East Asian Men: Why are we unattractive? **Updated**

[offwithhishead]

Instead of arguing the numbers, here is what OK Cupid reported when they analyzed their data:

 

Race and Attraction, 2009 ? 2014 « OkTrends

 

Now to the OP - you need to have real confidence and figure out how to work with what you have IMO. Confidence is attractive to women. I see so many men on LS go on and on about all the things they think women want. The truth is women are able to overcome a lot in the looks department when they feel good around a guy. Women will find that guy grows on them. Add that to the good education, good job, etc. and that makes you more enticing for the women looking for LTRs.

 

I'll also give you an example of someone I know IRL. He shouldn't be able to get women. He's short, underemployed, balding, stalky, glasses, old, etc. He wears tshirts and baggy jeans from Old Navy or Target so not a god dresser either. If you put him on an OLD site he would get no responses. Yet he is really good at making women feel comfortable and making them laugh. He projects confidence. He goes to meetups and he's able to walk out wih number from women 10-20 years younger almost every time.

 

Another IRL example I'll give you is that I get hit on all the time. Most of the men are very good looking. In fact one guy who is chasing me right now is tall, muscular, etc. But I am with my BF who I met at a group for nerds. He's more of a dork but there are many men there I have gone out on dates with or would have. They are the ones who can me confidence, ask for my number, call me, etc.

 

I agree with what you said but it only applies to white men. These articles and dating advice are generally written for white people. Not surprising as majority ethnicity in North America are still caucasians.

 

Asian folk usually dress well and better than their white counterparts. Sorry, but that's the truth. We take a lot of care in our appearance. Also, we tend to have above average income and the percentage of us that go to college/university are the highest amongst all ethnicities.

 

So on paper, we're pretty good catches. But what's the issue? Well I guess lack of confidence. It's hard to have confidence when the media paints Asian men in a bad light and when your own Asian women don't even want to date you anymore and will prefer a short, underemployed, balding white guy over an Asian guy who is well-educated, has a good job, and is well dressed.

 

I think white men need to put themselves in our shoes for a second. Suppose in the mass media, you are painted always in an unattractive light. And your white women won't even date you and prefer other races. Just how much confidence would you really have?

[Lady2163]

I'm Caucasian and I throughly enjoy Asian men. Now, I can't say I have massive experience, but the penis size wasn't an issue. The smallest man I've ever been with was 6'4. I'd be shocked if his penis was three inches. I couldn't feel it inside me at all. Haven't had that problem with any Asian men.

 

Yes, I do prefer them to be 5'6 or taller. Yes, I prefer a medium build.

[BikerAccnt]

 

So on paper, we're pretty good catches. But what's the issue? Well I guess lack of confidence. It's hard to have confidence when the media paints Asian men in a bad light and when your own Asian women don't even want to date you anymore and will prefer a short, underemployed, balding white guy over an Asian guy who is well-educated, has a good job, and is well dressed.

 

 

Where do you see this negative light in the media? I don't notice it? Hell, our media bends over backwards to be politically correct about every race! If anything most anything said is positive.

 

You need to get a serious confidence boost. The way you feel about yourself projects outward and women can feel it. You could be the best looking man in the world, and if you do nothing but mope and whine about your situation, no woman will have you.

 

Let me ask you this? Ok so white women won't date you (or so you say) , nor asian women. Have you tried asking a black woman out yet? How about a Latino? If not, why not?

[GunslingerRoland]

Why is it that we must become muscular in order to be competitive?

 

You see gorgeous Asian girls dating white guys with pot bellies and also scrawny/nerdy looking white guys. Why is it that white men can get away with being fat/pot-belied or scrawny/nerdy?

 

I've also seen nerdy looking white guys with gorgeous white girls, so what exactly is your point?

 

 

Honestly I know a lot of east Asians and most of them are in relationships with beautiful women (usually Asian themselves) meanwhile I know lots of white guys who can't get a relationship. I just really don't see this as a major cultural issue that east Asian guys are getting left behind in the dating world.

 

 

The one caveat is I will say that desperate white men who specifically go for the "mail order" type of women from east asia do skew the number of couples you see together of the white nerdy male, pretty Asian female mix. But to me that is a different issue.

