I feel broken. I don't know where to turn

[Samantha92]

My boyfriend of 4 years has been cheating on me since September of 2015. I was out of the country recently. I came back 2 days ago. I was on my way to see him when my phone rang. I answered and it was a friend of his. He asked me if I had heard what happened. I said no and he told me that my BF was arrested for sex with someone under 18. He also told me about the other woman and that she's pregnant.

 

When I got to my boyfriend I asked him the truth and he said yes he's been cheating and yes she's pregnant. He said what he was arrested for are only allegations. I can't believe anything he says right now. He's been fired from his companies because of this. And he keeps talking about "if he has to go away"

 

I'm upset also about the baby because I lost my baby when I was pregnant by him. I asked him how could he get someone pregnant and he said "the same way you could've gotten pregnant" I asked him is he excited for this child he said "idk kinda I guess" the girl who's pregnant is an ex of his friend. She dated his friend for years. I feel like what happened to them is karma. Her for going between friends and him for everything he's done.

 

As of right now I don't feel SAD. I feel very motivated like now I just want to follow my dreams and leave all this behind me. However I'm human and I don't want the negative feelings to come about. I don't want it to actually SINK IN and then I become depressed. I don't how to process my thoughts. I know we are done. I know it. I can't handle a baby. I certainly can't handle the claims against him because a part of me feels he's guilty. Right now we have no way to speak because the police confiscated his phone.

 

I just want to remain happy. I don't want to sink into sadness but I feel it coming.

[PegNosePete]

I don't want it to actually SINK IN and then I become depressed.

Unfortunately the process is a rollercoaster. You will have up days and down days. Yes when it sinks in you will be very upset but then when you've moved past it you will be happy again. Just know that you are doing the right thing. You would be totally and utterly stupid to take him back after this. What you need to do is to disentangle your lives ASAP, that means give him back all his stuff, get back all your stuff, and then never speak to him ever again. Don't leave any "threads" of communication such as items at each other's places which will just come back to haunt you in the weeks/months to come. If you live together then take whatever measures are necessary to fix that ASAP. Cut ALL the ties, and then you never have any reason to contact him ever again.

[LostOnes05]

Become depressed about what? A guy who cheated on you, got the ex of a friend pregnant, and probably had sex with a minor...I'd say you hit the jackpot in losing him. And his little statement about how you "could've gotten pregnant", disregard that and be thankful you didn't. Would you really want to be tied to him for 18-21 years? And to top that off, he might not have been able to see the child unsupervised anyway if he has to register as a sex offender. Don't cry, don't be upset...be thankful to cut ties with him, and find a man that only wants to be YOUR man. Best of luck in your healing!

[JewelD]

The pain is going to come. That's inevitable. But how you go about handling it is something you can be proactive in. Start thinking of coping methods. Stay busy but don't try to ignore your feelings. Be honest about how you feel everyday. and just FEEL everything.

 

Breakup pain is sort of like vomit. It's in you and it's gotta come out eventually. You can try to swallow it, but if you just let it all out as it comes up, you will feel better.

 

And of course there will be those days that you believe you've gotten it all out and you feel great and you think the pain is gone. But the next day, you'll feel it again. Don't be discouraged. Just keep going.

 

One of my favorite songs to listen to for breakup motivation is W.A.Y.S. by Jhene Aiko. Music can really help!