

 

Furthermore, you're an Asian girl so things look rosy to you. You have no idea what it's like to be an Asian guy. Even if you ask your boyfriend about this, he might not tell you the truth and may just play dumb. Also, he probably doesn't care about this issue because he's already got his problem solved.

 

I am well aware of the biases that Asians endure in a Caucasian society. FYI, the majority of the biases (in workplaces and society) apply to BOTH Asian men AND women.

 

Exactly. I've been in relationships with both Asian girls and white girls. This proves that I am not some freak who is undateable. However, just because some girls have liked me doesn't mean this is not an issue.

 

What happened in those Rs? Did you end them or did she? And why do you think your lot is SO MUCH WORSE than all those you envy? I know several white dudes who have NEVER had a relationship. I also know several Asian women who have never had a relationship. According to your perception these two are the 'pinnacles' of desirability, so why have they had fewer Rs than you (and lots of other Asian men) have had?

 

Disadvantages exist for EVERYONE. Well, almost everyone except 0.5% of society or so. It is extremely unhealthy to fixate on your disadvantages. Such is life.

[stillafool]

You're saying a white guy who most likely grew up in a white suburb where 90% of his friends were white and most of the girls he dated are white just suddenly develops a "type" and that type is an Asian girl?

 

See for Asians who grew up in the west, we've been watching white celebrities in movies and TV our whole lives. So if an Asian girl develops a type for white guys or Asian guy has a preference for white girls, it's at least somewhat understandable.

 

But where do you see Asian people in the western media? It's seldom. You can count them on one hand. So how does a white guy suddenly develop a type for Asian girls? The only acceptable case in which a white guy has a fetish for Asian women is if he grew up in Asia and had Asian friends and surroundings. Otherwise, if he's just a typical white American or Canadian and grew up in suburbia but he targets Asian girls, he's sick in the head.

 

Most of the white guys I know are very attracted to petite women. Asian women are typically petite which is very attractive to the white male. I don't think they have a fetish, maybe some, but not most. They just find Asian women beautiful, and they are.

[S_A]

Most of the white guys I know are very attracted to petite women. Asian women are typically petite which is very attractive to the white male. I don't think they have a fetish, maybe some, but not most. They just find Asian women beautiful, and they are.

 

A lot of white guys also have a fetish for Asian women.

Edited July 19, 2016 by S_A

[jen1447]

I'm not sure what you mean by "can sometimes be accurate", but it seems to me that you're implying that my alleged submissiveness implies that your impression that Asian men are submissive is sometimes accurate. If this is true, then I have a problem with either your use of the word "sometimes" or your illustration. I might have an impression that women are bald, but does my seeing a bald woman imply that my impression is "sometimes accurate"? If so, then the fact that impressions can sometimes be accurate is trivial because there's probably a person who possesses any given extant characteristic in just about any group.

 

Exactly - impressions are trivial, esp as applies to the individual. Even if they're sometimes right. Which means you shouldn't be so caught up in what impressions or general trends say and focus instead on what individuals say.

 

I don't believe I'm struggling with distinguishing generalities from particular cases. My inquiry concerns a general trend; I'm inquiring whether women prefer non-Asian men because Asian men are genetically inferior mates or because Asian men suffer from societal disadvantages. My question concerns the general trend, not individual women.

 

Why are you so caught up in the general when it doesn't apply to you as an individual?

 

If I'm interpreting your answer correctly, you're saying that some of the disadvantage is due to Asian men being genetically inferior mates while some of it is due to societal disadvantages? If so, then even if the aforementioned societal biases are extirpated, Asian men would still be at a disadvantage because they are genetically inferior mates? Sorry if I'm misinterpreting anything.

 

I'm not a scientist and I haven't conducted 'genetic superiority' tests so don't ask me to conclude anything on that, but it's easy to observe general trends as we've been saying over and over, which are based on general impressions, which may sometimes include the impression Asian men have physical disadvantages (small penis, low sexual stamina, etc.) or cultural disadvantages (conservative, unexciting, etc.).

[SwordofFlame]

What frustrates me about this topic is the attitude of non-Asians toward it.

