My BF is starting to get really jealous of me and my best guy friend

[Try]

The timing isn’t right. Once enough time has gone by and I see that he has definitely accepted that Troy and I are completely platonic, I will tactfully explain it to him.

In other words, you plan to deceive him about the truth until you have manipulated him into feeling safe with Troy under false pretenses, with you having the expectation that because of this lying that he will later better take your word for it that your relationship with Troy is platonic? Is that really your plan? You will lie to him and expect him to better trust you later because of it? Every day that you lie by omission about Troy, will make it harder for him to ever believe that your relationship with Troy is platonic when he does find out.

 

Even liars tell the truth when it does not matter. The thing that makes you trustworthy is to tell the truth when it does matter, with a willingness to accept the consequences of the truth.

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh boy...

 

OP, you have a lot of growing up to do.

 

This relationship is not going to last much longer anyway, but hopefully you will learn something about respect and honesty.

[salparadise]

But I also ‘love’ my guy friend (platonicly speaking of course, like a brother) and I don’t think a relationship is healthy if you have to completely cut important people out of your life forever in order to maintain it. Am I wrong on that?

 

Yes, mostly wrong, for two reasons. The first is that it's not actually platonic, you're using that argument and expecting everyone to take it at face value. Titillation is a large part of the motivation. If he were not charming and good-looking you would've put him on the far back burner long ago. He's an orbiter, a fallback plan, and you like having one (or a few) in the wings. You have weak boundaries, you want what you want, and you rationalize. But you don't see it.

 

The second is that t's way, way closer than normal, healthy people allow opposite sex friendships to be when they're in a committed relationship. You've fooled around physically. The fact that it was three years ago and you didn't have intercourse is the excuse you use to facilitate your denial. Normal, healthy adults have different boundaries for opposite sex friendships. They don't confide, they aren't entangled, and they don't spend one-on-one time together. They limit it to acquaintance status... and they do so naturally, intuitively. You're only doing so reluctantly, because you're in a squeeze and to avoid consequences.

 

 

And as far as withholding information is concerned, I already said that he has a right to know everything. But considering the situation I really don’t think this is the time to reveal everything yet. He is just now coming to accept that my friend is not a threat to our relationship. Telling him that long ago my friend and I got drunk a few times and did some things we now regret would just make things worse than ever. The timing isn’t right. Once enough time has gone by and I see that he has definitely accepted that Troy and I are completely platonic, I will tactfully explain it to him.

 

This is a circular argument, rationalization. It's more than the timing not being right... it's the relationship that's not right. What you're saying is, "once he's convinced that it's platonic, I will then reveal that it's not actually platonic." Again, you're working the edges to avoid the logical, inherent consequences. If everything was congruent you wouldn't have to be shady or worry about consequences. You're trying to manage your boyfriend's perceptions and emotions. IOW, you're gaslighting him.

 

Now I'm not one of those who believe that full and immediate disclosure is always the best solution, but what you're doing is nuts. The better solution, in my humble opinion, would be to simply explain to Troy that your relationship with him comes at the expense of your primary relationship, and therefore you're going to cool it for real... no visits on the pretext of studying, no texting, no flirting or titillation, etc. Then the need for full disclosure will be greatly reduced because Troy will no longer be the third corner of a triangle.