[SwordofFlame]

Honestly I know a lot of east Asians and most of them are in relationships with beautiful women (usually Asian themselves)

 

I have to agree with this. From what I've seen, asian guys can do very well with asian women, but that's it. I've never seen an asian guy with a very attractive non-asian woman.

[BikerAccnt]

I have to agree with this. From what I've seen, asian guys can do very well with asian women, but that's it. I've never seen an asian guy with a very attractive non-asian woman.

 

And why does that matter? The vast majority of people date, fall in love with, and marry someone of their own race. People most often go with what they know.

 

Why the white woman hangup?

[normal person]

So on paper, we're pretty good catches. But what's the issue? Well I guess lack of confidence. It's hard to have confidence when the media paints Asian men in a bad light and when your own Asian women don't even want to date you anymore and will prefer a short, underemployed, balding white guy over an Asian guy who is well-educated, has a good job, and is well dressed.

 

On paper, yes. Asians are the highest earning ethnic group in the US, which is impressive. Culturally, I'll suggest that a lot of western women maybe find them to lack a certain sex appeal. As you said, they tend to be smaller, and I'll suggest, stereotypically more compliant. Now I'm not a sociologist, but here's my thought:

 

In the American identity, there is a certain special affinity rebelliousness, trailblazing, daring, contrariness, etc. The first Americans came here because they didn't want to comply with religious standards elsewhere. Later generations came over because they thought they could do better here than where they were, even if the journey was perilous. Aside from the Native Americans and descendants of slaves, most people here are descendants of people who were courageous enough to take the chance to do better in life, and that often meant doing whatever necessary to survive, even if it wasn't pretty, easy, or lawful. Survival at all costs is in our genes.

 

Look at the way Americans revere rappers who despise authority and laud violence and acquiring wealth. Think about the inexplicable attraction of women to "the bad boy." Look at what we name our sports teams: The Raiders, The Buccaneers, The Pirates, The Trailblazers, The Rangers, The Blue Jackets. Americans seem to be attracted to the concept of dangerously doing whatever's necessary for your own survival or advancement, saying "to hell with the circumstances I'm dealt, I'm not satisfied with them and I'll do what I can to get the things I do want." There are no sports teams named "The Diligent Pre-Med Students" or "The Obedient Lap Dogs."

 

So while there is much to be admired about the Asian population: their high earnings, their appreciation of the western culture that affords them so many opportunities (as you've mentioned), etc, they seem very "safe." I feel like they keep their heads down and are conflict-avoidant. The thing is, on some visceral level, lots of people like conflict. It's attractive and it makes their lives interesting. That's why people like watching fights and dramatic arguments. My impressions of the Asian population is polite, docile, yielding -- but they seem to lack that aggressive rebelliousness that appeals to the primal part of the western psyche. So like I said -- Asian men look good on paper. But there are a lot of things people look for in a person that can't be necessarily put on a resume in such a fashion. My general opinion of Asians is that they're the most successful, ethical, hardworking, and upstanding ethnic group (Caucasians included). However, that doesn't necessarily equate to sex appeal. Regardless of race, I don't think it's such a bad thing for men to have a bit of defiance in their character in order to appeal to western women. The thing is, my general (albeit stereotypical) view of Asian men is not at all defiant.

 

 

I think white men need to put themselves in our shoes for a second. Suppose in the mass media, you are painted always in an unattractive light. And your white women won't even date you and prefer other races. Just how much confidence would you really have?

 

I think a lot of people are hesitant to date people outside their own race. Do Asians frequently date blacks or hispanics? This is the consequence of being in a majority white country. It's just a circumstantial fact of life in the west.

 

If you are a successful guy, you have lots to be confident about. You need to realize that no matter what you do, there will always be some people who aren't attracted you. You might be at a disadvantage because you're in a largely white country and people tend not to date interracially. My suggestion is to "fake it until you make it," and embrace some defiance: do not be afraid of all conflict, ruffling feathers, contrarian thoughts, etc. If you want better success with women in the west, be fearless, do what's necessary for you or own advancement and don't expect people to think your self-deferral or obedience is always sexy. There is a time and place to be different, take risks, and do things on the edge even if they're dangerous.