 

If a black person brings up issues affecting the African-American community or a Muslim-American brings up something, white folks are scared NOT to take it seriously.

 

But when an Asian-American brings up an issue affecting Asian-Americans, it's instantly dismissed. I don't know how white folks view Asian-Americans. Maybe you're used to walking all over us? Maybe we're too much of pushovers like a bunch of people have said on here? I don't know what it is.

 

But I myself am encountering an example of this dismissive attitude on this thread. 90% of you here have dismissed the issue. Although I admittedly have exaggerated the issue, it is an emotional issue affecting a lot of Asian-Americans and when emotions run high, so do the distortion of the facts.

 

But no matter how much I've exaggerated, the issue is REAL. There may be a few Asian-American males who deny this but that's due to their own unwillingness to face the pain of the truth. By and large, Asian-Americans, especially the males, are very much aware of this issue.

 

I am fine with white folks and non-Asians accusing me of being too dramatic and stretching the facts. I admit I have done that. BUT don't dismiss the issue as a non-issue. That's an insult.

 

There are enough racial issues in North America, especially in the US. You don't need to get the Asian-American community angry as well. You've already got the African-American, Muslim-American, Latino-American angry. You don't need another one to add to the list.

 

And Asian-Americans will not forever be this minority group everyone can just walk over and insult without any repercussions. That may have been the case in our parents' generation who were struggling just to survive and had language skills. Asian-Americans who grew up here and who thrive here won't necessarily let this continue to happen down the road.

 

I'm not saying we're going to become suicide bombers or ambush police officers but it won't be as easy to dismiss as in the past.

 

Ok this is just ridiculous, comparing the plight of Asian men to African Americans, Muslim Americans and Latino Americans is insane. We largely do not suffer from the same issues those other races do.

 

The biggest issues I see that Asian Men suffer from, are being undesirable to women and the "bamboo ceiling" in the corporate world. (Basically, Asian Americans do well, but usually don't ever make it to the executive C suite.) I guess you can add negative Hollywood stereotypes as well.

[thefooloftheyear]

Ok this is just ridiculous, comparing the plight of Asian men to African Americans, Muslim Americans and Latino Americans is insane. We largely do not suffer from the same issues those other races do.

 

The biggest issues I see that Asian Men suffer from, are being undesirable to women and the "bamboo ceiling" in the corporate world. (Basically, Asian Americans do well, but usually don't ever make it to the executive C suite.) I guess you can add negative Hollywood stereotypes as well.

 

I wonder if that's because of the apparent lack of traditional western Alpha qualities or is there an actual bias??

 

Interesting...

 

TFY

[CryForNoOne]

Much of this thread is pure excuse making. YES it's true Asian guys are viewed as less attractive than white guys. That's life. Same can be said for short guys, fat guys, or bald guys. You work with what you've got and focus on your strengths. I'm half Asian and I met a girl on OK Cupid that stated she was only interested in white guys. I messaged her "I'm half Asian but a blonde friend of mine says she's more Asian that I am. Does that count?" She loved that opening line and we ended dating for 3 years. When my Chinese dad married my white mom in 1960's Wisconsin, her mother tried to get him arrested because interracial marriage was still illegal in their county. Do you think he ever made weak-a$$ excuses about how white girls didn't find him attractive? I've dated black, Asian, Middle Eastern, but about 80% of the girls I date are white. I don't even think about it anymore. I sell my strengths - I'm witty, a musician, well educated, and confident around women...

[sc0316]

Much of this thread is pure excuse making. YES it's true Asian guys are viewed as less attractive than white guys. That's life. Same can be said for short guys, fat guys, or bald guys. You work with what you've got and focus on your strengths. I'm half Asian and I met a girl on OK Cupid that stated she was only interested in white guys. I messaged her "I'm half Asian but a blonde friend of mine says she's more Asian that I am. Does that count?" She loved that opening line and we ended dating for 3 years. When my Chinese dad married my white mom in 1960's Wisconsin, her mother tried to get him arrested because interracial marriage was still illegal in their county. Do you think he ever made weak-a$$ excuses about how white girls didn't find him attractive? I've dated black, Asian, Middle Eastern, but about 80% of the girls I date are white. I don't even think about it anymore. I sell my strengths - I'm witty, a musician, well educated, and confident around women...

