My LDR boyfriend of almost 3 years is becoming less and less affectionate

[marycc]

We have been dating for almost 3 years, we usually see each other once a month for 3/5 days.

 

Lately (for the past 2 months) I've been noticing that he has been less and less affectionate. We never have phone/online sex when we are apart (and we used to do it, and I've told him many times that I would enjoy doing it again, but he just says he's never in the mood, or is tired). And for the past 2 months we have been having less sex when we are together, while we even used to do it 2 or 3 times a day (for the first 2 years), every day, when we were together. I still do everything that I know that turns him on, I show him clearly that I want to do it, I even ask for it, but I get nothing... Last time we were together for 6 days and we did it only twice. Also, he's less affectionate, he doesn't hug me or kiss me spontaneously as much as he used to do, or holds my hand. He also talks less with me. I told him all about this, that I've been noticing his attitude, how I feel about it (unwanted), that I can't comprehend why it happens.

 

His answers sound like excuses. He says he doesn't feel the need to have sex as many times as before because "it's normal" when we have been dating for so long (but doesn't explain why he thinks it's normal). I told him that I don't think so, that it would be normal if we saw each other every day, not when we only see each other 4 days a month. He says he's tired, that it's too hot to have sex, that his stomach hurts. And these are also the reasons why he doesn't hug me or kiss me as many times as before......yup. He also told me "Oh, I'm not as affectionate as before because you only hug me when I'm on the computer"... the thing is: He's almost always on the computer!! That's why I end up huging him while he's on the computer lol and it's almost like: If I want to get a hug, I should hug him in another circumstances! How inconvinient! If I want a hug, I have to work for it! r/sarcasm

 

Also, he said that sometimes I give him "too many random hugs and kisses", that it is awkward.... I feel like total ****. Like I'm begging for something I shouldn't have, like I'm a burden.

 

So, basically, I still don't know why he's less affectionate and I don't know what else to do and I'm honestly thinking about taking a break.. but at the same time I don't want to do it. I need help.

[TMichaels]

What's the end-game / game plan here?

 

You've already been dating for three years which I assume at least some if not all of that time was long-distance. How much longer will that continue? Who's moving what/where/when? Are you two planning on getting married? Have you had any discussions about any of the above, or have you just been "going with the flow" hoping for the best?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[basil67]

It seems clear to me that he's no longer into you or the relationship. Has he voiced second thoughts about the relationship?

[Michelle ma Belle]

It seems pretty clear to me that he's lost interest for whatever reason. Or worse, he is interested in or has another love interest.

 

Either way, he's making it pretty clear where he stands on things and if there is no end in site to your LD situation perhaps it's best you take back some control and make the cut rather than have him slowly fade out. Because the writing is on the wall.

 

Good luck.

[Els]

3 years is quite a long time to be long distance with no end in sight. Have the two of you talked about closing the distance before?

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to have a very honest and open talk with your boyfriend.

 

For whatever reason, it's apparent he is losing interest.

 

He comes up with all kinds of excuses not to be physical with you; that is a problem.