[SevenCity]

I'm a tall attractive white guy who prefers Asian women. I've been with three in my day and wanted to marry the last one (RL fate TBD)

 

I have always felt excluded with Asian women. I see all the Asians together and I'm looked upon as an outsider.

 

I sure hope your'e right about this. If I find myself dating again I will try OLD. I don't want someone off the boat but rather a girl who has embraced American culture and doesn't have an accent.

 

Depending on how my situation turns out ill post back with my results.

 

I know this thread wasn't about me but you made me feel hope so thank you.

[Miss Peach]

It's hard to have confidence when the media paints Asian men in a bad light and when your own Asian women don't even want to date you anymore and will prefer a short, underemployed, balding white guy over an Asian guy who is well-educated, has a good job, and is well dressed.

 

The guy I mentioned who was good at getting women actually wasn't white. The point I was trying to make is to figure out your strengths in attracting women and use them. It might be something different than OLD. The guy I mentioned was good at playing up what is attractive to women besides looks.

[GunslingerRoland]

I don't think with all of the Vietnamese gang wars, that the lack of being defiant is really as big of an issue in East Asian culture as you make it sound. But maybe they are just keeping their head down and being polite while doing drive by shootings.

[normal person]

I don't think with all of the Vietnamese gang wars, that the lack of being defiant is really as big of an issue in East Asian culture as you make it sound. But maybe they are just keeping their head down and being polite while doing drive by shootings.

 

You could be right, as I said, it was just an assumption of mine. Of course I made some overarching generalizations. No ethnic group is without its bad apples. I looked for incarceration statistics of Asians and I couldn't find any reliable ones, they only listed white, black, and hispanic. Still, as much as I do hate generalizing, I don't think of Asians on the whole as at all "dangerous" and I can't imagine many others in the west do either. And I could be totally wrong about most women finding that dangerous, rebellious, defiant mentality attractive. Just an assumption based on experiences and observations. I'd welcome some other viewpoints.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I have to agree with this. From what I've seen, asian guys can do very well with asian women, but that's it. I've never seen an asian guy with a very attractive non-asian woman.

 

And why does that matter? The vast majority of people date, fall in love with, and marry someone of their own race. People most often go with what they know.

 

Why the white woman hangup?

 

To me, it's two different things, a race thing and a beauty thing.

 

I inherently think excluding other races is indeed .... racist, but I will go no further with that.

 

However, if you want to date white women, then what does it matter if she is the ugliest white woman in your area code. You're dating a white woman. Her skin is white, her race is caucasian. I've kissed white women before. Maybe not those that most guys would consider the cutest. Does that make them any less white? LMFAO. That is what we are arguing about ... race.

 

If you want to extend it and say, "Oh, well Asian guys can get butch white women, but they can't get cute white women." ... then it ceases to be about race and is about some convoluted system of ranking.

[Aniela]

I find Asian men attractive.

 

I wonder how many of us (myself included), would be doing much better at all of this, if we could just kick our insecurities, no matter how justified we may feel we are in having them (due to experience, or for other reasons).

[five2nine]

It all comes down to personal preference. I like asian guys and my boyfriend is Vietnamese. I'm half filipino and half puerto rican.

 

There are lots of girls out there who find asian men attractive. You just have to keep looking.

 

In my experience majority of asian guys weren't open to dating me which is why I was surprised when my boyfriend messaged me first on OLD.

 

We get a lot of stares when we go out together. I'm not sure if it's because we're different races, or because we look cute together, or just because he has long hair...

Edited July 12, 2016 by five2nine

[JuneJulySeptember]

It all comes down to personal preference. I like asian guys and my boyfriend is Vietnamese. I'm half filipino and half puerto rican.

 

There are lots of girls out there who find asian men attractive. You just have to keep looking.

 

In my experience majority of asian guys weren't open to dating me which is why I was surprised when my boyfriend messaged me first on OLD.