 

This is a great post. Since OP has ignored my earlier question, I'm going to take a guess and assume that he is not open to dating black or Middle Eastern women. My guess is based on the fact that he has excusively discussed Asian vs. white women only.

[S_A]

I have never known a Middle Eastern or Black woman to have ever dated an Asian guy tbh. Even a half Asian guy.

Edited July 19, 2016 by S_A

[alphamale]

You guys do better than us with women. I've seen Indian men totally kill it with women of all races. East Asian men are the worst.

 

yea thats true

[alphamale]

A lot of white guys also have a fetish for Asian women.

 

that's true

[elaine567]

I have never known a Middle Eastern or Black woman to have ever dated an Asian guy tbh. Even a half Asian guy.

 

Inside the 'Asian Men Black Women' Dating Scene

[JC1790]

Exactly - impressions are trivial, esp as applies to the individual. Even if they're sometimes right. Which means you shouldn't be so caught up in what impressions or general trends say and focus instead on what individuals say.

Just to be clear, I didn't say that impressions are trivial -- what I said was, given your illustration, the fact that impressions can sometimes be accurate is trivial. Impressions, on the other hand, have a very profound effect on how people are perceived and are thusly not trivial.

 

I believe that this quote raises a previously unmentioned point because I believe that your illustration neither intended to illustrate nor implied that impressions are trivial.

 

Why are you so caught up in the general when it doesn't apply to you as an individual?

 

I am caught up in many things which do not apply to me as an individual, and I sincerely hope that everyone else is as well (I'm assuming you mean that by being "caught up" in something, you are being very disturbed and troubled by said thing). Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "it doesn't apply to you as an individual". I'm inquiring whether the disadvantages that Asian men face are due to societal biases or genes, and these two factors may very well apply to me as an individual (especially the societal biases, if they exist).

 

I'm not a scientist and I haven't conducted 'genetic superiority' tests so don't ask me to conclude anything on that, but it's easy to observe general trends as we've been saying over and over, which are based on general impressions, which may sometimes include the impression Asian men have physical disadvantages (small penis, low sexual stamina, etc.) or cultural disadvantages (conservative, unexciting, etc.).

 

Okay, perhaps I should rephrase and attempt to elucidate my inquiry. Let me begin with an example. Many feminists believe that if the societal biases against women are extirpated, women and men would be equally represented in mathematics and science; said feminists do not believe that women are less genetically adept at math and science. Here's my question: if the societal biases (I'm assuming that they exist) against Asian men are extirpated, would the general preference against Asian men disappear? If you don't have an answer to this question, it's okay.

[jen1447]

Just to be clear, I didn't say that impressions are trivial -- what I said was, given your illustration, the fact that impressions can sometimes be accurate is trivial. Impressions, on the other hand, have a very profound effect on how people are perceived and are thusly not trivial.

 

I believe that this quote raises a previously unmentioned point because I believe that your illustration neither intended to illustrate nor implied that impressions are trivial.

 

 

 

I am caught up in many things which do not apply to me as an individual, and I sincerely hope that everyone else is as well (I'm assuming you mean that by being "caught up" in something, you are being very disturbed and troubled by said thing). Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "it doesn't apply to you as an individual". I'm inquiring whether the disadvantages that Asian men face are due to societal biases or genes, and these two factors may very well apply to me as an individual (especially the societal biases, if they exist).

 

 

 

Okay, perhaps I should rephrase and attempt to elucidate my inquiry. Let me begin with an example. Many feminists believe that if the societal biases against women are extirpated, women and men would be equally represented in mathematics and science; said feminists do not believe that women are less genetically adept at math and science. Here's my question: if the societal biases (I'm assuming that they exist) against Asian men are extirpated, would the general preference against Asian men disappear? If you don't have an answer to this question, it's okay.

 

You seem like a smart guy JC but I think we speak diff languages and we're just talking around each other for the most part, so prob not much point continuing.

 

btw what does "extirpated" mean?