 

We get a lot of stares when we go out together. I'm not sure if it's because we're different races, or because we look cute together, or just because he has long hair...

 

Filipino is Asian...

[SwordofFlame]

And why does that matter? The vast majority of people date, fall in love with, and marry someone of their own race. People most often go with what they know.

 

Why the white woman hangup?

 

I was just stating an observation of mine. I guess a woman who would disqualify a man based on his race probably isn't worth dating anyway.

[Lady2163]

Filipino is Asian...

 

Filipino is Asian, but with 400 years of Spanish blood mixed in with the population, they are often taller, stockier and have may have round eyes. Not always, but frequently. Most Filipino men my age (50 ish) are my height or taller.

[offwithhishead]

 

So while there is much to be admired about the Asian population: their high earnings, their appreciation of the western culture that affords them so many opportunities (as you've mentioned), etc, they seem very "safe." I feel like they keep their heads down and are conflict-avoidant. The thing is, on some visceral level, lots of people like conflict. It's attractive and it makes their lives interesting. That's why people like watching fights and dramatic arguments. My impressions of the Asian population is polite, docile, yielding -- but they seem to lack that aggressive rebelliousness that appeals to the primal part of the western psyche. So like I said -- Asian men look good on paper. But there are a lot of things people look for in a person that can't be necessarily put on a resume in such a fashion. My general opinion of Asians is that they're the most successful, ethical, hardworking, and upstanding ethnic group (Caucasians included). However, that doesn't necessarily equate to sex appeal. Regardless of race, I don't think it's such a bad thing for men to have a bit of defiance in their character in order to appeal to western women. The thing is, my general (albeit stereotypical) view of Asian men is not at all defiant.

 

If you are a successful guy, you have lots to be confident about. You need to realize that no matter what you do, there will always be some people who aren't attracted you. You might be at a disadvantage because you're in a largely white country and people tend not to date interracially. My suggestion is to "fake it until you make it," and embrace some defiance: do not be afraid of all conflict, ruffling feathers, contrarian thoughts, etc. If you want better success with women in the west, be fearless, do what's necessary for you or own advancement and don't expect people to think your self-deferral or obedience is always sexy. There is a time and place to be different, take risks, and do things on the edge even if they're dangerous.

 

I agree with you that Asian men are too compliant and conflict-avoidant to the extent that they won't even stick up for themselves when they're being exploited or taken advantage of in some way.

 

However, I'm not like that. I grew up in all-white suburb. I grew up listening to grunge music and all my friends were white. I'm the very opposite of most Asians who grew up in urban environments and listen to r&b/rap/hiphop and like to go clubbing. When Asian people encounter me, they think I'm the whitest Asian they've ever met.

 

Add to that the fact that I'm quite intellectual in terms of my interest and I've don well in my career.

 

However, I'm not your typical compliant Asian. I'm quite adventurous and I play the guitar and the piano and I like to drink and be outgoing. If you met me, you'd know what I mean.

 

The problem is, white girls just take a look at the fact that I'm Asian and won't even try to get to know me. It's racial profiling. They won't even try to get to know me before just totally writing me off as just another Asian guy just because of how I look.

 

Also, although I agree with what you said that people in general are attracted to a bit of danger and the dramatic, I don't think it's realistic for these East Asian men who have professional jobs and careers and a lot to lose to suddenly try to become gangsta. It's just not realistic and even if they attempted to do so, it'd be comically fake. I just don't see it happening.

 

Picture your typical East Asian guy. He's an account or engineer or some kinda professional and suddenly, in order to improve his sex appeal, he begins robbing convenience stores at gunpoint or forms gangs to sell drugs. Honestly, that's just not realistic. It's just not gonna happen.

 

I'm a tall attractive white guy who prefers Asian women. I've been with three in my day and wanted to marry the last one (RL fate TBD)

 

I have always felt excluded with Asian women. I see all the Asians together and I'm looked upon as an outsider.

 

I sure hope your'e right about this. If I find myself dating again I will try OLD. I don't want someone off the boat but rather a girl who has embraced American culture and doesn't have an accent.

 

Depending on how my situation turns out ill post back with my results.

 

I know this thread wasn't about me but you made me feel hope so thank you.

 

You know, oddly enough, I don't hate white men like you. Although white men steal Asian women away from us, it's also the same white men who have served as mentors in my career and gave me a chance to succeed when others did not.

 

I cannot bring myself to hate white men. Men are men and will do what their nature entitles them to do.

 

I blame more Asian women for having low self-esteem and hating on Asian men and selling out. After all, women are the gatekeepers of sex.

 

It all comes down to personal preference. I like asian guys and my boyfriend is Vietnamese. I'm half filipino and half puerto rican.

 

There are lots of girls out there who find asian men attractive. You just have to keep looking.

 

In my experience majority of asian guys weren't open to dating me which is why I was surprised when my boyfriend messaged me first on OLD.

 

We get a lot of stares when we go out together. I'm not sure if it's because we're different races, or because we look cute together, or just because he has long hair...

 

The fact that you're fillipino (which I regard as Asian) and half latina, you're not the typical anglo-saxon girl who won't date Asian guys.

[Els]

Asian men are attractive. The OP's attitude is not.

[offwithhishead]

Asian men are attractive. The OP's attitude is not.

 

I wasn't born with this attitude. It's only after multiple experiences that has made me this way.

 

Also, do you know the opinions of all Asian girls? Have you heard on their opinion of Asian men? Trust me, you will find plenty that would never date an Asian guy.

 

What kind of attitude should I be adopting anyway? You can only go so far after being rejected multiple times.

 

I am 33 years old now. I've dated 5 Asian girls. 3 of them now are with non-Asian men. The other 2 I have no idea about. I've dated one white girl and she only liked me because white guys wouldn't date her.

[offwithhishead]

I find Asian men attractive.

 

I wonder how many of us (myself included), would be doing much better at all of this, if we could just kick our insecurities, no matter how justified we may feel we are in having them (due to experience, or for other reasons).

 

Are you white? What is your background? Why do you find Asian men attractive?

[Aniela]

Are you white? What is your background? Why do you find Asian men attractive?

 

I am, although I was once asked if I was part Chinese. My dad used to look a bit Asian as well.

 

I've just found some Asian men attractive. I thought they were cute.

[moonchild94]

It's all about preference.

East Asian men are definitely not least attractive.

A lot of girls are starting to love Korean men.

Depends on your location, depends on your confidence, depends on who you are. You don't have to date an asian girl because you think you are the lowest in looks. To me personally, (black girl) I love asian guys. I think their features are amazingly attractive. My lot of my boyfriends have all been asian or half asian. It's just my preference. But not everyone is going to have a preference for asian guys. Move to the west coast. You'll be loved for sure.

[elaine567]

I was just stating an observation of mine. I guess a woman who would disqualify a man based on his race probably isn't worth dating anyway.

 

Everyone likes what they like, as race often carries with it certain cosmetic features and when dating is all about attraction in the first instance, then why wouldn't a person discount on race?

If your preference is for tall leggy blondes, buxom red heads, big guys with bushy beards or guys who look like the Rock, then your first port of call is not the East Asian community is it?

 

Everyone has their own tastes, most have preferences, no-one is "right" or "wrong" as to who THEY find attractive.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Everyone likes what they like, as race often carries with it certain cosmetic features and when dating is all about attraction in the first instance, then why wouldn't a person discount on race?

If your preference is for tall leggy blondes, buxom red heads, big guys with bushy beards or guys who look like the Rock, then your first port of call is not the East Asian community is it?

 

Everyone has their own tastes, most have preferences, no-one is "right" or "wrong" as to who THEY find attractive.

 

The Rock can be considered part Asian. He's Samoan which in some circles would be considered full Asian.

 

And even if you were to say, "Oh, I didn't mean Pacific Islanders. They're hot. All Sino-Asian (Japan, China, Korea) guys are booty."

 

Well, even then, there are Asians, Japanese in particular who have facial features that are almost completely Caucasian.

 

But to answer your question, it shows a sense of conservativeness/shelteredness. A lot of people wouldn't date somebody that would vote for Donald Trump. A lot of people would date somebody that was pro-life. Etc.